Haven't seen friends for months

Hi,
Social anxiety has really come out of nowhere for me, since about November. I've got lot of problems with anxiety but this is new and destroying my life.
My friends have noticed my lack of attendance at social things and have started texting me asking if I'm OK and asking me to do things, which I keep declining. A couple of them know I'm having trouble seeing people. How do I break this cycle? They're having a sit in night and takeaway tomorrow and I said I'd go but it seems impossible. I'll go red, and feel they'll make a big deal of me being there if that makes sense. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful to have great friends who care! But the longer I wait to see them the worse the fear is getting.
Thanks

Is there any chance you could call one of them and have a chat, and explain how you're feeling? Would it be easier to meet them one on one?

I did tell my close friend what was going on, she said we'll just do something one on one which I said yes to then made something up to get out of it. And same with tonight, the same friend and another friend said we'll go out just us 3 and I've made another excuse. I just keep backing out at the last minute x

I think the best thing you can do is to make sure you text, phone and email - you might not be able to keep up with them in person, but if you keep on engaging with them by other means they'll know you're still interested in their lives.

As my main issue (at the moment) is HA, and because I am "that" age - I've found I've started avoiding friends where I know the evening is going to be spent discussing who's been diagnosed with what illness or worse, who's died! I'm not THAT old (57) but it seems to dominate conversations lately. That and pensions!! I'd rather stay in and watch Corrie or something!

Though having said that, day time TV is best avoided unless you want life insurance for the over 50s, a stair lift or a funeral plan! :wacko:

How did it end up turning out hun x?

Hey,
I still haven't seen anyone but bumped into a friend while out for lunch with my family and am sure I was bright red. Tomorrow I have to go to a baby shower and I can't get out of it, promised I would be there. And there'll be loads of my friends there and I'm really scared about saying cringe things, being put on the spot and going red. I'm just gonna have to drink some wine before I go and hope I get through it. Its been 6 months since I saw them. Anyone have advice :(

Maybe explain you can only stay an hour or so? You can always change your mind if you're having fun.

I'd advise against drinking, as this is more likely to make you go red and will give you less control over yourself!

I will have to have a wine, probably not advisable but it does help me in those situations to relax.
Yeah I'll just see how I get on. It's just the initial seeing everyone I'm more worried about, some of them will make comments about me being off the radar for months and I don't really know what to say. Been using workload as an excuse but they know that never usually stops me. Before all this I went out every weekend with them.
It can't carry on though, so I'm quite glad in a way I'm forced into it. I miss going out and seeing them deep down. Just scared of the initial meet and greets I think?

How did it all work out hun x? Any updates, hope you're doing okay!

Hey so sorry, I have just seen this post. Yes thank you, I bit the bullet and was so glad for doing it. I'm still hiding away more I usually would but have seen my friends a few times since that post at least.
I do have a wedding in 3 weeks in Spain and I'm a bridesmaid and I am dreading it :(

Well done for taking the first step x I know it's hard, it can be scary but as someone who didn't go to alot of things because of anxiety. I always regretted it more that I didn't go! Do you have anyone going with you that you can have as someone you can tell your feelings too x

Yeah my boyfriend is going, we've booked a hotel away from everyone else so can have our own space, and two days with the wedding party. Hoping this will be enough to not be too overwhelming xx

Quote:

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Originally Posted by LF87

Hey,
I still haven't seen anyone but bumped into a friend while out for lunch with my family and am sure I was bright red. Tomorrow I have to go to a baby shower and I can't get out of it, promised I would be there. And there'll be loads of my friends there and I'm really scared about saying cringe things, being put on the spot and going red. I'm just gonna have to drink some wine before I go and hope I get through it. Its been 6 months since I saw them. Anyone have advice :(

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I would honestly just be honest with your friends about your difficulty to interact with people in general recently. Real friends are going to be happy that you are just there and real friends are going to understand and help or empathize or adjust a couple things at a gathering for example to make you feel more comfortable. Look at it this way : if you told them that you suddenly had to be in a wheelchair for a disability would they look at you oddly? No. Mental health and anxiety is no different to a physical handicap. It's a handicap so to say. No one would moan about you being in a wheelchair and not being able to attend something due to it so why would they have the thought or right to moan about an invisible on the outside handicap? Mental health is so stigmatic included in it social anxieties.

I like to look at social anxiety as a tool that lets you realize your true friends :
-if they're critical because you find something difficult and uncomfortable or are upset at you for it... Not a true friend.
-if you share your struggles with them about social anxiety and they tell you to get over it or get annoyed because you're "making a big deal" or inconveniencing them in some way... Not your true friend.

I have found out so many good supportive friends and I've weeded out so many unsupportive and uncaring friends. I find the more I open up with people and the more I'm honest with them, the better it is in the short term and long term. I also don't have to worry about "making a fool of myself" or feeling awkward or being looked at with annoyance for having a panic attack or quiet moment or day. They know I may need to grab air because things are a bit too much. They are not mad if I say I can't come because I'm way too anxious or exhausted. So many people are supportive and I think that anxiety and social anxiety are becoming so much more understood by the masses now. It seems like almost everyone knows someone who suffers now. Being open is also a good way to find others like you, you can support and be supported by and make lifelong friendships with.

Best of luck. Do your best. Walk in with your head held up high. And remember as much as you convince yourself you will be looked at negatively or focused on a lot... That will not be the case. People will be focused on the event at hand and at worst ask where you've been or say how happy they are to see you. Just remember to be honest if you can and you can simply go into detail at a later date one on one with each person over a cup of coffee or send a group message.


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Thanks falling star. Sorry took so long to respond I hadn't seen this message. I've had a tough few weeks with it. Travelled to Spain to be a bridesmaid and couldn't actually make it to the wedding for various anxiety problems. I had felt a little attacked about it, a few friends saying how come you can go out with your bf and not us, things of that nature, and I really did have to explain myself. But I suppose I get it, it's a wedding, they say they're worried about me but all of that attention just makes me worse. I feel everyone thinks I've lost my marbles now. I totally agree with your post and found it really helpful. Thank you Xx

Thanks for updating the post, it's great to see someone's progress. I'm really struggling to see people too, but I'm pushing myself when I can as well. It's good that you know your limits somewhat. Hope all is well x

Thanks Half Jack. I've been out with friends a lot more lately which I feel pretty good about. Still avoiding some situations but glad I pushed past the worst of it. Hope you're doing well? X

I'm still really struggling with it but I've got through it before and will again :)