My cat died today and I'm feeling pretty numb from a rough year

It's not health anxiety related but today I had to have my cat euthanized after a short battle with a brain tumour. We believe his blindness was probably the start of it over a year or so ago. It was a very peaceful passing, no meowing, no struggle, and the vet was really wonderful, and I believe he was ready to do, but it still hurt so much I burst out crying afterwards. Now I feel numb and can't seem to cry much, which is in turn - making me feel terribly guilty. It's been a very stressful week, my mum started getting palpitation continuously which wasn't normal, so she went doctors and got tests, turned out she had an extra heartbeat - which gave her that sensation. She is now on Bisop 1.25mg and seems to be doing well, and I've taken over as her carer to relieve some of her daily chores and errands. But along with that and my cat dying, it's been really upsetting, I knew he was slowly leaving, but I wanted to keep denying it until the very last moment I couldn't.

Anyway, this year has been very quiet in life, but since last November, I've lost 3 of my fur babies - first was another black cat, a rescued feral who had to have all but 2 teeth removed from a horrendous infection. We had him 3 full, happy years. The 2nd was my handsome boy, a golden retriever/samoyed cross - he was only 8yrs old and died of Lymphoma of some kind, it took him within 6 weeks, really traumatizing and whiplashed me into total heartbreak. Now, my old black who was a good age of 16yrs old - another rescue.

Then, my neighbour who we walk his dog for, an amputee, became seriously ill from a wound he was concealing from the nurses in his groin that had become infected - had to be rushed to hospital. He lost his legs due to Diabetes, he also smokes heavily, and has a very poor diet, but he is also very aggressive and stubborn - so it's been a task getting him into hospital and then cleaning his house and taking care of his dog.

I'm probably just feeling sorry for myself and having a pity party, but I feel really deflated and worn out. I turned 35 in October, but I feel much older at the moment, my bones ache, I'm tired, it took all the effort in the world to cut my hair a couple weeks back, my skin is blotchy again and my PCOS is flared up again and am having some of the heaviest periods I've had in months, if not a year (I've had all the tests, so I know it isn't anything other than that, and my thyroid). I'm also getting tests for my iron/anaemia as the doctor thinks that may be low. Apparently last time it was 17, which is quite low, and my grandmother use to have anaemia, so it may be that. I started taking multivitamins and eating more iron rich foods, but some days I don't always do that.

I just don't feel like doing anything, but at the same time am frustrated not too. I'm completely heartbroken at the loss of my cat (which some might laugh at I know, it's just a cat - but to me, their the greatest of companions and family).

I'm probably just rambling and not making much sense, but it feels like everything has been a little overwhelming. I guess I just wanted somwhere to vent my thoughts or put them down in words. I'v been numb since I came back from the vets, had dinner, took care of my dogs and other cats and just vegetated for the rest of the evening. It feels like theirs no tears left in me, is that normal?

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, Mischa.

We lost our old pooch last week, so I know how much you're hurting right now.

This is the hardest part of having pets. When they go, they leave such a massive hole in our lives.

They're never just a cat. No cat is just a cat, they're cherished family members. Be kind to yourself, Mischa, you've had so much going on and you're allowed the time and space to grieve.

So sorry to hear about your loss, it's so tough losing a fur baby and this is your third. Be kind to yourself.

:hugs:

It never gets any easier to bear no matter how many pets we lose throughout the years..Horrible time for you, Mischa:hugs:

Was in your shoes a couple of months back unfortunately. My cat was run over. It was a dreadful time so I do know where you are coming from. I still look for him trotting down the lane and would have him back in a heartbeat. Time is your healer but it won’t be quick . I still tear up, I bawled yesterday :weep:
it’s never just a cat….it’s family. Take care of yourself :hugs:

We just went through this last week with our boy. I get it :weep: While I've gathered and cleaned up his food and litter area, I've yet to gather his toys and such as they're still scattered about. Its a process I guess. Peace and....

Positive thoughts

So sorry to hear of your loss, it must have been so difficult to say goodbye. They're never just a pet, they're a part of your life and you of theirs. People who laugh at that are people not worth talking to!

It really sounds like you're carrying a lot on your shoulders, so it's no wonder you feel so drained. You've lost 3 of your fur babies, had health stuff to deal with, and had to be caretaker too. It sounds exhausting for you. You've cried yourself out from the sounds of it, and that's completely normal when you've been so overwhelmed. Perhaps going numb is your brains way of protecting itself from everything that has happened?

I did that when I lost my dog. He was poisoned, and died in my arms at the vets before they could even get to him. I cried an ocean and went completely numb for a week. I couldn't bring myself to touch his dog bed in case it broke me again.

I hope you start to feel better soon, at your own pace :hugs:

@NoraB thank you, I’m pretty numb today, not as bad, but it’s hard not having him around. Thank you though.

@BlueIris thanks blue, yeah guess it’s hard to describe the heartbreak, but I’ll get there day by day, thanks though.

@Catkins thanks Catkins :hugs:

@Carnation :) thank you

@pulisa thanks pulisa, means a lot, I’ll get there :hugs:

@Darksky I’m so sorry to hear about your cat too. Yeah it’s the missing him looking for me at dinner time, little things like that, but hopefully it eases in time. Their family more than sone people at times. Thank you though :hugs:

@Fishmanpa I’m so sorry, I’ve not moved his steps from the bottom of my bed, but I still have other fur babies that are making it easier to heal, but still very raw right now. Im so sorry you’re going through this too, but thank you :hugs:

@WorryRaptor oh that’s terrible, I’m so sorry that happened, that’s not something anyone should go through. Thank you though, yeah, just very numb, not done much but daily routines, but I’ll get there in time. :hugs:

I'm so sorry to hear this Mischa :hugs: It is entirely natural that you will grieve. Pets are family members, companions, best friends. People who have never had pets don't really 'get it'. But grief upon losing a loved pet is very raw. Our black lab was subdued yesterday and appeared to be hobbling. She didn't want her dinner but today she's picked up so must have been muscular. She's an elderly dog now so its a worry and all sorts of things went through my head.

Be kind to yourself and know you're not alone.

@Fishman65 thank you, yeah theirs a lot of people around that really don’t get what they mean to you, or how they impact your life. My elderly dog is a collie, she is 15 and she suffer with arthritis, she hobbles a lot, but sometimes she hops on the bed as if she had no pain, their very in the moment creatures lol! I worry about my elderly dogs daily, and I worry about so many other animals that are not mine too. But yeah, my cat was such a calm, relaxed cat, nothing phased him, really resilient and just loved his bed and waiting for his snacks. It’s most likely the overwhelming feeling of losing not just him but my dog and other cat in the space of 12 months. Thank you though, it does mean a lot :hugs:

So sorry about the death of your cat Mischa . Sending:hugs::hugs::hugs:x

Oh I’m sorry Mischa. Sending love xx