I am a mess over my husbands symptoms

I just need some support I guess. Im a wreck.

My husband is a 34 year old pretty healthy guy. If you look at my post history.. He had a vasectomy in August 2021 and has had complications from it. Its known as Post Vasectomy Pain Syndrome. It's been scary, and most doctors dismiss him. He had terrible groin pain from it and now it has spread to his back. Ive talked to other people about it who suffer from the same condition and back pain is known to be from this...

But now- hes been sick on top of all of this. A horrible eczema break out, fatigue, weight loss, diarrhea, stomach pain, and depression. The last few days his GI track has been so messed up. Today he told me he is worried he has cancer, and made a doctors appointment. Of course I am FREAKING out, any HA sufferer knows how those words can send you into a spiral.

-He has been under a huge amount of stress lately. And there are lots of viruses going around. I am trying to stay rational, but any type of illness on top of his chronic pain just sends me over the edge with what ifs. We have four little kids and the thought of being a single mom haunts me everyday.

-I will also add that in 2016 I wrote a similar post on Anxietyzone about my mom and all her symptoms and she died a few months later from cancer. So as you can see I have PTSD, and I am scared.


I am trying to keep it together.. but it is so hard.

I honestly don't think you have any reason to be afraid, but I can see why you would be. Sending love and positive vibes and hoping the worry passes for you soon.

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Originally Posted by BlueIris

I honestly don't think you have any reason to be afraid, but I can see why you would be. Sending love and positive vibes and hoping the worry passes for you soon.

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Thanks for responding to me. I appreciate it.
I guess it’s just the unintentional weight loss that really freaks me out. I do not really understand how it could be anything else other than cancer

Stress alone can cause weight loss. And if he has GI issues, even just something like IBS, that can cause weight loss as well.

Sending good thoughts that the doctor can help him feel better.

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Originally Posted by Ssgirl00

-I will also add that in 2016 I wrote a similar post on Anxietyzone about my mom and all her symptoms and she died a few months later from cancer. So as you can see I have PTSD, and I am scared.
I am trying to keep it together.. but it is so hard.

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Have you been diagnosed with PTSD?

Sorry to hear about your mum. My dad died of cancer. It was quick but it was also expected. However, my mother's sudden (and unexpected) death traumatised me and triggered my worst phase of health anxiety.

Your husband is clearly concerned about the state of his health and even if he doesn't suffer with HA, this will be triggering yours..

The logic is all in your words if you read them back to yourself. 'Huge amount of stress lately' - this explains the skin condition to me. My husband went into a managerial role at work and developed rosacea - which he has to keep under control with antibiotics. His gut health is awful (IBS) and he's clearly stressed..

Re your husband's depression..

I have fibromyalgia (a chronic pain condition)and I've had it for years. Chronic pain causes depression. I'm struggling with depression now because I'm rarely out of a fibro flare up these days. I can't medicate for it due to MCS so it's therapy time again for me. It's time to ask for help. Chronic pain requires multidisciplinary care but we rarely leave the doctor's office with such a plan in place when diagnosed with a chronic illness..

Has your husband had any kind of therapy for his depression? Has he had any kind of pain counselling? How is he being supported?

So everything you've written is explainable..

Weight loss is logical with both stress & IBS because when we're stressed our appetites take a hit. Or we can comfort eat - which is not the same as eating when hungry. I lost two stone on the stressed-off-my-tits diet..:scared15:

The problem here is this..

We have four little kids and the thought of being a single mom haunts me everyday.

This is your problem..

Health anxiety presents itself for a few reasons; fear of death, fear of dying, fear of someone else's death, fear of leaving dependants, fear of being left to fend for ourselves, fear of illness (for self or someone else) etc

If it helps, I understand this fear and more than I wish to go into at this time, but I will tell you how I try and manage this fear..

I accept that I can't control when my husband dies.

All I can do is to nag him about doing more exercise and making healthier choices with food. The rest is up to him and fate..I've made sure that I'm sorted financially in the event of his death (and vice versa) Wills are sorted. I keep all the important papers in one place. I know I will have to ask for help with paperwork (and lots more) but I've got a support system in my older sons and my brothers..

I do what I can in the practical sense and try and accept the rest.

My issues around potentially losing my husband are complex but generally people find that they cope better than they imagined because there's usually some kind of a support system. Even if there is no support system via family or friends, there is help out there. My mum coped wonderfully after she lost my dad. We were all worried but we needn't have been. She did literally everything herself, and that was at her request. Tough old bugger, my mother. Thing is, when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer she broke down crying saying, 'How will I cope?' and then she went and blew us all away by coping better than any of us ever imagined! The human spirit is both wonderful and unpredictable. Add to this the spirits of those who answer the call to arms when needed, and by that I mean those who support us in our time of need..

Your husband's situation can be improved by seeking help with his mental health and managing his physical symptoms. Do what you can to be emotionally supportive and keep your mind busy looking after those lovely kids. Try not to give those irrational fears too much mind space. They're not reality and they just put you into fight or flight state which adds to the problem on a personal level and the situation as a whole..

If you need help with your own MH, then ensure that you ask for it. This is self-care..

I'll add that I had major digestive symptoms and, combined with the rapid weight loss, I convinced myself I had cancer, but I didn't have cancer.

You're doing great. You're stronger than you know. X

Thank you for responding.


-This is really timely as I am sitting here really freaked out. My husband has been drive heaving all morning. And then showed me a hard painful spot on the left side of his abdomen. I am really freaked out and unsure if this warrants an ER trip. What else could he have besides cancer?



-I have not been diagnosed with PTSD
-My husband is currently in therapy which has been great

Thanks Nora for the help. I know that part of my problem is trying to control something that I cannot control. Its really hard. I should probably get into therapy myself.

-My husband has been having nausea in the mornings pretty badly, as well as loose stools the past week, and some hot flashes. He has some other stuff going on too (Post vasectomy pain syndrome, and lower back pain. This has been going on since august of last year).
This morning he looked visibly swollen/bloated in his stomach area, and said his lower left abdomen hurts/feels hard. Like something is there. He had me feel the spot and it definitely feels hard like something is there.

He's scared, so Im scared. He went to his GP Wednesday who ordered a blood work up but thats not till next week.
Is this an emergency? Does this sound like IBS?

Im terrified.

Hi, I’d be a hypocrite telling you not to worry, as Im one of the biggest worriers here!

It sounds like your husband may just have a pretty bad hernia? They can cause digestive issues. I dont know if they warrant an ER trip. A previous colleague of mine was on the waiting listfor a few months to repair his.

Hi

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads.

Please when posting on similar topics add it onto your previous post rather than starting a new one.

It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.

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Originally Posted by Ssgirl00

This morning he looked visibly swollen/bloated in his stomach area, and said his lower left abdomen hurts/feels hard. Like something is there. He had me feel the spot and it definitely feels hard like something is there.

He's scared, so Im scared. He went to his GP Wednesday who ordered a blood work up but thats not till next week.
Is this an emergency? Does this sound like IBS?

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It does sound like IBS and the reason so many people think they have something more serious is because of the similarity in symptoms to certain diseases. The difference being that tests generally come back clear with IBS..

As to the feeling of 'something' being there..

I've been caught out a few times with this and when I asked the doctor to feel what I can feel, they couldn't feel anything except what was supposed to be there..

Another problem with IBS symptoms is that they are worsened by anxiety. The more scared he is, the worse he's going to feel.

Re 'dry heaving' I do that when I am severely anxious. I dry-heaved my way through school, college, and my mental breakdown. I sometimes was actually sick and nausea is my norm with IBS. I wake up feeling sick. I woke up feeling sick today..

I presume his doctor gave him a physical examination on Wednesday? If so, I'm sure he would have felt something if there was anything out of place..

Hi- Just wanted to update, incase anyone comes across this post. Alot of the nausea/stomach pain was due to a condition called CHS. Its basically when your body is overloaded on THC, which is legal in the US in our state. My husband has been using it to manage his chronic back pain which all started when he got this vasectomy. I am a mess though. I feel like all his symptoms match testicular cancer. Trying to stay calm but its so hard. He has a CT scan of his back today. I am so nervous.

Hello. I am glad to hear you found an explanation for some of your husbands symptoms. It sounds like they are just being precautious with the CT so I hope he received the all clear.