I'm finally gonna lose the few friends I have thanks to depression and anxiety

Not sure if this is the correct subforum but herr it goes. My two high school friends and I lost communication in 2013, when anxiety started to hit me. I deleted all of my social media and totally lost contact with them. After 6 years, one of them found me on instagram three weeks ago and she organized a reunion with our other friend and the feeling was kind of like 23 yr olds who still were in high school hehe we had the same love in spite of the years and distance. The one who organized the reunion is the most humble and friendly person out there, now she invited me to a photoshoot she's gonna do with all of her best friends and I said yes, that was like a week ago and I stopped talking to her. Like I do want to talk to her, but I feel like I don't have the energy and that I don't deserve to have them as my friends. I also don't want to hide behind the depression card, I don't wanna be seen as the victim, i don't want them to pity me, I don't want them to judge me, I don't want to bore them with my problem since I am not the only one with issues in this life.
There have been too many times I wanted to do aomething but something stops me from doing it?? Like I say s*r*w it Im gonna stay in my room where no one can judge me kr say anything bad to me.

You know how so many people react to mental illness, so many don't understand yet. Not even your own family. I want to explain my situation and why I don't socialize or talk with them, it is not because I don't want because I really do, it's just because this thing in my mind won't let me do it and I don't know what to do. I thought about first fixing the mess of a life I have to later come back to my friends but, do they have to put up with my things?? I am not that special and they probably have better and more fun friends who are worthwhile.

Should I open up and tell them what I've been what I've been through?

Hi Elle,

Been there, done that, lost a bunch of friends because of it.

I'd strongly advise you to tell people what's going on - you don't have to be melodramatic about it, just explain that you're really struggling right now and ask them not to stop reaching out even if they don't always say yes.

You deserve friendship, and it will help you recover from this horrible illness.

Please PM me if you ever want to talk?

It was tough losing friends, but I learned from it, in the same way that I learned when the anxiety took me the other way and I became too clingy and people started vanishing from my life for that reason.

...Yeah, I'm useless with people ;)

One other important lesson I've learned, though, is that if you're honest with people, the good ones will stick around pretty much no matter what you do.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

Oh my bad I wanted to edit that previous post and add something but I accidentally deleted it! It has happened twice now lol since the page's new platform tbh I kind of don't understand it well.

What I was going to say is that I dont know how to pm anymore lol I go to your profile but I can't see anything tha says private message :( how do I do it?? I'm on my phone right now!

I also been that other way, being to clingy but in my case it has been with my two ex boyfriends. I didn't want them to leave me even when they mistreated me and humilliated me but I just wanted to have a person who "cared" for me (although they didn't).

You're so right, if they understant they'll let these things pass on but I ya know I still feel like I dont deserve them and that they're better off without me in their lives so maybe it's my brain that is trying to make me one of the loneliest person cause even my family get fed up with my problems

Depression and anxiety can turn us into recluses. Everyone seems to be living a great life while we worry ourselves to death stuck at home. Your brain is definately not doing you any favours at the moment, talking you into feeling worthless. Everyone has their worth and everyone deserves friends. As BlueIris quite rightly says, the only friends you really want are the ones that stick by you in good AND bad times. Confide in the one you feel you closest to, the one who you feel will understand the most. Tell them, one day when you feel up to it, you'll be there but in the meantime, not to give up,on you.

Hi there Darksky x thank you so much for that message. You are so right I will go and tell her, and well I'll have to accept whatever she decides. If she wants to cut ties that's ok it will hurt me of course but doesn't it also tell me something?? I'm looking forward to receive proper treatment and finally enjoy my life cause I feel like everything in my life right now is a total waste