Who cares?

I've had instability around me all my life. Beaten by mom who was herself suffering from severe anxiety and PMS .. it felt like I grew up with a stranger. I developed instincts to stay ahead of the game, I was an empath, I was pressured to use my gifts to protect myself from harmful people and protect others from harm.

I was either ahead of all or total failure. When she beat me for studying, I stopped studying. When she beat me to me to do good things I made sure not to give in. I couldn't support a monster mom. She lied to others that was doing good at school when I wasn't. I felt like a train wreck and insulted. I can't trust any single person till date. I'm a disaster.

As I turned 30 I was deeply mistreated and hurt by a man twice my age, I started having extreme throat ache and it's still continuing after several years. Soon I couldn't get myself to go out of the house and nothing has changed since then. I lost my dog last year and he was my last friend on earth.

I've had agoraphobia last 4 years. This year alone I've only stepped out 4 times of the house. But what the heck... does anyone care for me?


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Have you attended any therapy? For those of us who grew up in chaotic homes, it's a must.

Also I recommend you read the book, Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. It's helped me deal a lot with the issues with my own mother.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by AntsyVee

Have you attended any therapy? For those of us who grew up in chaotic homes, it's a must.

Also I recommend you read the book, Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. It's helped me deal a lot with the issues with my own mother.

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I've tried therapy but it's complicated, I wasn't accepting it. I know I can give therapy to myself but I have to get out of my way which isn't easy because I'm being pulled in several directions and I'm tired of it. Thank you for your reading suggestion, I'll be looking into it.


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Hi Very sad story, but now move on from it, restart your therapy find a good therapist and may be meds temporary but you have to get out of your mothers grip Take care