As someone with this theme, could you tell me how...

...A person with no anxiety is supposed to react when they see a joke they know is offensive to others because of bad experiences, but one which he/she would otherwise find funny? I mean, I've been so used to self-disciplining too much that I don't really know anymore. (You see, I was about to post an OCD Action thread about this kinda thing not knowing I couldn't do that, hence the fractured title.) Wouldn't the right thing be to kind of know that said joke is wrong, but secretly still like that joke if you really find it that funny? (You see, I dunno what the hell the right thing is anymore even though that's what I secretly believe is the right thing to do.)

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Admittedly, I want to know how to stop acting every time I see offensive jokes like I'm on a dirty sidewalk and I'm trying to avoid poop, that I have to numb myself into not laughing when I see them because I know they're offensive. Because of years of seeing people outraged by all sorts of jokes, I feel like I have to beat myself up into not finding jokes funny. I know that some people really do find some jokes offensive because of things that have happened to them, and while I would never make those jokes myself, the point here is that I feel like I have to fake not finding offensive jokes funny. I thought that I was over my SJW phase, but I guess I'm still brainwashed in some aspects.

Why is dog poo offensive? Many people get annoyed by it because irresponsible owners don't clear up after their dogs but it isn't otherwise offensive, well not unless the same people look at the toilet after they've done one and found their own bodily functions offensive...in which case that's not normal behaviour.

So, are you attaching too much to this? Are you worrying it reflects on you and makes you a bad person which you obviously won't want to be? Are you allowing yourself to feel guilty for things that you don't need to be?

I suspect your perception of this is skewed. Have there been any influences on you e.g. seeing people offended? Some people get offended by anything these days so it's important to determine whether they are being too sensitive as well.

But the poo thing is just a simile. What I mean is that I feel like I have to avoid laughing at offensive jokes as if I were in a dirty sidewalk trying not to step on poo. That was the comparison that sprung to mind because I've had to do that before.

Ah, sorry I misread that :doh: Been up too long...

Humour is subjective and some people find much more offensive than others. Around similiar company it doesn't matter and I'm wondering what pressures you feel are on you or environmental factors?

I mean, I know that some people who've had bad things happen to them get offended by certain jokes. I mean, the ones who aren't fakers. But the real question here is about how a normal and healthy person would react to a situation where they find something funny but also offensive.

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What would be the best way to mentally react when this happens again?

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https://www.quora.com/If-you-realize...cower-in-guilt

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Originally Posted by rainydayinsummer

But the poo thing is just a simile. What I mean is that I feel like I have to avoid laughing at offensive jokes as if I were in a dirty sidewalk trying not to step on poo. That was the comparison that sprung to mind because I've had to do that before.

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Like, I thought of that comparison because I have to do that once a month. :D

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Wait, is the merging automatic?

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Oh, looks like it is.

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Wait, am I the only one here in this board right now?

It merges because you are posting soon after. And this board is a quiet one so responses are slower and fewer but don't perceive that otherwise, it's more a HA forum so there are less of us responding on some of the other boards.

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I think a normal person may laugh but then think again but then go on to just moving on without thinking much more about. Not making themselves feel guilty about it and searching for deeper meanings into themselves over it.

And also consider the company you are in. You wouldn't laugh if you had a feeling others in your company would be upset by it. So, you respect their perceived feelings.

Yup, and how would a normal person react to someone telling them right to their face a joke that was simultaneously funny and offensive?

I know that the right thing to do would be to behave just like when my OCD wasn't that bad. The thing is though, even back then, I was a pretty repressed person who would see all those callout articles telling us why some jokes or expressions are problematic and meekly accept them.

It depends on you there. Some people would laugh to not cause a problem with the person and some would be more assertive about their beliefs. It depends on many things. Some people wander around like moral guardians of the human race being offended by everything, some just let things go to keep the peace.

As far as articles go, it depends where you are reading. Some media are critical of things to the point of frustration from many. It can be a matter of where you fall on the political spectrum as yo whether you are ultra PC or the total opposite but most people vary a moderates and also understand those who bang the drum all the time for their beliefs tend to get swerved by the more moderate masses.

And we learn. Society changes. What we laughed at years ago may be offensive now. Some people can't see it as that and demand everyone feel bad for laughing years ago but most will look back and regard it as the way things were then so as not to feel guilty.

Like, 9 years ago or so, somebody made a comment about how some random joke that I liked was offensive. I forgot the specific joke, but yeah, the feelings about how said comment made me feel are still there. I kinda repressed them for so long and convinced myself I was OK with pretending I was alright with people always making callout articles and posts about how certain things were offensive, but the dam had to burst after some time. I know they usually aren't right anyway, but sometimes they seem to be right, so that's where the reason for me to panic is still there even after regularly going to Internet communities where almost nothing is considered offensive. BTW, I randomly remembered said feelings today in a surprisingly clear manner, almost as if said trauma just happened yesterday.

As one could probably tell, this fear is sign of a cultural conflict in my mind. My new online peer group is of the "everything could be a joke if the execution is funny enough" school, well, they sort of convinced me, but I'm not fully like that. It's just my personal beliefs, K? At the same time however, I do wanna get rid of that "trying not to laugh at offensive jokes as if I were trying to not step on poo" mentality.

OK, so I'm almost over this theme, but I read some article about some people being offended by a certain joke, and these people really did go through something, so that's how I know it wasn't just a bunch of screeching SJW's. And now, I'm struggling to reconcile that with my hanging out with people who love ironically offensive jokes. (Like, the kind of humor that knows it's offensive and revels in the so-outrageous-it's-so-funny factor. BTW, this is just a roadblock. Worry about me, but not too much.)

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Originally Posted by rainydayinsummer

OK, so I'm almost over this theme, but I read some article about some people being offended by a certain joke, and these people really did go through something, so that's how I know it wasn't just a bunch of screeching SJW's. And now, I'm struggling to reconcile that with my hanging out with people who love ironically offensive jokes. (Like, the kind of humor that knows it's offensive and revels in the so-outrageous-it's-so-funny factor. BTW, this is just a roadblock. Worry about me, but not too much.)

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Humour is a subjective thing. Most humour can be offensive to someone at some point or on some occasion. What you may laugh at in a close group where you know you will not cause offence is different to some moron who does it knowingly in the face of someone it would hurt e.g. a joke about someone's cancer when they have just heard they had it.

From there it's about where do you draw the line. Much of the humour on TV is unpalatable to some but that doesn't mean society is sick for laughing at the outrageous. But there will always be lines of what is just too far.

You may as well be asking yourself, as someone with OCD around this, whether enjoying the violence in action movies means something about you inside. What would you say about this? Does it help to consider it from this angle if it is outside your focus on anxiety & humour?

One last thing I have to say before I (hopefully) move on: it's just that, somewhere along the line in the past, I somehow picked up the notion that making offensive jokes even if it's behind someone's back is somehow like, some kind of voodoo or something towards a potentially offended party.

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No, I don't really have magical thinking per se, I'm talking about the idea that even edgy jokes said behind one's back is somehow an insult to the person.

It seems to me that care about others because if you didn't why would any of this be questioned? That's a good thing but worrying about upsetting others or being judged, when obsessive or consuming in some way, can be quite skewed resulting in viewing yourself unnecessarily harsh.

Making the joke about the person, but done behind their back, is obviously wrong. A general joke is a different matter.

The rest is about judging whether it is acceptable & appropriate to the audience you are with. And if you make a mistake you can always apologise, learn from the experience and move forward.

Admittedly, this is more of a conscience thing: like I feel like I shouldn't find something funny knowing that someone out there would find a certain joke offensive if only they were there to hear it.

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Originally Posted by rainydayinsummer

One last thing I have to say before I (hopefully) move on: it's just that, somewhere along the line in the past, I somehow picked up the notion that making offensive jokes even if it's behind someone's back is somehow like, some kind of voodoo or something towards a potentially offended party.

---------- Post added at 11:27 ---------- Previous post was at 11:20 ----------

No, I don't really have magical thinking per se, I'm talking about the idea that even edgy jokes said behind one's back is somehow an insult to the person.

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Ugh, this is still in the back of my mind. To be fair though, I tell myself this: that context is everything and if ever a potentially offended party caught the joke-maker red handed, he/she could say that.

Bump

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BTW, I can't be the only one with this theme, eh? With outrage culture and all...

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Originally Posted by rainydayinsummer

One last thing I have to say before I (hopefully) move on: it's just that, somewhere along the line in the past, I somehow picked up the notion that making offensive jokes even if it's behind someone's back is somehow like, some kind of voodoo or something towards a potentially offended party.

---------- Post added at 11:27 ---------- Previous post was at 11:20 ----------

No, I don't really have magical thinking per se, I'm talking about the idea that even edgy jokes said behind one's back is somehow an insult to the person.

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As you could see, the "voodoo" kind of thinking, I haven't fully let go of it.

Come to think about it, my OCD could be quite lopsided sometimes. Like, I could be afraid of laughing at dark jokes because they're disrespectful, and yet I love to make dark hypothetical situations on Quora about death and stuff, and one might argue that's also disrespectful. And pretty much the same thing.

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Originally Posted by rainydayinsummer

Come to think about it, my OCD could be quite lopsided sometimes. Like, I could be afraid of laughing at dark jokes because they're disrespectful, and yet I love to make dark hypothetical situations on Quora about death and stuff, and one might argue that's also disrespectful. And pretty much the same thing.

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I’ve had a lot of OCD themes but this isn’t one of them so maybe I can offer the ‘normal person’ part (for once!)

Dark humour is actually a personal favourite of mine, and my parters too. There are many jokes that we make that would not be appropriate in certain spaces, say for example a work place environment or where you don’t know the people and their views. Finding things that someone else may find offensive funny isn’t really an issue. Being deliberately offensive to a group of people is.

In an attempt make a somewhat relatable situation I’ll describe something that offended me but is actually funny, when I have been online in certain groups for shared hobbies someone made a quip about being ‘too OCD’ and referencing other mental illnesses in their post, their post was funny and also offensive to those of us that do suffer - I could very much see both sides and I chose to laugh, where other members of the group chose to call the person out and to be offended. It’s all about perception and personal choice. I digress a little from my point but I hope it helps.

My main point is, in private or like minded company it’s absolutely fine to make whatever jokes/find them funny, I like to think of myself as a caring and nice individual but I still enjoy dark and twisted humour - even about themes that directly effect me.

Laugh! It’s good for us!

Positive vibes,

Mouse


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

There is personally nothing wrong in finding a joke funny. However, with due course of time, if you keep self-disciplining a lot then maybe you will stop finding such jokes funny. It is analogous to a popular psychiatric technique called systematic de-sensitization.

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Originally Posted by doctorallen

There is personally nothing wrong in finding a joke funny. However, with due course of time, if you keep self-disciplining a lot then maybe you will stop finding such jokes funny. It is analogous to a popular psychiatric technique called systematic de-sensitization.

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Yeah, for years, I self-disciplined myself excessively. I guess after some time, said desensitization did happen. But I did get tired of the constant self-disciplining, for it didn't improve my life and I got to a place where I somehow managed to be all self-disciplined and out-of-control at the same time. (I'm talking about my entire life and not just my attitude to offensive jokes.) You see, I had this one trauma nine or so years ago when someone said that one joke I otherwise would have found funny was offensive. (I honestly don't know which specific incident that even was, but I remember how it felt.) And I dealt with it by being in denial. Every time someone expressed offense at a joke or made a woke thinkpiece against it, I would take it lying down without doing any critical thinking. But of course, this much self-discipline never works and I cracked.

UPDATE: I occasionally still have this theme. However, I have also learned that all OCD themes could be ridden out and I now know how to stop themes in their tracks. I didn't make this post to ask for reassurance, but I also felt that I had to share all my thoughts on this matter. For I haven't properly expressed all those feelings yet.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rainydayinsummer

Yeah, for years, I self-disciplined myself excessively. I guess after some time, said desensitization did happen. But I did get tired of the constant self-disciplining, for it didn't improve my life and I got to a place where I somehow managed to be all self-disciplined and out-of-control at the same time. (I'm talking about my entire life and not just my attitude to offensive jokes.) You see, I had this one trauma nine or so years ago when someone said that one joke I otherwise would have found funny was offensive. (I honestly don't know which specific incident that even was, but I remember how it felt.) And I dealt with it by being in denial. Every time someone expressed offense at a joke or made a woke thinkpiece against it, I would take it lying down without doing any critical thinking. But of course, this much self-discipline never works and I cracked.

UPDATE: I occasionally still have this theme. However, I have also learned that all OCD themes could be ridden out and I now know how to stop themes in their tracks. I didn't make this post to ask for reassurance, but I also felt that I had to share all my thoughts on this matter. For I haven't properly expressed all those feelings yet.

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I wonder how many jokes actually exist that can't be moralised about? Someone can often probe for some inner meaning to something the author of the joke didn't mean to imply. It's one reason why social media is a frenzy of overly offended people looking to take offence at anything. :biggrin: