Does anyone have this attitude to their work

I have a good job, working for the same organisation for 29 years !. Lots of different roles but its a secure position and pays pretty well.

You may ask " what the hell is the problem then?" Exactly


The trouble is I have had enough, I need to leave. I need a new Job. I have just passed an MBA Masters degree and need to move on, its just the depression and attitude to my bosses holding me back, I feel I am constantly shooting myself in the foot, I am angry, uncooperative arguementative and I don't know how to stop myself.

I can't move like this and the way Im going I will lose the job I have if Im not careful. I know I need to talk but who to? The bosses have no idea how to deal with this. I have years of experience dealing with similar things, but I can't sort out myself. What is the matter with me ??

Does anyone else know this feeling? Have you solved it?

Hi mucky,

Wow - 29 years in the same place? No wonder you need a change!

Sounds like your behaviour at work is just the way your frustrations are manifesting themselves - nothing sinister about it. Nobody at work can help you with this, because nothing they say is really going to help because you don't really want to be there anyway eh. You need to talk to someone outside.

I'd suggest a life coach - you need to make a plan and they can help you with that by identifying your motivations and resolving some of the conflicts you're feeling about leaving. Then you will be clearer about what you really want to do.

If you're having other problems outside work, then maybe some counselling would be helpful too.

Could you take some time off to give yourself space to think?

I understand where you're at. I left a high salary management job a couple of years ago after a few months off sick with anxiety. I had some counselling and used the latter part of my time off to firm up a plan (which I'd often talked about but not acted upon thus far). I'm now self-employed, running my own consultancy and it's improved every aspect of life for me. I got the confidence to do it when my sick pay ran out and I was living on savings alone - there was nothing to lose by resigning and giving it a go, you see.

Incidentally, my counselling was just standard counselling (not CBT or anything). I found myself talking at the counsellor virtually non-stop for the full hour each week and felt much better afterwards. Poor woman!

Hope that gives food for thought anyway.

Eeb x

Hi Eeb,
Thank you for your honest and accurate response.

Your dead right, it is frustration and I do need to move on.

There are golden handcuffs too as the manufacturing side has closed down and we are hoping that the research and development area that I work in will go too, so there is money involved here. 29 years is my security but it could be my downfall.

However my sanity and health is far more important to me and my family.

You talk about life coaching, and councelling, where did you go to get them? Where do I need to look? There are no issues now outside work, I believe that all my issues are derived from my job.

I did suffer from depression due to a number of things such as work, teenage daughter, studying for an MBA etc all these things took their toll. But that is ok after a couple of years of support and time, that is ok now. The problem is definately at work and the people I work with.

Today I will discuss the situation with HR manager who I know quite well, hopefully they can help as this is not going to get better alone.

I have considered my own business and I am certainly qualified to do it, but my confidence is shot and I understand the difficulties involved with small enterprise.

Yesterday was the first day back after 2 weeks holiday 1 spent in Portugal so I have had time away and I thought it would be good when I got back, sadly it wasn't.

Thank you I will post back with the conclusion from HR.

Muck

Hi Mucky

My reply is going to be totally different i'm afraid but i had an experience like yours and ended up doing the wrong thing!!

I was in my job 8 years, had a lot of responsibilty running a assembly dept hands on in an engineering factory. Then the bosses asked would i take on some of the office work too, but it didn't stop there they wanted more and more out of me.
In the end after a couple of years of this i couldn't cope, i had too much to deal with and what with my anxiety i was eating, sleeping dreaming work work work!!
I went to my bosses to talk to them and ask could they take some of this away as i wasn't superwoman, for various reasons they wanted me to carry on doing all the things i had been, no help offered nothing!! so because i felt so bad and was making myself ill, i just handed in my notice in anger and on impulse, oh they tried to make me stay but still with no offers of help.

Now 3 years down the line and on reflection it was the worse thing i could have done, firstly i felt as though i had left home, i had lots of friends there and also hubby and our youngest son works there.
Also since then and to date i can't settle into any job.

I won't go on any longer, but suffice to say PLEASE don't do anything on impulse. Really think about it and make sure you make the right decision.

Hi Nanny,
Thanks for your response,
What would you have done differently? You say you asked for help but nothing was forthcoming. Is there any direction you feel with hindsight you should have gone in? This is a similar situation.

Thanks

Hi Mucky

Trouble with me is i am very impulsive. With hindsight and having nothing to lose because i was so determined to leave i think i should have gone back to my bosses, sat down and explained how i felt about everything.

If i had have done that, maybe they would have realised how very hard i was finding things and would have done something, infact i know now that they would have done.
Also i hadn't told them when i asked for help that had i not got it i would leave, therefore not giving them the chance to understand just how serious i was.

I honestly think Mucky that you should sit down, tell them exactly how you feel and giving the reasons, i can't believe they would just let you go after all these years. You must be a great asset to them and they must know this.

The last thing i would want you to do is what i did!!! and thats let yourself get into such a state and leave when things could possibly be sorted out to your satisfaction.

try talking to them Mucky you may be pleasantly surprised. :)

Good Luck :yesyes:

Hi Mucky,

I hope your chat with HR will be enlightening.

The company I worked for was in a state of flux and I survived one very stressful round of redundancies. 2 years later, there was talk of a buyout so we knew that it would be even worse this time. We all suffered from the golden handcuff syndrome as we had loads of shares, it was a hi-tech IT company and lots of people had been there for years. The reality was that they dismantled the share scheme before our very eyes. I left during this period but only a month later there were mass redundancies and people only got the statutory minimum payout (peanuts in the run of things). So just beware that it might not be the solution to your problem - but hopefully HR might give you the inside track on what's likely to happen.

My case is slightly different as my frustrations at work (and subsequent illness) related to enduring a useless line manager for years and I ended up leaving with a compromise agreement and ex-gratia payment, rather than go down the legal route which I would have been too stressful. To be fair, HR were very helpful in that respect. They were happy for me to work from home a lot and tried various things to ease my transition back to work. However, the damage was done, nothing regarding the problem was likely to change and so I didn't want to work there any more.

For counselling, see your doc who can refer you. Alternatively, you can go private and approach a counsellor or life coach directly.

Eeb x

Hi,
The chat with HR was indeed enlightening !

It was suggested that I make an itemised list of the issues I have and discuss them with my manager when he comes back from hols in 3 weeks. That gives me plenty of time..lol
I should explain that these things may not appear to be issues to him, but they are serious issues to me. (Already done this before, but will have another go)

HR also told me that there may be positions soon in a different department as they are to be expanding. I have already sent some feelers out on that one.

All in all HR were pretty good, if nothing else it allowed me to get it off my chest , which sometimes helps.
They told me that if I want to utilise the grievance procedure, it is there, however I do not wish to enter into any formal procedure just yet as there is a lot of negotiating and discussion to do.

I will keep you informed of progress.

Also there was a message on my answerphone when I got home and an agency want to discuss an opportunity they have, I am pleased to see my CV is out there. Although the job sounds similar to what I do now so as Nanny said don't act upon impulse. Thank you.

Muck

Hi Muck

Sounds like your chat went well, also sounds as though you feel a bit better about things. If i were you i would get writing that list :) write down everything, like we said you have nothing to lose and perhaps a lot to gain :winks:

Please keep us updated. I'll be thinking of you :hugs: