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Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Hi, this is long, but could be helpful? :)
I joined this Forum 4 years ago and during that time, have suffered two major relapses. I am not talking about the general anxiety that we live from day-to-day, but the type that crashes down on you and leaves you with wanting to stay in bed for the rest of your life and experiencing major fears that result in many, many physical and mental symptoms.
I wanted to share some of my experiences, coping methods and progression to wellbeing to those of you that are interested.
A little background on me first...
I had a full blown breakdown 4 years ago and was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder and PTSD, which then led to bouts of OCD, phobias and Health Anxiety.
At that time I functioned around about 20% and in time improved to 80%.
So, I do not want you to think this is all about failure and no recovery.
There were valid reasons for my initial breakdown and both of my relapses.
I was under a horrendouse amount of stress, both physically and mentally.
My father had Parkinson's Disease and died 4 years and my mother had multiple strokes that eventually led to her being totally handicapped and in a home. I cared for both of my parents until it was no longer possilbe.
I was also the unfortunate victim of a car crash, part caring for my partner's mum who was disabled, lost my home as I lived with my mum. a My partner had two cancer operations following an illness during a time when we lost our business, home and all our money, which I dealt with at that time, putting me under a great deal of stress and exhaustion.
If you are still reading, I am not typing this for the 'Poor Me' sympathy vote, I wanted to elaborate the mess in my life that would be evidence for a breakdown/relapse. :ohmy: There's a lot more, but you get my drift.
I had two other Posts that ran over a few years.
1. 'Panic Mode All Day'
2. 'Scared of Losing My Mum'.
Well, 3 months ago, I suffered a relapse after a healthscare.
Relapses are not breakdowns, they are different and relapses can even differ. New symptoms may appear that you do not recognise, but to cut to the chase, they have the same effect. They can be frightening, debilitating and in some cases, you may feel inprisoned.
I started off with the intial period in bed, frightened to do almost anything!
Then gradually, I pushed myself to do more and more each day.
The most important issue here, is I am still alive!!!:yesyes:
As a 'Health Anxiety' sufferer, as you know, we think we are going to die all the time. :yesyes: Our brains tell us that we have everything under the sun and we are sure to collapse any minute or we have something wrong with us that hasn't been discovered yet.
We check our bodies constantly, stare in the mirror to see if we look ok.
Too pale, too flushed, is my face lop-sided, I don't look the same as I did before, I look ill. You name it, I've thought it.
Then the stomach comes in to play. Bloated, gurgling, gas, belching, pains.
And if that's not enough. Blurry vision, sensitive to light, floating when walking, floor or ground not solid when walking, not focussing properly, head feels heavy, legs feel heavy or like jelly. The list is endless......
So, some of us get checked out by professionals. Once we have mastered up the courage to go, which is the right thign to do, even if we have tosuffer more anxiety with waiting for the appointment and more importantly waiting for the results.
We then get the OK, might even be told that they are anxiety symptoms, feel a huge relief, even feel like our normal self, then what happens?
Days/weeks/months later, we start worrying again.
Oh, time has passed, that check was only days/weeks/months ago.
I don't feel right again. Worry, worry and more worry.
Worry is the culprit. You may not have even noticed that you felt better for a while.
The symptoms are still there, but maybe some new ones.
So, what do we do next? Mindfulness/CBT/Meditation/Yoga/Therapy.
I've done all of these. Admittedly, not on a regular basis, but they do help, but human nature is; oh I feel better now, I can stop or I don't have time today. I'm guilty of that myself.
Now 3 months on from my relapse. Yes, there have been improvements, yes, I have been out; even sociallised, walked a couple of miles, done some seriously heavy work in the garden, cleaned the house from top to bottom. Compared with the first of week of lying in bed thinking I was about to die. None of those things killed me, I'm still here. Yes, they took braving through the fear and worry, but I felt ten times better and proud of myself after I had achieved these things.
Yes, I still have the anxiety symptoms, but I am now having good days as well as bad days. The bad days, I am kinder to myself.
What I also found that no matter how bad you are feeling, you can always write. That's why we come on here. :)
We are also not alone. Remember you are not the only one on here that feels this way, so to the people that ask, 'Is this Anxiety, can Anxiety do this'? Yes, it can!!! If all your symptoms match up to another member who may even have been suffering for years, it must be Anxiety.
So here, I am using my coping skills to get me around, Crying alot. (It's good for you, apparently, it calms you down).
Gradually facing my fears, trying to be kind to myself and letting my body repair itself in it's own time, because it will. :) Staying positive and really enjoying the good days and acheivements.
Most importantly, do NOT be scared. Time heals.
I will never forget someone telling me once;
"This is a way of your body and mind protecting you"
Although it does not seem like it, I can understand what it means. :hugs:
To be continued..........
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
It's really good to hear you are pushing back through again, Carnation. Not seen you on here hardly at all recently so I have confess to assuming things were going ok.
I agree with you and I've found the same. No springing back stuff, it's about working your way up in steps and seeing the changes. We all want to be better as quickly as possible but I've just not found that to be the case and if it takes years, then that's just how it has to be. Like you say, time heals. The body is gradually calming down from a really horribly heightened state or from the pits.
It's all stages. Some better, some not so good. You learn to adapt to them, learn when to take it easy and when you have the energy to do more. I will never forget reading a fair bit of a book on bipolar disorders by a doctor who was bipolar and how she talked about 4 squares within a larger one where each denoted a mood period. One may be a state of depression where you do different things to a state of anxiety and another square might be a higher energy period where it's advised not to push it too far otherwise you bring on the down periods more quickly through burning out.
A lot of that felt very relevant to me. Sometimes you have periods where you just want to sleep, sometimes you have almost manic periods where you find yourself cleaning the house top to bottom.
You know you have support here whenever you need it. The fact you haven't felt the need for that and have pushed through on your own makes me wonder whether this has been part of your push forward into coping even with the worst without reassurance?
I can't say I had a good January myself and struggled more with things but that's starting to change now. I find all this email, letters, phone calls stuff overwhelming at times and can't seem to balance things. The modern age is all rush and comms all the time and after many years of all the daily stress (and thriving off it) it's just not me anymore. Then after a period of being involved in stuff comes the washout fatigue. So, it's hard to balance and I've always found that the worse the anxiety stage, the worse this all hits you too and the simplest of tasks just drains you.
Keep fighting!!! You've fought through so much over those 4 years and many a time it must have seemed like you couldn't take anymore and then you ended up having too! But you are still here and you've got your garden to spend time in as the spring comes which I reckon will be a great help to you.
This time you have more say in how you do this. :hugs::hugs::hugs::flowers:
P.S. As of last week we now have two Robins in our garden. One sat having a bath about an arms length from me not long ago. This mild winter has confused our wildlife and they are nesting already. Even the squirrels are around.
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Good to hear that things are looking up for you, Carnation. You have more time to concentrate on yourself now although I know how much you must miss your parents but caring certainly takes it toll and you do lose your perspective on life.
Spring should be coming soon so your garden awaits! It must be coming up to the first anniversary since you lost your Mum so a difficult time but you can mark it in your own special way :hugs:
Wishing you plenty of those better days ahead!
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Two members that have followed my journey on here since when I first joined the Forum; Terry and Pulisa. :hugs:
What a memory you have Pulisa. Yes, you are quite right, nearly a year since my mum passed and raw it still is too. :( But, it is getting easier. That old time thing again, about healing. We never forget and I still carry the normal emotions of guilt, regrets and sadness. But I try to remember some of the good things too.
We both had harrowing times with our dads and I try to reassure myself that I did all that I could and made the right decisions, whatever the final outcome.
I don't think we can save the world, but we can do our best at the time under what ever circumstances.
Caring for others; as I know you do, sort of takes away a lot of thinking about other stuff; normally about ourselves. Although either options are hard, it's the lesser of two evils. You'd think as you get older, it would get easier, but I think you carry more baggage, more memories and definitely more responsibilities.
Oh, how carefree I was when I was a teenager. My stress then was what I was going to wear and what disco I was going to at the weekend. :)
Terry, you know more than anyone my woes and worries.
Isn't it amazing how you can know so much about someone and not even meet!
Some of my longstanding friends and family know less about me than members on here?
I sort of heard bout your struggles and seen that you were not as active as normal on here. I hope you feeling much better now. :hugs:
The Spring can not come quick enough for me. You know how much I like to be in the garden. Great for smashing the ol' Anxiety. Can't recommend it enough.
You don't even have to do anything. The fresh air, smells of nature, seeing things grow and if you are lucky; spotting some wildlife.
Talking of Anxiety......:mad: So bloody unpredictable.
Was in a really stressful morning and coped pretty well. Anxiety was probably too scared to show it's face.
No, what it likes to do is attack you when you are resting. Like last night in bed.
Think my muscles were playing leap frog with each other. :ohmy:
I have this attitude now that they can just 'P.ss Off'. I'm not playing that game anymore.
Stress builds up. It infests inside you. So now when I have a stressful period, I warrant it with a relaxing period. My brain tells me that counteracts and that's good enough for me.
When you go down with thump with a relapse, you can't rush back in to 'Wonder Woman' mode immediately. It's like a seed that has to be nurtured with care or like baby steps.
But, I have to say, never underestimate how strong you are in body and mind.
When needed, it's there. Never doubt your courage and strength.
To be continued..........
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
So, we are in for yet another cold snap. :lac:
Not, what our Anxiety sufferers want to hear.
No, we like the temperature just right; not too cold and not too hot.
Even on a very cold day, I can be standing outside with what I call a hot flush.
I have come to the conclusion that it is not about the temperature in the atmosphere, it is me! Normally if I am rushing around or thinking about something that is worrying me and of course; stress!
I'm trying to let it pass and not run outside all the time, which is difficult because it goes against our brain's wishes, but I find a definite improvement, if I just let it pass over me without panicking. It's only seconds, but feels a lot longer.
I managed a full day of activities yesterday. :yesyes:
With only moments of shaky legs as opposed to my normal; "I can't see properly and my legs don't feel like they belong to me and what's wrong with this pavement, it feels spongy!?" :unsure:
Could it be that I started a Mindfulness course last week? If it is, why didn't I do this weeks ago?
I'm not a defeatist and like to think I am of strong character. So why am I not stronger in times like this? Who knows. Maybe someone can tell me that.
I admire strong people. I was recently told about a woman that got kicked in the face and knocked most of her teeth out and had 40 stitches!!! :scared15: She then carried on to tell me she went to a party 3 days later.
Maybe that's the answer.
Carry on with the living, no matter how you feel or what has happened to you.
And that is exactly want I intend to do. :yesyes:
To be continued..........
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Hi carnation, you sound a lot more positive hopefully a sign of being on the mend , all those things you feared happened and you got through I guess you are a lot stronger than you thought you were .
Soon be spring my favourite time , I keep seeing the daffodils and snowdrops coming up so it's time for fresh start again .
I had that feeling of the floor moving under me the other day while sitting on the edge of the sofa I went into total panic , it eased off when I realised the rug was slowly slipping away from me on the wooden floor , it's not always somthing serious .:roflmao:
Wrap up and take care .:hugs:
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Thanks, Buster. :hugs:
That's happened to me too. It's like the body/mind is on high alert!!!
I once thought I had blood coming from my hands and it turned out to be beetroot.
Even I had to laugh at that.
IMO, relapses come because of a trigger or triggers.
The only good thing about them, is they are not permanent. :)
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
I had not too bad a day today. :)
Walking and sight was definitely better, but the face flushing was getting to me yesterday. Happened only once today and because my brain wants to know what is causing it, I am trying to ignore it and let it pass. Easier said than done. :scared15:
I wanted to tell you that the walking/floating, which seems to be affecting quite a few members on here does disappear in time. I adapted a walk where I had my hands linked behind my back. I thought I would gain confidence; "look no hands, if I fall", and it would keep my back straight so I would breath better. Well, it works for the Royal Family. :D Actually the thing that helped me the most was literally concentrating on the surroundings and not looking down at the floor all the time.
If it works even for a little time, then it's worth a try.
Well the cold weather is feeding the anxiety and I am one of these people that has to be prepared!!! As long as I have everything I need in a 'just in case' thought, then I am happier. Last week I thought I was seeing the first signs of Spring, but no. :(
Anyway, what's that saying; 'In like a Lion and out like a Lamb'. :)
To be continued.........
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
:D today I was having a lie down when I took it .
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
That's what I need to see Buster; more signs of Spring. :)
No hot flushes to day. No, today is adrenaline and palpation day. :lac:
I'll say one thing for Anxiety. If you win over one symptom, it tries another and another and another. It's soooo exhausting.
Walking and eyes have improved massively. :yesyes:
But, I find I have these waves of tiredness.
Well adrenaline is the equivalent of a long run, so I suppose that is normal.
Since Anxiety, I have unfortunately gained many phobias.
I am sort of a 'phobia' sort of person any way.
I had a thread going on 'Thunder and Lighting' and there's lifts, large open spaces, small spaces and crowded places. Not forgetting a bit of arachnophobia. :scared15:
Now I find that if I have a panic attack or bad symptom, my brain relates to where I was, what I was doing and at times what I was eating or drinking.
I am fast running out of places to go, things to do and stuff to eat.
So, then I though, this is stupid. I can't be frightened of everything!!!!
And, if you avoid these things, it is only going to fuel the anxiety.
So, I do my best not to avoid any of these so called phobia situations, which is not easy and very exhausting, but on the plus side; it works! :yesyes:
Gradual exposure mind you, otherwise you take on too much too soon.
I also find thatplenty of relaxation and sleep.
Gone are the days when I would be multi-tasking. I do one thing at a time now.
The brain just can't cope with it. I needed to slow down.
What's that saying? 'less haste, more speed'.
We must be more kind to ourselves. We work hard, take on responsibilities, over stretch our capabilities and rush around like crazy. (No pun intended).
So, I am one week in to my Mindfulness Course; only 5 weeks to go..
Now off for a ten minute meditation, so until next time.....
To be continued........
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
I decided to treat myself to lie-in this morning. :)
I used to have duvet days; too many!
Although I might have felt safe, they are not good for you mentally.
My therapist's words were that, 'if you want have a lie-in, go to bed early or have an afternoon snooze, that is ok and is on your terms, but if anxiety keeps in you bed for days on end, then it is not good for overcoming anxiety'.
So I only do this now when it is my choice and a treat.
Cold today, but it didn't stop from doing a bit of gardening. Yes, you heard right.
I was taking down a shrub that got smashed by a tree that had fallen in the last storm.
I always find it strange how I can be outside in 3c temperature, working hard, bending, tugging, lifting, sawing and feel absolutely fine, but I have trouble walking in to the kitchen and bathroom thinking I am going to collapse! :scared15:
I'll tell you I was so bad only two months ago, I was sitting on the edge of the bath to brush my teeth, because I was frightened I was going to fall.
And grabbing hold of every worktop in the kitchen with my legs shaking.
Peeling potatoes was a nightmare and thought I may have to live on jacket potatoes for the rest of life!
I'm pleased to say that I have improved since then and I want to keep it that way.
Could it be that I am focussed and living in the present?
Yes, I do.
I think that is why the Mindfulness Course is helping.
I'm in the meditation stage now, which I already do, but this is a bit different.
It is all about grounding and keeping focussed.
Time passing also helps. A great healer and as time goes on, the incident that may have brought you in to this relapse, gets more distant as the days pass.
You do what you have to do to get through the day when like this and if it means sitting on the edge of the bath until you gain confidence and peeling your veggies in another room, prepping tomorrow's dinner while you feel more grounded, then that's what you have to do.
But....
You obviously don't want to be like this for the rest of your life, or even for long periods of time, so we look for cures, therapy, tips to help us.
Therapists are supportive, but they won't live with you in your home and only give you limited time on a weekly basis.
That's where this Forum come in to play.
We google to find help, stumble across NMP and there you find it. Others just like me!
Hooray, I am not going mad and all of this I am feeling IS Anxiety.
I have to admit that even with the knowledge I gathered, I found my self doubting what was wrong with me.
I took the bull by the horns and went to see a neurologist.
My dad had Parkinsons and I was sure I was going the same way.
My legs were heavy, shaky, and I seem to resemble my dad's stature in his walking.
So there I was being put through the mill with standing on one leg, walking with my eyes closed and even backwards, standing on a wobbly mat against a wall with my arms folded. What have I let myself in for. 45 minutes of this and then came the verdict.
Perfectly normal, nothing wrong with me, just confidence and that it was all Anxiety related. I highly recommend you do this if you are really struggling.
I almost skipped down the steps of the practice room. :)
Then what happens? I start thinking again. What if? And why do I not feel right?
No, that wasn't enough for me. 3 days after I am struggling again. Not so bad, but my brain keeps confusing me.
That's why I started the Mindfulness Course.
I have to admit also, that I need constant reassurance.
I was never like this years ago.
I suffered a mini stroke 13 years ago and just got on with my life.
I lost my baby 15 years ago and was in work the next day.
So, I am fathomed why I lack confidence now and feel the need to cocoon and protect myself from any danger now.
My life has certainly taking on a new direction and if I have to adapt to it, then that's what I will have to do.
Anxiety will NOT win!!!!
To be continued..........
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
This morning started off bad for me. :(
I know, it's not what you want to hear.
The reason I am telling you this, shows exactly how anxiety can affect and react so quickly.
I woke up with a taste of blood in my mouth.
So, obviously I panicked, worry set in and I was extremely anxious.
I go to the bathroom, think I am going to faint and then steady myself, look in the mirror and realise that the blood had come from a tooth that is loose.
(Which has actually happened before.)
But, in that time, my body and brain had worked itself in to a frenzy and as a result, Anxiety took over. :mad:
That's how quick it can kick in and I am still calming down and grounding myself.
If it was not from knowledge of understanding this, well, I would still be in bed now.
Health Anxiety is just the worst!!!!
Every little pain, mark, scratch and feeling is over analysed and our poor brain has to digest all this info, clogging it beyond belief and we wonder why we are tired? :lac:
---------- Post added at 12:54 ---------- Previous post was at 12:45 ----------
Just cut myself off there before finishing my post.......
Anyway, as I was saying.
'Health Anxiety'.
It's our way of protecting ourselves from harm, but actually we are so over obsessive that we cause Health Anxiety which in turn gives us more symptoms to worry about.
If you can get this under control, then you are well on your way to recovery.
How?
Get checked out for anything you are worried about and believe the answer.
Stop freaking out about every rash, mark, cut and pimple. They are part of everyday life.
And stay rational and calm and not freak out about how you are going to die any minute.
Yes, I know, I had my moment this morning, but as I type I feel more composed. :)
As long as you can bring yourself back in to a calm and more rational state, then the anxiety will fade, as will the rash, pimple and mark that you were freaking out about.
To be continued........
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Good Morning to Snow!!!
After hours of the 'media' feeding the fear of the 'Beast from the East', I wake up to find a very pretty scene in my garden.
Ok, it is an inconvenience with getting from A-B, but we knew it was coming and we have stocked up on bread, milk and potatoes; haven't we?
It's part of nature and we might as well make the most of it and at least it has giving us some brilliant light which we have been missing in our lives for some time.
I may even attempt to make a snowman.
Which brings me to a topic that I felt helped me and also both of my therapists recommended to me to help in my recovery.
Going back to childhood days and having fun!
Fun and happiness is good for our brains, which in turn helps massively with anxiety. That's why therapists tell you to go home and draw in a colouring book. :)
As we get older we have more and more responsibilities and trauma in our lives and we forget having a fun time.
Yes, colouring books are fine, but they didn't hold my full attention.
No, I am talking about doing those things that whole heartedly throws you in to fun and concentration on a massive scale. Like, building a Snowman. :)
I don't care how old you are, you need to do stuff like this.
I am not afraid to say I hug trees and talk to the plants. (Again, its' good enough for The Royals).
The garden is abundant with so much through the year and at the same time, you are getting exercise and fresh air!
Build a rockery, do some topiary, grow some veggies, make something out of junk you find in the garden, build a treehouse, ride a bike, turn your shed in to a den, have a picnic lunch; obviously when warmer. :)
You can extend this 'play' indoors.
The first month I was in relapse, I started a 1000 piece jigsaw; never done one before in my life. Why not make a collage out of all you favourite things, write a story, keep a diary, learn an instrument, learn a language, take up juggling. :)
All these things will help the brain in more ways than one.
Our brains get lazy and we end up working on auto pilot and most of everything we do is done from memory. We need to live in the present and feed our brains so we stay living in the present.
That brings me to another subject...
Because we are basically living on auto pilot, we need to change our routine slightly.
Not too much, just little things.
Maybe sit on a different chair occasionally, have your lunch in a different place, change the time of something we do, change things around in your room, watch something completely different in the TV, wear something we have not worn for ages, eat something we have not had for ages; you get my drift..
Now, I know this is a problem for people with OCD and it would be like asking them to like climb The Mount Everest, but I am slightly OCD myself. So, for those of you that would struggle with this, you could maybe try things like listening to different music and reading something you wouldn't normally read.
All of these are just suggestions.
I am not a Doctor and I am just sharing some of things that have helped me.
Right, I'm off to make a Snowman! :D
To be continued...........
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Carnation, your posts are amazing! You sound like a different person to the one I remember a year or so ago and it's great to see. You sound so positive, even when you are talking about relapses.
You have a lot of good advice to offer - I agree especially with trying to get on with your life and taking your anxiety with you. At the beginning it's hard to imagine ever being able to forget it, but every so often there's a moment when you realise you haven't thought about it.
I, too, still have setbacks but I'm not as scared of them as I used to be, and they do pass. I hold on to that.
It's also vital to do something for yourself. I go swimming and have taken up some patchwork that I started about 40 years ago (really!). I am determined to finish it and I feel better when I have to concentrate on something enjoyable. The one thing I need to work on now is sleep - menopause has caused havoc with mine and I'm not very good at going to bed early.
I look forward to your future posts - keep them coming.
Take care xx
By the way, have you ever thought of writing a book?
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Good you hear you are finding your inner child , I'll be honest I never really grew up I still can't help winding my daughters up at every opportunity, couple of weeks ago I couldn't sleep one night ( well pretty much every night ) so I'm stood making a drink at 3 am and I see my daughters packed lunch for work , while I'm waiting for the kettle I pop a note in her bag , it read and please don't judge me on this I have issues " There is no easy way to tell you this you are adopted have a nice day " she got it out in front of her manager who read it and nearly burst into tears and said do you want to take the rest of the day off , she had to explain her mental dad was joking , she had hidden the tea bags from me , my hobbies are probably not for everyone :D
No stopping you now your creative juices are flowing even the beast from the east can't dampen your spirits , this time next year who knows ?
Take care :D
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
23fish :) Great to hear from you.
What kind words and how I remember how supportive you were with my mum. :hugs: So pleased you are still around.
I've had my struggles, stresses and setbacks since then.
On a personal note, I had my menopause early. At the age of 40!!!! :scared15:
I will talk about tips for sleeping a little later.
Quote:
By the way, have you ever thought of writing a book?
Ha ha, with my spelling errors.
However, I am working on a children's picture book for fun.
Buster :)
You always have a great story to tell. How come so much happens to you?
'Beast from the East?'
My partner is waiting for the 'Breast from the West!'. :D
Maybe he is referring to 'Storm Emma' on Friday.
No snowman for me yesterday. Not enough snow.
That all changed today. After snowing all through the night, we have a thick blanket of fluffy white snow. I will have to hurry, otherwise 'Bill'; that's the snowman I am about to make, will be blown from the East to somewhere in Canada. :D
I had trouble with 'Grounding' myself yesterday and I know the reason why.
I was wearing wedged boots with the snow and when I eventually took them off, I had trouble feeling the ground with my feet. It was panicking me, because the boots were heavy, I felt like I was floating when I took them off.
So, sometimes 'Grounding' can be affected by your footwear or walking surface.
My brain could not compute the change of feeling. So, after some meditation, I felt more normal.
I am also bothered about a paunch that sits between my chest and legs. :scared15:
I've gained a little weight and not had the exercise I would normally have due to the bad weather. (Walking)
The other reason being either excessive gas or too much mash potato.
For weeks now I have wind coming out of both ends with a bloated tummy, which is very embarrassing at times. My partner is the same, so I will put it down to many spuds and cake and hope I get walked sooner rather than later. :scared15:
Sleep.........
I was probably one of the World's worst sleepers.
I would stay up late, then lie awake in bed for ages worrying about everything from work, my pounding heart and whether I was going to die in the night. To finish off the ordeal, I would wake up in a hot sweat and persistently go to the loo several times in the night as well. On average, I would get about 4 hours sleep during the night.
This got even worse when I had my breakdown.
I'm now averaging 6-8 hours, fall asleep straight away and with only one trip to the bathroom. :)
Firstly I stopped staying up so late and go to bed when I am not at the point of squinty eyed and zombiefied. (Don't think that is a real word, but I like it).
I have a drink of water and read something very light, like a glossy magazine.
Then most importantly. Don't try to go to sleep. The more you worry about getting to sleep, the less likely you will be able to.
Don't watch the News or a thriller before going to bed. Make the last thing you watch be something light or amusing. Whatever you last see will stick with and go to bed with you.
As for the hot sweats. Well, my bedding wasn't helping me.
Ditch the poly cotton. Go for 100% cotton.
Did you know that cotton flannelette is more cooling to the body?
This includes your nightwear.
Turn off your heating in your bedroom at night. Set it on a timer or do it manually.
Obviously not now with minus temperatures, but with more normal temperatures.
To stop yourself from worrying, keep everything you might need in or on your bedside cabinet.
Drink, tissues, phone, torch and maybe a sachet of lavender to calm you.
When in bed and you feel your heart pounding. Place a hand over your heart. This is calming for the heart.
Give yourself a hand or foot massage before you to bed, which you can find by googling. It totally calms you.
And don't fret it you feel nothing is working, it will in time. :)
to be continued...........
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Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.
Hello Carnation. I am enjoying your posts, they are very amusing and helpful at the same time. Hopefully when this Arctic blast is over, we will see signs of spring and are able to spend more time outdoors. Lets hope it doesn't last long. Take care, and keep up the posts please !!! x
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Senior Moment, I am pleased you are finding my posts helpful. :)
The Spring is not far in sight and the garden will call.
Keep warm and in the moment. :hugs:
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Very powerful posts, thanks for sharing. I read somewhere that our bodies are always trying to heal themselves so we should do the basics right to help that process.
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That's absolutely right Hollow. Our bodies will heal. It just takes time and nurturing. :)
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To read these posts it seems like carnation of old has been abducted by aliens and a new improved version has landed on us ( in a very good way ) :D
I always thought when I posted stories on here other people would follow with bizarre happenings from their lives to amuse me but maybe I'm just one of those people who can't leave the house without somthing going on , you really couldn't make it up .
Take care soon be spring the sweet spot then we can moan about summer :D
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I'm sure you feel better having more time to yourself now, Carnation? That's not to say you don't miss your Mum tremendously.
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Buster, no-one could beat you with your stories. :D
I think you are a magnet for this sort of stuff.
I'll take any improvement in my life and this is the first time in 8 years that I have not had to care for somebody.:)
More time and 'Me' time.
Pulisa, You know of the long and painful road I took with my mum. It is not so easy to forget or put behind you. Not one day goes past when I don't think of my mum or look at her picture. But, I am now at the stage where I can start thinking about rebuilding my life. I know she would want me to be happy, so I am working on my Anxiety to let me do just that. x
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My subject today is; 'Fear of the Weather!'
Now, I am trying to stay rational, but the media are putting the fear in to everyone.
For people with Anxiety, that mean a double helping. :scared15:
If the weather is not enough to make you panicky and frightened, they like to add things in to the mix with a shortage of gas and possible power cuts.
What has happened to this Country? Seriously. No transport, Schools closed, shops closed and this ongoing announcement of 'Threat to Life!'.
Yes, it's a bad storm and we've had snow that's lasted for more than one day.
Now, I am of an age where I walked to School everyday, walked or got a bus to work and had to shovel the pathway to our house for several weeks.
That's why the fashion market invented Moonboots. :D
Many a time I would be ankle deep in snow going to work.
This is bad for people like us causing us more worry when we think we are going to die all the time anyway, we now have the 'Media' telling us we actually could. :lac:
The sooner the better this is over for us.
As long as you are sensible and not go on a long journey or sit under a tree and wrap up warm, you will be fine.
So, keep yourself occupied, warm and safe and it will be over before you know it and we can get on with enjoying the Spring. :)
Apart from that, how have I been?
Well I am nearly 2 weeks in to my Mindfulness Course. I presume it is helping, because I am coping much better than even a month ago.
If I have anxiety moments, I could even put it down to the weather, being trapped indoors for hours on end or slowly running out of food!
I'm trusting my instincts that it will be over soon and I am keeping busy with spring cleaning the house. (Well, I don't want to do it when the weather is nice). :D
It's also a good way to keep warm and more importantly; focussed!
De-cluttering as I go is giving me a sense of a new chapter in my life.
I want to feel fresh and cleansed come the Spring. It will be a year passed after losing my mum and I have given myself enough grief over that.
Who knows what the future holds. There I go again, I must stay in the present, I must stay in the present. Repeat after me, 'I must stay in the present'. :D
I am looking the most beautiful shrub adorned with pretty pink flowers; think it is a Camellia. Do you know it has been bashed by the strong winds and suffocated by the snow and it is still in full bloom. That's the determination I want. :)
to be continued.........
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Late today checking in.....
This was due to unforeseen incident earlier on in the day.
As you know the weather has been bad and I haven't ventured in to Town for the last three days.
Today, we decided to have a pub lunch to cheer ourselves up.
This is a hurdle for me at the best times, but with heavy boots, wrapped up like an Alaskan and icy footpaths, let alone eating out, socialising and being stranded without a car. But I still forced myself to venture out.
Big Mistake!
After we had arrived and ordered our food, a funeral party arrived and that's when it went all wrong for me. :( Apart from the family and friends hugging and crying, all dressed in back, there was also a film on a large projection of the lady that had just passed away with an extra ambience of the most weepy music playing in the background.
Well that was it for me.
With being emotional anyway with my mum's anniversary coming up and if honest, not quite over my mum, I become a blob of jelly, hardly able to walk or see for tears in my eyes. And I had to finish my food and walk back home in this state!
Anxiety kicked in, but I had no choice but to do the walk. So I did and was proud that I managed it and not only that. After I composed myself, I went shopping for food.
I had a bad moment, it passed and I carried on.
Anxiety does not have to cripple you all day. I understood it, accepted it and continued with my life.
I also managed a 2 hour visit to my neighbour with great composure.
I am exhausted, but I coped. :)
to be continued............
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You did brilliantly! It must have been incredibly difficult and your reaction was completely understandable. It's only been a short time since you lost your mum, so please don't think you should be over it. (I lost my mum 36 years ago and I'm not, although it's easier to think about her now).
Be proud of yourself today - your story will have helped a lot of people on here.
Take care xx
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You did well under the circumstances and soldiered on , it comes out of the blue sometimes but like you said it's how you deal with it and carry on , had a panic in the chip shop last night went from freezing outside to roasting inside then a smoke alarm went off while I was queuing, by the time I got served I had forgotten how to talk and breathe , but got through and didn't give up and walk away , I was hungry mind you so that helped .
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23fish, you are always so supportive and understanding. :hugs: x
Buster, your stomach obviously won against Anxiety. :D :hugs:
I have actually found a transition in temperature form hot to cold and vice-versa sometimes an anxiety trigger. ?????
A better day today for me. :yesyes:
Two weeks in to my mindfulness course and four weeks to go.
The weather was much better today, almost a heat-wave at 3c.
Temperatures look like they are on the up for next week too. :)
I've been doing a lot of spring cleaning in the house, chucking things out and changing things around. I have found it good therapy. I also like my finished result.
The day goes quicker, I am focussed and in the present and I feel like I have achieved something. I am also finding things I have been looking for or lost for ages.
Now one of my anxiety symptoms is the feeling in my legs. This can be from feeling like jelly, feeling heavy, quivering, rushes of adrenalin or not being able to stand on the spot. (I think that has covered everything).
If you have ever listened to 'Claire Weekes', which you will easily get online, she will do her upmost to tell you that your 'legs' are quite capable of supporting you/carrying you to your destination. This is true. Have they ever let you down? They don't just collapse. Yes, they feel strange, but they are strong legs and no matter how you feel or the surface you are on, they will not let you down.
Always try to remember this when you are struggling.
A tip from my therapist. The moment is uncomfortable, but nothing bad will happen.
The feeling will subside. Remember this.
I remember telling my therapist that I was frightened of drinking tea.
"Why", she said.
"Because it will give me more adrenalin", feeling a bit stupid even saying this.
Her answer was, "How long have you been drinking tea?"
Now I did feel stupid, because my answer was, "Most of my life".
"Well then, nothing more said", she replied with a friendly smile.
See how we become obsessed with even the simplest of things in life.
It's something that needs working on when we become afraid of almost everything and we try to protect ourselves from anything that may harm us.
In a way, we need to go back to basics.
I'm now off to have a cup of tea! :)
to be continued........
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Hi Carnation. I'm glad to hear you are feeling better today after your experience the day before. That was not a good day for you but you coped well and have bounced back. Was very interested to read your description of your "leg feelings" as I get identical feelings in my legs. Sometimes they feel as if they don't co-ordinate with the rest of my body ( if that makes sense ) What am I like ?? Like you, I am trying to keep busy around the house, hoping that this Arctic weather will be leaving us soon/ Take care xx
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Senior Moment, I know exactly what you mean. :hugs:
Sometimes it feels as though my legs want to move and leave my body behind and sometimes I move and my legs don't seem to want to come with me! :ohmy:
I have to give them an order as my brain neglects to do this automatically.
Crazy, but that is how it seems.
I think it is all to do with, 'Fight or Flight'.
We can sometimes over think this and dread up all sorts of reasons that cause this, but it is a symptom of Anxiety that can be overcome by re-training our thoughts.
Keeping busy when the weather is bad is the best thing to do Senior Moment. x
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Must be a woman thing as my partner has been moving things around today I thought we had a poltergeist ,settee and table have changed places ,rugs have changed , got a feeling I'll be going to the tip tomorrow, there are days I come home sit down and an hour later realise the settee is on the other side of the room .
I get the jelly legs at times but the only time they have giving way was pre anxiety after heavy night on the drink luckily my face hitting the toilet broke my fall , so there is a positive to this hell that I don't get fall down drunk anymore .:D
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Buster, your partner is wise.
Do all the work in the bad weather and come the sunshine she can go out to play. :D
It's also a good sign of rejuvenating your life.
Snow has gone today and amazingly the spring plants that were completely invisible, are now perked up and in bloom. :) Its like they were frozen in time. (A bit like us with Anxiety). If they have hope, then so do we.
Which brings me to the subject of 'Legs' again.
I've been reading about the brain and how it is all connected to our body, sending signals to make our arms and legs move in the right order and at the right time.
Now if we send our brain negative thoughts, then why wouldn't it get confused?
If we think, "I can't walk today or get up from my chair and walk in to the kitchen?"
Then what's the poor brain going to think?
So, maybe we should be saying; even out loud, "I am now going to walk in to the kitchen and prepare a meal". I'll let you know how I get on.
I'm disappointed to say that I have a problem with my 3rd week of Mindfulness.
This is the 'Exercise' week. Only trouble is, the 'exercises' seems to be a cross between weight-lifting and gymnastics. :scared15:
I'm not saying that all Mindfulness Courses are like this, but the one I chose to do is.
If you suffer with a physical or health problem, you may be anxious about doing this, as I am.
So, not to be a defeatist, I have adapted my own exercises and incorporated the ones that the neurologist gave me to help with balance and confidence.
One of them is standing on one leg, similar to a stork, but with arms stretched out either side like a plane and holding that pose for the count of 30. It's ok if you wobble, just readjust yourself and carry on. This helps with balance, gives you strength in your arms and a confidence builder for when you are walking.
Mind you, with all the furniture moving and spring cleaning, my exercises have been pretty much covered.
However, Mindfulness is about stretching and repairing and being aware of your limbs and finding where you are holding any pain and discomfort and then thinking that pain away. Some would argue the complexity of this, but that's my basic take on it.
I have also decided to take some more therapy sessions.
I found someone private and want to build on my confidence and have been told that I will apparently have some exercises to do. "Oh No, not more exercises":ohmy:
I'll give it go and let you know when this happens.
Now I want to talk bout head jolts/jerks/rush; whatever you call them.
They are momentarily feelings; literally a second, but can frighten the life out of you.
I want to tell you that they are nothing to worry about.
It comes from the way we breathe when we are anxious and they are completely harmless. Even my neurologist said so.
From someone that used to have about 20-30 of these a day 4 years ago to about one a month now, I am living proof that these are not something deadly.
Not walking around with your shoulders hunched up to your ears will help this dramatically. You would be surprised to know that we do this without even realising it.
I also want to remind any readers that I am not a Doctor or professional in this field and everything I talk about is from my own personnel experience and knowledge.
Sometimes it is difficult to read a book, because of it's complexity or you can't get to therapist or you are imprisoned or frightened. If I can share my experience and help even a little, that makes me very happy. :)
to be continued...........
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I had a fair day today.
A little Anxiety in different forms, but I have this thing where I remind myself to.....
!. Slow down
2. Do one thing at a time.
I've been feeling tired lately, but I am putting it down to the bad weather and time of year. Anxiety can be exhausting too. If my body and mind need to rest, then I will let it. I have learned from the past to not to push your body. There are different types of anxiety and one of those is from pure exhaustion.
The hot flushes were back today and I have been making a mental note of when this happens. Normally a stressful situation or in a place where I do not feel comfortable.
Instead of panicking over these, which is easy to do, because the flush is so intense and starts form the chest and up through the face and feels like an inferno of heat uprising, I let it happen and pass. It lasts no longer than a minute, but it is easy to panic as it feels so scary.
I am still clearing things in the house and it has been good as it feels like I am de-cluttering my mind as well as my cupboards. The garden will be my next project.
I found a tip in a magazine that helps you to relax and hopefully sleep better.
It's massaging the hands. You can get this from the internet and I have tried it and it seems to help. I know when I get nervous or feel uncomfortable, I fidget with my hands and I feel more at ease if I am carrying something when I go out rather than be free-handed. Maybe because I can then fidget with the things that I am carrying. :D
When I use to go to a Massage therapist she used to pinch the muscles on the tops of my eyebrows, which feels very weird, but she explained that she did this because it relieved tension. I do this sometimes, but only very gently. When I had my breakdown 4 years ago, my whole body seemed exhausted and I had pain all over my body, particularly in my lower back region. It would last sometimes for days and then my calves, not forgetting the shoulders and neck. My body was absolutely exhausted. This is why I rest up now when I feel tired. There's no use pushing something that is just too tired. I eagerly await the warm days and can do so much more. The sun is invigorating and much needed for our bodies.
Until next time.....
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Good morning sunshine!!! :D
Much warmer today and the birds are out and singing their delight.
My 'Worry Head is haunting me today. Actually I woke up with it already fired that way. I know why. I took some worries to bed with me and this is what happens.
I don't know why, but I seem to think of all the problems I can, just before I go to bed. So I am going to have to think of something to deter this from happening. Maybe my meditation should be then or I need to do two laps round the garden. Failing that, I will have to result to one of those drinking chocolates topped with whipped cream with marshmallows floating on the top and not forgetting more chocolate sprinkles. :D That way I can worry about being sick instead of the other baggage I carry around with me.
Do you know that is a point. When I am ill with a cold or toothache or something else which is noted as a normal illness. My Anxiety seems to take a back seat. ?????
Well, I am almost half way through my Mindfulness course and I can clearly eat more easily, walk more easily and get through my daily tasks more easily.
My digestion seems to take a hit when Anxiety rears it's ugly head.
From swallowing, chewing, bloating and not forgetting the obsessive belching and dare I say it? Farting!! Honestly, you'd think there was a foghorn in the house. All ladyship goes out of the window and I've got to the point of not caring who hears as I just can't hold any of it in. I was told that we gulp in more air when anxious as I have a friend who is like this from time to time and he has been to the hospital for various checks and found nothing physically wrong, but was told it was blocked air.
I also heard that it does not matter what you eat it is down to the way your body digests your food. How can you be hungry and have a bloated stomach at the same time? Air!! This is easing a bit and walking definitely helps.
I'm a fully recovered Anorexic and I had seen food as fuel. (Now that I enjoy my food and now wearing a comfortable middle-aged spread, I find I can't eat the things I want to eat for the fear of bloating. I'm sure this will decrease once I start working in the garden and my anxiety settles down.
Do you know the worst thing about 'Anxiety Relapses', is that you rarely see them coming. You might have a few pains, palpations, a bit of twitching, a feeling of overwhelming tiredness and sleepless nights. But nothing prepares you for the thump of the downfall. If you have been there before, you know immediately; "OH know, I am having another relapse". Don't knock yourself over this. You didn't do anything wrong. It's a thing called, 'LIFE' and no-one can avoid the pitfalls of stress as we go about our day-to-day life. Again, if you have been here before, you know it is not forever and you may take extra care yourself for sometime until you forget and start rushing around like a crazy person. (No pun intended).
So, why can't we take care of our minds and bodies ALL the time. This has to be a priority, because what you gain, you lose and the loss out wins the gain.
So, repeat after me, I MUST look after myself, I MUST look after myself.
(That's for me to read, as well as you). :)
to be continued...........
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Late checking in today.
I had a problem with my cat, but he is fine now. :)
I also had my first therapy session today and it sort of took it out of me mentally and physically. You know, too many teary moments and delving in to the past, AGAIN!!!
The therapist had me doing some tapping, which I have not done before and I am to use this method until our next meet. Apparently there are no side affects apart from tingling fingers and an aching arm from too much tapping. :D
I'll give anything a go, well almost anything, but I have wanted to try this method, so I am.
I feel a bit weary today with my cat being ill and the tapping and anxiety symptoms a little high, but I understand that. My cat is like my baby!
Ok. Itchy Legs. Have you had that feeling? Where you could actually rip the skin off your legs from incredible itching. I have and I don't know what causes it, maybe nerve endings or adrenalin, but if you resist to itch them, it actually goes away. Once you start scratching, it never seems to stop. Do whatever you have to, to NOT scratch. Cold water compress, cool cream or just grit your teeth and it will go away. :)
I'm keeping it short and sweet today, so until next time............
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We had quite a few cats before dogs , the last one taught the dog to go out to pee through the cat flap until he couldn't fit anymore , we had one that didn't seem to like us it would sit and face the wall rather than look at you , it made you just want it more the ignorant little shite .
Really curious about the tapping , going through a rough time and I'd try anything yes anything , if I thought rubbing cow dung on my head would help I'd give it a go ( it might at least help my hair grow :D)
Rub those itches with the palm of your hand no scratching with your nails been telling the kids that for years , a good scratch does feel very satisfying but it's more addictive than crack .
Take care carnation .:)
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Well, I'm late checking in again.
I have no idea why I keep running out of time to do things lately.
Have I really slowed down that much!?
Or maybe I am all tapped out. :D
Buster I had a full hour of tapping yesterday, but it didn't knock any sense in to me.
Apparently there are no side affects with tapping and I can tell you today, that I have no soreness, which was something I was concerned about.
I can't say I feel any different and I am not even sure when I am supposed to 'tap'.
If I were to tap for every anxiety moment, I would look very strange, because I would be at it almost every minute of the day. :D
Buster. that is a good tip about using the palm of the hand for an itch. I didn't think of that. I will have to remember that when I get bitten by the hundreds of mossies I encounter in the summer.
My cat seems fine today. So, good that he ate half of my chicken dinner. :D
At least that's another worry off of my mind.
No hot flushes , but muscle twitching today.
Strange, but they don't seem to bother me so much anymore.
I think I have grown to understand them and that's half the battle in getting rid of the blighters. They tend to appear after stress. They are not harmful, just a little uncomfortable. They subside after rest and relaxation. Although they can appear when relaxing, this is the way they perform.
My ability to keep still has improved massively and my blurry eyesight has completely disappeared. Is this due to time passing, my mindfulness course or re-training the brain? Why can we not know the cures as symptoms disappear?
Until next time...........
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Hi Carnation. Am still enjoying your posts and relating to a lot of what you say !! I tried the tapping a while back, but like you, if I had to do it every time I felt anxious, my whole day would be taken up with it, and that would be a bit strange. I think it is supposed to be a bit of a "distraction technique" really, just to take your mind off the anxious thoughts and feelings. Not sure, but that's my theory. I have problems with blurry vision too, and sometimes my eyes feel as if they are not "moving" as they should. It's a very strange feeling, but is improving slowly. I've come to the conclusion that anxiety is certainly not for the faint hearted !!! Take care, SM xx
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Damn!!! I knew that once I mentioned my blurry eye vision had gone, it would come back! :mad:
But. I was stressed, tired and agitated and as the day went on, it went away.
It's a weird thing and hard to explain what it feels like.
Fuzzy, out of focus, misty, sight out of line. It's really weird.
Senior Moment, I agree with you. I think tapping is a distraction and possibly jolting to our wild brain. I'm not going to tap myself all day long and there are times I could not do it anyway. Especially in public.
Anxiety is the scariest feeling as we can not understand it and understand why it is happening. It feels like you are losing control of yourself and you feel sought of surreal at times. You have no idea how long it is going to last and if it goes, is it going to come back? At least if you have a broken leg you can see it, it repairs and then you can get on with your life. The other annoying aspect to it, is no-one can see it.
Whatever the reasons, I didn't invite it and it's out stayed it's presence.
And to go through life stress free, well, impossible.
So, we need to find ways to de-stress and change the way to deal with the stress.
So, my partner isn't getting the 'Breast from the West', instead we getting the 'Pest from the West'. They are referring to the downpours on their way, which baffles me, because I can't seem to remember the last day we had a rain free day.
Yes, it will be warmer, put what's the use of that if it is p.ssing down. :lac:
I recommend that we all mediate every day and listen to a compilation of birds chirping away with a nice warm ray lamp against our face, someone to massage our feet, maybe comb our hair and while they are at it, they can cook our dinner as well. :D Ahhh, I've got it. We all need butlers and maids. We could give them our worries as well and then we could just float around as if at a hippie fest with flowers in our hair and dancing over the daffodils.
Yeah, I'm losing a bit now, aren't I?
Another tip from my one of therapists is to activate the task we need to, we need to 'WANT' to do it. So even if you don't, can't or fearful of doing something, you need to tell your brain that you want to walk over there, make the dinner, go somewhere and so on. This does help a lot! It helps fight the fear and changes the way the brain reacts or has been reacting with anxiety. Why not give it a try, you can't lose anything by it.
to be continued...........
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Hi all :)
I will start by saying I overslept this morning.
Is this a good thing, because I haven't done this for months!!!!
I didn't particularly have an exhausting day, but maybe I am more relaxed.
It beats waking up at 4am in a panic or thinking it is time to get up. :ohmy:
Do you ever get that thump, thump, thump of the heart beating when you go to bed?
I do and have experienced it most of my life.
It used to happen when I was stressed or worried and still happens from time to time now. It also doesn't bother me, because the beating of the heart reassures me that I am alive! But, the downside is because you can hear it, it can keep you awake.
Have you ever tried willing it to be quiet. Try it.
You can sometimes hear it through lying on your ear. Same thing. Accept it and calm it. Don't start thinking that it is beating too fast, too loud, missing beats. Just stay calm, smile because it IS beating and ask it too calm down.
No hot flushes for me today and it has been the first time since my relapse that I was able to lay back and relax in the bath without panicking, so things are looking up.
Walking was good and only had one blurry vision moment, but that was because I had been on the computer for three hours solid.
Sometimes there are valid reasons for the way we feel. :)
to be continued...........