Teenager possible OCD - As a mum what can i do?

Hi All,
I am new to this but over this past year my 13year old son has been washing his hands atleast every hour and for way too long and asking me if they are clean after. This happens several times a day with him finding any excuse to do so. Occasionally he asks me to say "you cant wash your hands" and then he says okay and thanks me. This has since moved onto him needing to touch something (currently a particular skirting board in the front room) within 10 seconds. I of course ask why he is doing it and he says he doesn't know he just has too.
I don't know where this has come from nor how to help him stop as his answer when I try sitting him down and talking about it is just I don't know.
I now have him referred for Talking Therapy but they are saying it will take weeks. I wanted some advice of what I can do in the meantime as its just getting worse, within 2 weeks he has develop a new need to switch the kitchen light on and off 4 times before he can leave the kitchen without an issue (starting again when I intervene the 4 times).
I am now a very worried mum, who no longer sleeps...….. any advice or help tips would be so very appreciated.

Hi there,


I'm sorry I'm only seeing your post now, but as a mum myself I know how difficult it can be to see your children go through anything like this.
My son is now 19 and he was diagnosed with OCD when he was about 10. It crept up on him very slowly, over a couple of years. He would shout things out loud, would have to say them in a certain way and would only stop saying it once he felt he was ready to stop and it was correct.
The volume of the tv had to be on an even number, always. He had to turn lights on an off many times before he could leave it alone. He had a ritual before getting into bed, I can't remember half of it now, but could only go to sleep once the ritual was done.
There of course were many many other things too, but those few just come to mind now.


The one piece of advice I can give you is try not to let him see how worried you are. Even if you're crying a river inside, let him see you smile and show him that everything is ok. In other words, you're saying it's ok to be a bit different by having to do these ocd rituals.


It's great that you've referred him for therapy, because with a little help this is something that he can get on top of and at the very least learn to live with it, but also to find coping mechanisms while he's working through these issues. It's very possible it will improve over time, as it did with my son. While you're waiting for the therapy just be there for him, take each situation as it comes, do whatever you have to do with him to get through it and just move on then.


Nobody wants this for their child but try to accept that this is how it is, for now. Therapy will help him and in the meantime just show him that you are the most loving, understanding mum ever :)


Just remember that it's highly treatable so try not to worry xx

she has never been back on

Hi, Thank you so much for your response and sharing your experience with me. I do feel so helpless at times and have been responding to it with "its okay attitude". The only time I feel he may possibly see my concern when I cannot stop him from the washing his hands, which are so raw sometimes it pains me to see them and him like that. I just was not sure if I was doing the right thing by letting him do.... felt I should be doing the opposite, yet cannot find a way to do that without making him feel odd about it so figured to keep going with the positive attitude and as many ways of distracting him as I can think of when I see it happening.

Thank you again x

Hello, I am an OCD sufferer. It sounds like you are a really understanding parent, which will help his recovery a lot. The best thing that you can do is not add to his compulsions - I know it's hard! So if he asks you to tell him to not wash his hands, don't do it. It's hard because he may still do compulsions himself, but him asking you will also be a compulsion. It is so tough, OCD treatment is, but it will be better in the long run. The best kind of therapy for OCD is ERP (exposure response prevention) which is a form of CBT - that was the only thing that helped me. But it's tricky to talk about as a non-professional, as it's quite complicated. I had a great therapist who really did help me, my OCD hasn't gone away but I can manage it now and deal with flare ups quickly, and still very much enjoy my life. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post on here but send me a DM if you would like my therapist's phone number (I did all my therapy via Whatsapp calls with him). Good luck to you both.

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Originally Posted by Alia24

Hi All,
I am new to this but over this past year my 13year old son has been washing his hands atleast every hour and for way too long and asking me if they are clean after. This happens several times a day with him finding any excuse to do so. Occasionally he asks me to say "you cant wash your hands" and then he says okay and thanks me. This has since moved onto him needing to touch something (currently a particular skirting board in the front room) within 10 seconds. I of course ask why he is doing it and he says he doesn't know he just has too.
I don't know where this has come from nor how to help him stop as his answer when I try sitting him down and talking about it is just I don't know.
I now have him referred for Talking Therapy but they are saying it will take weeks. I wanted some advice of what I can do in the meantime as its just getting worse, within 2 weeks he has develop a new need to switch the kitchen light on and off 4 times before he can leave the kitchen without an issue (starting again when I intervene the 4 times).
I am now a very worried mum, who no longer sleeps...….. any advice or help tips would be so very appreciated.

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Hi there!

I just wanted to share my experience as someone who has been in your son's shoes at a similar age. I'm currently a 28F and while OCD has been a continuous struggle for me, the physical compulsions (which I found to be the most draining) stopped in my teenage years. Around the time I was 15, I started obsessively washing my hands (and not just washing them, but washing them in a certain routine/pattern). I also had to touch my clothes in a certain way, switch lights on/off, and wash my hands anytime I had a 'bad' memory. My hands became so raw and peeled, and most of my need to do this came down to the fear that something bad would happen to my mom if I didn't do these things (e.g. if my mom was out and I chose not to watch my hands, it would be my fault if she ever got into an accident). One day, I have such a such a distinct memory of waking up and deciding I would build puzzles in bed all day and not leave that spot as I was so tired and afraid of being triggered by all of these compulsions.

I believe these sets of compulsions laster around a year, and I would contribute this to testing not doing the compulsions and realising everything is ok. The thing with OCD is we can recognise these compulsions are irrational, but it is so inherently engrained in our mindset that not doing them is physically and mentally painful. It's like taking on the responsibility of the whole world.

I didn't go to therapy during that time and I believe if I had, the journey would have been a lot less painful, so it's great that you're taking that first step for your child! To echo what others have said, and as hard as it, don't feed into your child's compulsion (e.g. don't tell them they need to stop washing their hands if they ask you, and generally don't give them reassurance as it is a vicious cycle that only provides temporary relief). My biggest piece of advice though, is to show your child that you love them unconditionally and let them know there is nothing wrong with them. Many people have OCD and it is a common struggle, your child is not alone. However, at that age especially and when we are going through puberty and development, to add any mental health struggle to the mix makes it such a daunting experience. The worst thing you can do is create an environment of shame. My mom was wonderful at being supportive of me, but my dad (although not intended), made me feel like there was something wrong with me, and I have carried that shame into my adulthood.

Also, be kind and patient with yourself! Have a look online as there are many online support groups for people with OCD but also for loved ones looking after people with OCD.