Hocd loss of feelings for crush and burnt out

I’ve been on here for long time and as I’ve said hocd is what started all my probs in 2004. I haven’t lived or done anything or had a relationship ever. The last time I enjoyed anything I couldn’t remember.

Though all these years I’ve tried to enjoy things even though I have hocd liking guys has been what life was all about not everything obviously as I gotten older it isn’t like it was when young but I mean now since I don’t go out or do anything having a crush on an unattainable guy gives me some enjoyment. Not like it should since hocd makes me doubt everything.

The last few days I’ve been feeling weird I’m tired achy and more depressed than ever. It not me not feeling good like a cold or anything I think I just have had enough of everything 18 years of having co start scary thoughts health anxiety hocd it’s all just too much and no therapist has been able to help. Worse is had crush on s celebrity guy though it hurts never be him having a crush gives me some enjoyment now for days now I feel nothing for him and now I feel hopeless. I don’t know what to do is this normal what do I do I don’t know what to do