I am in a struggle with my OCD and I need some advice.

What I am about to describe is not for the faint of heart so turn back if youve just soft of heart.

Hi guys, I have OCD and I have had complex PTSD from my experiences during my childhood. I was abused and beaten for most of my childhood and psychologically tortured nightly. My former step-father is profoundly mentally ill (bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, anti-social personality disorder) and at several points had tried to kill my mother and once tried to set me up for it. I was told how useless I was daily and had the shit beaten out of me like I was a beat 'em up blow up doll. I was bullied daily as a child up until High School where puberty and being intelligent saved my ass. I had days where I got my shit pummeled in school and kicked in at home after I was forced to walk 5 miles in the rain to my house. I saw horrible things daily, soul shattering things that will stick with me for the rest of my very existence. I've seen just how horrible human beings can be and the variety of base things that accompany it. I try my hardest to keep a smile on my face but I just have a face of stone or I laugh too hard that I look like an insincere douchebag. I struggled so hard in my life to learn social skills but I feel almost as if I am losing them again.

I cant sleep with covers on my bed anymore because I just kick them off constantly when I have my night terrors. I have become an extremely short tempered person and I just cant deal with people anymore. Recently my OCD has taken a turn for the worst and has started playing with my paranoia. I believe someone is out to get me and frame me for a crime I didnt commit. I am no criminal and I have no plans on committing any crimes. I constantly check to see if everything is in its right place and watch everything like a hawk and panic if it isnt. I have an extremely intense fear of being set up as a rapist or a pedophile or something horrible and disturbing and the very thought is like a kick to the stomach with cleats and it is a highly visceral feeling. The very concept of going to prison for something I didnt do makes me want to break down and just sob. I have strange coincidences that my OCD loves to prey upon. Sometimes when I think of something obscure it will pop up, at first I thought this was cute parlor trick but then it turned into an obsession then extreme fear that I can somehow dictate whats about to happen to me. I have this gut feeling that something horrible is gonna happen when I turn 19 because I heard someone mention the song "I was only 19" (yeah it sounds stupid.) I just keep having this intense gut feelings something horrible is about to happen and I refuse to live like this anymore and I have decided to tell myself this is the end of the line. I want my god damn mind back.

By writing this out in detail I hope atleast I am heading in the right direction.

Hey sharkster, welcome to the forum. I do believe you re in the right direction looking for help and writing out your story.

I wont be able to give advice in every single topic but I can in two of them.

Regarding coincidences, well this happened to me a few months ago I still have them every single day just yesterday, I saw a picture of jesus and said to myself "If they only knew he probably was black, and after I found a joke with the same thing on reddit" I used to freak out but its important to understand de science behind this. Your mind is developed to find matching things around you and have "Aha" moments, its easy to think that there might be a relationship between A and B, because of logic or in our case anxiety, this fuels fears or magical thinking (in my case Solopism), so if you have coincidences relax your mind is working properly, just don't react on them, do not try to find logic behind it just breath and move fowards.

And regarding paranoia, we all got at some point paranoid, I did with all the solopism, the best way for me was to challenge the thought, you had this thoughts of being thrown to jail for something you didnt do, but you are not in jail ergo its just a thought.

Best of lucks

Tom

hi and welcome,

What Tom said is brilliant. I'd also suggest if you haven't already trying to get some therapy and or medication. In terms of slowing my mind down so that it wasn't constantly racing with anxious thoughts medication really helped. Then I had Cognitive behavioural therapy which was a valuable tool to help fight the compulsions.

Vicky

Alright. guys. I am going to look into trying this, thank you so much!

No problem buddy, check my posts there are a lot of things regarding Coincidences from my own experience and really helpful advices from the user MyNameIsTerry, also if you like check his post regarding mindfulness its on his signature after every post.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by TomT

No problem buddy, check my posts there are a lot of things regarding Coincidences from my own experience and really helpful advices from the user MyNameIsTerry, also if you like check his post regarding mindfulness its on his signature after every post.

---

Yeah, i noticed him when i was lurking around the forums a month ago. Ill keep an eye on that. Thanks.

Man, I cant catch a break. I searched two bad movies in a row with the premise of "being framed" and now my mind is starting to talk.

It happens man, but its a common topic if you think about it. I can remember two or three like those, where magically tom cruise or liam neeson is te actor. Just don't pay attention to it, go watch a comedy or a no brain movie.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sharkster1

Man, I cant catch a break. I searched two bad movies in a row with the premise of "being framed" and now my mind is starting to talk.

---

That's a checking compulsion by the sounds of it. It will only reinforce anxiety though.

When you seek to prove something, do you also seek to disprove it too?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MyNameIsTerry

That's a checking compulsion by the sounds of it. It will only reinforce anxiety though.

When you seek to prove something, do you also seek to disprove it too?

---

Yeah, you are right. I am seeking reassurance I guess. I keep having this anticipation of doom and I think I keep seeing signs. I am not too happy about the turning 19 omen either.

Thats the thing shark that is no omen, omens do not exist its just magical thinking working yourself up. As it means something bad your head is aware of it, turn it into something good make it your lucky number then your brain would stop caring. Another thing you can do is change the focus to another number and you will see how attention is managed by you.
Those two worked for me :D

With Magical Thinking, use a Behavioural Experiment. Set out to prove that you can't magically influence events which in turn proves no matter what you do, what will be will be.

I often mention how we think such unlikely things but forget that we all want to win the lottery yet thinking "I will win the lottery" achieves nothing but failure over & over again. Isn't that proof we can't do things with our minds?

There are so many opportunities to make something an omen. How many times have I walked past a streetlight for it to turn off. Did I drain the energy? No, because I don't feel any different and I know you can't switch them off like that anyway. But why only one in the row? I don't know, but I also don't need to know anyway as I'm not a magical being capable of achieving it...if I were you may see me on the X-Files at some point!

And put it thid way, terry mentioned the X files yesterday I saw the movie of the X files and Im hyped for the new season coming this january. What should I think this could be intepreted as a coincidences and I could be freaking out but its just that

And I said X-Files because anything strange or out of the ordinary in terms of our abilities could make it as a storyline...and that is a common association. Before then X-Files it was The Twilight Zone and somewhere in between, The Outer Limits. (and what about Eerie Indiana?)

Coincidence is everywhere if you look for it. You can say something and someone replies they were thinking about that yesterday.

It only ever means any form of harm because you attempt to attach one to it.

We also only look at it from our own experience and this is where other people like Tom come in handy because it shows it's not just us and then you need to think about how many more people it happens to thus making it more common and less meaningful.

If I think about my old History class today and next week bump into the teacher, what does it mean? What does it change or achieve? Nothing.

We are also not good at looking at these things and noticing the amount of time between them. If it happens straight away, you may think coincidence but the longer in between and the less it is and more so it is about your bias towards it.

You know, you guys are right. I need to challenge my thoughts for once. It feels just so scary though. On coincidence, i think my mind is actually looking for it and I can swear that things I have thought I have never seen before are really things I have.

This all seems like a big mental construct powered by fear the more I take a look at it. Now that I am calm from working out I can probably get down to brass tacks and start dismantling it.

Edit: I am starting to experience some serious deja vu

It really does look for it, sharkster. I had periods of paranoia when I was really bad and I can tell you that I'm nothing like that now. It's more challenging for you as you hav the autism to navigate through too but you can do it.

With the paranoia I would spend hours ruminating over what I said, what someone said, the physical clues to behaviour, what this email "really" meant, the hidden meanings behind words, etc. I did have some pressure here as I was fighting my employer at the time and they were playing dirty tricks (e.g. changing signed paperwork) which was a big cause but my anxiety levels of the time were the biggest cause of it all. Once you come out the other end you look back and see it more clearly. Your attitude changes.

I found learning Cognitive Distortion a big help to me. I learned to question things in a more guided way based on avoiding the traps in that.

This put everything in perspective for me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtQEXW0lVts

Mother****er, I keep seeing 11:11. Damn you B-MI.

---------- Post added at 18:52 ---------- Previous post was at 15:06 ----------

My thoughts are starting to recede as I keep working out. It has really, really helped me and I can not over recommend it for anyone having similar problems. I am starting to get more of a grip on my OCD.

My paranoia is starting to become more manageable the more I challenge and refuse to do my rituals. Who would frame me and what would they gain from it? The more I use my logic the more this seems like a smoke screen generated fear and guilt. Why would I go to prison? I have done nothing wrong and I try to keep my anger in check so thats out of the window. I have also tried to focus on the present instead of the past or the future which helps a bit.

I am glad we could help you out shark! The steps are clear, calm yourself down, use logic, learn ignore. works like a charm!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by TomT

I am glad we could help you out shark! The steps are clear, calm yourself down, use logic, learn ignore. works like a charm!

---

I am on the path to recovery but its still gonna be a long road and going to be an effort to stay recovered. I am gonna stick around here. I about solved most of my problems and I can probably help people with similar problems. I took a bootleggers turn from where I was a while ago. The pain was intense and I wanted to stop living and I felt like my life was totally over but now I can see some light at the end of the tunnel here. I will have flare ups but I can manage it a lot better now. Talking about my fear helped so much because I felt alone and like I was a freak. Exposing my fear was probably one of the biggest factors that helped because I no longer gave it space to bounce around in.

The forum is all about that, helping each other and realizing you are not alone in this. We all had our ups and downs, but the most important thing I believe is reach out to others, share our experience and give a helping hand to the ones in need.


Anxious people UNITE haha :roflmao:

I got linked this and I got creeped out by coincidence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRfMk3Fs5Es

Maybe its just pseudoscience.

Its not weird at all, Im sure you use google right? and you have googled many things regarding probability and coincidences right? Youtube is owned by google so 2+2= 4. But that site, howstuffwork, its pretty amazing if you like that stuff

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by TomT

Its not weird at all, Im sure you use google right? and you have googled many things regarding probability and coincidences right? Youtube is owned by google so 2+2= 4. But that site, howstuffwork, its pretty amazing if you like that stuff

---

Yeah, its amazing stuff. I am still recovering but I just cant shake this feeling. That funny feeling I had when I heard that phrase still makes me feel very very funny. I am having trouble stepping over this. Almost as if I know something. My birthday is tomorrow and I want to atleast be happy.

I think I am just gonna try surrendering all together. I am tired and I havent tried it yet. These "worst scenario" things if I do X is stupid and tiring. I just want to refuse to give it anymore thought but I dont know if I truly just can drop it.

In time, it's possible, yes. But be realistic because taking the acceptance route isn't easy and you don't want to put an unrealistic timescale on it and frustrate yourself as well as make yourself anxious about a deadline.

Don't surrender to compulsions though, they are reinforcers. So, look at your compulsions which are likely going to be heavily mental based with a Pure O form.

I am starting to think my medication is having a backfire effect. My shrink I usually go to isnt answering. I am gonna go find a new one I guess. My magical thinking has taken the wheel.

Is it because the anxiety is raising? What happens if you bring that down through things like your exercise? Does it help bring the OCD down?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MyNameIsTerry

Is it because the anxiety is raising? What happens if you bring that down through things like your exercise? Does it help bring the OCD down?

---

Lifting is to what nuclear weapons are to a knife fight. Exercise absolutely blows OCD out of the water and more I go the less it wants to talk. The only problem is magical thinking is bothering me even when OCD has left the building. The coincidences are creepy. The more calm I am the more I notice this is a major cog in the machine. It's whats dragging my symptoms and obsessions.

Coincidences master here, it takes a while to stop noticing them. What keeps it going is that whenever you notice a coincidence you either apply logic or treat it as danger.
Remove the power from them by not reacting, because they are just that, coincidences are similirarities found in the brain and connected by us. The connection you make is magical thinking, which is nuts isnt it?

Whenever you found one, shrug your shoulders and say to yourself "Well thats just how the world is". Accept events as they are.

Tom

That's the thing though isn't it. Hell, I joked with myself avout shitting bllod and just now i just did.

That honestly is not a coincidence dude, you may have ate something that you know causes you that or shitting blood has happened to you before and your mind just connected A and B. You give too much meaning to those things. AND EVEN if it where the case and you have some ninja abilities, then start making money out of it, lots of people claim they have this higher perception and they are not insane in fact does sleazy *******s make money out of it.

Take my advice coincidences happen when you put your attention to every little thing that happens in your life, thats called hyper vigilance.

Yeah, I agree with Tom because before you were anxious they would still be happening but you wouldn't notice them like you do now. It's the same with the many odd thoughts that just pop up out of nowhere.

Paranoia & anxiety are partners in crime, you often experience them both. When I was at my worst I would see "issues" everywhere. I would think people were looking at me a certain way for reason, I would see something in something written to me that I thought meant something far more. That's what the anxious mind does, looks for threats. When it's switched on too much, it creates them.

Magical thinking has been one of mine. It's a bit like we think we have superpowers. I can't tell you the amount of lamp posts I've walked past which has either gone off or come on the exact second I was level with them. Spooky eh? But I've worked in that industry and now how the grids work and I know there isn't some guy with a camera watching thinking "lets freak this bloke out" but it happens loads. BUT how many times does it happen to everyone else? I don't know, I have not conducted a study to determine it, hence assuming it's just me or more me, is false as complete Confirmation Bias.

Have you guys ever experienced this deja vu doubt feeling? Like I think i have seen this then going nope I havent. It's sowin havoc on me.

Yeah, tons of times in my life and many of them before my anxiety started. You do notice them more with anxiety but unless you are extremely sensitised or your anxiety leans to things like that anyway (like you & Tom), then it's a minor one and it just goes as you become calmer on a more regular basis.

Tom will tell you all about deja vu, he's talked about it before on here. To me it's just the mind attempting to make assumptions BUT something I remember saying to Tom when he joined was about faces her thought he had seen before. Perhaps he had. We tend to forget that out vision takes the full image and it gets stored in memory with associations to things. Now, the memory can recall anything in that image, even small details we miss as they were perhaps in the background. So, is it really deja vu then?

I was watching a TV programme last night called Total Wipeout. It's one where they have a few rounds of eliminating members of the public on water/mud based assault courses. The final 3 ran the "wipeout" zone. One was excellent all the way through each previous round, one was good and another sneaked through as an outsider due to an error by someone better. So, the "good" guy runs the "wipeout zone" in 1:23 seconds. That's a very good time and was a record at the time. The "outsider" steps up, the underdog. I turn to my dad and say 'wouldn't it be hilarious if this average guy beat the other guy by 1 second'. Can you guess what happened? Yes, he really did do it in 1:22 seconds!!!

What did I think about? Well, apart from laughing with my dad and being happy to see an underdog win over a better contestant who was a bit smug...I thought of you guys! Why did I do that? Because I associate what we have discussed with things like that because they are the themes you talk about. If I hadn't spent time talking to you on here, how would I a) be able to make an association to your discussions and b) even know you?

It didn't make me anxious because my anxiety isn't based around those themes but if someone with those themes saw what I did, they may be posting on here about it.

I just bought a movie (pretty good too) and I am having these prediction thoughrs come true. I understand the explosion in the beginning since my brain wa probably back cataloging that from the trailer but I have been thinking of an actor I havent see in a while pops up and bam, panic attack.

Man, OCD can you like- tie an anchor to yourself and jump off a bridge.

That's happened to me before, and before my anxiety started too. It's usually someone who hasn't been seen much for years and then they pop up. They also start to pop up a lot too and you read into that.

I had intrusive thoughts about jumping off bridges. Scary at first. It's like your anxiety is a bully egging you on "go on...do it". OCD and it's urges.

[QUOTE=MyNameIsTerry;1510954]That's happened to me before, and before my anxiety started too. It's usually someone who hasn't been seen much for years and then they pop up. They also start to pop up a lot too and you read into that.

I had intrusive thoughts about jumping off bridges. Scary at first. It's like your anxiety is a bully egging you on "go on...do it". OCD and it's urges.[/QUOTE

Haha Terry, no I literally just wish my OCD would personify and jump off a cliff. I just cant enjoy anything with my mind suggesting there is some hidden meaning behind it and magical thinking is straight out terrifying at times as you know. I have fallen into a pit of discarded bear traps called magical thinking I wish I had a ladder in sight.

Son of a bitch, I was thinking about a time when I was at summer camp and a friend caught a shiny pokemon. Just now i am playing pokemon and a damn shiny jumps ouy. Maybe I can work for NASA hahaha.

LOL, see they are not a big deal. I had a few coincidences lately. First I was thinking about those grown ass people that like to dress as babies like a fetish thing (because of a family guy episode) next day I saw a post on a site about that particular thing, on the same site there is this famous guy that made some funny vids that was banned, I went to his old user to check his posts and later that day a guy made a post about him and how he banished. Today I was watching tv and the matrix revolution was coming up, I opened 9gag and a post about the matrix came up.

So are all this weird coincidences that I should worry about? Answer me and take a look at your "coincidences"

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by TomT

LOL, see they are not a big deal. I had a few coincidences lately. First I was thinking about those grown ass people that like to dress as babies like a fetish thing (because of a family guy episode) next day I saw a post on a site about that particular thing, on the same site there is this famous guy that made some funny vids that was banned, I went to his old user to check his posts and later that day a guy made a post about him and how he banished. Today I was watching tv and the matrix revolution was coming up, I opened 9gag and a post about the matrix came up.

So are all this weird coincidences that I should worry about? Answer me and take a look at your "coincidences"

---

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_large_numbers
Today I learned about this and it's really interesting and it seems to explain the pokemon coincidence. I am starting to realise there is no real danger and the danger I see in them is what I have assigned to them to gather some meaning I suppose.