Convinced the toxicity of antidepressants is killing me

Right this might sound ridiculous to whoever reads this but it’s very real for me and i’m Extremely scared...

18 days into Citalopram I started to have a very bad reaction My body and head started burning really badly and I became very restless, I had an ambulance out to me that night and was assured it was just start up effects and that I’d be fine, my body felt like it had a current going through it and I stuck with the drug for 4 more days...

Every night the same thing was happening my torso and head would be on fire and I was too restless to sleep, after being awake for 3 days I finally passed out and got some sleep, I went to the hospital twice in them 4 days and the doctors couldn’t do anything about it.

I was then told to stop the citalopram and start Fluoxetine the following day which I did and was still flaring up to an extreme level, I believe it was serotonin Syndrome and even said this to my doctor but he didn’t believe me... So I was then took off everything.

The days following were filled with panic attacks, extreme restlessness and new symptoms appearing out of no where...

The doctors prescribed zopiclone sleeping tablets at first but they did nothing so the next day they switched me to a benzo (Lorazepam), this worked and I was finally able to sleep, I’ve started having a lot of nightmares about my own death and vivid dreams

My head seems to have a constant pulsating feeling, I became very aware of my heartbeat. My whole body seemed to have this low key pulse, My legs and feet now vibrate alot and I have visual snow and eye floaters, when I close my eyes all I now see is flashing lights and geometric patterns, Tinnitus and IBS, popping noises coming from my sinuses.

So I go back to the doctor and they do blood tests to see if it’s auto immune and got me ordered in for an MRI, they still don’t believe the medication has caused this and I had to wait 4 weeks for the MRI

During this time I developed Sleep apnea and they’ve put me on a cpap machine, I still have all the symptoms of vibration etc and can’t sleep without a benzo

I didn’t think I’d develope more symptoms but I did, One day about 2 weeks ago I started to have the same vibration symptom in my lungs and chest area, feels like my lungs are packing in, this accompanied my chest pains and strange fizzing and crackling noises coming from my throat...

I went through 2 corses of steroids as the doctors thought it was a chest infection,but it did not help at all I’ve still got all these feelings going on in my chest and now when i lay down or just pause from breathing I have these rattling sounds come from lungs kind of like a rasping wheeze. But from what I’ve read this could be early signs of the “Death Rattle”...

I then saw another GP because mine was off sick on the day of my appointment and explained that these body feelings really aren’t right and that I’m scared about my lungs and think that it’s really gonna kill me, he checked my lungs and said they are clear... checked my vitals they were fine but still couldn’t give me an answer about all these sensations.

He then let me know that my MRI on my brain had come back clear, which was good news as I’d been quite anxious about that, he said maybe I should see a psychiatrist as he has no idea what is going on with me, I assured him that I’m not being a hypochondriac and he could tell as he could hear the rumblings of my stomach, the noises coming from my throat etc etc...

He suggested that I should come off the Benzo’s I have to take for sleep as he didn’t want me to get addicted and has now prescribed me 10mgs of amiltriptyline to take before before bed instead this was yesterday, I’m really hesitant to do this as my body clearly doesn’t like anti depressants.

So here I am 7 weeks down the line with all these symptoms:
- Head pulses
- Bubbling sensations in brain
- dissociatiion
- Vibrations in my lungs, legs, feet
- Joint pain, legs seem to crack a lot when walking
- IBS
- Chest pains
- Tinnitus
- Visual snow and floaters
- Fizzing and crackling noises coming from my throat
- Inability to sleep without medication
- popping noises in sinuses
- Hyperawarness of heart
- Vivid dreams
- extreme anxiety about dying
- Sleep apnea

All with no apparent reason according to tests and I’m desperate to find out if it is just an adverse reaction or if something is indeed killing me... because nothing shows up on tests they don’t know how to give me any treatment so I’m not getting any better and it’s ruinig my life, the one doctor said my mind could be making me have all this going on but it’s so real and so scary.

if anyone read all this thank you and if anyone can relate even better

kind regards

Jordan

Hi Jordan

First thing, 100% no you did not experience the death rattle. It's only seen when the person is on death's door, unconscious etc. It's because they can no longer swallow and the "rattle" is caused by air moving past the secretions in the throat. The reason I know this is because I had the misfortune of seeing it with my grandmother, and it terrified me (I was only 12 at the time). She passed away about one hour after it started. So yes you can absolutely move on from that fear.

You've been seen and assessed by countless doctors who have told you there isn't anything wrong and it appears one has told you to pursue psychiatric evaluation. If we look at your list of symptoms at the end of your post, except for the sleep apnoea, everything is attributable to anxiety. Although medications can cause vivid dreams, in your case this isn't possible as you're off the meds now.

You should definitely follow up with psychiatry and see what they suggest because it does sound like you're having a very tough time at the moment.

But please, rest assured your symptoms are not being caused by the ssris.

Good luck

Yeah It's been a rough few weeks all the symptoms are so scary and I don't seem to be getting any windows from them,

I know it's not the death rattle but it sounds like a low key version like my lungs have fluid in them, I'm going to record it to show the doctor in the week

It all started when I was on the ssri's and I've read that people can have bad reactions that lasts for months / years

My body literally feels like it's destroying it's self, my skins going weird too my hands look like they've had 40 years of ageing, skin is going mottled on my legs and feet and stuff

thats why I'm convinced that it's killing me like

I just feel so un well its unreal like