Social anxiety worse because of the way I look

I've had social anxiety and general anxiety for most of my life. It started when I was in primary school and started getting bullied over my facial appearance and this continued all the way through secondary school. I have a really big nose and this is what I got teased and bullied about, I got called all sorts of nasty names and it really lowered my self esteem and made me embarrassed and uncomfortable around people. After leaving school I got teased in the workplace over my appearance and over the years have had horrible comments shouted at me in the streets from random strangers, usually by teenage boys, but also in my 20s in nightclubs have had people calling me ugly.

I'm now in my 30s and it has held me back all my life. I'm slim and petite so my large nose looks very out of proportion to the rest of my body. I wish I could have surgery to change my appearance but I am too afraid and can't afford it anyway. I wear make up but it doesn't really help, I can't cover up the size of my nose. I don't have any friends and I'm a loner, I never have fitted in so I have no social skills whatsoever, I panic and get soo anxious around people, worrying about how they are judging me and thinking how they must be so disgusted by me. I avoid going out as much as possible and wear sunglasses and hats to cover up as best I can. I avoid things like going out for meals or drinks, I hate getting dressed up, I don't feel confident as there is no point, no matter what I do I will always look ugly and it gets me down. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed of the way I look. I've found wearing as mask the last year and a half has helped me to feel less anxious, but I still worry people will noticed how much the mask sticks out from my face. I got really anxious when face masks became no longer mandatory, I see less and less people wearing them and I worry people will start noticing me more now as I still continue to wear one.

It's harder when I have a sister who is fairly attractive and got the good genes. I feel like a failure and it's impacted so many areas of my life. Just don't know how to get help, it's not something I feel comfortable talking to a doctor about. I feel I've wasted so many years of my life but it's all I've ever known and don't know how I'll ever break this cycle after over 25 years of feeling this way.

Hi Marie89..

I know, those words still ring loud in our heads.

I was very effeminate as a child growing up and kids and teenagers were relentless. It nearly destroyed me and I learned to become a loner early on. I'm still sensitive person, but sometimes when you appear fragile people pick up on it, so try go hold your head up high. Now, I don't see life the same way and I realize other people put others down because they (themselves) are insecure. I also never ever have fitted in so I have no social skills neither and embrace the solitude and appreciate my own company.

Sorry you're feeling down about yourself. Try to be yourself. We are all different and come in different shapes and sizes.

Hope you feel better :)

I find your story incredibly sad. The people who taunted you are pathetic. A number of v famous women have larger noses - Barbara Streisand, Princess Diana, Lady GaGa - In fact some men prefer women with strong noses. There used to be a NMP member about 2017 who liked larger noses as they represented strength, character

Your family could give advise about how to enhance your good features eg eyes, strong eyebrows, hair, figure. Wearing certain types of clothes/jewellery could put the focus on other parts of your body. You really need to find a hobby, interest that absorbs you. It will build your esteem & give you something to talk about when you do go out. Its all about confidence. As regards discarding masks, no body is looking at you. They are more interested in themselves & their world.
Perhaps you could make a GPs appt & give him/her a copy of the message you have posted above. They may be able to arrange some counselling. Is it possible to self refer yourself to Talking Therapies in your area? I wish you well.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Marie89

I've had social anxiety and general anxiety for most of my life. It started when I was in primary school and started getting bullied over my facial appearance and this continued all the way through secondary school. I have a really big nose and this is what I got teased and bullied about, I got called all sorts of nasty names and it really lowered my self esteem and made me embarrassed and uncomfortable around people. After leaving school I got teased in the workplace over my appearance and over the years have had horrible comments shouted at me in the streets from random strangers, usually by teenage boys, but also in my 20s in nightclubs have had people calling me ugly.

I'm now in my 30s and it has held me back all my life. I'm slim and petite so my large nose looks very out of proportion to the rest of my body. I wish I could have surgery to change my appearance but I am too afraid and can't afford it anyway. I wear make up but it doesn't really help, I can't cover up the size of my nose. I don't have any friends and I'm a loner, I never have fitted in so I have no social skills whatsoever, I panic and get soo anxious around people, worrying about how they are judging me and thinking how they must be so disgusted by me. I avoid going out as much as possible and wear sunglasses and hats to cover up as best I can. I avoid things like going out for meals or drinks, I hate getting dressed up, I don't feel confident as there is no point, no matter what I do I will always look ugly and it gets me down. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed of the way I look. I've found wearing as mask the last year and a half has helped me to feel less anxious, but I still worry people will noticed how much the mask sticks out from my face. I got really anxious when face masks became no longer mandatory, I see less and less people wearing them and I worry people will start noticing me more now as I still continue to wear one.

It's harder when I have a sister who is fairly attractive and got the good genes. I feel like a failure and it's impacted so many areas of my life. Just don't know how to get help, it's not something I feel comfortable talking to a doctor about. I feel I've wasted so many years of my life but it's all I've ever known and don't know how I'll ever break this cycle after over 25 years of feeling this way.

---

Marie, the problem isn't your nose lovely. It's people who are the problem!

I have a bigger than average size conk and with large nostrils. When I look up, people surrender - you get me?

I used to get called all sorts at school. I had big lips to match - which are great now I'm 51 and most people's lips have all but disappeared but back at school I got called 'Jagger Lips' and then they settled on doing monkey impressions.. :lac:

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. It's not just a cliché. It's true. One of my crushes was on Ian Rush (Liverpool FC) and he is very well endowed in the conk department!

Let me take you back to something you said about yourself?

"Slim and petite"

Loads of girls/women will envy you for this, you know?

RE teenage boys shouting things at you in the street? Their idea of a 'woman' probably comes from Nuts mag (or the equivalent) photo-shopped to shit and unrealistic lack of muffage. They'd run a mile when faced with a real woman ha ha

You need to understand that every single person (without exception) who has said mean things to you - has self-esteem issues of their own. There will be something about themselves (or their lives) that they despise. Happy people don't say intentionally unkind things..

Here's my advice..

I spent years shading my nose with make-up, sticking pegs on it to make it slimmer, and blaming my mother for the size of my nose..

Then I hit my 40s and I stopped giving a shit about what people think of me..

My bigger than average size conk has served me well. I can take in more oxygen than most, and I've learned that sticking my nose in the air has an intimidating effect on people - so I use that to my advantage now.. :shades:

Bottom line: even if you had the money to get a nose job - there is no guarantee that you'd be happy with the result. Far better to reframe how you see yourself, rather than other people grappling with their own self-esteem issues..

Aside your petite frame - what else do you like about yourself? I like my eyes. They're odd colours - one green and one is green and brown, so I make the most of them. Also, my hair. I still have great hair! (and most of my own teeth)

You must learnt to love yourself as you are lovely because that's the most important thing - not what random @********s think..

I'll leave you with this..

One of the lads who took the 'monkey' impressions to the extreme? He had a lovely head of long blonde hair as a boy. Looked like a rock star. I found him on Facebook a few years ago and he's bald as a coot! :winks:

Rocking who we are is what makes us truly attractive..

No point looking fabulous if we have the personality of a wet mop, right?