Small changes in our thinking
I've told this story before, but it totally amazes me still: I was having CBT one and one and my therapist asked me to tell her all the things that were wrong in my life. She then asked me to sit in the next chair, which I did, and she asked me what I was interested in, what did I like doing...it was only once I'd finished talking that I twigged.. as soon as I started talking about things that I was excited about my whole body language and facial expression changed and I became much more lively and animated.
My point is that we can feel at the bottom of the pit of despair and that the way out is a long climb, when suddenly you notice a door in the dark and you're out of the hole very quickly.
I used to always think that I was scared of things and that's just the way you are, you develop a phobia out of nowhere and you're stuck with it for life. I know now that that's not the case, that we break fears by going through them and that that increases our comfort zone and confidence. depression sets in when our comfort zone is very small and we feel penned in by fear.
Watch anybody do something that they're scared of and see how elated, happy and free they are afterwards. There are few better feelings than conquering a fear.
"facing a fear is easier than living with it"
I know full well how horrendous anxiety and panic are. I've got myself into an hysterical state worrying that I was going to go mad, lose control, die or act on a dangerous urge.
I try and picture a montage of my best moments over the last 4 years, a bit like when someone gets evicted from the Big Brother house:
Going up the Great Orme in Llandudno and looking out over the sea
Crossing Runcorn bridge
Going by coach to Sunderland via Thelwall Viaduct, Motorways and the Pennines
Driving to Skegness
Having blood tests and ECGs done
If I'm not going to go out an face my fears I might as well stop at home. Doing each of those things I wanted to say "no. stop!" and run away, but I knew that I had to do them, that it would do me more harm to back out.
I keep thinking that, if I'm lucky enough to get to 85 I don't want to feel embarrassed that I wasted so much time being scared. How foolish I'd feel if I got to that age and looked back at my worrying about dying at 30.
It's wierd because I know that it's an automatic hysterical reaction. rationally, I'm not that scared of half the things that cause me to panic, but the panic button gets pressed and my mind starts to flood.
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.
