I'm back..😢

Well I'm here once again. Back on fluoxitine after 3 years of being off it. Last time it was a health problem that made me start flux, or rather my anxiety that was the result of it, and this time it's pretty much the same.
Im sorry if this post rambles, I'm using it for help and advice but I also suppose I'm using it as a bit of a flux diary for myself just to get my thoughts out. I have a health issue that is causing me unbelievable anxiety, all I can think of is what if this health issue won't go. I literally feel like if it got worse I couldn't live with it. I know im probably overreacting in my response to it but all I know is my anxiety is through the roof and I feel I'm losing myself. I'm scared im going crazy with fear.
I'm so deeply depressed and anxious I feel life is just not worth living if I had to carry on like this. I cry all the time. Then I feel incredibly guilty for even contemplating suicide as I have kids.
Im a single mum and lost my mum just before Christmas( no siblings 😔) then my lovely Alaskan Malamute dog of 15 years was put to sleep just 3 weeks later. Now I have this awful health issue and I know I cannot take anymore. I have thought about ending things so many times in the last 6 weeks. It scares me.
So..I finally went back to my doctors and spewed all my thoughts about my anxiety and suicide. I told her I'm scared of starting flux again as even though it worked wonders (eventually!) I went through absolute HELL for the first 13 weeks, and I'm shit scared of having to do that all over again.
But I know I won't get better unless I start this medication. So I'm here again..day 1 of flux.
This time I'm only on 10mg for the first week, I suppose Im hoping this may lessen at least some of the side effects that I had last time, mostly the god awful anxiety I got! I feel I really couldn't cope with that again. So Iv just taken my first dose tonight. To be honest with a 10 I'm not expecting any bad side effects tonight or tomorrow. As we speak my anxiety is high because it's evening, and that is when it tends to kick in more. However Saturday I had it all day so everyday is different. I got a rough ride ahead, but so far today I feel I'm keeping it together. Just 😔 x

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Originally Posted by Amaajovich

Im a single mum and lost my mum just before Christmas( no siblings 😔) then my lovely Alaskan Malamute dog of 15 years was put to sleep just 3 weeks later. Now I have this awful health issue and I know I cannot take anymore.

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Condolences on your losses. :sad:

Anxiety disorders (also depression) often begin within a year of a major life event such as the death of loved ones. Could the health issue also be anxiety related?

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So..I finally went back to my doctors and spewed all my thoughts about my anxiety and suicide. I told her I'm scared of starting flux again

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What happened with the citalopram?

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But I know I won't get better unless I start this medication. So I'm here again..day 1 of flux.
This time I'm only on 10mg for the first week, I suppose Im hoping this may lessen at least some of the side effects that I had last time, mostly the god awful anxiety I got!

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Starting at 10mg for the first couple of weeks should lessen the severity of any side-effects.

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I told her I'm scared of starting flux again as even though it worked wonders (eventually!) I went through absolute HELL for the first 13 weeks, and I'm shit scared of having to do that all over again.

...I got a rough ride ahead, but so far today I feel I'm keeping it together.

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Not all side-effects are necessarily down to the med. An anxious mind is very capable of producing our worst nightmares if given half a chance and you seem to be talking yourself into that. If, repeat if, anxiety does become unbearable ask your GP to prescribe a small dose of one of the benzodiazepines to help get you over that hump. Suffering needlessly is counterproductive.

Is this your second time on ADs, or have you been on them more often?

Thankyou for replying to my post.
I started on citalopram for very low mood after my mum passed away and within a week of being on it I developed loud tinnitus in both ears. I had convinced myself the citalopram was to blame as its indicated as one of the side effects. It probably didn't cause the tinnitus but I had worked myself up onto such a state I just stopped taking them. This is the health issue I was talking about. Iv not been on citalopram now for a while as iv started flux yet I still have hissing in one ear and my doctor seems to think it's a eustachian tube disfunction that can last month's.
The pain and tinnitus has been the source of my anxiety.

I have been on fluoxitine 3 years prior and after a bumpy first 3 months it worked wonderfully. To be fair I didn't give citalopram much of a chance, but I'm going to stick with flux for now and see how it goes.
Day 2 today and no side effects at all so 🤞

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Originally Posted by Amaajovich

I had convinced myself the citalopram was to blame as its indicated as one of the side effects. It probably didn't cause the tinnitus but I had worked myself up onto such a state I just stopped taking them. This is the health issue I was talking about. Iv not been on citalopram now for a while as iv started flux yet I still have hissing in one ear and my doctor seems to think it's a eustachian tube disfunction that can last month's.
The pain and tinnitus has been the source of my anxiety.

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Tinnitus is a weird condition which is poorly understood. While most often associated with prolonged exposure to loud noise, just about anything can trigger it including a list of meds as long as your arm. Pretty much everything from aspirin to zit treatments. It doesn't always stop if the med is discontinued either. Many of the same meds can also treat it. So it is possible that citalopram triggered it, or it could have been a response to something else including your mental state.

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I have been on fluoxitine 3 years prior and after a bumpy first 3 months it worked wonderfully. To be fair I didn't give citalopram much of a chance, but I'm going to stick with flux for now and see how it goes.
Day 2 today and no side effects at all so 🤞

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Because of its very long half-life fluoxetine tends to take quite a while to kick-in and as this is your second time it might take even longer than the first time. Unfortunately, there is no way of speeding this up. You might need to take a higher dose to get the same outcome too. :sad:

Since developing tinnitus iv read quiet a lot about it and know there is no cure. Also it could just stop one day never to return, or not. I'm hoping it's just a side effect of my eustachian tube disfunction as my ears felt very full and painfull for a few weeks. This seems to have eased slightly and I'm just left with ringing, which I hope will also ease and eventually go. I was a member of a few different tinnitus FB groups but had to come off them as the mention of suicide by a lot of the members really spiked my anxiety. I really don't know what I will do if this sound gets louder or doesn't go. I don't know if I could go on living.
I try to just think positive, I'm eating healthier than I have ever done, I'm drinking loads water, started going on long walks with my kids and in just hoping a combination of all these things combined with my medication will help. It's my third today and I feel a little anxious this morning. I'm wondering if my medication has something to do with that. It's only 10ml but I was still expecting some side effects even at this low dose.

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Originally Posted by Amaajovich

It's my third today and I feel a little anxious this morning. I'm wondering if my medication has something to do with that. It's only 10ml but I was still expecting some side effects even at this low dose.

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The anxiety may, or may not be caused by the fluoxetine. Increased anxiety at the beginning is quite common, but not a given by any means. Many people have no, or only mild initial side-effects. It is usually only those with more severe responses who come to support groups which often gives a false impression. Past experience isn't necessarily a good guide to what may happen this time either. Side-effects can be different each time an AD is restarted, including being absent. But be aware of the self-fulfilling prophecy effect. Expect to suffer greatly and your mind may give you the full catastrophe. OTOH, a positive attitude can ease the bad days.

Day 4 10mg. Good day today. No side effects. The low I had yesterday seemed to have lifted so was probably just having a bad day as I ended up in the bathroom away from the kids crying about my mum. I still have days where it hits me she has gone and I can't quiet believe it. I slept well last night though, better than I normally do so I suppose that does make a huge difference to how my day goes. Sat here tonight though a can feel a little bit of my usual evening anxiety creeping in. So just trying to keep myself busy in the evenings.

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So just trying to keep myself busy in the evenings.

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Good. Distraction works. The less time the mind has to ruminate the better.

Day 7 10mg. Not a good evening last night or day today. My tinnitus is back with a vengeance after a ok couple of days so feeling extremely anxious. Could hear it creeping in last night while watching TV so made myself busy for a bit then we to bed and had an awful night with anxiety and whistling in my ear. Slept with the TV on but it didn't help. My anxiety is full force today. Keep going from crying and feeling utterly hopeless to feeling angry why are my ears this way?? Just feel so low. I'm dreading going to bed tonight. I'm so tired and need sleep but the buzzing just won't let me 😢😢😢

Bummer. :weep: Taking a benzodiazepine (BZD) for 2-3 days may stop the whistling. Clonazepam (Klonopin) seems to have the best track record. If your GP doesn't prescribe BZDs then 7.5-15mg, of mirtazapine often works both in easing tinnitus and improving sleep.

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Originally Posted by Amaajovich

My tinnitus is back with a vengeance

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I too experience tinnitus with my anxiety. It seems to get worse as my anxiety gets worse as well as my head pressure symptom. My little google mini in my room has been great since I found out it can be used as a noise machine. The rain sounds help me sleep.

Day 9 10mg
Still feeling rubbish. Anxiety at a high throughout the day and rises still throughout the evening. I think this has more to do with knowing I will get a rubbish sleep if tinnitus kicks in. I'v got a face to face app with my doctor on Thursday so will definately ask about something to help ease this. She seems a little hesitant to prescribe anything more as I had to fight to get just 9 zopiclone. At only 3.75 strength they help me drop off but not stay asleep all night 😢 and with only 9 Im afraid of taking them all too soon and running out. I won't be prescribed more I have been told, mainly because of the added problem of weaning off them. At this stage I couldn't really care. I need sleep. I'm willing to take anything to knock me out!

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Originally Posted by KHPanic

I too experience tinnitus with my anxiety. It seems to get worse as my anxiety gets worse as well as my head pressure symptom. My little google mini in my room has been great since I found out it can be used as a noise machine. The rain sounds help me sleep.

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I'm so sorry, It's awful isn't it? Iv never actually had tinnitus with anxiety before so this is new to me. I am still thinking it's maybe a eustachian tube dysfunction as I get pain below my ear 🤔 where my jaw is. I wonder what the pressure feeling is all about as is that a usual symptom for tinnitus as I didn't think it was? To me it seems more of an infection. I maybe wrong.
I use a fan in my room as the noise helps cancel out the tinnitus to a degree...last night it didn't, my tinnitus was really bad.😢

I don't think the pressure is from the tinnitus, for me anyway. I wouldn't be surprised if the tinnitus is from the pressure though. It's part of my anxiety/side effect of fluoxetine that I pretty much have a constant tension headache. I have to constantly remind myself to relax my neck/shoulders.

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Originally Posted by Amaajovich

She seems a little hesitant to prescribe anything more as I had to fight to get just 9 zopiclone. At only 3.75 strength they help me drop off but not stay asleep all night 😢 and with only 9 Im afraid of taking them all too soon and running out. I won't be prescribed more I have been told, mainly because of the added problem of weaning off them

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Just as with the benzodiazepines tolerance to the 'Z' hypnotics can build quickly as they target the same receptors/binding sites. It can happen in as little as a couple of weeks so a prescription for more zopiclone may not have helped that much.

Day 11 10mg How can my mood change from one day to the next as drastically as it has done today. Yesterday was a good day. No sound in my ears, mood was good and I felt a sense of normality. (Only slight feelings of unease for a few moments here and there) but generally had a good day with my two girls, then today anxiety is back full force. Feeling extremely tired, down and very panicky. I had an appointment with my doctor today and she referred me to see the ENT at hospital as an urgent referral. Still getting pain in my ear (or rather inside my head on left side behind my ear) full feeling, stating my anxious state and mental health being severely impacted. Hissing/buzzing and whistling and lack of sleep. She gave me my first lot of antibiotics today so I'm hoping they might help 👍
Spent the rest of the day in anxiety and I thought seeing the doctor would help me feel at ease today 😢.
I get a phone call teatime from my doctors surgery to tell me the doctor at the hospital has downgraded my referral to non-urgent so won't be seen for weeks now. I'm gutted 😢 how can someone who's mental health is impacted so much by a condition be non urgent?

So sorry to hear :/ Sadly mental health is not taken as seriously as it should be. I know my mood can change several times in a day. Lately my mood has been pretty good in the morning but gets worse as the days goes on.

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Originally Posted by panic_down_under

Just as with the benzodiazepines tolerance to the 'Z' hypnotics can build quickly as they target the same receptors/binding sites. It can happen in as little as a couple of weeks so a prescription for more zopiclone may not have helped that much.

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I am trying to manage without taking these I still have 4 left. If I can get my anxiety levels under control I think I'd sleep longer. I don't really have a problem initially dropping off, just staying asleep is my concern and zopiclone aren't really helping with that side of things anyway.
Day 13 10mg
Another good day yesterday and today again not so good. Anxiety is all over the place. I have started getting a really strange feeling of things not feeling 'real', like im in such a haze I can't focus and I feel ungrounded and almost like I'm stuck in a fog. I have this on my bad days. Yesterday was fine. Today feels 'unreal'.
Actually managed to nod off without the sound of the fan last night as the whistling wasn't so bad. A shhhhhhh sound in my ear though today which is causing my anxiety now. Iv almost convinced myself I'm losing my hearing slowly in that ear and a raging infection is causing it. My hearing not so good in that ear iv noticed. Remind me never to Google symptoms. I'm lay in the bath feeling absolutely crap I just want to feel normal again.

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Originally Posted by KHPanic

So sorry to hear :/ Sadly mental health is not taken as seriously as it should be. I know my mood can change several times in a day. Lately my mood has been pretty good in the morning but gets worse as the days goes on.

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It's disgusting how mental health is not taken as seriously as it should be. I am a little shocked how the doctor just brushed all the symptoms aside and made it low priority. Yet I understand people have more serious conditions going on and the hospital are extremely busy. Im the same as I feel ok upon getting up (depending on my night's sleep) then start getting flutters of anxiety in the afternoon which can turn to dread in the evening.

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Originally Posted by Amaajovich

I have started getting a really strange feeling of things not feeling 'real', like im in such a haze I can't focus and I feel ungrounded and almost like I'm stuck in a fog. I have this on my bad days. Yesterday was fine. Today feels 'unreal'.

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I get this too. It's called Depersonalization/Derealization. It's thought to be a defense mechanism your brain has to help keep you safe from overwhelming feelings or events. I'm just now starting to come out of it 3 months and some change after my last panic attack. It's terrifying and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

As much as mental health isn't taken seriously we're lucky to be where we are in history. In the not too distant past we'd all have to suffer in silence, get drugged up to our eyeballs, or locked away to have holes drilled in our heads. It's getting better at least.

Day 14 10mg
Had a horrible weekend. Ears feeling full, painful and ringing. Feeling very tired and anxiety still simmering away just under the surface. It's my last day on 10mg, I start the 20 tomorrow. Feeling a little nervous as don't want my anxiety getting worse. I'm just so worn out as haven't slept well last two nights. Feel like I'm stuck in a miserable loop of feeling ill and anxious. I find I cannot concentrate on anything, my mind is just in a constant state of anxious thoughts. I know it will pass eventually but iv got a feeling it won't be for a while yet for me.

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Originally Posted by KHPanic

I get this too. It's called Depersonalization/Derealization. It's thought to be a defense mechanism your brain has to help keep you safe from overwhelming feelings or events. I'm just now starting to come out of it 3 months and some change after my last panic attack. It's terrifying and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

As much as mental health isn't taken seriously we're lucky to be where we are in history. In the not too distant past we'd all have to suffer in silence, get drugged up to our eyeballs, or locked away to have holes drilled in our heads. It's getting better at least.

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Yes you are right we are lucky, I cannot imagine how it must have felt not to have any support. Pretty horrendous I would imagine. I shouldn't moan about my situation as I know people are in a lot worse situations. I think my tinnitus is getting to me a bit tbh.

Moan away. That's why we're all here. For support and to heal.

Day 18 20mg
I started the 20mg on Monday and had no rough side effects so far, only thing I can tell is I feel slightly sick in the mornings and I'm waking around 2.30am every morning. So I'm absolutely shattered. My ears been feeling full last two days and hissing very slightly causing my anxiety to simmer away. I'm trying to keep calm by telling myself it will pass and it won't last. Might take a zopiclone tonight see if it knocks me out till morning for a change.

I started 40mg on the 1st so I'm right there with you on the increase. Out of it and tired. Hope you're doing better with the sleep Amaa.

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Originally Posted by KHPanic

I started 40mg on the 1st so I'm right there with you on the increase. Out of it and tired. Hope you're doing better with the sleep Amaa.

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How are you coping on 40 KHpanic? Hope the side effects don't last too long. I can imagine it's a difficult transition up to 40mg! Hope the side effects wear off soon.
I'm on day 23 and iv had a good few days apart from the sleeping. Then last night woke at 3.45 after dreaming about my mum. It's wierd because when I dream of her she's still alive and it's as though I completely forget she has passed away-until I wake up. Had an awful night last night, didn't go back to sleep and my ears started a high pitch ringing that really started to stress me out. I don't think stress is causing the tinnitus but I do think tinnitus is causing my stress and anxiety. I'm dreading bed tonight. My ears have screeched all day 😩. Iv taken my fluoxitine earlier this afternoon as I was wondering if that was waking me up during the night. My anxiety is very high today and I'm on the edge of a panic attack. Feel dreadful 😢

I'm sorry you're feeling rough. It's good though that you are starting to see some good days. There are times when I start to feel like my old self and then I get anxious that I'm not anxious. Funny how the mind wants to stay on alert.

I'm doing alright with the increase. The first week or so my vision was really screwy. Like i couldn't focus on anything properly or think straight. But that's slowly fading. Still dealing with my tinnitus too but it's not so bad. Just trying to get my sleep schedule back on track and deal with the last of the foggy head/DP that I'm feeling so I can get back to some kind of normalcy, whatever that means anymore. I just keep reminding myself that I've done this twice and I recovered both times so I try and stay positive.

Hi, just wanted to say hi and connect and I echo the comments above - deep sympathy and people ARE here for you. If you need a rant just inbox me, doesn't matter what you say but sometimes we need to be heard. I was on here loads years ago when I was on Prozac and though I hope never to need it again, if I do I do... so well done for getting help. I really hope things feel brighter soon. xx

5 weeks tomorrow. Thankyou replying to my post. It's comforting to know I'm not quiet alone here. I'm feeling perhaps the worst I have ever felt. I went back to work on Thursday last week, I honestly felt well enough and felt confident about feeling well and strong enough to go back. However I noticed my tinnitus kicked in a bit while at work. Maybe just the stress and anxiety of going back to work after such a long time off but today (day off) my ears have been screaming since yesterday. On top of that I just feel incredibly low. I really don't know who I can turn to when I feel like this. Iv just been sat here crying or staring at the TV. Someone smashed into my car this morning and I felt so fed up I couldn't even be bothered to sort out insurance details or repairs. It's not too bad but still scratched. Im just finding it so difficult to see a point in carrying on. My children are literally the only thing keeping me on this earth.

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Originally Posted by Amaajovich

Im just finding it so difficult to see a point in carrying on. My children are literally the only thing keeping me on this earth.

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Have you talked to your GP about how you're feeling? If not, you should asap, imo.