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anxiety has taken over
Hello,
This is my first time on here, ive been reading posts for the last for days trying to build the courage to to put my situation into words.
12 days ago i visited my GP with what i recognised as anxiety building up,i recognised what i was feeling as i suffered a breakdown 10 years ago. So i decided to head it of at the pass(or so i thought).
I was prescribed flauxatine 20mg, im now on day twelve of taking them and can honestly say i feel 100% worse than before i was taking them.
Day one was fine, as was days two and three, day four couldn't sleep right kept waking up drenched in a cold sweat and blind panic about i dont know what, a million thoughts all seemed to be streaming through my head all at once, and since then i have had the same experience every night, but slightly more severe as the days have gone on.The anxiety is happening all the time now in various stages of severity during the day.
I have read many posts from people saying stick to the meds and they will eventually work, but this really is a living hell at the moment..
Although i do feel a little better for getting that of my chest.
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hello.
Sorry you’re having such a terrible time at the moment. Glad you feel better for talking about it [emoji4]. Someone with experience will be along soon, but I wanted to say hi.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Welcome to No More Panic!
Hiya otterman and welcome to NMP :welcome:
Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.
I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Thanks for your reply scass, its good to know there are many good people using nmp
who seem to help each other get through there ordeals.:)
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Re: anxiety has taken over
I’m on day 11 of Ssri called sertraline. Like u anxiety got really much worse. But I’ve been on citalopram a few years back and yes the initial weeks were horrible and I had bad insomnia. I then started to feel ok. It took around 4 to 6 weeks. It helped me feel normal. So I would stick with it. Hold out. I’m trying too! It’s amazing how many people out there are in the same boat. Look after yourself.
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Re: anxiety has taken over
I feel your pain, starting up on ssris are hard bloody work, you will have heightened anxiety nausea, sweats, insomnia all the nasties and they are normal and not you, it’s the medication, you aren’t losing your mind or slowly melting your brain it’s these bloody meds, but they do work eventually we just have to be patient. I think the best advice in the next weeks are to keep your diary quiet. Download some box sets, live off of whatever food you can stomach, play games on your phone, sleep when you can, lots of water and chat to people who get you. You can do this. X
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hi rad1, thanks for your reply it is good to know there are so many people with exactly the same problems with there medications out there.. I plan to stick it out untill i can see some light at the end of the tunnel, but at the moment that seems a long way off. Im on day thirteen today and its been bad, maybe managed 2 hours sleep last night, usual things mind racing panicking sweating anxiety, not nice.
Gp tomorrow so may ask if theres any other meds i could take with the flaux to lesson the anxiety a bit..
We just have to remember i suppose and tell ourselves they are only side effects over and over.
Let me know how you get on, and thanks again for the reply.
---------- Post added at 22:41 ---------- Previous post was at 22:30 ----------
Hi Laura,
Thank you for your reply, and words of encouragement, it means allot.I will try and take some of your advice on board, as far as relaxing its difficult as i am in the middle of a house move for the second time this year, unbelievable i know, make no wonder my poor brains on the blink..
Thanks again for taking the time to reply.
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Be strong, get through this period and your body will start to suffer less from side effects. But if you are only getting 2 hours sleep it can feel more out of control. I take Nytol one a night. My Doctor said it was OK to. Buy them from any chemist. (there is a herbal Nytol with valarium etc, but dont think you can take that with SSRI, maybe Im wrong) Anyway, it helps me sleep longer. It is a vicious cycle, all this adrenalin or cortisol hormones in the system makes sleep so difficult. Distraction also helps me. Trying to focus on something different. I do mindful breathing. So you start breathing deep and slowly and focus on the breath going in through your nose, then into your lungs, and then out through the mouth - along with all that negativity. Thoughts do pop back in, but you train yourself to switch back to the breathing. Just giving your mind 30 mins rest is so helpful to you. There are plenty of things on youtube. I also tried meditation, with the 'happy monk' on youtube. So calming and even if no sleep, it does rest you.
Anxiety and fear of ending up in a serious breakdown is just difficult to take. But it will pass. (wise words Laura gave above)
Please let me know what your dr says about the medication to help with anxiety. I didn't get very far with my Dr. He offered beta blockers, but its the constant over thinking rather than palpitations that I want to escape from.
PS moving house is stressful and unsettling at the best of times. Try and get some help from a close friend or family member.
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hey Rad1
Had the worst night last night since starting the flaux, managed maybe 1 hour of sound sleep followed by disturbed 15 minuet snoozes for the rest of the night, bed sheets were soaked this morning and for the first time i was physically shaking, so much so that the wife took the day off work to go to the doctors with me.
Had a good talk with the doctor about what i was going through which made me feel a little better. She has prescribed me with Propraolol 40mg three times a day which is a fast working beta blocker to counter the Adrenalin that was making me sweat and anxious. She also prescribed me a sleeping tablet Zopiclone 3.75mg to knock me out and booked me an appointment to see a councillor.
Maybe an hour after taking the first pill i was feeling much calmer, then went to take the second pill around 5pm and accidentally took another flaux!! Panicked a bit, but will have to just leave tomorrow mornings out.
The wife took me to the coast this afternoon for a walk up and down the sea front which did me the world of good. From around 4am i have felt pretty good to be fair. Im just dreading going to bed tonight, think i will take the last of the three beta blockers at bed time and give the sleeping tablet a miss for tonight just to see how i get on, if its another horror story then tomorrow night i will take one. Thanks for all the advice you have given me on how to stay calm, one thing i do that works for me is taking a deep breath and blowing it slowly back out onto my forearm counting each breath up to ten and then back down again to zero, sounds strange but it works for me to a certain extent.I think the Nytol is a good idea, i dont really want to have to take the sleeping pil
as i have had them before a long time ago and became a zombie.
Thinking about it i could be having alcohol withdrawals as i used to always have a couple of cans of beer before i went to bed which i stopped three days ago.
Anyway day 14 is almost over hope tonight is better but i won't hold my breath yet.
How are you doing, are you having any bad side effects besides the anxiety?
Al post again tomorrow night with another update.
Thanks again for all the advice its very much appreciated, we will not be beaten.
Otterman.
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hi Otterman,
Sounds like a rotten night for you, but at least you have a good GP who is getting you some counselling and you also have sleeping help and the blockers. Great that your wife took you. That must be reassuring. A walk by the sea sounds perfect, gets you back to nature. My GP has not even mentioned counselling. He wanted me in and out in 10 mins. I am paying for some Skype counselling tomorrow.
I personally never took sleeping tablets before, but after some unbearably bad nights this time round, I decided it was worth a try. The torture of a couple of hours broken sleep I find hard to take. It really upsets me in the morning when its time to get up. I dont feel like a zombie the next day after Nytol. I usually wake up at 4am. Then I lie there thinking about life issues. I must get up at 7.30 to get my daughter up and ready for school. I make myself eat porridge, which seems to sort me out. Today I felt strangely calmer than the past few days.
I take my sertraline at night about 10pm before bed. Then a Nytol. I suppose the anxiety cant be felt if you are sleeping, and SSRIs are also meant to make you drowsy too. So Figured night is better than taking it in the morning. Strangely I still get the anxiety through the morning. It seems to improve through the afternoon. Then evening I am generally much calmer. But last time I started SSRIs (citalopram) several years back, I recall dreading bedtime due to the awful insomnia. So same as you.
I am actually day 13. Tomorrow I will increase my dose a little more, around 70mg from the 100 prescribed. (I am on 50mg this week, 25 last week).
Anyway its good to here how you are getting on, and I prey tomorrow is a much better day fro you. Easy on taking the blockers, try and save them for when you are desperate.
Take care. Catch up again soon.
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Day 15 on Flauxatine.
Another bad night last night, woke at 1.30 in a panic soaked in sweat again. Must of drifted back off around 3am and woke at 6.30 wet through, which i consider a good nights sleep compared to recently.
Got up 7.30 had my flauxatine and beta blocker followed by some really milky oat so simple, its the only way i can eat it as i seem to have lost the ability to produce saliva. Felt really on edge for the first hour but the beta blocker must have kicked in and i felt up to leaving the house.
Spent most of the day doing physical jobs which stopped me thinking and analysing my problems over and over.
Appetite is none existent at the moment which is a bit concerning as i have lost half a stone over 4 weeks. My bowls seem to have a mind of there own too.Is having a metallic taste in your mouth all day normal?
Best i have felt for a while a the moment, the evenings are always best, and even managed to have a couple of positive thoughts!Maybe the flaux is starting to work.
Hoping for a good nights sleep as i have a long drive tomorrow..
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Very little sleep again last night, and the usual cold sweats.Had a bad first couple of hours this morning with negative thoughts about everything and a very strong feeling of anxiety.
Forced myself out of the house and into my van, drove 85 miles to pick my friend up to collect his motorbike.
To cut a very long story short, i broke down on the motorway, got recovered by the AA and got home 9 hours later than i was supposed to with a van that i have only had three weeks and now does not work, i now have no transport and am at my whits end, have got prickly sensation running up and down the back of my neck and cant really rationalise my thoughts.. Its been a bad day today, all i managed to eat was a packet of crisps. I know for a fact i will get no sleep again after today.. Feel sick of it all
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hi Otterman, wow that’s really tough on you. Even if you were well, the van nightmare would be hard to take. The extra anxiety on top is so hard to take, I know only too well. The nytol one a night sorted my sleep out, well I get 11.30pm to about 4.30am. I find that time after until I get up a bit hard as I over think. But keep going , things will turn around. It’s important u get some decent food in you even if you don’t want to eat. Baked potatoes, soup, porridge work for me. Take care. Rad
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hi rad1,
Yet another bad night, and been anxious all day today, tomorrow i have to try and the crooked company i bought my van off to repair it under warranty, don,t think they will though, and im not in the frame of mind to argue with anyone at the moment.. I have my porridge on a morning nice and milky and can eat it no problem same with soup or any wet food, its just my stomach seems to close after a couple of bites. Anyway i have succumbed to taking a sleeping pill tonight for the first time, i really do need some sleep.
Did you feel any benefit from upping your meds the other day? Hope so..
All the best
and hears to a good nights sleep.
Otterman.
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hi Otterman,
I think the sleeping tablet will really help you. If it does work, having sleep will help you feel a little bit better for sure. You sound really tense, so try hard to relax your shoulders and neck and watch out for any jaw tension. I found my jaw gripped as if I was biting hard on many occasions. I think thats a side effect. There is also this technique I used to do in bed when I couldn't sleep... You lie down, and tense up the muscles in your feet for say 15 secs, then release the tension and relax. Then tense up all your legs and feet, and then relax. Keep moving up the body. Last of all tense up the the whole body and then relax. It can really make you relaxed and you feel all heavy, like sinking into the mattress.
Last night I had very broken sleep as I heard noises and my partner thought it was a burglar downstairs at 3am. Anyway, it was nothing, I managed somehow to wake up and get back to sleep a few times. But very very hard to get out of bed today, just couldn't face it. I've increased the medication a little yes. Good news - no extra side effects to report. Yes, I seem slightly less anxious. I found the first 2 weeks really tough in terms of anxiety. Now slightly reduced, but I still worry like crazy and like you, lost lots of weight. My trousers are loose on me now, its upsetting. I've been worrying so much through the weekend, and this morning its been really bad. I am quite scared of what the future holds for me as my business is on the rocks and I worry how I will manage to pay the bills etc. The way I feel I cant face looking at trying to find new clients. I had a counselling session last Friday on Skype, which helped me dig up lots of difficult things I went through earlier in my life, and I am pretty sure they have impacted on my 'panic' pattern of behaviour. It was the counsellor who pointed it out.
I am glad you are eating a bit, I was worried when you said just one pack of crisps the other day, that can cause headaches, lack of energy and irritability etc. And one other thing - I do sometimes get slight shakes, like you were describing in one of your posts. And I think it might be linked to low blood sugar level. I usually get it before breakfast in the morning. It is pretty disturbing when it happens. I recall reading on the SSRI instructions - if you are a diabetic - monitor more frequently. (Im not)
Be careful with the Van guys, don't let them off the hook, but try and stay calm and reasonable. You don't need something serious to happen.
I have my daughter's sports day later, its going to be 29c. I am trying to pull myself together and go, not easy to show my face amongst all the other parents.
I am quite good at hiding my anxiety, but I'd prefer to hide away.
Good luck tonight Otterman. If it works, you will feel some control coming back which will be great.
PS there is this great article on this website:
http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/articles/glovesoff
I started reading it last night and lots made sense to me.
Take care
Rad1
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hi Rad1
Sounds like you had a terrible night, the last thing you needed with anxiety is the thought someone is downstairs in your house. You say you have your own business, well oddly enough so did i up until march this year, had to wind it up after 10 years of stress and worrying about money, employees the tax man or men as it happens. Paid all my debts off and walked away.
I think too many things have append to me over the last 5 years and my brains just gone into melt down.
Its funny you should mention teeth as i have woke up afew times grinding them.
I took the sleeping tablet last night and slept for 5 hours which was good. I have actually felt the best so far today. Took the van into my local garage, hes going to see what it needs doing then ring the warranty people, it made me feel better looking out the window and not seeing it on the drive anymore, out of sight and all that.
I have rediscovered tuna sandwiches of which i have had two today plus my oats so simple.
It sounds like your meds are starting to work which is great news, you mentioned the shaking again before breakfast, i think its the restless nights that do it to us, my worst time now is the first couple of hours on a morning, and it is bad to be honest.
Im going to take another sleeper tonight but dont want to get two dependent on them.
Hope you had a good time at the sports day, even doing something like that is a massive thing, especially if your having to play act the part.
Anyway, hope you have a better night tonight.
Catch you later,
Living in hope Otterman..
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hi Otterman,
Pleased for you that you managed 5 hours sleep the other night. I think your body and brain were crying out for some sleep. It is great that you feel better yesterday, I am sure it is connected. I slept nicely too the past couple of nights, even though I only take 3/4 of a nytol now. I dont want to get too reliant on them either. But having zero sleep is guaranteed to send me downhill. How did you get on last night? And how are you getting on today? I hope better and that the van issue is sorted OK.
My business is really just me, and I pay a couple of others when I need them. I had plenty of struggles over the years, worked my socks off and had good times, but it all feels very fragile right now. That's what has really brought all this anxiety on with me. I feel the pressure more than the old days as I have my daughter to think of now. In the old days I would hunker down and live cheaply! Now I have plenty of extra expenses. When the anxiety kicks in, I find it hard to feel normal. Soon I will need to be at my best and most confident. I have decided to take it easy today, its so hot. I want to get myself feeling better. The terrible anxiety has slowed down, I'd say I am back to the level it was before the meds. So rather than 7/10 its about 4/10, at night often lower. Like I said before, it took around 4 to 6 weeks for the meds to help me feel myself, and be more positive.
I didn't need to go to sports day in the end which was good. I prefer a low profile for now.
How are you doing today? calmer I hope. Tuna sandwiches - love them, especially toasted.
Keep me posted on things.
Take care,
Rad1
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hi Rad1,
Glad to hear your anxiety levels are falling and your sleeping better, sleep is the key like you say.
Dont go rushing back to work until you really feel you can, it would probably be better for you if you could just ease yourself back in.
Took another sleeper last night and was in bed at 11pm, woke up at 1.30am covered in sweat again and panicking, was off and on then untill 7am when i made myself get up.
Today has been a couple of steps back for me, been anxious all day more or less, even with the beta blockers.
The heat hasnt helped either 30c here this afternoon and i have been working on my fence and gate.
Best time of the day for me now by far, feeling more relaxed and had spag bol for tea most of which i managed.
Not much progress with the van, dont think they can find the problem with it, im lost without it at the moment.
Tomorrow will be better,
Thanks for listening to my rambles,
By for now, Otterman.
---------- Post added at 21:23 ---------- Previous post was at 21:21 ----------
Forgot to say im on day 19 of the flaux, and still waiting for them to kick in.
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Re: anxiety has taken over
We’re in the same boat Otterman. I don’t think your posts are rambling, they are very striking and I relate to them and what you are going through. Yes the heat is not helping. I know what it’s like to jolt in the night and get in a state, it’s hard to take. When the meds kck in it will slow down and you will sleep better. When does your counselling start? At the bottom of all this is very likely some experiences you’ve been through that now come out in panic attacks. Maybe lots of small episodes that all added up. It’s stored subconsciously and for many it can result in panic attacks fir no apparent reason. I hope your counselling can help you map these things out. It’s not your fault, and you need to give yourself a pat on the back for coping through a nightmare. It’s going to get better.
Keep me posted, I will keep you posted too. Have a restful night.
Rad1
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Well its day 20 Rad1 and its been up and down.
Oddly slept for 7 hours last night and only had a slight sweat, the sleeps down to the sleeping tablet i know, but i felt quite good when i got up.
Went to B&Q and it all went a bid bad, wave of panic came over me sat in the car park, had to make myself go in for the wood strainer i needed. Calmed down almost the second i got back in the car.
Spent most of the afternoon painting decking down at my caravan/new home, this just took my mind of everything, very therapeutic painting. Anxiety has begun to creep back up since i came home, but actually managed jacket spud chicken and sweetcorn ate the lot.
Doctors in the morning, dont know what to tell her, she should have some information on my therapy session, i know theres a waiting list.
Thought i had a burning sensation in my arms earlier which started to freak me out a bit until the wife pointed out i had sunburn. The mind is a very complicated beasty which given time can be tamed im sure.
All in all a better day than yesterday, haven't taken a beta blocker today so that must be good.
All the best for now
Otterman..
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Day 20! You are on the home run Otterman.
7 hours kip - its your body catching up and great to hear. I don't think you will get stuck on the sleeping tablets, you are too aware about it all, but I am like you, extra cautious. You'd need to do 2 weeks in a row to start needing them. The Nytols I take are an alternative to consider, they are antihistamines. They are not strong, but help me. After a while they stop being so effective so you have to take a bit more. But I cut down for a few nights from time to time, perhaps I will skip one tonight. So keep that up your sleeve as an alternative option. Ask the doc if thats OK.
It sounds like the B&Q thing was tough for you. But hold on to the fact you've been and done those trips millions of times. Reassure yourself. And you've taken on plenty of challenges I am certain. In the end it sounds like you've been doing lots of positive things - decking - fence etc. Take a pat on the back. And soon enough you will be back under control. It only takes a split second of fear and the adrenalin and cortisone hits into the blood, that pumps up the heartbeat and suddenly you can start to feel like 'fight or flight'. It then makes you get anxious and so more goes into the blood, its a vicious circle. I suffered lots over certain situations when I was young and starting my first job. That is why I ended up working for myself. Now that's coming back to bight me I suppose. I wish I knew then what I know now. Even very famous people get panic attacks, they just get used to dealing with it, and with modern meds, it can be tamed. You will learn coping mechanisms. At one point I found flying really challenging, I got so panic stricken and couldn't eat for hours before. Then I would feel extra terrible in the departure lounge and hope I wasn't hemmed in at a window seat. It used to make me feel like I wanted to be sick. What is incredible, I ended up flying all over the world. I never dreamed I would get that beaten, but now I enjoy it. And also I used to hate eating out in restaurants, as I couldn't feel relaxed enough to eat. That too changed. I better keep all this victories in mind as I take on my new challenges.
Well done for holding back on the Blockers. It is good to know they are with you if things feel like you are losing control.
You take care Otterman, and whatever happens tonight, you know you can cope tomorrow.
Good you had some proper food. Food is our friend. It can lift spirits for sure.
When you see the doctor, don't hold back. Tell him/her its unbearable and ask if there is anyway you can be prioritised. I am sure that you will benefit from getting expert help. Panic attacks come for a reason. They will help you understand what that is, and why it is not your fault. They will show you ways to calm yourself. That is all positive.
I had a really difficult day. I think its because Im used to working long hours and keeping busy. Ive done that day in day out most of my life. Suddenly there is little for me to do and so I hang around at home alone. I end up on the sofa. I can't seem to face doing what I should be at the moment. I can be quite strict with myself. I can't let myself avoid what needs doing for too much longer. But I will give myself some time to lick my wounds. My day gets better around 4pm when the working day slows down, and I dont feel so guilty about not working. Anyways, its a battle. But onwards and upwards.
Take care and I will watch out for your updates.
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Thanks for all your support Rad1, your advice really has been a great help to me.
I know exactly what you mean about not working, to be honest i dont want to get out of bed anymore on a morning, i have to make myself do things like getting a shower or even making a cuppa.
Day 21, i went to see the doctor this morning, i had a list of things in my head i wanted to talk to her about, but when i was face to face i just went numb. She wanted me to try another med, but i said i wanted to carry on with the flaux a couple of weeks more to see if things get better, so thats what im doing. I even forgot to tell her about the dreadful sore throat i have at the moment. She did ask me if i had heard from the therapist as she had referred me, so im expecting them to be in touch soon.
Sorry to here you where having a rough day yesterday, hope you have had a better one today.
I think you are doing the right thing taking some time out from work, only you will know when its time to go back.
Ive been rough again today, but i do think this heat is helping.
Best wishes Otterman..
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hi Otterman,
I think you are doing the right thing sticking with your medication. I don't think GPs always know the ins and outs of side effects and how long SRIs can take to work. But you only have to dig around on these forums and other sites to realise that for those with anxiety issues, it can be a rollercoaster ride for 4 to 6 weeks. And thats also my personal experience too. I am sure everyone is different, and perhaps another will have a lesser effect on you, but I got the same effect with cytalopram as the Sertraline I take now. I wonder if it would mean gradually coming off the existing med, and then starting over with the other, or whether you can just swap over and start the 4-6 weeks of side effects again.
I know what you mean about going in to see a doctor with a bunch of things to say and then ending up going blank. I make a list now, as it happened to me so many times. I hope the therapist gets in touch too, in my experience it is important work to do on yourself, but progress takes time. It is all positive.
This heat doesn't help like you say. It makes life uncomfortable when you are not feeling well. I imagine that if you are in a caravan, its really much hotter. Everyone else around me, is over the moon with it. Last night I took my partner and daughter to a restaurant as it was half price (during the footi). I felt good for that couple of hours, like this whole nightmare hadn't happened. I have to watch the money, something I am worrying about, but a treat like that made me feel human. Then I decided to take just a 1/3 of my nytol as its been a whole month of me taking it. I woke at 3am and struggled to get back to sleep for an hour. Then woke soon after. It was warm too. Duvet on and off. Was not nice. Perhaps it would have happened even with a whole Nytol. I seem to have the slight shakes again this morning and also feel more tense. The higher dose is probably doing that as it had all calmed down earlier in the week. I will try and do the same tonight. This morning I've kept busy as I had a Skype meeting, which went fine. Then I had my counselling. I noticed how I let myself get in to a state with worry as I covered my fears about my situation. I managed to get myself together. It was quite tough that session, saying how all this has made me feel about myself and talking about my fears, but on reflection I got something from it.
I am glad the weekend is almost here. Another week gone and I hope a bit nearer to feeling more normal again. I want to wind down tonight and give myself a break from this misery of anxiety. I am pleased we connected and are able to share whats going on. Last night I scrolled quite a few other posts and saw so many others with similar struggles. Its such a shame. But at least it helps me appreciate that I'm not the only one with such problems.
Look forward to hearing your news later. I hope you had a better night and a more relaxed day.
Cheers, Rad1
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Well its day 22 today and its been totally weird..
Took my sleeper last night and had a really good unbroken sleep, i felt great for the first half hour but then the anxiety slowly crept back in and i got the prickly sensation back down my neck and arms. Had to go to tescos food shopping and was dreading it, strange thing was i managed it fine.
Back down the caravan painting all afternoon, and my wife commented at one point that i was back, and i was for about an hour, and then back to the feeling that i consider to be normal for me now, which is just niggling background anxiety, if that make sense.
Im not living in the caravan yet by the way, im trying to get it all sorted ready for the big push.
One of the grand kids came to stop the night, so i had to pretend to be happy grandpa when in actual fact i just felt nothing inside, which sounds awful i know. I keep getting the feeling that i am slowly becoming detached from myself its awful. Dont know if these are all side effects of the floax, they probably are.
I do believe that swapping meds, or even upping the dose will set people back to the start of there side effects.
Its much cooler here now than its been all week, so im hoping for another good nights sleep, i only have 4 sleeping tablets left as the gp was reluctant to let me have any more and rightly so i suppose.
Its good to here that the counselling is helping you, it must be good just to get things out in the open.
Hope you have a better night tonight and get some good sleep, as you have said before its the key.
Well thats today done and out of the way, onwards and upwards tomorrow hey?
Catch up later.
Thanks and cheers Otterman..
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Re: anxiety has taken over
I think it’s great that you’re keeping a little diary here. Does it help you to look back on it and see how much better you’re doing?
And hey, don’t we all fake happy moods sometimes? I didn’t today and I felt SO guilty when I saw the look on my daughters face! So fake it until you make it I say!
Hope today has been better.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Scass, thanks for reply,
Today is day 23 and has probably been the hardest so far. Woke up with prickly skin and it has just stayed with me all day, hopefully these are the worst side effects and it can only get better from here on.
Had more family round today 6 in total including a baby, so had to really try hard not to let them see the anguish i was going through, they must have noticed my lack of conversation though as im normally very chatty.
I have had a couple of fleeting moments today when i felt normal but that was it, looking forward to my sleeping tablet to escape for a couple of hours.
Tomorrow will be better im sure..
Otterman.
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hi Otterman,
Glad you slept well. I had the opposite. I woke at 1.30 and couldn't sleep. After an hour I reached over and swallowed my 'emergency' nytol. I managed to get back off to sleep, and then woke soon after. Repeated a few times. I thought that would line me up for a bad day. My partner and daughter went out for the morning. I tried to get some rest, but not successful. In the end I thought Id get something positive out of the day, and gave a big clean up to the bedrooms. It did feel like something was achieved. I also thought I had to get some exercise in, and the cleaning was quite hard graft. And I also shipped a spare bed from my sister's house, on the roof rack of my car. In the end I must have spent about 5 or 6 hours cleaning. A good distraction.
Just like your painting, its helpful to do something to distract away from the anxiety. Good for you for putting a 'happy' face for your grandchild. I am not sure my daughter knows whats going on with me, I try to hide it from her. But I did tell her I wasn't feeling good at the moment. I am giving her lots of cuddles etc. I'd hate it if she felt insecure. I recall as a young boy lots of insecurity in my home. We were pretty much evicted and my dad had to find a job overseas. Quite a challenge for my mum who had me and my 3 siblings to care for alone. I don't want that for my girl. Probably some of my anxiety relates to that.
It is good to hear that the old you was back, even if it was only for an hour. Maybe the meds are starting to work, even if just for a small while. I hope that happens more and more. I recall last time around feeling the usual me one morning for a while. I had tough days following it, but bit by bit I started to get more of those normal me times. Feeling detached is a difficult one. But I expect that its all the chemical change going on in your brain, and I hope a sign that things are beginning to change. Not sure about the 'prickly' feeling down your neck and arms, maybe down to painting work? I once had a 'brain zap' which is like an electrical buzz in your head, which last a split second. It is a known side effect of SSRIs. Maybe it can also give you the prickly feeling down your nerves too. I think I recall having some really nice dreams too!
I hope you have a good night tonight Otterman, I am going to try and go one more night without the Nytol. If I wake extra early and cant sleep, I will have a nytol on standby again.
As it is Sunday tomorrow, it is not the end of the world if I am a bit tired.
Have a good day tomorrow too. It is nice to hear your news and about how you are getting on. Take care, Rad1.
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hey there when I first went on meds it took about 3 weeks to start having an effect , maybe give it a little longer hope u feel better soon
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hi Rad,
Slept well again last night rite through to 5.30 this morning, dont know what will happen when i stop the sleeping pills, well i kind of know really!
Sorry to here your not getting much sleep at the moment,im going to ask the doctor about nytol when i go on thursday, it sounds like a handy thing to have in your arsenal. Good for you getting stuck into the bedrooms, yes it helps allot to divert your focus away from the niggling overthinking, i have been painting again today for three hours sat in a chair with a brolly over me, at one point i was actually singing along to the radio.
Today has been better than yesterday, had a couple of normal spells and even a few positive thoughts.
Oddly i went very anxious when i got home, think it was because of all the furniture and stuff i still have to get rid of, took my first beta blocker for three days and that seemed to do the trick, followed this by eating a full sunday dinner.
Good news too about my therapy session, its on the 12th of this month and is an hour long, its made me feel a bit better just knowing i can tell someone els in confidence some of the mad stuff that's been going through my mind over these last 4 weeks.
The prickly feeling has been with me again all day today, but the beta blocker seems to have got rid of that one too.
So day 24 not too bad on the whole. My wife goes back to work tomorrow so i will be on my own all day, see how that pans out eh?
Thats me for now, hope you had a good day..
Cheers Otterman..
---------- Post added at 19:26 ---------- Previous post was at 19:23 ----------
Squizzell, thanks for your support, im sticking to the meds and hoping for the best outcome, today has been better than yesterday.
Thanks again
Otterman.
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hi Otterman,
When you ask the dr, its Nytol 1 a day, not the herbal nytol.
Pleased that you had some OK moments today, including some positive thoughts. Shame it turned bad later at home. I hope you get a good rest again. That may have got your body clock sorted. Fingers crossed.
As you know this weekend I tried to cut out the Nytols, and again last night it was not a good sleep. Im sure the heat doesn't help. I woke at 3.30 and was unable to settle. I thought sod this and took half. Somehow nodded off and woke up again a few times. I also need the toilet more than usual, wonder if its the side effects. It was partner's birthday today so tried to look a bit more positive for her sake. Its been awful for her, she doesn't really get it all. I wanted to give her a nicer day than she has been having with my terrible mental state. She bought tickets for an event in a big park about 40 mins away. It was hot, we were late, I sat in the car driving feeling negative and how I really didn't want to go. It was full of happy, successful looking people. I feel like my life is going downhill, and everyone else around me seems so normal and happy. I did the deal and am now back home. I am anxious tonight incase I have a crap night again. I decided to take 2/3 of a nytol. I am not looking forward to the week ahead. Its been a whole month since all my anxiety kicked in. What a torture and I dont seem to know what to do with myself. I think it will take time to feel strong enough to take new challenges on, but I also have some small bits of work to do for people, and also sort my taxes out. Really cant face any of it.
My partner goes back to work tomorrow too. Ive spent lots of time alone this month. Im lucky that my sister is on whatsapp and sends me very supportive and calming messages. I think my perspective of life is quite unbalanced at the moment and so it helps.
So I hope all goes well for you Otterman, tonight and through the day tomorrow. Catch up then,
Regards,
Rad1
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hi Rad,
Sounds like you had the day from hell to me, its a testament to your inner strength being able to go through your day and come out the other side. Its one of the worst things about this illness having to pretend your ok to people, it completely wares you out.
Hopefully your partner enjoyed her birthday..
It sounds like you are suffering the same kind of thoughts as i am, especially the people envy thing! I know exactly what you mean. Everybody in the world seems to be better off than you, and go about there daily business without a care in the world, it all seems so unfair.
But what we have to remember is the fact its a chemical malfunction in our minds and we are going to get better no matter how long it takes.
I feel most of the time that i have somehow managed to trigger some invisible self distruct button and im going to eventually end up living in a bus shelter with nothing and no one..The brain can definitely be your own worst enemy for sure.
Anyway i hope you managed to get some decent sleep last night, i managed about 5 hours with the sleeping pill.
Day 25 of the floux, woke up this morning around 4 covered in sweat again and in panic, then the thoughts started to race through my head as they always seem to at that time. Must have dosed off again for a while and woke up at 6.30 in exactly the same state!
I have been using the beta blockers today as the doctor prescribed them, 3 daily, so i haven't been too bad today to be fair, not had the prickly sensation in my neck and arms, so that's a bonus. Still having lots of negative thoughts with very little in the line of positive ones.
Just wish the clouds would roll back and i could be me again just for an hour or so..
Anyway, im sure we will beat this eventually, just got to keep going with the meds although it sucks.
And i do know it feels like a very lonely road at times, its good you have a sister you can chat to, that must help a great deal.
Well im off to try and eat something, so catch you later, and remember its just the chemicals messing with us.
All the best Otterman.
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Cheers for your supportive message Otterman, it’s nice to be able to share the reality with you. We understand each other. Somehow last night I slept ok, I did wake up, but I made a promise to myself to give myself a break from the worry at night. I remember years ago when I had a bad anxiety period for similar reasons, I used to ‘hang up’ the worries on a peg on the back of my door, and tell them I’d see them tomorrow. It worked last night, maybe it will again tonight. I think you deserve a peaceful night too.
I sadly had a very low day today, despite the sleep. Everything took 3 x as long to do, and I had little motivation to be productive. It really was hard to take. But the inner strength came out and I collected my girl from school, did spelling practice and took her to ballet lesson, which I can’t afford but will find it somehow. Then I went to this yoga centre where they teach meditation and positive thinking. We were taught about affirmations. That’s when you say something positive like, ‘I am going to get through this’ and ‘I have great skills and can recover’ etc etc. by saying it out loud, ur inner mind starts to hear it and if u keep doing it every morning, it can start to replace the negative thoughts in your head. I’ve plenty of negative ones to kick out. It sounds over the top, but it also seems valid. I’m going to make a list of them. I started the breathing and meditation a few weeks back to try and tame the brain, it’s a kind of nice relief to sit quietly with eyes shut, breathing deeply and focusing on say a candle. I have managed to get some relief in bad moments. I bet your laughing at the thought :)
I hope you get another good rest, and a more positive time tomorrow. We are due a bit of peace and quiet;)
How is the van coming along? Any progress.
Cheers, Rad1
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hi,
I was just wondering first how are you?
Secondly did the zopiclone work for you?
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hello Roseessa,
Struggling a bit today with some bad side effects from the fluoxetine meds.
How are you today? good i hope. You ask if the zopiclone works for me? the answer is yes to a certain extent, i take it an hour before i go to bed and have been getting 5 to 6 hours sleep. Before i started taking them i was lucky to get a couple of hours, problam is im down to my last couple and they are addictive so the doctor probably won't give me anymore. Also i read somewhere that your body becomes used to them and they stop working after a while.
Hope this helps, and good luck..
Best wishes, Otterman.
---------- Post added at 17:44 ---------- Previous post was at 17:13 ----------
Hi Rad,
It doesn't matter how long it takes for you to do things, three times as long or even ten times. The thing is you are doing them which is great.
Sounds like you got a decent nights sleep, good idea hanging your problems up. Im dreading running out of sleeping pills, its the only peace i get from my nagging thoughts.
I have spent most of my life with a back up plan in case the wheels ever fell off! Well this time the wheels have fallen off and i have no back up plan. This is how i seem to be wired up, im constantly trying to think my way out of my situation but cant, and round and round it goes.
You made me smile when you told me about your meditation, what ever works for you has to be good. I don't get enough quiet time to do that, i have two dogs to look after that bark at there own shadows!
Anyway its day 26 i think, had 6 hours sleep, woke up the usual way cold sweat and anxious.. Got straight up and had my meds 30 mins later felt ok, then it all went down hill.
You asked me about my van? well i picked it up on saturday, did about 60 miles over the weekend and yesterday no problem. Got in it this morning to go down to he caravan reversed off the drive and no power, stuck on tick over. Pulse through the roof, Adrenalin burning through my body, you can imagine..Not quite full panic but it was close.
Drove it at 10mph round to garage, hes had a look at it and told me i have bought a pile of rubbish. He rang me this afternoon to tell me he had fixed it and took me out for a test drive, half mile up the road it cut out again. Im at my whits end with it, ended up leaving it with him to have another look.
Rang the garage i bought it from and the bloke was just full of bull, the warranty people keep saying we will ring you back and never do. I dont know.
I think if everything had gone to plan today i would have had a half decent one, but as it stands now im exhausted with it all, rocks, crawling and dying spring to mind.
Tomorrow really has to be better.
Hope you had a decent one..
All the best Otterman
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hi,
Thanks for replying.
Oh that is bad.
In a lot of pain today sadly but just had 2 lots of morphine so that should be kicking in soon.
Yeah, I was just wondering as I was given zopiclone and it didn't work so seeing if it does for others and how well. They gave it me due to going 4-5 days without sleep so now they want to try another pill.
Glad it works for you though :).
Yes they can be addictive and they ask you to do a while off and then you can go back on them if needs be but they mainly use it to get your body in a sleep schedule.
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Re: anxiety has taken over
hi Otterman,
That story about your van - it is so upsetting. When you are on edge and also every penny counts, its so very very hard to take. I can only send my message of support to you. That garage sound like total cheats. I hope you get some justice Otterman, you deserve to. I can imagine you are stuck at home when you need to be down the caravan.
Its an awful way to wake up, cold sweat and anxious. I wake up with a dread, and honestly dont know what to do - lie in bed and try to relax, or get up. In the end there comes a time when I must get up and do breakfast for my daughter. It sounds like we are both struggling over the past days. Its the worse feeling to feel that life is going down the pan or as you say 'wheels are coming off'. Today after dropping my daughter at school, I forced myself to get on with work, which is at my computer. Again, very hard to concentrate, but started by haggling down my household insurance by £200. They always stick the price up on renewal. My heart sank and luckily the insurers where actually very nice.
I got hot today at my desk, like sweats. And I had moments of total negativity where I just lay my forehead on the desk and almost cried. I wish I could. But I did my breathing and said some positive affirmations, and yes it worked a bit. I started to wonder if the extra med dosage I am taking is giving me extra anxiety. But as the day went on, I felt like I accomplished things. I met my partner and daughter in the park for a picnic in the warm evening sun. It was nice and empty. I bumped in to a lovely friend I hadn't seen for 2 years. The sort of friend you can feel comfortable with even if you are not great. Anyway, I went home and for about 1 and a half hours, I felt myself and managed smiles and it felt amazing. I hope the serotonin levels are up which would mean the meds might be starting to work. I prey they are. Anyway, Im fairly calm tonight. I think its like you Otterman, your wife saying that you were back for a bit the other day.
I have also been anticipating something like this for most of my unorthodox life, in recent years things were looking up. My plan B is fragile. I am hoping I can start to feel back to myself so I can take big challenges that lay ahead. I need to feel more positive to stand a chance, get my confidence back. Anyway, I feel like a wounded animal in the wild.
I prey that we both get some good hours tomorrow. That would give hope.
Get the Nytols in as plan B. And I promise you - relaxation on youtube, you must give it a go. I bet even for 30 mins you would be able to rest up.
Take care Otterman. PS lovely to have dogs to be with. I look after my sisters sometimes and its comforting.
Rad1
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Re: anxiety has taken over
hi Otterman,
Im before you today. I hope you had a better day today. I cracked on with some work and after a shaky start, felt encouraged. Then I heard some very bad news about a client who is set to leave me. Its been my main bread and butter money for 8 years, and known them for 18 years! Anyway, I knew it was coming, but its possibly a month or two sooner than I had hoped. Somehow I already started to accept this, but it did upset me to hear that I was discussed by the new boss in an unfavourable way. Anyway, tonight I cooked dinner for the family, had a nice time with my daughter and Im lying here about to chill down. I have a meeting tomorrow in the West End (London). I have to get on a crowded tube in the heat and then look confident at the meeting with a few others. Im not reporting, just invited to attend. I prey I get some good rest tonight. I have a feeing it will result in a bit of a bad restless night.
Take care Otterman, sleep well. I think you said you have a Dr appointment tomorrow?
Maybe mistaken.
Rad1
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hi Rad,
You sound like you had quite a positive day yesterday, good on you bartering the insurance down, you actually reminded me i have to sort the caravan insurance out before i move in.
Your picnic sounds like just the the thing you needed to lift your spirits, and meeting a good old friend was a bonus for you too.
I think your right about the downer you had at your computer, it probably is the increase to your meds thats causing it, i think it will all settle down in a couple of weeks for us both, hopefully.
Im back at the doctors again in the morning, and again i probably won't know what to say to her, its very hard to explain to anyone who hasn't been through it just how it feels, which as you know is quite horrific at its worst. Hopefully i am past that point now.
Had some good news this morning, one of my garden sheds arrived at the caravan(in kit form of course) borrowed the wifes car and spent the day putting it together, so my mind was fully occupied for at least 4 hours and like yourself yesterday i was me for a while.. Maybe we are turning the corner! hope so.
Its day 27 for me today, still woke up covered in sweat, but the bonus was i wasn't as anxious as i have been since i started taking the fluoxetine.
Went to check on the progress of my van this afternoon, its working again but he cant find the problem thats causing it, i took it for a run and it seemed ok, when i got back he was mumbling about checking something else on it, then two more customers came into the waiting area and i just started to panic, had to leave there and then it was really strange and not nice at all, once i was outside i was fine, this hasn't happened to me before and was very unnerving. Bet the bloke wondered where i had gone..
I will go back tomorrow, pick it up, pay him for his time, try to move some furniture, break down again and repeat the whole process! Or maybe it is fixed? Positive thoughts.
All in all its not been two bad a day, more good than bad, worst part by far was my blip at the garage.
Hope you have had a good day Rad.
Wishing you happiness Otterman.
---------- Post added at 21:20 ---------- Previous post was at 21:07 ----------
Hi again,
Think our posts crossed over there,awful news about your client, there doesnt seem to be much loyalty anymore where people are concerned, sighn of the changing times.
Be big on the inside tomorrow and use that inner strength of yours and im sure you will be fine.
The heat is a big problem for everyone that works at the moment, But at least the tubes are air conditioned..
Hope you do get a good nights rest, and good luck for tomorrow.
All the best wishes Otterman.
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Cheers Otterman, it is nice to have some positive words of encouragement. I think I will handle the meeting OK, I feel I can get through a few hours. As long as I get some sleep ;)
The client kicking me out is due to a change of the big boss. Thats what happened to me a few times in the past with others. I cant really be angry with them, but it has set all this panic off hence my anxiety, which has also made me depressed. I have no choice but to face it. I hope I (and you) are on the mend, would be timely.
Your shed sounds good, I like the idea of your caravan. Sounds like a nice place to settle down. It also sounds like your day was far better than recent days which is really positive.
Cheers, Rad1
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Re: anxiety has taken over
Hi Rad,
Hope your day went well,and you managed to get through your meeting ok.
Got a decent nights sleep last night, woke up as usual sweating and had to get up and take my meds before my mind had chance to start racing.
Went to doctors at 9am, she gave me another weeks supply of my sleeping pills but said just take one if i really need to, my wife went with me, she has been very supporting through all this.
Got back home, wife went to work so i decided to have a walk to the garage to see how the van was doing. When i got there it was rammed out with people waiting for there cars, that was enough, turned round and came straight home.
Not been great today, felt on a constant downer, i didnt help myself as i rang the bloke who i bought the van off and lost my temper with him and hung up.
Went down to the caravan late this afternoon when my wife got home, finished the roof off on the shed and hopefully get it finished tomorrow and the washer and dryer down there at the weekend.
I really need to start getting my head together, cant seem to cope with any interaction with the outside world at the moment.
Day 28 today, felt much better yesterday than today.
Hope you are doing ok.
Best wishes Otterman.