Am I depressed??

I suffer from HA mainly for a long time.
Everything came and went away. Heart, muscle, ALS, throat issues.

I did worry about all of them as that is what HA is right.

Before summer my doctor said maybe you should increase your meds a little and get some ease of mind. I am on 5mg of paroxetine since like 5 years and coming from 10mg before.

So I did for 1 day and it got me spinning. I read the paper that said suicidal toughts.
The next day I woke up and my brain went, what if there is no other solution for me. Ofcourse there always is but it freaked me out. I made a post on that too.

Anyway it costed me so much energy thinking why I would think that and finding reasons why that is nonsense, there are plenty by the way.

At the same time I had this heavily reduced emotions, so when I tought of things I would normaly be exited about they seem not or less exiting at that time. Would that be a safety function of my mind?
So the worry continued, what if I am depressed and get out of control or fall into a deep hole.

Luckily those toughts got to the background a little after holyday and I seemed to care less about them. I gave them no attention.

Now I sometimes have a bad feeling like nothing means anything and it scares me. Then I want to take my mind to a happy thing but these things don’t make me feel better then. Then this feeling brings up that word of suicide again which I ignore.

Still i find myself worrying why I think about that. I LOVE to be here with my kids and wife and I have nothing to complain about besides a stressy job.

Also sometimes I find myself in a stuck mind not able to think about anything. Then I descide to realy live in the moment which eases the problem, but it scares me.

I am afraid of going crazy or slip into a deep depression but I dont want that. I want to be happy, have a clear mind to think. I also want to know what to do to prevent slipping badly.

I do enjoy playing music or gaming and reading, playing with the kids.
Only thinking about those things don’t feel so excited anymore. When I do it its fun.
I love going to soccer practice with my son talk to the dads and have a beer.

Would this be some mental anxiety thing instead of the physical I had before or would it be depression related.

I also don’t blame on myself. I am a good employee and a good dad and husband. I am also proud of what I accomplished so far.

To give you an example about those emotions, I used to worry excessive about my son when he was ill or sad. When I heard a tragic story about a kid I would reflect it on mine and tought about losing a kid. These emotions were realy heavy. When I think about it now It does not touch me that hard and I also think “ that will not happen so you don’t need that strong emotion”. But in the end it meens my emotions have changed somehow to a more numb state if that makes sense.

Can anyone help me relate or explain?

Currently I am doing sofrology and the lady knows about this stuff.
Saturday I will also go to a seminar about thinking and anxiety in general.

I want to do anything to get better but currently the steps I take don’ bring results and that also scares me.

Thanks for helping!


Verzonden vanaf mijn iPhone met Tapatalk

I think you are afraid of losing what you have.
These are very common thoughts with anxiety.
And when you read and hear of tragic circumstances, it triggers something in your brain.
You become aware of mortality,fear sets in and hello anxiety.
I can read you are a positive person and the 'want' to do stuff is encouraging for you.

Thank you for answering Carnation.
That is part of it now as I just promoted at work. If i get sick maybe I fail at my new job.

Problem is we have nobody to take the old job. I do both now for nearly a year.

I am usually as positive as I can but this is pretty heavy. This thinking is harder to handle I find.

I just have to stop giving weight to toughts but I find that not so easy [emoji3]. Especially when relaxing or in bed.


Verzonden vanaf mijn iPhone met Tapatalk

Be kinder to yourself, find relaxing things to do in your spare time and maybe stop reading newspapers until you feeling more settled.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Carnation

Be kinder to yourself, find relaxing things to do in your spare time and maybe stop reading newspapers until you feeling more settled.

---

I don’t read or watch news at all [emoji3].
Yesterday after sofrology I felt so relieved.
My head empty and relaxed. I will do this everyday from now on!

I am also rearranging work a bit to get the pressure of myself for as much as that is possible.

I realy want to get up and move again.
It would be nice to see some progress in the coming weeks.

Strange is that at this time I don’t have any physical discomfort from anxiety but only mental.




Verzonden vanaf mijn iPhone met Tapatalk

Hey good people,

I would like some more advice.
Above problem has changed or improved a bit, I actually don’t know sometimes.

My main issue at this moment is that I get episodes of nothing matters anymore kind off feelings. Like this morning I woke up just fine and suddently this bad feeling comes up. In that moment It seems like nothing means anything anymore when I think of my relation or work or hobbies.

Then I get this anxious feeling and get a weird feeling in my stomach.

After some time, this morning in like 10 minutes the feeling subsides.

I remain anxious and on the edge somehow and then I get this thinking episode of why I think this and think of everything does mean a lot. Also everything does feel like it has meaning again then.

When I get this feeling this past suicide thing flashes in my mind. This makes me feel so upset because I never ever want that!!!!!

When I get low It can always get better in whatever way. Go to a therapist, a doctor, whatever it takes! But why does this suicide type tought even get in my mind if I don’t want it.

Not like planning or ways or whatever, just as the word or kind of not wanting to be in that feeling or so.

I have been in some bad feelings of anxiety in my life but never had only one flash of such tought before.

The last 2 years at work were horrible stress and unhappy. I am trying to solve that now, but combined with this mental thing it is not easy to stay standing.

Can anyone relate to this or give me any advice?

O I also need to mention that there are times I feel so blessed with my family and get the feeling everything will be fine with some time. Up to euphoric butterflies feelings about my kids. So I don’t think I am completely depressed or so.

Thanks for listening!





Verzonden vanaf mijn iPhone met Tapatalk