I think I am dying from bladder or bowel cancer or from some neurological disease :-(

Hi everybody. Excuse my English, it is not my native language.

I am 52 years old male, nonsmoker. For like 20 years I am suffering from health anxiety, mostly cancerophobia. Until now I have been wrong, but I fear this time it is different.

Here is a little of my history:

2000-2005: BLADDER CANCER SCARE: Pain in testicles, urinating frequency, burning when urinating. Once there were bacteria and UTI, but many times they found nothing, even when I had brown discharge from penis. Didn't do cytoscopy, but there was no blood or bacteria in urine.
2005-2010: STOMACH and later COLON CANCER SCARE: Stomach problems, colon problems, dyspepsia, urgency, diarrhea, constipation, mucus in stool, tenesmus, had to go like 8 times... Gastroscopy found healthy stomach and was in pain to roll over in bed.
2010-2011: ANUS CANCER SCARE: Rectal pain. Pain in the anus lasting for days and months, together with testical pain and some urinary frequency (similar to what I have now to some degree). Finaly went to proctoscopy and he found nothing. Went to colonoscopy, found small polyp, non dangerous type, removed it. Problem continued until...
2011-2013: ALS SCARE: ...Muscles started to fasciculate, firstly index finger one for days, than others. Tremor when waking in the morning, paresthesias, nerve pain.... but mostly fasciculations (twitching) everywhere.

From 2014 I continued to have symptoms and scares. I remember I had weird feeling in my thumb that didn't go away for 6 months and I could not wipe my hands because it hurt so much. I had this problems with throat I thought it was throat cancer and I am still having globus most of the days, too scared to check with ENT doctor... I have problems with my neck for 1 year, did MRI of the neck and found just a few discs are not ok, but doesn't explain the pain... I still had some urinary problems now and then and bower problems as I was diagnosed with IBS and functional stomach dyspepsia. I have sometimes hemorrhoid problems, twice I had external one that gave me great pain and sometimes my anus burned after a heavy bowel movement and it went away after a day or so. Guess some small fissure now and then...

Nobody never found nothing wrong, although I am kind of problematic because I do not usually want to go to the examination for a long time or never (so I never did EMG for asciculations), because I think it is already too late for me. Cancer if it is stage I does not have such strong symptoms as I have and if it is stage IV I do not want to know. In ALS, there is no hope at all, until I check it I still have hope... That is my behavioral style, although I know it is wrong, I can not go to doctors all the time.

I did have some psychotherapy and each time I think I found a way out, but obviously I have not. Age is a special problem for me, as having health anxiety does not mean I can not get seriously ill, after 50 most of the cancers start to really accelerate their incidence :-( I mean, having bladder problems 10 years ago that were obviously nothing serious doesn't mean I don't have bladder cancer stage IV now...

Now on to my latest problem... In late august I hade some strange flu, also lost smell for 2 days, I never got tested, stayed at home, I will never know if it was covid 19 or not... I had fever 38 C which is not so much, but I felt really ill with sore throat for a week and another week I was very weak...

One week into disease I got to have a bowel movement and I had almost diarrhea and in THE SAME bw I then had constipation. I remember that that was weird for me, it is usually vice versa. I though if maybe I have tumor that is blocking my solid stool. From that day my burning rectal pain returned. It is throbbing and gnawing, like a dull ache somewhere in the anus, not very far in. I still do not feel anything wrong there when I put my finger inside, sometimes I feel a lump or two which I think is hemorrhoid as I had the same lumps in 2010.

Now last 10 days I also got first testicular pain and now urinary frequency problem. Like I would have burning anus, burning perineum, burning tip of penis, testicular pain, like if I am dying inside there... It has to be cancer, what else would progress so much :-( But there are some weird things I am noticing, some of them correlate to my 2010 problem with anal pain...

1. I have urgency to go to make a bowel movement first thing that I wake up. I mean like 10 minutes after! I know this is a dream, but it is unusual to me and only happened in 2010 anal pain scare...
2. My urinary symptoms this 10 days are 90% gone during the night (sometimes I feel tip of penis when I wake at night and sometimes I have to go to bathroom once at night, but this is like 10+ years), and my anus never burns when I sleep!
3. I have most problems when I sit, like in the chair (I am computer programmer) and drive in car. I have less problem when I walk (only urinary urgency stays this days) and it is better lying down.
4. Sit baths help pain a little and sitting on the toilet also (don't know why).
5. I feel similar to 2010 although my urinary problems are worse now. When my bladder get a little urine I have strong testicular pain and I need to go to pee asap). I feel like prostatistis meets bladder infection meets testicular infection and anal infection...


I am checking stool color and sometimes it is more red, but I have yet to see blood for real. I eat a lot of red like tomato, blackberries, pepper, etc. I have yet to see blood in urine, although I am paranoiac it is too brown most of the time. I do not mean coca cola dark brown but tan color (white person tan), light brown/desaturated, not like I see on photos that the urine is like bright yellow. But I never have like dark brown or pink or red...

Now why I am scared of the bladder cancer so much. In fact I feared anal cancer for 2.5 months but now this urinary symptoms.... I had blood in urine 2.5 years ago, 4-10 RBC instead of 0-3 RBC. I tested again next week and it was ok, I did ultrasound of the internal organs with full bladder and it was ok. But now I think this has maybe been the beginning of bladder cancer. Because blood in mean WITHOUT symptoms of urinary infection is mostly ... cancer... I read... Maybe that was the beginning and now it is stage IV. I do admit I do not know what it would present itself with anal burning or the first 2.5 months, I had anal problems before urinary ones... That is weird for bladder cancer...

I am not sure what to think any more, tomorrow I will go to check my urine again and blood works and I am so scared there will be blood again confirming my hypothesis. I mean, something is obviously wrong down there and it has spread over my testicles, bladder, penis, prostate and anus in 3 months, like metastasis all over ...

What else could it possibly be? Can anybody relate to anything similar?

On top of this I got some vertigo 1 month ago... When turning in bed I got vertigo, was like drunk when standing up and it gradually lessens. Until then I have vertigo every morning and when looking left/right sometimes and when lying down. I didn't panic up to now, I thought is is the benign positional vertigo, like a calcium in my ear that is loose and I did the maneuvers that should help but they didn't. But now I get this "seizures" in my head... Happened like 8 times up to now, not even know how to describe them... They happen for 1/10 second, like my consciousness is shutting down, the picture (if I have open eyes) gets turned over and I feel like falling down and then it clicks and it goes back again. It is scary and I am not sure what it is. But after such episode I get some vertigo, spinning sensation. But I am 100% it is not the benign vestibular type as when this happens I do not move my head at all. But up to now, I am mostly lying down! Now I think a stroke must be preparing... if the bowel cancer doesn't kiil me...

I admit I am in a terrible mental state right now, can not focus on anything but on this problems and thinking of making a death will... this can all not be benign. Maybe my pelvis problems metastases to my head and I also have a brain tumor.

I am so scared to give blood and urine tomorrow, I feel all the parameters will be bad, also CEA, CA-19, PSA tests...

This covid 19 really got me, I was much better mentaly from 2016 till 2020, I was dancing and organizing dance evenings... now there is no socializing, 1 year ago I divorced etc...

Thank you for everybody who read this till the end...

Jerry

Your post is indicative of many here. Extreme detail and documentation (hallmark OCD trait of HA), and for all intents and purposes, making the case for a serious illness. Let us know what the doctor says.

FMP

Jerry, I am so sorry you're having such a hard time. Gastrointestinal and urinary symptoms don't bother me as much, so I know less about them, but I do know someone (male) who developed exactly the symptoms you are describing during a time of very high stress.
They lasted for about two months and then gradually went away again, but for those two months they were miserable, especially right after getting up from sitting for a long time -- and yes, they too thought they must have an infection, or cancer. But they didn't!

And, if it is any comfort, the ear/eye thing you are describing sounds exactly like Meniere's Disease, which is annoying, but won't kill you. Do you wear earbuds for extended amounts of time, by any chance? If you do, try to avid them for a week and see if that helps at all.

On a more personal note, I am so happy to hear you are or were a twitcher, too, and are now 10 years past your MND scare, as that is my current worry. :)

Hi kyllikki . Thank you for your answer. Yes, the condition is miserable, it comes and goes... I was pain free 2 days and then I got it again. Scrotal pain, burning in rectum, perineum pain...

I got my blood results back. I have high Bilirubin, high Iron, High Feritin, one liver test is higher (ALT 0.89)... Urine is without any problems and blood... PSA ok, CEA ok, CA-19 ok... I do not need if I need urologist or proctologist or none. I will go to ultrasound of the internal organs in a few days.

Stress is my problem, because of this problems and because of Covid. I lost all my social life and everything...

Meniere's Disease is a possibility, but I do not have any hearing loss I guess and this "brain zap" doesn't feel like ear related to me... But one time I did have tinitus for like 20 seconds that gradually went away...

Oh, twitching, still have it, yes... But I am a "doctor" of it by now... Still able to get scared 6 months ago, but not for long... Above the knee twitched for 14 days mostly whole time... If you need any info about twitching problems, PM me...

All the best.

Jerry

PS - I wear earbuds at night for 30 years, from wax, for the noise reduction.

I got my blood results, all clear except high Iron, high Bilirubin, ALT 0.89 instead of <0.74, high Erytrocites... PSA low, CEA low, CA-19 low...

I got my abdomen ultrasound. Everything ok, 1.5 cm spermatocele in left testicle (there for 20 years, but enlarged from 1.1 cm to 1.5cm)...

None of the results explain my symptoms...

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Originally Posted by jerry2

I got my blood results, all clear except high Iron, high Bilirubin, ALT 0.89 instead of <0.74, high Erytrocites... PSA low, CEA low, CA-19 low...

I got my abdomen ultrasound. Everything ok, 1.5 cm spermatocele in left testicle (there for 20 years, but enlarged from 1.1 cm to 1.5cm)...

None of the results explain my symptoms...

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When scientific medical tests rule out a physical problem, it leaves the admitted issue and anxiety can and does cause a myriad of real physical symptoms.

FMP

I know, but I still didn't have rectal exam etc... Still can not rule out rectal cancer, although high iron probably rules our bleeding from rectum or bladder...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jerry2

I know, but I still didn't have rectal exam etc... Still can not rule out rectal cancer, although high iron probably rules our bleeding from rectum or bladder...

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From my many experiences with Cancer I can almost say with certainty that if your bloods are normal you don't have Cancer.

If your symptoms were related to Cancer you would be considered at least Stage 2, because Stage 1 for the Cancers you are talking about usually don't present symptoms.

What this means is your blood work showed no issues with the Cancer markers.

You undertand what I'm saying?

I think I do. My tumor markers are OK and I have a lot of iron, haemoglobin etc (so probobaly no occult bleading, and cancers of urinary and colon origin mostly bleed).

It is weird how I have this problems and they move around and are able to scare me over and over again. Last year neck pain and globus sensation, still I have both, this year vertigo and bladder/colon problems with burning pain...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jerry2

I think I do. My tumor markers are OK and I have a lot of iron, haemoglobin etc (so probobaly no occult bleading, and cancers of urinary and colon origin mostly bleed).

It is weird how I have this problems and they move around and are able to scare me over and over again. Last year neck pain and globus sensation, still I have both, this year vertigo and bladder/colon problems with burning pain...

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You have to break the habitual cycle of irrational worry.