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Hi Smudger, thanks for your encouragement, I am trying to get myself up earlier in preperation for my return to work, my husband says I should take a couple more weeks that origianally planned to help and ensure meds fully working etc. Glad you felt good yesterday, i hope it stays that way for you. Good luck. Jo.
Hi Jo. Might be a good idea to take a couple of extra weeks off if you can. What a caring husband.
Day3 Woke up this morning after the alarm went of at least 5 times again. I feel really tired this morning and a little low.Had trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep last night :lac:. I haven't been swimming now for about 12 days. Its really playing on my mind because I can't seem to push myself to go and thats usually a downward spiral for me. Ive eaten a double breakfast this morning too, porridge, banana and 2 slices of marmalade on toast. How am I going to lose all the weight Ive gained if I eat this? Don't feel as good as I did on day 1 & 2. I know what I need to do, I need to go swimming (oh but I've washed my hair this morning...excuses excuses...but I'm too tired....I need to update my CV (can't believe I want to consider doing that!)....the list goes on).Supposed to meet my friends to go to cinema tonight..what excuse can I find not to go? I'll probably fall to sleep anyway (as usual). I just want to sleep, will somebody please tell me its a good idea (even if it isn't)...no don't tell me that...I know it's not:doh: Lets see what I can make of the rest of the day. Haven't had a coffee yet, maybe that will wake me up...but that is SO wrong, its so bad for me and I WANT to give it up.What am I like?:doh:
Day 4 Its 12.38am! I went to bed and got up after 10 minutes, about 20 mins ago. I can't sleep. I feel very low. Things are going over in my mind ten to the dozen. Somebody owes me money since November last year and they haven't bothered to pay me yet. I sent a nice text yesterday asking politely if they could pop it round. No response. I let them take my stuff on trust that they would pay me. I wish I wasn't so trusting. Its playing on my mind. I am dreading the morning. I hope I have a good day tomorrow and can make myself go swimming. Ive been very irritable today, er I mean yesterday. Feel it now. I really could have a good cry. Hubbys head hit the pillow and he was instantly asleep, snoring his head off. How DOES he do that? Right this moment I wish I had a bolthole where I could just hide til I'm feeling good. People would be none the wiser. My whole body wants to sob, my arms, my legs, even the tips of my fingers. I'm due to see the CBT lady tomorrow but I want to not turn up. Its not helping anymore and I am bored talking about the same things all the time. I don't think she as good as she was when I started. We have become too friendly with each other. She's too familiar now. I am going to sleep on the settee 2nite coz I know I will toss n turn tonight.....:weep:
Dear Smudger, I hope you managed to get some rest last night erm this morning. Horrible when you cant sleep, the more you think about it the worse it becomes, I do the same as you sleep on the setee when am like that. My husband drops off as soon as his head hits the pillow too. I have never been able to do that. Hope that person gives you your money back!!! Some people are so annoying!! You put your trust in them and they let you down. Cant really advise you re:CBT I have never had this so not sure how it works etc but am sure you will make the right decision for you. hope you feeling better. Jo.
Day 4 still Found it hard to wake up this morning, so tired. I never get a proper deep nights sleep on the settee but the tv really helped me get to sleep. I am going swimming at 10am. I need to. Its a funny feeling I get when I'm in the water when I am low. I feel like I can just swim and empty my mind. With my face in the water I don't need to smile, I can cry in my goggles if I want to as I swim and I feel so free in the water. Its as if I am in another world where I can shut out things and people. I think my mood is going to be okay today, I'm not quite sure yet, I just think that will depend on how tired I feel.....
Jo, sorry I was posting at the same time as you. Do you hate having to sleep on the settee? I do but its the only thing to do. My hubby leaves for walk at 7am n can't afford to have me keeping him awake! I didnt go to the cinema last night with my friends, I told them the truth that I was feeling low. They were very understanding. Think I wud have fallen asleep in the there anyway. Ive read the book (The Lovely Bones) so Im ok about missing it. Think it would have made me feel worse as a lovely young girl gets murdered in it. Not the best thing to watch when low! Still not sure if I'm goin to CBT today. Mixed up bout that. Hope u ok today? Tiredness getting better?Lynne
Hi Lynne, Yes tiredness much better thankfully. Isnt it nice to have friends that understand. I had to cancel tonight as i was suposed to be going out with some ex work collegues (second time I have had to cancel). Was going for a meal. I find when I am like this I just cannot have anything planned on the calender, so i also cancelled the following Saturdays and the 20th March with friends. I can now just concentrate on getting well again and not have (what I call hurdles) in the way at the moment. I think work is my biggest and most important hurdle, once I conquer that the rest can happen. Sometimes I dont mind sleeping on the setee, never want to disturb hubby, bless him he gets up at 5.45!!! Other times I hate it, just cant get comfy and keep hearing things. Am meeting a friend today (arranged this morning), she understands too, having gone through something similiar herself!!! Hope you enjoy your swim...wish i liked swimming...I just find I cant breathe properly when swimming. Best excercise there is for you. Have a good day. Jo.xx
Jo. We will become agraphobic (spell?) at this rate won't we? I warned my friends that I may let them down sometimes but it's my illness. Takes the pressure off. Have you warned yours?
ps.Hope you don't mind me asking.... what is your occupation? If you don't want to give personal stuff like that out I understand....:)
Hi Lynne, I work as a manager in retail. Yes have warned my friends and they understand (well most of them) and those that dont are not really friends, dont you think? I dont like letting people down but hubby says I must put ME first and get ME right then start worrying about others. I met a friend this morning...we walked into the town centre, had a coffee, then walked back to hers. It took around 2 hours and that was enough for me today. I felt o.k.ish but couldnt of coped going all round the shops. I am listening to everyone telling me to do small steps instead of huge leaps (I usually run before I can walk). I also realise that I will need that extra 2 weeks off, as feel pretty worn out this afternoon, so dont want to go backwards. Jo.
I'm not sleeping very well either so I sympathise with both of you. My hubs gets up at 5.00am and leaves about 700am. I'm not entirely sure whether the mirt is messing with my sleep. I can't get up in ther mornings either and I have to get up for work and help my son get ready for school. I've more or less ruled out the menopause as a cause at the moment. Last night I must have gone to sleep at about 11.15pm. I dozed had a nightmare then woke up. This happened about three times and left me feeling exhausted. I don't remember the nightmares but they seem very plausible when I am having them. Tonight I will write them down to see if I can analyse what is wrong. I have stopped the zopiclone and I have a referral for hypnosis in April.