My anger has never been this bad

I'm so angry. For lots of reasons, but the main one is my brother. I hate him. He has taken the piss out of me.

He came down 2 weeks ago to stay until 28th. He asked if he could sleep on the sofa until then. I said sure, but you'll have to pay for your own food and give me a little money towards internet, and heating. We agreed on 100.

To date he's paid for nothing. He expects me to cook him food. He uses my stuff.

I'm poor. I have to budget my money to make sure my bills are paid and I eat. I don't have spare money. He has over 7,000 in his bank and he works. Yet, he's expecting me to use my food and money to feed him.

I'm angry. I haven't said anything because he's 28 and not a child and I shouldn't need to. Instead, what I've decided is after the 28th I will cut him off completely. After he's gone I never want contact with him again. Because like I said he's not stupid. He knows what he's doing.

I had to come to my ex's this weekend because I have dentist appointment tomorrow in my old area. Plus my other brothers kids were here and she asked for some help.

My brother followed me here, and now he also expects my ex to feed him. He hasn't bought any food since being here either.

He's taking the piss out of me, and my ex. Inside I want to tear his head off. That's why I'm staying silent because my mouth has no filter. When I see red I lose control. So I avoid that situation I'm just putting up with it.

This is the same brother that stayed with me last year during the breakup and did the same thing then. I promised myself I would never do it again, and here we are.

It's been many years since I hated somebody this bad.

It's difficult when it's family, or a close friend.
Hate is a strong word and strangely love & hate are closely linked. You've heard of the expression a 'love /hate relationship'. In your case he is turning a blind eye to the way you feel. You are right, he is not stupid and taking advantage of your kindness. But this is probably the way he is and has been for sometime.
The only thing I suggest is maybe you suggest he gets a takeaway for you all, leaving him to foot the bill. You can do this several times. You could throw in that Monday or whatever night is usually takeaway and it's his turn to pay.
You could also ask him to pop out and get milk, bread, butter etc leaving him to pay again.
If you don't want to tackle this head on with a argument the best thing is to keep throwing hints.
Mention during the conversation with your partner that money is running short or we've got to cut down on the shopping list. Make a joke about not having any visitors stay over in the future because it's too bloomin expensive! If he stays too long, make a comment about putting his name on occupancy list.
He's your brother, that's why it's so difficult and he probably uses that to get a free ride.
Full on confrontation could severe the relationship for good, so be as clever as him. Give him small portions and say that's all we can afford, ask if he is going shopping and ask for items you want, get that takeaway that you send him out for. He'll soon get fed up and take the hint.

I've no time for these games. It's not the first time. Genuinely I hate him after this. He caused me so much anger when he left me without bread and milk that I punched my laptop screen.

I have my other brother staying with me while he goes through a relationship breakdown. He works, and he pays me towards the bills. He doesn't use anything of mine, and eats out. He didn't need to be told this, because he has respect.

The brother who is doing this isn't stupid. And he is fully aware of what he is doing. I can't let that go. When a person uses me like this knowingly there is no room for apology.

I'm going to leave my ex's today to a hotel. I can't afford it, but it will allow me to escape him. And then I will tell him over the phone why I've left and that I want him to leave. Today.

He's burned the bridge now. Twice he's done this. And coming to my ex's expecting her to feed him is bang out of order.

Honestly I never want to see him after this. He is no benefit in my life whatsoever. All I've done is offer him help, and all he's done is abuse that and take from me.

Ran out of toilet roll the other day. I asked him to get some. Instead he text my other brother and asked him to get some! When he used all of the milk I asked him to get some and he didn't so I had to.

I didn't eat for 3 days because I didn't want him to expect food. So if I didn't cook, there's no expectation of that. He didn't eat for 3 days and instead ate all my bread!

I'm done. Hate is a strong word, and I genuinely hate him for this. I have other brothers and non of them would ever do this to me. They are all aware of what he's doing and were going to step in, but I told them to leave it because at 28 you don't need to be told.

I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing this wired :hugs:

Sounds like that brother of yours is a serial 'taker'.

Like I said to Peter A in another thread on Saturday, who has been having similar issues with his sister (and the 'law') some people are just freaking barstewards, especially towards us Auties and seem to revel in treating us like we're worthless sh1te!

If your brother receives benefits, he should be budgeting better so he can afford to buy his own food. There's a lot of ways to eat cheap but healthy.

He could stock up on rice, pasta, and tinned fruit, for example. And if he is well off with his money, there's no reason to not be able to get himself fed. Sounds like he's just lazily using you to carry out chores he could be doing himself.

He works, he earns a good income. There's no excuse for what he's doing. But not long left now until he leaves. I will never invite him back again. That bridge has been burned.


Everybody has episodes of anger in life. That's normal. But, when the anger is 24/7 and the anger is over trivial issues ... there's a problem.


Every day I battle this, and it's torture. I hate feeling how I feel. I hate being in a constant battle with my mind.


It feels like a huge weight on my shoulders, and when it builds up I struggle to breath. It makes me so tired. The only way I can get rid of it is to sleep.


I've spoken to my mental health practitioner about this. She didn't seem interested and put me on 200mg Quetiapine. I now have to wait another 3 months for my next appointment to discuss if anything is changed.


It's deliberating. It's affecting my day to day living.


Last week I punched my laptop after my brother ate all the bread. That's broken. I am banned from a shop in my area because the cash machine never works. I tried to talk to the lady about it, but my mouth ran away with itself.


Yesterday I was a crossing the road and car was coming down the road too fast. So I stopped in the road. I made the car the stop. And then I shouted obscenities to the driver. He drove around me shouting something from the window.


Right now I feel like menace. And I don't even want to feel this way.


The anger and rage grips me. I can't control it. I'll get a vibrating feeling in my head, and at that point I know I've lost control. Whatever I do after that I don't think about.


Progressively I'm getting worse. I am telling the correct people. Begging them for help. But there's nothing.


I fear that may do something I regret.


The only away to avoid these situations is to not leave the house and to avoid people. And that is all I can do.


I do not enjoy living in this way. I do not want to be this person. But I don't know how to escape.


My brother is leaving on the 28th. But I don't think his issues are the reason I'm the way I am. Because if it's not him, it'll be something else.


I've had enough and I often feel like it would be easier if I wasn't here. Easier for me. Easier for the rest of the world. When I'm in an episode of rage I feel like grabbing a sharp object and just hacking away at myself. It's the only thing that provides that immediate relief. But I'm fighting not to do this.


This is one of the worst states I've ever been in.

Just to add, these feelings of anger towards those I love will pass. I won't stay mad at him forever. I feel awful for feeling the way I do. I just want whatever is going on in my body to stop. I want to feel peace again. Negativity and anger is no way to live life.

Today I'm going to make a list of all my stressors, and see what I can do to cross some of them off the list.

One of my problems is not being able to speak to people. I know for many it's simple to speak to a family member and resolve this. But for me it's not simple. I fear I will upset people and make them feel negative. I don't like the thought that anything I say will make a person feel negative. Ironic isn't it, because clearly when I lose control I have no problems making people feel negative.

The blame is on me for not speaking up. I've always had a problem speaking up. I struggle to ask people things. If I need help I'll never ask somebody for it, I'll just expect they can see from how I'm feeling. But in reality they can't see. They can't tell.

Fundamentally I need to learn how to ask for help, and talk about my problems, in a way that will not cause problems.

I spend hours thinking about what words I can use to tell my brother that I can't afford to feed us both. But I never come up with the right words. Anything I think of, I think it's too "rude", or will make him feel negative. So then I scrap the whole idea and just wallow in anger.

Some stressors:

- Being overcharged for electric and gas. My bill was 240, even though I've had less baths and not put the heating on once. Been told to submit a meter reading. I could only afford to pay 200 this month so I'm in 30 debt.
- Having to go to the dentist to have work done on my teeth. I feared this appointment for weeks. I had the work done yesterday, so that's no longer a stressor
- Having to go out tomorrow to play snooker with my brothers. I really don't want to. The anxiety is crippling me.
- Having 2 of my brothers staying with me. I really like my own space and being alone. One brother is fine, the other eats my stuff.
- Having to go to ex's next weekend to look after her dogs/house while she visits her ill grandad up north.
- Downstairs neighbors constantly arguing and fighting very loud all day.
- Downstairs dog barking non stop from 7am until 10pm.
- Not sleeping well
- Not eating properly

... There's more but those are the things that are always on my head. I know a lot of these stressors are not helping my situation so I need to do something to try remove some of these from my list.

Talking about this openly has really helped me. And thank you to the kind person who sent me a PM. What you said truly helped me think differently about this.

He went to town today so I sent him a message explaining about the food. A nice message, nothing bad. Just explained how it's a struggle to feed us both on my limited income and I asked if he could get his own food.

The weight has been lifted off my shoulders!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by WiredIncorrectly

He went to town today so I sent him a message explaining about the food. A nice message, nothing bad. Just explained how it's a struggle to feed us both on my limited income and I asked if he could get his own food.

The weight has been lifted off my shoulders!

---

At long last!

My brother left on the weekend.

After I spoke with him I opened up about how I'm feeling in general. He came down to see me and do things together, but I was housebound for most of the time he was here. He went hiking one day, and I was due to go, but I bailed out because of anxiety. He offered to take me to theater, and Birmingham library. I love libraries, as does he. I couldn't do it. The days came and so did the anxiety and all of it's nasty symptoms.

I felt so guilty because his time here must have been boring. It was meant to be fun.

He understands me though. He knows I struggle.

When he left he sent me some money that I used to buy myself some much needed clothes. I haven't purchased clothes for years, and all mine are falling apart. The clothes arrived today and I look so much better. It's given me a confidence boost a bit.

I've been struggling a lot. The way my head has been was making me physically ill. Since my brother has left I've been eating better, my toilet troubles went away, and I haven't vomited.

At the moment I just prefer to be on my own, with my doggy.

Agoraphobia is hitting me hard. The local shops are not so local. About a mile walk. I used to walk it, but for the last 2 months I haven't. When my brother was here he came to dentist with me, and opticians. He came shopping with me. But if he wasn't there to do that, I'd have not done any of it. I tend to order from just-eat. Not for takeaway, but for milk, sugar, teabags etc.

I'm trying to find some places online where I can order meats, and vegetables, at good prices. I honestly can't do supermarkets. I tried Asda last weekend with the ex, and had to wait outside because I had a horrible panic attack. Flouresant lights, the hustle and bustle, the feeling trapped at the back of the store being a long way from the exit. Urgh!

I need some help. But I don't know who to reach out to. My doctor plys me with medications.

I'm in a better state of mind, but still not in a very good place.

I haven't drank alcohol for a good while. I seem to hit rock bottom when I'm not using alcohol as a crutch to do normal things. If I drank, I'd have done the hike, theater, library etc. I refuse to do that.

These situa mount up wired and what goes up must come down.

Give yourself time to regain some of that confidence that allows you to do more.
Can you look online or contact a farmshop, greengrocers, butchers to see if they will do delivery? Some of them will do a bargain pack of meat or veg.

Well done for not drinking the alcohol, and, you are saving money that can go to other things.

I've just found out something really helpful: the minimum spend for Morrisons delivery is now £25. We're going to be using them a lot in future, I think.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Carnation

These situa mount up wired and what goes up must come down.

Give yourself time to regain some of that confidence that allows you to do more.
Can you look online or contact a farmshop, greengrocers, butchers to see if they will do delivery? Some of them will do a bargain pack of meat or veg.

Well done for not drinking the alcohol, and, you are saving money that can go to other things.

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Good idea on the farm shop/butchers. I know there's a butcher in the local town center but not sure if they deliver I will have to ask. I live near a lot of farmland. To the east of me is farm land all the way to Aberystwyth. I'd love to do that walk!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BlueIris

I've just found out something really helpful: the minimum spend for Morrisons delivery is now £25. We're going to be using them a lot in future, I think.

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Oh nice, I didn't know they lowered it either. That's one of the reasons I don't order from supermarkets online because the min. spend is often more than I want to order.

I've started taking cod liver oil, magnesium, and a good multi-vitamin. No idea if they actually work, but it's worth a try.

That's great Morrisons do that. A lot of the supermarkets are a minimum of £40.

Wired, lamb was on offer for Easter, have a look online. You'll get several meals out of that.

I take quite a few different supplements, I do think they help.

Things are slowly improving.


I was faced with another situation. My friend visited out of the blue, and decided to stay. Turns out he split up with his girlfriend. I only see him when he needs somewhere to stay.


I agreed he can stay for 2 days and then he'll need to find somewhere else because my son was visiting for the weekend.


He overstayed his welcome and my son had to sleep on the floor! My friend had occupied his room.


Today I had to lie and told him my son has a bed and some units coming. He left today.


He left the room in a huge mess! Ash and tobacco over the floor like he's used the floor as an astray. Stinks of tobacco in there.


Thing is I had blocked this friend. Because a few weeks ago he was being very racist and saying horrible things about Islam. So to have him turn up at my door was a bit unexpected.


I think I'm naive and people use me.


I'm now on 300mg quetiapine a day. I sleep so much, but my anger issues are manageable. I haven't been online much, just watching some old shows, reading crime magazines, doing sudoku and sleeping. I hate how the meds affect me, but without them life becomes unbearable.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by WiredIncorrectly

Things are slowly improving.


I was faced with another situation. My friend visited out of the blue, and decided to stay. Turns out he split up with his girlfriend. I only see him when he needs somewhere to stay.


I agreed he can stay for 2 days and then he'll need to find somewhere else because my son was visiting for the weekend.


He overstayed his welcome and my son had to sleep on the floor! My friend had occupied his room.


Today I had to lie and told him my son has a bed and some units coming. He left today.


He left the room in a huge mess! Ash and tobacco over the floor like he's used the floor as an astray. Stinks of tobacco in there.


Thing is I had blocked this friend. Because a few weeks ago he was being very racist and saying horrible things about Islam. So to have him turn up at my door was a bit unexpected.


I think I'm naive and people use me.


I'm now on 300mg quetiapine a day. I sleep so much, but my anger issues are manageable. I haven't been online much, just watching some old shows, reading crime magazines, doing sudoku and sleeping. I hate how the meds affect me, but without them life becomes unbearable.

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Sounds like your friend IS using you mate. And sounds like a right taker thinking he can treat your place like a hotel.

Even worse taking it upon himself to smoke in your place and leave all the mess all over the floor which I think is definitely well out of order.

And of course to top it all his ignorant racist/Islamophobic views would really make me feel like having fantasies about something unpleasant happening to him.

I seriously can't stand it when people like him just impose themselves on others willy-nilly just like that.

I recall being stalked by another client at my previous day centre about 20 years ago who tried to follow me home on a couple of occasions, and the staff there at the time didn't seem in the slightest bit interested, dismissively saying that person's behaviours outside of their care 'wasn't their responsibility', and basically refused point blank to intervene, saying it was a matter for me and my parents to take up with the police, social workers, etc.

Little wonder my previous day centre eventually ended up being disowned by Staffs CC, though the events described in my previous paragraph obviously weren't the only factor behind its seemingly chronic failings.

My mother always said I was naive and need to be careful. I like to help people out if I can, but I and my property should also be respected. He knows I'm a very clean person too and have OCD over mess.

I have an expensive server in my sons room. I put it there when I'm recording on the mic because otherwise the microphone picks it up. Anyway, I went in the room and the server had ash, bits of food, and tobacco all over it. Why would he do that? I don't understand it. I had to open it up and use a compressor to blow everything out.

I've had to block him. He's quite pushy when it comes to visiting. He had a bust up with his misses, and is now in a hotel. I feel for him, I do. I've been there. But he can't live life surfing sofas and treating peoples property like it means nothing.

His views are quite extreme. I can't have that in my life. I'm trying to get better.

That's terrible that the staff ignored it. There's little compassion or care in the system anymore. It's hard to find a good center. I used to love the center in my old area but sadly budget cuts meant it had to be closed down. I miss that. The staff actually cared, and went out of their way to help with whatever problem you had.

You're not naive wired, you are kind. That's the difference.
If that guy mentions about staying again or turns up just say you can't because it was noticed by neighbours and you are not allowed people stay over if not immediate family. Or say your son was upset. Or just say you can't.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by WiredIncorrectly

I've had to block him. He's quite pushy when it comes to visiting. He had a bust up with his misses, and is now in a hotel. I feel for him, I do. I've been there. But he can't live life surfing sofas and treating peoples property like it means nothing.

His views are quite extreme. I can't have that in my life. I'm trying to get better.

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I'm hardly surprised he and his other half have split up. Especially for him having such extreme views on certain things and for being so reckless and careless with his smoking habits, especially in the home.

And while it usually pains me to see people homeless, I can't help thinking in the context of your old mate's selfishness 'tough titties'.

He just sounds like an selfish, undeserving taker (and loser) who has little to no respect whatsoever.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by WiredIncorrectly

That's terrible that the staff ignored it. There's little compassion or care in the system anymore. It's hard to find a good center. I used to love the center in my old area but sadly budget cuts meant it had to be closed down. I miss that. The staff actually cared, and went out of their way to help with whatever problem you had.

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Those 'stalking' incidents from that other client were back in around 2004, before all the cuts lark, although I have a feeling the authorities were at it in some form or another even back then, albeit more subtly than during the past 10-15 years. In fact, there was even much speculation about our local CC (Staffs) closing many of the day centres back then in the mid 2000s, predating the Global Financial Crisis, let alone the Tory govts from 2010 onwards and Blair and Co getting it in the neck at the time.

TBH, I don't think there's ever really been much compassion within the care system. It's pretty much always been dogged by poor management and certain people with agendas who are often all talk but actually can't be bothered a lot of the time, coupled with the 'blame culture' and chronic lack of accountability.

And this has been under both Tory and Labour govts.

For some strange reason this morning I seem to have an irrational hatred of the actor Ricky Tomlinson, most notable for playing Bobby Grant in Brookside and was also one of 'The Royle Family' later on.

He has always seemed extremely volatile, chauvinistic and perpetually angry, both in his acting character roles and IRL, as in the latter case he's always had militant tendencies and was infamously one of the 'Shrewsbury Two' back in the 70s where he and his fellow 'partner-in-crime' were both arrested and charged with public order offences.

I was by chance watching a couple of old Brookie episodes from early 1984 on YouTube last night and as the character Bobby Grant, the way he seemed to treat his family was well and truly appalling at times. One scene in particular that made my blood boil was where Damon had been suspended from school for various 'misdemeanours' (including being 'fitted up' by one of his fellow female classmates with a rude Valentine's card to one of his (female) teachers that the girl falsely signed in Damon's name) and the Grant family were having a massive row during dinner over it which lead to various other niggles coming out about things like the general state of the country back then concerning pertinent issues like the recession and resulting unemployment epidemic of the time, Sheila's indignation about Bobby being lazy, constantly pubbing it and not lifting a finger with housework while he was out of work at the time and she was out cleaning other people's homes as a partnership business with one of the other female residents of the Close, and Bobby boasting to be 'man of the house', whether working or not.

The row in said scene got so nasty that Bobby ordered the whole family to leave their meals, sent both Damon and Karen upstairs so that he and Sheila could continue their epic dust-up in the kitchen behind closed doors with Damon speculating to Karen in the bedroom upstairs about the possibility of their parents ending up getting divorced (which did eventually happen 4 years later in 1988).

God, that was the main scene that made me really mad, the thought of an entire family inhumanely being ordered to leave their food by the 'man of the house' which was like 'collective punishment' for the entire family. I'm so glad I never had that 'little Hitler' of a man as a dad in spite of the fact that my own parents were no strangers to epic rowing and screaming on occasions but almost never as extremely and inhumanely as Bobby and Sheila Grant. And yes I know it's actually fiction but it seemed so realistic and true-to-life in many respects. But most ironically Bobby never seemed to give Damon the belt, which was still fairly common for many dads of that ilk around that time.

I keep having irrational fantasies about challenging Ricky Tomlinson to a dust-up in real life by saying provocative things like 'to hell with the miners' strike', 'to hell with your poxy beloved trade unions', etc, so he'd then probably lamp me one and put me in hospital, and then brag to the courts that I 'deserved it' for pushing him to it!

Morning Lenco, I'm actually quite glad I'm not alone in my irrational anger/hatred. I don't know much about Ricky, but I did love the old Brookside as a youngster.

My anger today has been quite bad. I had to leave the house to go tesco and while in the store there was loud music playing. I couldn't focus on anything, or remember what I needed. I started getting angry that the store is trying to control what I buy by confusing the life out of me. So I called for the manager to explain, and tbh he was quite understanding and changed the music to something soft. I know it's not his fault, but in that moment I just had to speak to somebody. I left the store and forgot some things so got half way home and had to turn back. I was in a complete rage by the time I got home. It started raining really bad and my natural response was to shout at the sky and stamp my feet home.

Thankfully I can control myself to the point I'm not outwardly angry or destructive. But it wasn't always this way.

The big question is, why do we get angry in this way over things that other people do not seem to care about? What's the magic fix for this? I get into spirals sometimes where I'm convinced life/the-universe/the-man-upstairs is doing this on purpose :roflmao:

Do you have any methods on controlling anger when it gets like this, or do you just ride it out/

Quote:

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Originally Posted by WiredIncorrectly

Morning Lenco, I'm actually quite glad I'm not alone in my irrational anger/hatred. I don't know much about Ricky, but I did love the old Brookside as a youngster.

My anger today has been quite bad. I had to leave the house to go tesco and while in the store there was loud music playing. I couldn't focus on anything, or remember what I needed. I started getting angry that the store is trying to control what I buy by confusing the life out of me. So I called for the manager to explain, and tbh he was quite understanding and changed the music to something soft. I know it's not his fault, but in that moment I just had to speak to somebody. I left the store and forgot some things so got half way home and had to turn back. I was in a complete rage by the time I got home. It started raining really bad and my natural response was to shout at the sky and stamp my feet home.

Thankfully I can control myself to the point I'm not outwardly angry or destructive. But it wasn't always this way.

The big question is, why do we get angry in this way over things that other people do not seem to care about? What's the magic fix for this? I get into spirals sometimes where I'm convinced life/the-universe/the-man-upstairs is doing this on purpose :roflmao:

Do you have any methods on controlling anger when it gets like this, or do you just ride it out/

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Good question.

I know it's highly unlikely I'll ever meet Ricky Tomlinson face-to-face and I know Brookside is fiction, but I just happened to see red at those scenes I watched on YouTube last night where I believed he (as Bobby Grant) treated his family inhumanely by making them all stop performing a basic necessity of life (eating their food) because he disagreed with Sheila for writing a letter to Damon's school condemning his caning (which incidentally was outlawed in schools IRL just over 2 years later) and could just tell Bobby was of the typical 'a bloody good hiding never did me any harm' brigade and he just came across as a sadistic bully who seemed to be milking his then-current bout of unemployment to the max to justify his antics, though legend has it that he was always an extremely fiery, dictatorial and volatile character for donkeys years prior to his redundancy in late 1983. Bobby also seemed to have the hypocritical 'do as I say, not as I do' kind of attitude.

My own dad was made redundant in early 1987, 3 years after these episodes were first aired, and although there was obviously a fair amount of consequential rowing and screaming between my parents at that time (and twas ever thus long before then anyway), my parents' dust-ups were actually far tamer than those acted out between Bobby and Sheila Grant, and probably most other families IRL, both back then and now. My dad had eventually found full-time work once again some 18 months or so later (plus my mom had already been working full-time herself since the latter half of 1986) but their rowing still persisted on and off for years after (over various other issues of old and new) with my mom still bringing up my dad's 1987 redundancy in arguments even some 25 years or so later by which time it was all 'water under the bridge' and of course all its attendant issues having long been resolved.

I just can't stand people who are perpetually angry, shouty and aggressive and feel extremely triggered by them, mostly in the case of Ricky Tomlinson aka Bobby Grant rather than my dad, even though both he and my mom have been known to trigger me on the odd occasions in the past.

I can definitely relate to your grievances over loud background music in Tesco's earlier today. Some of it really does my nut in big time in shops, especially if it's certain songs/musical styles I'm not too keen on myself, let alone stuff like bright flashing lights, brash, in-yer-face, in-store adverts (both audio and visual), plus I dread the thought of witnessing irate parents hitting their kids and shouting and swearing loudly at them in such places, though thankfully (touch wood) I haven't noticed such incidents for probably about 10 or so years now but certainly remember witnessing such incidents on a regular basis during the late 80s, 90s and 2000s, especially from 'pleb'-type parents who thought they were all 'ard and untouchable!

People driving cars aggressively (especially souped-up ones) sets me on edge too, especially with loud rap or ravey-type music blaring out of them with the windows wide open (again trying to appear 'ard and macho), particularly near my day centre.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lencoboy

For some strange reason this morning I seem to have an irrational hatred of the actor Ricky Tomlinson, most notable for playing Bobby Grant in Brookside and was also one of 'The Royle Family' later on.

He has always seemed extremely volatile, chauvinistic and perpetually angry, both in his acting character roles and IRL, as in the latter case he's always had militant tendencies and was infamously one of the 'Shrewsbury Two' back in the 70s where he and his fellow 'partner-in-crime' were both arrested and charged with public order offences.

I was by chance watching a couple of old Brookie episodes from early 1984 on YouTube last night and as the character Bobby Grant, the way he seemed to treat his family was well and truly appalling at times. One scene in particular that made my blood boil was where Damon had been suspended from school for various 'misdemeanours' (including being 'fitted up' by one of his fellow female classmates with a rude Valentine's card to one of his (female) teachers that the girl falsely signed in Damon's name) and the Grant family were having a massive row during dinner over it which lead to various other niggles coming out about things like the general state of the country back then concerning pertinent issues like the recession and resulting unemployment epidemic of the time, Sheila's indignation about Bobby being lazy, constantly pubbing it and not lifting a finger with housework while he was out of work at the time and she was out cleaning other people's homes as a partnership business with one of the other female residents of the Close, and Bobby boasting to be 'man of the house', whether working or not.

The row in said scene got so nasty that Bobby ordered the whole family to leave their meals, sent both Damon and Karen upstairs so that he and Sheila could continue their epic dust-up in the kitchen behind closed doors with Damon speculating to Karen in the bedroom upstairs about the possibility of their parents ending up getting divorced (which did eventually happen 4 years later in 1988).

God, that was the main scene that made me really mad, the thought of an entire family inhumanely being ordered to leave their food by the 'man of the house' which was like 'collective punishment' for the entire family. I'm so glad I never had that 'little Hitler' of a man as a dad in spite of the fact that my own parents were no strangers to epic rowing and screaming on occasions but almost never as extremely and inhumanely as Bobby and Sheila Grant. And yes I know it's actually fiction but it seemed so realistic and true-to-life in many respects. But most ironically Bobby never seemed to give Damon the belt, which was still fairly common for many dads of that ilk around that time.

I keep having irrational fantasies about challenging Ricky Tomlinson to a dust-up in real life by saying provocative things like 'to hell with the miners' strike', 'to hell with your poxy beloved trade unions', etc, so he'd then probably lamp me one and put me in hospital, and then brag to the courts that I 'deserved it' for pushing him to it!

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While still on the subject of 'Brookside', there were a couple of other characters that I have an irrational hatred of. The first one is Paul Collins who is (by stark contrast to Bobby Grant) very Right-wing in his political views but is still very abrasive, domineering and highly opinionated. In one episode (aired in early January 1984), Paul was one of the head men at some kind of college-type place somewhere in Liverpool and was really berating the efforts of one of the students there which led to the student concerned telling Paul to 'stick it' and Paul then summoning said student into his office for a loud reprimand (like a school headteacher reprimanding an errant pupil) with Paul shouting and yelling at that student in extremely condescending ways and the rest of his fellow students then downed tools in protest and Paul then started having kittens and acting like a Sgt Major saying 'he will not tolerate insolence nor shoddy work from any of his students'. I then thought if I was in that one student's shoes I would have felt extremely tempted to kick Paul's office desk over and be arrested for it. I also felt like I wanted to slap Paul in the chops, just like I felt like doing to Bobby Grant a few episodes later.

The second character who I also feel like slapping and challenging to a dust-up is Marie Jackson, who Sheila Grant actually had an epic dust-up with in the Close an episode or 2 earlier. A right foul-tempered b1tch who was rather slap-happy with her own kids, constantly yelling and screaming at them, and also smoked a lot, which was rather strange as very very few of the other regular characters in the Close ever seemed to smoke, even back in the early-to-mid 80s.

I would take great pleasure in physically restraining that lousy potty-mouthed c*w; she used to get mega hysterical at times!

I'm not actually intent on violence to other people IRL but I just can't help having fantasies about picking fights with those 3 gobsh1te barstewards from Brookie!

How about that for an imaginary episode scene; Lencoboy terrorises Brookside Close and exacts vendetta on his despised residents!

Well I've calmed down a lot over the past couple of days and realised Brookie is only fiction (which I already knew anyway).

I also used to get quite emotional about certain scenes/storylines in Phil Redmond's other mega show 'Grange Hill', especially where Bronson seemed hell-bent on making certain pupils' lives a misery (especially Danny Kendall and Ant Jones) and came across as an abrasive 'little Hitler' who seemed untouchable and extremely opinionated, especially when and where he used to dish out detentions willy-nilly without even caring to reason with certain pupils' lateness for lessons, etc, which was sometimes unfortunately beyond their control.

The Gripper Stebson storylines were extremely cringeworthy and often hard to stomach at times. I bet if it was in real life now some 40-odd years later he would have no doubt been dragged kicking and screaming from the school premises by the police and ended up in a YOI. Ditto for Imelda Davies in 86-87.

On the flip side, I found characters like Tucker, Alan Humphries, Zammo (in his earlier years as a pupil before his drugs debacle), Gonch and Hollo, Ziggy Greaves and Trevor Cleaver to name but a few of the pupil characters quite hilarious at times, especially their many timeless catchphrases and general humour.

Even Bullet Baxter I find quite amusing at times. I used to nickname him 'Cud' for some strange reason.

I get that with the music wired. It can be so distracting and at times irritating. Especially if loud.
Pleased you spoke to the Manager. I'm sure they don't want to lose customers.

Here's one for you lencoboy.
How do you feel about Christmas music being played in shops? For me, it's pushing the 'be happy and get in the zone' attitude. I personally cringe and sometimes walk out if I'm not in the zone.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Carnation

I get that with the music wired. It can be so distracting and at times irritating. Especially if loud.
Pleased you spoke to the Manager. I'm sure they don't want to lose customers.

Here's one for you lencoboy.
How do you feel about Christmas music being played in shops? For me, it's pushing the 'be happy and get in the zone' attitude. I personally cringe and sometimes walk out if I'm not in the zone.

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God, don't get me started on flaming Christmas songs being played in shops, pubs, etc. I used to like them when I was younger but now they're one of many banes of my life during November-December where we have to put up with the same old same old overplayed stuff from Slade, Wham, John Lennon, Elton John, Wizzard, Mariah Carey, Pogues, Cliff, etc, while any 'newer' stuff, regardless of how good or bad it actually is automatically gets pooh-poohed with the notion that 'the old 'uns are always the best'!

For crying out loud, all the 'old 'uns' were 'new 'uns' once upon a time, especially prior to our bittersweet obsession with nostalgia that has become increasingly apparent over the past 25 years or so, which I personally believe has been largely responsible for stifling originality over the same period, coupled with general laziness; though I suppose in fairness the past 25 years have been the period where the Internet has been a thorough mainstream medium, which has obviously facilitated our ability to 'backtrack' to any past era of our personal choice.

As for Christmas for me personally; as I've already said (and covered) in other threads on here before, it basically died for me some 30 years ago when I reached the age of 17, which also followed a succession of major personal life-changing events during the latter half of 1993 and the first half of 1994.

On the other hand, I kind of feel guilty for coming across as a miserable, boring old git.

It's a feeling that isn't uncommon Lencoboy.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lencoboy

For some strange reason this morning I seem to have an irrational hatred of the actor Ricky Tomlinson, most notable for playing Bobby Grant in Brookside and was also one of 'The Royle Family' later on.

He has always seemed extremely volatile, chauvinistic and perpetually angry, both in his acting character roles and IRL, as in the latter case he's always had militant tendencies and was infamously one of the 'Shrewsbury Two' back in the 70s where he and his fellow 'partner-in-crime' were both arrested and charged with public order offences.

I was by chance watching a couple of old Brookie episodes from early 1984 on YouTube last night and as the character Bobby Grant, the way he seemed to treat his family was well and truly appalling at times. One scene in particular that made my blood boil was where Damon had been suspended from school for various 'misdemeanours' (including being 'fitted up' by one of his fellow female classmates with a rude Valentine's card to one of his (female) teachers that the girl falsely signed in Damon's name) and the Grant family were having a massive row during dinner over it which lead to various other niggles coming out about things like the general state of the country back then concerning pertinent issues like the recession and resulting unemployment epidemic of the time, Sheila's indignation about Bobby being lazy, constantly pubbing it and not lifting a finger with housework while he was out of work at the time and she was out cleaning other people's homes as a partnership business with one of the other female residents of the Close, and Bobby boasting to be 'man of the house', whether working or not.

The row in said scene got so nasty that Bobby ordered the whole family to leave their meals, sent both Damon and Karen upstairs so that he and Sheila could continue their epic dust-up in the kitchen behind closed doors with Damon speculating to Karen in the bedroom upstairs about the possibility of their parents ending up getting divorced (which did eventually happen 4 years later in 1988).

God, that was the main scene that made me really mad, the thought of an entire family inhumanely being ordered to leave their food by the 'man of the house' which was like 'collective punishment' for the entire family. I'm so glad I never had that 'little Hitler' of a man as a dad in spite of the fact that my own parents were no strangers to epic rowing and screaming on occasions but almost never as extremely and inhumanely as Bobby and Sheila Grant. And yes I know it's actually fiction but it seemed so realistic and true-to-life in many respects. But most ironically Bobby never seemed to give Damon the belt, which was still fairly common for many dads of that ilk around that time.

I keep having irrational fantasies about challenging Ricky Tomlinson to a dust-up in real life by saying provocative things like 'to hell with the miners' strike', 'to hell with your poxy beloved trade unions', etc, so he'd then probably lamp me one and put me in hospital, and then brag to the courts that I 'deserved it' for pushing him to it!

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Today I'm having irrational thoughts about challenging the authority of the staff at my day centre, provoking the manager there to cane me and also provoking the police and the local youth in Burton on Trent to brutalise me.

I'm also having irrational fantasies about the windows of the Jobcentre Plus in both Burton and Tamworth being smashed, like in the 1982 TV film 'Made In Britain'. Not that I have any actual intention of doing it personally though.

What happened to the 'stick it to the man' youth attitudes of previous decades?

I also recall being triggered by the Adrian Mole TV drama series' a few years back when I watched them on YouTube (both 'The Secret Diary' and 'The Growing Pains').

In 'The Secret Diary', I was especially disturbed by the scene where Adrian's dad was trying to make a phone call but the phone had been cut off because Adrian had hidden the phone bill under his mattress (which Adrian's mom incidentally found while changing his bed, along with a porn mag) because Adrian secretly made phone calls to his girlfriend Pandora in Tunisia while she was on holiday there with her parents, and Adrian's dad went totally berserk, acting like Adrian had committed the most heinous crime against humanity and screamed something like 'Get in there, you stupid little sod'! Adrian replied 'Why'? and his dad screamed even louder 'BECAUSE I'M GONNA THRASH YOU THAT'S WHY'! and Adrian's dad then sounded like he was pathetically about to break down and cry, plus I think he may have looked like he was about to take his belt off to thrash Adrian to within an inch of his life.

'The Growing Pains' was extremely poignant in parts, especially where Adrian was struggling to cope both at home and school, especially following the birth of his baby sister Rosie (who was born illegitimately as a result of Adrian's mom's affair with the family's former neighbour Mr. Lucas), which eventually led to Adrian running away to the north of England with his family's pet dog to escape the torment of his chaotic home and school life, and ended up sleeping rough on the streets of cities like Leeds and Manchester.

I mean, my own family and school life could be quite chaotic and tumultuous at times when I was a kid but thankfully never as terrible as that of Adrian Mole's, even though like Brookside and Grange Hill, was/is only fictional TV drama, but still reflecting the general zeitgeist of Britain for many during the early-mid 80s period.

Ditto for the police procedural drama series 'Juliet Bravo' (1980-85) which often seemed to tell of the struggles many faced in the north of England during that same era, and is also quite harrowing to watch at times.