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Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
It was my birthday today. The first birthday without my mum as she passed away 6 months ago. I don't hear from any of the so-called family anymore and as I don't go around announcing; "It's my birthday, it's my birthday", consequently I have had a very sad and lonely day.
I feel I have no-one who cares anymore and because I still very sensitive over my mum's passing and finding it very difficult to lead my life, I don't join in any forum threads.
I'm a bundle of nerves, with shaking over every day tasks and feel so frightened and alone, almost fading in to the distance.
I have no purpose, no ambitions and spend most days crying because I feel so unloved. My partner treats me like a chamber maid and any love that may have been there is just a distant memory now.
I don't know which way to turn and what to do with myself.
I don't even know why I writing any of this, because it makes me feel so pathetic and needy. But I am and. I suppose searching for an answer or just a voice that can reassure me that there is something out there for me.
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Oh Carnation, I am so sorry to hear this. Of course you are going to struggle, as your mother's passing is so very recent and raw. I am glad you posted something even though you haven't been joining threads and didn't want to say anything. Please don't feel pathetic or needy at all. It takes strength to post something like this.
I lost my mom almost 7 years ago and my birthday still isn't the same. I am like you - I don't go around announcing it or planning celebrations, so it usually goes by quietly. The first few years were so painful, and it still is on certain days, but now I'm a little more reflective about it.
Do you have any friends who know what you are going through? I can't speak for your partner, but I can't imagine what it must feel like to not feel like you are getting support or love in your relationship when you need it the most. If you are anything like me, I am wondering if you close off and don't say anything to them? I think friends and family sometimes don't know what to say or do and assume we are okay just because we aren't vocalizing how we feel when we really are struggling.
The time after a major loss can be confusing, disorienting, isolating, enraging, etc. I could go on. It may take some time before you know how to create meaning out of this time in your life. I felt in a very dark place for a few years there. It took the support of some good therapists and being willing to take risks by opening up about it in order to start to move through things. But even though it feels awful now, you will get there in time. I know it. Please be patient with yourself and kind to yourself. And continue to talk on here about it. When I had no friends I felt safe talking to, I came on here. It was a little easier and I found support.
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
It's certainly tough losing your mum, im sorry for your lose. I lost my mum, sister and my dad has had a stroke. So i do feel some of your pain. Would be great to find a hobby to get your mind off things. But most of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I have had some pretty crappy birthdays, but hey, regardless, its your birthday and we're thinking of you today.
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Thank you for your kind words RJ Jones.
Birthdays always seem to bring out the worst of everything.
swgrl, so lovely to hear from you. I really didn't expect to get any replies at all.
I assumed that I had been forgotten due to more long spell of absence from here.
I thought I was doing alright jogging along in my own little world, but I'm not!
I miss my mu so much. I even have dreams of her. I feel so alone without her.
My O/H seems to have changed towards me or is it the way I feel or act? I don't know.
I just feel so alone and sad. I think everyone hates me. How can anyone like me, I feel nothing. I feel numb.
Maybe you are right about closing off. I don't like to depress people or show my true feelings. My partner knows I struggle with the loss of my mum, but says nothing!
I have one friend I speak to, but I feel I have hit a brick wall/dead end now.
Sorry, you are so kind with problems of your own. I do appreciate your reply. x
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Hi carnation , so sorry you had a rubbish birthday , its still early days since losing your mum and there is no time limit on grief, I know your situation isn't great but you really need to make some time for you , nobody hates you or has forgotten you .
Take care my freind :hugs:
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Happy Birthday Buster
I Hope you have a lovely day and get spoiled
lot.s of love to you
celticlass xxx
:hugs::hugs:
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Hi Carnation :flowers:
Damn it!!! This slipped my mind too. :doh: so give me a :buttkick:
It sounds like it's all piling on top of you at the moment and when that happens it can be hard to see anything positive in the world. But people do care and already those who know you have spotted this and want to reassure you that you still have friends here. :hugs:
Things do move on around here and some have left, lots of new people have joined. But there still a few of us around that remember what you went through so you know where we are if you need us.
It may be MrC doesn't know what to do or say and leaves it until you ask for help? Some people just like to plod along and face things when they are in plain sight and when you are struggling it can appear they don't care.
Like swgrl says, those early days are going to be hard when birthdays, Xmas, anniversaries, etc all come around. Anyone I've ever known who has suffered bereavement has said the same. They are special days and times we naturally think of loved ones so it's going to be a kick in the unmentionables and make you feel sad they aren't around.
Do you think you need to sit MrC down and get some support off him? Perhaps he will realise he needs to be a bit more proactive right now?
I'm going to wish you a happy belated birthday anyway http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/birthday/t3301.gifhttp://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/birthday/t3309.gifhttp://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/birthday/t3310.gifhttp://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/birthday/t3313.gifhttp://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/birthday/t3322.gifhttp://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/birthday/t3316.gifhttp://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/birthday/t3323.gifhttp://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/birthday/t3324.gif
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
I can very much empathise with what you are feeling, Carnation. Birthdays are the pits at the best of times let alone when you are still deeply affected by bereavement. I tried bereavement counselling but found it formulaic and unhelpful-you need to come to terms with it in your own good time and no one can tell you how to do it. People generally don't want to know about other people's problems because they have their own lives to lead but on here maybe there are some kinder and more sensitive people who have been through a lot of trauma and can offer more support than you would get in "real life".
I wouldn't expect too much from Mr C-he's probably floundering as to what to say to you. I know my OH has absolutely no idea as to what I'm dealing with as he lives in his own world of work and golf. If you can feel you can begin to open up to him it may bring you some comfort and hope? Having hope for the future is what you need to work on because it can be very difficult to see a way ahead in these early days. There will be a way ahead though and you will find it:hugs:
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Hi Carnation, I have made a note of your birthday. I certainly have not forgotten you.
I wished we lived near each other.
I may have missed things on here and was wondering if Mr Cs mother is living with you.
I am sorry you had a bad day.
It is my late daughters birthday today. She would have been Fifty years old.
So just feeling a little bit off.
Sending you Love and:hugs::hugs::hugs:
One day at a time Carnation xxx
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
:birthday1::birthday::bighug:
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
I just wanted to say hi carnation!
And that I’m so sorry to hear about your mum...
Things can improve and get better, I know it doesn’t feel like that right now but they can..
Sorry about your birthday feeling lonely 😔
I’m sending you some good wishes
🌷🌷🌷❤️❤️
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Carnation
Thank you for your kind words RJ Jones.
Birthdays always seem to bring out the worst of everything.
swgrl, so lovely to hear from you. I really didn't expect to get any replies at all.
I assumed that I had been forgotten due to more long spell of absence from here.
I thought I was doing alright jogging along in my own little world, but I'm not!
I miss my mu so much. I even have dreams of her. I feel so alone without her.
My O/H seems to have changed towards me or is it the way I feel or act? I don't know.
I just feel so alone and sad. I think everyone hates me. How can anyone like me, I feel nothing. I feel numb.
Maybe you are right about closing off. I don't like to depress people or show my true feelings. My partner knows I struggle with the loss of my mum, but says nothing!
I have one friend I speak to, but I feel I have hit a brick wall/dead end now.
Sorry, you are so kind with problems of your own. I do appreciate your reply. x
Please do not apologize for asking for help! That's something I tend to do myself. One thing I found really helpful was finding support from other people who were grieving. I took a lot from the book "Motherless Daughters" by Hope Edelmann (and also cried my eyes out). I actually recently ordered the second one, "Motherless Mothers" by her since I became pregnant because it has brought up some feelings again.
But this really is the worst part. Honest. And you will come out on the other side with time. You will always love and miss her, but eventually it just becomes a part of who you are and how you live your life. You kind of integrate the grief and her into yourself in a way that allows you to still keep on living. I don't know if that even makes sense, but that's how it has been for me.
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Magic
Hi Carnation, I have made a note of your birthday. I certainly have not forgotten you.
I wished we lived near each other.
I may have missed things on here and was wondering if Mr Cs mother is living with you.
I am sorry you had a bad day.
It is my late daughters birthday today. She would have been Fifty years old.
So just feeling a little bit off.
Sending you Love and:hugs::hugs::hugs:
One day at a time Carnation xxx
Here's some :hugs: for you, Magic, and some :flowers: for your daughter. RIP.
It must be very difficult so near to your birthday?
I hope you feel stronger again soon. :hugs:
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Thank you so much, you lovely people and all my forum friends. xx
I've read and taken in your comments and advice and maybe I am just being hard on myself. I sort of blame myself for losing my mum, because I was looking after her and she slipped away before I could save her. (I'd been saving my mum for quite some time!) Not trying to sound too over the top or creepy, I talk to mum looking at her photo, I see her in my dreams and I think she is angry with me. (My mum was always angry with me and I feel that has not changed since she passed). I feel I let my dad down as well by not keeping her safe. I'm not stupid, I know she has to die some time, but I was not with her at the end because I had the flu and had to stay away.
When I received the news, I was chanting out loud, "I should have been there, I should have been there!" That, I can't change, I know and I worked so hard to keep her safe, despite struggling myself with my anxiety. I felt so pathetic with crippling anxiety as I was not the woman I used to be. Brave, in control and reliable.
Yes Magic, I am still looking after Mr C's mum, which does not help me and I admittedly say that it should be my mum and not his. I feel resentment over this.
Magic, my heart goes out to you at this very sensitive time for you and it must be difficult to celebrate your birthday with the pain you feel over your daughter. :hugs:
Pulisa, I know you had a devastating time with your Father and you are a full-time carer as well. And yes, my O/H tends to bury his head in his lap-top and football on the TV. I don't mind that, but he has know idea how I am struggling.
I feel a prisoner of the anxiety and as a Carer and I am sure you can relate to that. x
Swgrl, I will look up that book and get it. Thank you for that.
You have great empathy with others and a truly special person. x
Nice to meet you Velvet. You sound a lovely person and thank you for your words.
CelticClass, thank you also and Buster, you must be aware that I don't chat so much these days, but you are always in my thoughts.
Nicola, that was kind of you to send Best Wishes, I hope you are well.
Lastly Terry, oh my, you and your emojis, they do cheer me up! You must have thousands.
I do miss you all so much and maybe I should chat a bit more now.
I must admit that I feel a bit better now that my birthday has passed, but with Christmas looming, that will be a real test. x
---------- Post added at 19:44 ---------- Previous post was at 19:43 ----------
Sorry RJJones, I missed you off my list, but I appreciate your reply.
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Carnation , you can't blame yourself for things that were out of your control , you were there for your mum for long time looking after her even if you had been there at the end you couldn't have saved her , Ive gone through the same guilt for many years , I pick up my dad from hospital when he had been wrongly diagnosed and took him home joking with him about him thinking he was dying which he did a few hours later in front of me , I carried that guilt for many years and still do a little but I do accept now it wasn't my fault and was out of my control, we just do the best we can and what we think is right at the time , oh and I still talk to my dad and dog at times as long as they don't answer back you're ok .
Take care .:hugs:
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Thanks Buster, but I know I carry this guilt and sadness which I can't seem to shake off. You can keep busy and trot along another day, but if your insides are ripped apart, it is not easy and it hurts!
What you said about your dad must have been a shock to you and hard to accept.
I told my dad I hated him when I was younger and he looked so shocked and hurt and I wish I had not said it, but my gut wanted me to say it. I felt great empathy for him in the latter part of his life and I hope I showed that with my actions.
I always say that actions speak louder than words.
I didn't understand my dad when I was younger, but he was carrying a lot of stress and sadness himself. He strangely felt the same way about his father.
Personally, I think you are an Ace guy Buster and would be proud of you if you were in my family. I know what you do for your family to the point of neglecting yourself and your needs and that tells me what a special person you are. :hugs:
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Swgrl, if you look in, I got that book you mentioned. x
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
I'm so sorry I missed your birthday Carnation. I'm a sporadic user of the site but remember you showing me kindness in the past. You are a thoughtful and selfless person and deserve some hugs, albeit belated ones :hugs:
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Carnation
Swgrl, if you look in, I got that book you mentioned. x
Glad to hear it! I hope you find some of it helpful. It was definitely emotional for me to read, but I needed to read it. :hugs::hugs::hugs:
Hope you are hanging in there.
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Carnation
It was my birthday today. The first birthday without my mum as she passed away 6 months ago. I don't hear from any of the so-called family anymore and as I don't go around announcing; "It's my birthday, it's my birthday", consequently I have had a very sad and lonely day.
I feel I have no-one who cares anymore and because I still very sensitive over my mum's passing and finding it very difficult to lead my life, I don't join in any forum threads.
I'm a bundle of nerves, with shaking over every day tasks and feel so frightened and alone, almost fading in to the distance.
I have no purpose, no ambitions and spend most days crying because I feel so unloved. My partner treats me like a chamber maid and any love that may have been there is just a distant memory now.
I don't know which way to turn and what to do with myself.
I don't even know why I writing any of this, because it makes me feel so pathetic and needy. But I am and. I suppose searching for an answer or just a voice that can reassure me that there is something out there for me.
Dear Carnation. Happy birthday to you. :flowers:
This is your first one without your mum, and like all SPECIAL events , it will hit you hard especially in your first year, because she´s not there, but it does get easier, it just takes time.
You are very early in your grieving stage and it sounds like you need more help than you are getting. Its very normal to feel like you have had your heart ripped out, and to keep crying at this stage. I know because I lost my mum when I was 6 and the love of my life 13 years ago. But it sounds like you need some support and I needed to see my doctor when my husband died, and also I leaned on friends. Your doctor might give you something to help you cope better, and there are grief support groups everywhere, you might find those helpful too.
I decided when my husband died that I had to accept everything grief threw at me as Normal, under the circumstances, and just accepting that helped me. We eventually find our NEW Normal, without our loved one, but its not something you can rush, it just happens. And in its own time.
I understand too about your feeling of fading into the distance. i felt that when my husband was in the last stages of his life, I had a feeling that a I was fading away and I felt like when he died I would dissapear altogether. You just feel a part of you has gone, and I think this brings the feeling of disappearance.
Look for help Carnation dear, and please please believe me when i tell you that you will not feel like this forever. You will always miss your Mum, but as time goes by the terrible pain you are feeling right now, will lessen, and you will smile again. Do look for help and support to get you through this. And stop feeling you are pathetic and needy. You are not any of these things, just hurting more than anyone thinks they can cope with ( but somehow do) and grieving.
I hope you get some help and comfort soon my dear. Things will get better but it takes time. :hugs:PS. I´m not one for shouting about my birthdays either, but the first one after losing someone you love, doesn´t feel like anything of a celebration, even with cards.
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Hey when Christmas comes get on here. I'm sure there will be a fair few on here. The stress of Christmas and anxiety don't always make great bed fellows. But it's only a day. There will be people to chat to I'm sure and as a group of people we are the best damn group EVER.
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Thank you for your replies. x
I currently have two things going on atm.
The grieving of my mum and a funny turn I had 4 days ago.
So it is a difficult time for me and your messages are very appreciative. x
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
As you say physical symptoms often are a manifestation of internal anguish. I feel for you, Carnation...It's very early days and a challenging time of the year. Hopefully we will have an Xmas thread where we can express what we really feel and it may help you to offload if you are able to? xx
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
One year on and another birthday and basically nothing has changed. :(
I haven't heard from my family, I still miss my mum, just as much as last year, if not more. :weep: Partner seems obliged to notice as he only bought a card in the corner shop last night while I waited in the car and he will no doubt spend all day on his I pad, (regret buying it for him now). Some members on this Forum seem hostile towards me for no apparent reason and my anxiety is still very much there! I often wonder if anyone would notice if I was gone from this world.
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Hi Carnation, I have come here to wish you a happy birthday. Which I do :).
I feel for you as regards the attention you are not getting from your partner.
I don't know what to say to you as regards his attitude.
I hope you will put aside the things that some folk feel hostile toward you.
Don't let that get you down. You are better than that.
I want you to be strong for the rest of the day Do you hear me Carnation.
Lots of love from me:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:xxx
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Happy birthday, Carnation!
http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/birthday/t3301.gifhttp://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/birthday/t3313.gifhttp://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/birthday/t3315.gifhttp://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/birthday/t3319.gifhttp://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/birthday/t3324.gif
I hope your day gets better. :hugs::flowers: Pamper yourself and don't think about anyone else for a day, I know that's not easy for you as you think more about others.
Hasn't MrC bought you some pressies or is talking you out? :unsure: He should be giving you some attention and putting the ipad down!
You know we are here for you if you need us so don't be afraid to ask if you need some support.
Not sure who's being hostile but you being a fantastic, compassionate & friendly person I can't think of a reason why anyone would be :unsure:
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Happy birthday Carnation
Sending a hug :hugs:
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Hi Carnation, I'm so sorry to read this.
From just seeing you on NMP i can say that you're a kind, caring and a thoughtful person.
Carnation, nobody seems to have any time for anybody these days. I was in the chemist on Monday, a lady about my age was sitting on one of the chairs, she was curled up and crying her eyes out. The chemist was busy and NOT one single person asked or checked if she was ok. I went and sat next to her and asked if she was ok, she didn't really want to talk but you just don't know what people are going through, it would've been on my mind if i'd not at least asked, but everybody just seems to be in their own bubble these days.
Sometimes i wish we could all meet up and have a group hug, as we all have an understanding.
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Hi carnation and happy birthday hope it got better , wish I'd seen this earlier in the day but had a hectic morning and then drove to the coast .
It might not seem like things have changed but I've read your posts and you have definitely improved , you will always miss your mum , you are a kind caring person and would be missed it's just everyone is wrapped up in their own lives .
It's usually just our own paranoia makes us think people might have it in for us .
Take care :hugs:
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Hiyer.....hope you managed to get out and about and at least do something nice. Everyone deserves a nice day. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUU!
Can I say something though ? Obviously, on this same thread, this birthday was the same as the last. It sounds pretty miserable. So, what could you change do you think, in your life, to make the next birthday a better one. Do you have friends? could you reach out to family again? Is your partner the right one for you if he cares that little? Do you work, voluntary roles, hobbies, groups, meeting other people? Its sad to feel so lonely, but there must be ways you could work on that would make a difference to your happiness. Don't just accept that next year will be the same.....:D:D:D
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Happy Birthday Carnation.
Birthday’s can be so lonely without a parent there to make a fuss of you. Do something for you. Much love xx
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Well, I wasn't expecting that! :hugs:
I feel I should apologise for being so grim this morning.
I don't like birthdays and I get very emotional and depressed. Carys, you are right. Next year I will look at celebrating it differently.
Magic, I remember it would be your daughter's birthday on the 18th so I will be thinking of you. :hugs:
Buster, the flowers and chocs are lovely. :)
Matt, thank you for taking the time as I know you have your own problems.
April moon and Scass, thank you. :)
And my mate Terry, you always have kind words for me.
:) The day is almost over and I will be pleased when it is, as I find birthdays so difficult.
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I think a lot of people on here find birthdays very difficult, Carnation. I know they are dreaded in my house. I hope you have had a better day than you anticipated earlier on x
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Carnation!
I don't like birthdays much either... The pressure society puts on us to be happy and cheerful when we feel like a crock of shit inside. So act as you feel and don't be sorry. It is, after all, YOUR day :D
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Much appreciated Pulisa and KK77.
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Yep......making next birthday different may mean changing things throughout the year, live differently and you reap the rewards the next birthday. Well, I love my birthday; I force everyone to be at my beck and call all day....I am demanding (in a nice way) and frequently whine ' but its my birthday...make me a cup of tea' etc. I drive everyone potty all day and leading up to the day I ask loads of questions about my cake and presents and where I am going (that they won't answer of course)LOLOL. Makes people realise I have high expectations. Ha ha ! Shameless. However, I do it for others too, so fair is fair. Try it with your partner, I mean HOW can he get away with just getting you a card ? Thats pathetic. Make sure he KNOWS in advance that you expect MUCH better.
I do understand about missing your Mum, but what you could do is instead of all out celebration....go somewhere nice for the day. A special day out where you can think and reflect instead ?
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Hi Carys. Last year my partner took me to a very expensive restaurant and it was awful! The food was terrible and we were the only ones in there. (That should have been the warning). We were both ill, so I said I didn't want to eat out this year. The weather was awful today, foggy, damp and dark. Otherwise we could have gone out somewhere. So, I ended up doing nothing. He's not a bad partner, but unless I organise something, we don't do anything. He has no imagination and is not romantic. :(
I don't know my late mum comes to the forefront on my birthday, but it does. I don't want to sound morbid, but I on special occasions I feel down about her not being around. I was an only child, so a big loss for me. And her family don't speak to me anymore. That's the way it is.
But, I will think more about what I do next year and you have suggested some ideas. x
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I think McC should be pampering you at least. It's a bit thoughtless.
Is there anything else you would like to do other than a meal? Can he take you out for the day somewhere you want to go? Even if it means the sledgehammer approach of slatting a brochure down on top of his Ipad claiming you wouldn't mine going to see that.
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Re: Feeling alone and sad on my birthday :(
Hi Carnation :D
I was alone on birthday,just the dog for company and a bottle of Grange.i don’t do birthdays haven’t done for years.I don’t do Xmas either I find it a lonely time and a waste of money.
Anyway Happy Birthday xx: