-
Breaking the Google addiction
Hi all,
I had my rock bottom moment yesterday and although I've been telling myself for years to stop Googling anything health related, now I've realised my mental and physical health depend on it.
I've had health anxiety since 2005 and Google compulsively. It's not unusual for me to be worrying about several diseases and medical issues at a time or on a loop throughout the day. I can't remember a day in the past 15 years where I wasn't worrying about something. In fact, when I stop worrying, I panic a bit and end up noticing something new.
In this thread I'll be sharing my thought patterns and behaviours as I break this bad habit and create a new one.
I hope it helps you if you're struggling with health anxiety.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
I've got two big medical tests coming up this week and need to make an appointment for something else that may be serious. This morning I noticed some anxious thoughts about one of the tests.
SITUATION: Making a cup of tea
THOUGHTS
"What if test X shows something serious?"
"Will I read the report before I go to the GP?"
"Probably not a good idea because then I'll just want to Google,"
"I'll tell them not to email me the report, that way I won't be tempted,"
"But then I won't know what the result is until Thursday,"
"I'll search X test on NMP and read all the stories about people who had negative results. That'll make me feel better,"
"What if my GP calls and says to bring someone to the appointment. That'll mean it's something really bad,"
"Who will I bring? I don't have anyone to take or look after me,"
"Okay, time to shut down this scary thinking."
ACTION
- Sit at my desk and close my eyes.
- Take a few deep breaths.
- Acknowledge the fear.
- Recognise that these are just scary thoughts. I am not psychic.
- Something good or bad could result from the test.
- All other tests don't point to anything serious.
- This test is just a final check that all is well because I have a really good and thorough GP who I can trust.
Counter some of the negative thoughts:
- What if the tests show something serious? What will be will be and then there'll be a plan and support.
- Will I read the report before I go to the GP? No. I will wait 3 days until I see my GP and yes that might mean I get a shock when I see her if things are bad, but if there's something in the report I will struggle not to Google it.
- What if my GP calls and says to bring someone? Then I'll take someone.
- I'll search NMP for good news stories. No I won't. That's another form of Googling.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Your GP will need to know about your HA. Being "thorough" should mean only ordering tests based on clinical need.
Would it be helpful to stick to this thread for your thoughts as opposed to trawling through NMP for reassurance posts..As you say..this is another form of Googling?
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Yes, that's my plan Pulisa. To stay away from the main HA board and just post here, plus read the positive posts.
My GP is very aware of my HA. I've been with her for 10 years. In the past year we've been talking a lot about my health anxiety and how to manage it in different ways. We had a good system going before COVID where I had an appointment every 6 weeks and during that time I made a list of things that were worrying me. It helped a lot because I'd write it down and then tell myself "If I'm still worrying when I see the GP, I'll talk to her about it." 50% of the time I wouldn't be, but she'd patiently listen while I went through whatever was on the list and decide if there was anything that needed looking at. Hopefully we can get back to that soon.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
She sounds very supportive, Carrie and is obviously prepared to help you with your HA.
In my opinion you've made the right decision about staying off the HA board. You need to get through your tests and not be triggered by anyone else's symptoms which won't apply to you and your particular case.
Good luck for your tests and my advice would be to wait for your doctor to tell you the results. You won't be able to interpret the results without the dubious "services" of Dr Google and we all know what happens then...!
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
HA is such a beast isn’t it? A really debilitating mental illness. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make you - and me - free from its grip. But you give me hope. You have insight and that is a powerful weapon. It also sounds like you have a very supportive GP. Do you also have real life support- friends or family?
Keep talking on here Carrie..... you are on the right track and you are fighting this.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Ps apologies to you Pulisa for my use of the phrase “magic wand”. Ooooooops
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Thanks JoJo. I don't have any family I can talk to and I tend not to talk to my friends about it. I find it really helpful to post on NMP where people "get it", but I've learned the hard way that I need to regulate how I do that. All the best to you too.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
I had my brain MRI today and told the receptionist not to send me the results. The MRI itself was fine. I just closed my eyes and did some meditation. The technician said they might need to do it with contrast depending on what was seen, but that wasn't needed.
There was a moment while I was in the machine that I decided I needed to let go of my fear. I told myself that when I came out of the machine, my fear would be gone and whatever happens to me from this point forward will be okay. It might be different, and there might be pain and suffering for me and my kids, but it will be okay.
If I get a life limiting illness sometime in the next 50 years, I'll be able to get my kids help and support, put things in place for them and leave behind good memories. This is at the root of my health anxiety - my kids. I don't want them to have to worry about me being sick or dying. You don't always get a choice though.
A few years ago a mum at school died with no warning. I think of her often because she's buried right near my mother. She had 3 boys who she adored and one is the same age as my son. Last week I took my son to get his driver's licence and thought how lucky I was to be doing that when she didn't get the chance. No matter what medical thing might happen to me for the rest of my life, I know she'd have chosen that rather than leaving her boys so suddenly.
I'm not saying I won't be a mess on Thursday morning when I go to get the results from my GP, but at the moment I'm feeling calm and as long as that lasts, I'll take it.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
You're doing brilliantly, Carrie! I wish I could be as brave as you.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Thanks lovely. We're all in this together x
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Also I moved my mammogram/ultrasound to next week because I have the GP on Thursday morning for MRI results and then the skin doc afterwards about a suspect spot on my palm. That's enough for this week.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Before Google I owned a medical dictionary and I used it so much during anxiety the cover fell apart, unfortunately with Google it cannot fall apart and make you realise how much you are using it.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
You sound incredibly determined to get some control back in your life, Carrie and good for you for postponing the mammogram too..You've got a test overload to deal with which would be too much for anyone with or without HA. One test/procedure at a time..Well done also on having the resolve to wait until Thursday for the results-I wouldn't want to read any results before my doctor because I don't have the knowledge to interpret the results correctly and Dr Google is not dealing with my case.
At the end of all this and if you get a resounding all clear from all tests...will you be satisfied?
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Quote:
Originally Posted by
jojo2316
Ps apologies to you Pulisa for my use of the phrase “magic wand”. Ooooooops
Feel free to use the "magic wand" expression, Jojo! It's just that I've heard it used a zillion times by psychs over the decades and wouldn't it be good to have a magic wand..or a crystal ball for that matter!! Maybe not a crystal ball..Not sure I would want to know about the bad bits!
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
I think I would probably feel very comforted by the lack of contrast used. You’ll get through this. You ARE getting through this.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Quote:
Originally Posted by
pulisa
You sound incredibly determined to get some control back in your life, Carrie and good for you for postponing the mammogram too..You've got a test overload to deal with which would be too much for anyone with or without HA. One test/procedure at a time..Well done also on having the resolve to wait until Thursday for the results-I wouldn't want to read any results before my doctor because I don't have the knowledge to interpret the results correctly and Dr Google is not dealing with my case.
At the end of all this and if you get a resounding all clear from all tests...will you be satisfied?
TOTALLY agree about the crystal ball. The idea fills me with horror!
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Quote:
Originally Posted by
steveh31
Before Google I owned a medical dictionary and I used it so much during anxiety the cover fell apart, unfortunately with Google it cannot fall apart and make you realise how much you are using it.
I love this! So very true.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Quote:
Originally Posted by
pulisa
You sound incredibly determined to get some control back in your life, Carrie and good for you for postponing the mammogram too..You've got a test overload to deal with which would be too much for anyone with or without HA. One test/procedure at a time..Well done also on having the resolve to wait until Thursday for the results-I wouldn't want to read any results before my doctor because I don't have the knowledge to interpret the results correctly and Dr Google is not dealing with my case.
At the end of all this and if you get a resounding all clear from all tests...will you be satisfied?
I've seen posts where people have shared their brain MRI reports and the language is super complicated. I know it's better for me wait so I'm glad I said no to the report.
I'm doing a lot better with my new "what will be, will be and I'll cope with it when it does" mantra. I still 100% believe something terrible is going to come from one or more of the tests, but one health anxiety recovery step at a time I guess.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Absolutely..and don't put your trust in a soulless search engine!
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Update on my tests.
1. MRI was okay, but GP wants me to see a neurologist to be sure.
2. Skin cancer check was all clear
Next up, mammogram on Monday.
Still feeling reasonably calm with my new focus on being able to manage whatever happens, rather than fearing it will happen.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Did the diagnostic report from radiology on the MRI advise a referral to neurology? What does OK mean?
I'm sorry you haven't been able to draw a line under this but at least the skin cancer check gives you reassurance.
For me once the tests are underway there is no going back and I feel better for actually taking action and knowing that I will deal with whatever happens because there is no choice in the matter. It's so much better than relying on Dr Google. You are taking control and these are your tests which can only be interpreted accurately by your doctors.
Well done, Carrie x
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Quote:
Originally Posted by
pulisa
Did the diagnostic report from radiology on the MRI advise a referral to neurology? What does OK mean?
I'm sorry you haven't been able to draw a line under this but at least the skin cancer check gives you reassurance.
For me once the tests are underway there is no going back and I feel better for actually taking action and knowing that I will deal with whatever happens because there is no choice in the matter. It's so much better than relying on Dr Google. You are taking control and these are your tests which can only be interpreted accurately by your doctors.
Well done, Carrie x
Pulisa the GP said she wanted the neurologist to review based on my history of having an episode of optic nerve inflammation.
She gave me the referral to the neurologist and it includes the MRI report. In the conclusion it says "No intercranial abnormality", but in the findings, at the end of saying everything was normal it also says "There is stenosis".
Because she said there was nothing of concern in the report, I was curious about what this was and....Googled.
Of course it is not good. It means a narrowing of an artery in the brain which can lead to stroke.
I'm seeing her again on Wednesday so will ask her about it then. She didn't mention it in the referral letter, just said No intercranial abnormality, so hopefully it's not too bad.
Meanwhile I've learned another valuable lesson in why Googling anything health related is a very bad idea.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Thanks for explaining , Carrie and it was a huge test re the urge to Google. The GP shouldn't have given you the written report of the MRI scan in view of your HA in my opinion. She said there was nothing of concern in the report and should have left it to the neurologist to follow up on the stenosis issue if anything in fact does need further investigation..and if it's even a significant finding? Google will always give you a worst case scenario situation but you know this only too well.
You have no intercranial abnormality which is a pretty good thing to know in view of the optic nerve inflammation. Please don't latch onto other "possibilities" before you have seen the neurologist who will be able to clarify everything for you?
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
My neuro appointment is in 4 weeks and I'm seeing my GP again on Wednesday to ask her about the stenosis. I'm trying to stay calm until then. The upside is I've hardly thought about my mammogram on Monday!
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Good luck for the mammogram, carrie and I hope you get some feedback straight afterwards. It must have been a long weekend for you but every day is a day nearer to having some clarity and a valid professional opinion on all the issues you are worried about.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Hello, a little update. I had the mammogram on Monday and after a few hairy moments all they found was a simple cyst. I saw my GP this morning and we talked about how to manage my breast cancer fear. She said she will take over examining them for now until I do some more work with my therapist.
Then I asked her about the stenosis in the brain MRI report and she read the report again and said she thought it was a typo. She'd read it as "no stenosis". She rang the radiologist who confirmed and apologised!! Seriously of all the people for it to happen to. You have to laugh. In good news he said he didn't use contrast because my brain looks absolutely normal and what he could see of the optic nerve also looked normal.
So I've been able to cross a few more fears off my list. I've got the neurologist in 4 weeks and hopefully can close the book on this episode then.
In the meantime, I'm continuing to focus on not Googling anything to do with health! Thanks for all you support. I really appreciate it.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
What a difference a simple "no" would have made!!! I'm so sorry you've had this "typo" with a capital T to deal with but what good news about the actual results and you've had the true picture from the radiologist's mouth and not your GP's interpretation of the report.
Keep up the good work re Googling! You've got through so much over the last few weeks..Make Dr Google redundant and rely on your own instincts and a GP who is prepared to acknowledge what is your HA and what actually needs investigating further?
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Checking in to keep myself accountable to not Google. I've been trying to keep busy, but my health anxiety has been pretty constant. A lot of my fears now are from things I've Googled in the past. Too many scary stories of missed diagnosis or worst case scenarios. It's made me more determined than ever to not let anymore of them get into my head.
I'm also in a bit of a pickle about a spot on my arm. I've had lots and lots of solar keratosis burnt off my forearms over the years - the joys of Irish ancestry and I know that anything raised or with a crust needs to be looked at.
My pickle is that I've been to the dermatologist twice in the last 6 weeks about suspect spots (different to this one) that were nothing, however I really do think this one needs looking at, but I feel embarrassed going back again. Even the receptionist last time was like "you were only here last month". Oh well, I guess I'll have to suck it up and get it sorted.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Maybe it doesn't need sorting? Has there been any significant change in appearance?
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
I think I need to Pulisa. I've had lots of spots burnt off over the years and this looks and feels similar to them.
I had the weirdest dream last night. I was walking around in a hospital with my son (except he was much younger) and all these really sick people were being wheeled past us and even a trolley with body parts. Then it switched and I was on my own in a room with a nurse and she was booking me in for chemo sessions. I remember one was at 6am on 25th February. For some reason I was very upbeat about the situation and joking with her about the early start.
I woke up strangely not freaked out about it as I'd been so calm in the dream. It's a bit unsettling though. I wish I'd dream about winning the lottery instead!
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
It's only unsettling if you let it unsettle you.It's a dream,not reality. You have cancer in your subconscious mind so it makes sense that you will dream about it. It has no significance other than illustrating how your HA is affecting you.
You obviously feel the need to get it checked as you know which lesions need to be burnt off but maybe there are also some which can be left alone..? Maybe the dermatologist could give you advice on this if he/she hasn't already?
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Thanks for being my voice of reason Pulisa. I really appreciate it. Although I've been eating really well and walking everyday, my anxiety has been all consuming. I'm going to focus on getting more sleep and doing meditation this week. Hopefully that will help as I wait to get back in to see my therapist.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
I think you can do everything by the book but the anxiety still has the upper hand..which is always so frustrating but it happens to us all (unless you are a robot!). You are doing all you can and taking good care of yourself which puts you in the best position to access more therapy when it's possible. I hope the wait isn't too long..You've had to endure a lot of medical tests recently which would unsettle anyone and certainly cause a knock on effect with HA.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
I've updated a couple of threads I had going on the health anxiety board, but I try to stay away from there for now. I went to the neurologist today and he said he thinks I'm fine and he's got no concerns about the optic nerve as it looks normal to him and he said you couldn't get a cleaner MRI than mine. So that's good news.
One thing I've learned about myself on this recovery "journey" is that when I have good news or anytime I feel good or happy, I sabotage myself by finding something new or reigniting an old health worry (usually by Googling). So I'm going to be extra vigilant over the next couple of days to shut down any health anxiety thoughts if they start to creep in.
I still have some occasional nagging worries about my breast scans maybe having missed something, but I'm managing to keep them mostly at bay by reminding myself that I've had a mammogram and an ultrasound and there's no physical reason for my doctor to do any further investigation . My anxiety feels like intuition, but it's just anxiety. Also, I remind myself that my gut feelings about my health cannot be trusted as I've never been right in 10 years of predicting serious health issues. I need to trust my doctor.
Thanks again to everyone who has reached out and supported me over the past few months, especially you Pulisa. I'm more determined than ever to do whatever it takes to break free of this.
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Good for you, Carrie! you'll have your blips along the way because we all do but I'd suggest repeating the "trust my doctor" mantra when the doubts start to creep in. Self-sabotage is an ingrained habit with HA but being aware of this is half the battle and you are very aware and insightful. Keep as well rested and well fed as you can because being tired and nutritionally depleted can leave you a bit vulnerable to all those nagging doubts but basic self-care is a lot cheaper than paying to see countless doctors/specialists!
Good luck, carrie! x
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Hi, just checking in. Got my skin spot checked and the doc said it's just a sunspot and he'll check it again at my next full check-up in a few months. He did burn one off my nose though that hurts like mad so it wasn't a complete waste of a trip.
My HA has been trying to poke me, but I've been managing it for the most part. When thoughts come into my head I just tell myself I'll ask my GP about it if it's still a problem in a few weeks. That's working pretty well, but I've had a things were I've found myself obsessing for a few hours before I can get my thoughts under control. Still, it's an improvement.
I hope you are all going well x
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Talking yourself down is big progress, Carrie. Sounds like you are doing really well. It's not easy though and it's perfectly normal to have a few wobbles.
Thanks for updating us-hope the lesion scar settles down soon xx
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Finally got an appointment with my therapist next week. Looking forward to sharing all the craziness of the past few months!
-
Re: Breaking the Google addiction
Not craziness..A learning process! Your therapist will be impressed at how well you have dealt with things!