afraid of my own existence

hey
about an year ago i was try weed for the first time and that was The biggest mistake of my life. after two day i began to feel weird and anxious in general.
fast forward I started having existential thoughts Mostly what consciousness is? who am i ? What makes me me ? And all kinds of existential questions whose content is mainly about who I am or what am I? he anxiety levels were huge until I couldn't function at all day I was in bed barely eating . I went to a psychiatrist and he prescribed me Escitalopram 10 mg pills and after few Months 20 mg . Today I am in such a state That my existence is stressing and horrifying to me. And I don't know what to do about it How to shake it off .
Is it at all depersonalizing??! or just I got stuck in a state of madness!
It's like I think only I know who I am and the feeling is lonely in myself if that makes sense
any suggestions What can I do?
thank!

That is definitely depersonalisation. I had this for quite a while too, and the existential thoughts were horrible. I haven't had any for years now. The trick is to let them just come into your mind, without giving them any extra thought, or attaching fear to them... just let them come in and flow back out.. eventually they will fade away. Just realise it is an anxious mind producing these thoughts, nothing more, nothing less. You will be fine.

hey thanks for the quick response.
how can i not give them any extra thought every second im realize that imhere and exist And I'm trying to figure how and what is me and the anxiety rises.

The more you fixate on those thoughts, the worse things get as depersonalisation is triggered by very high anxiety, so the key is in REDUCING the anxiety, then the weird, out of body, thinking about your existence and how strange that feels thing will disappear, I assure you.

It REALLY will, i promise you. What you are feeling now is the brain's way of removing you from super-high anxiety....so it leaves you with a feeling of being strange in your own body and unreal. You need to distract your mind from that by doing something.....anything. Watch a movie, play some online games, it doesn't matter what, just as long as you occupy your mind on something else. This will reduce your anxiety and that existential thinking.

Depersonalisation is nothing but a very nasty trick of the mind during high anxiety. I had it very badly many years ago when i had a mental breakdown. I recall looking at myself in the mirror and feeling like a stranger was looking back at me....like I wasn't 'me' anymore.....like I had zero connection to who I was and the people around me. I can honestly say it was the most frightening thing I have ever experienced, but once my anxiety reduced, it went away.

How long have you been on 20mg of Escitalopram? Any med changes will make your anxiety worse until your mind and body gets used to it. I am on 10mg Escitalopram and when I first started it I had bad side effects - heightened anxiety, weird, out of body feelings and thoughts.

Bottom line here is that you have to break the cycle of anxiety causing the feelings and the feelings causing the anxiety, and distraction is key to this. Get busy and keep busy. It helps hugely. Tell yourself that this horrible feeling will not last too....because it won't.

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Originally Posted by roni g

hey thanks for the quick response.
how can i not give them any extra thought every second im realize that imhere and exist And I'm trying to figure how and what is me and the anxiety rises.

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That's the thing, you have to stop trying to figure out how and what you are etc.. just let the thoughts come in your mind and be there without adding extra thoughts to them or trying to figure it all out. I know it's hard, but as debs said, just distract yourself, and remember you used to think normally, and didn't have these thoughts. They are just from the depersonalisation, and all that depersonalisation is, is a defense mechanism that your brain uses to protect you from massive anxiety. (really stupid defense mechanism, as it makes everything worse).. but that's all these strange feelings and thoughts are, massive anxiety.. so if you can not delve into the thoughts, just let them come and be there without adding to them, and go out and live life and do normal things, you will begin to feel better and these thoughts and feelings will fade with time. You won't be like this forever... I had it really bad, everything used to trip me out, I felt like I was living in a movie, couldn't recognise myself, didn't even feel human, what even is human, everyone I knew felt like a stranger, even my dog tripped me out and looked weird.. the world looked dreamlike.. it is horrific, but the way out it is realising your mind is just protecting you and producing these strange feelings and thoughts because of anxiety.... do other things, don't think you have to work out these thoughts, they are all just lies from an anxious mind.

Thanks so much for the comments !
But I can't understand What to do, I'm afraid to even to look at myself Because the thoughts are illogical and for the for split a second so I can't even fully explain them. It's like I realized I am here and I live but can't understand how it happens and what makes me live and make me me. And I look at other people and i do not understand how they are not afraid to be themselves If that makes any sense at all :shrug::scared15: So how can I not be scared and go through it ??Maybe I should try to think the same thoughts as trying to think them willingly? Because once I try to distract myself after that I feel more anxious And how can I get distracted by the fact that I exist ?! Maybe I should deal with these thoughts and think them willingly?

Just let the thoughts be there by understanding they are just a product of a tired mind, that's all. Have you ever seen the depersonalisation section on anxietynomore? He helped me through this, I recommend going there, as his article's and blog can explain it better than me.