Never felt so lowthen I got home and

I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression for years on and off and have learnt different coping strategies but the darkness has got his claws in to me this time and is not letting go . I feel lost and alone and incredibly depressed. I work full time I have four children and have a lot going on, we have had a few money worries lately and my husband has always dealt with money because I’m not particularly that good with money but for some strange reason my head has gone in to overdrive and I’m panicking about everything, every tiny little penny. My husband works away a lot and is the military so he doesn’t spend a lot of time at home. We have had a lot of car problems costing us a lot of money the car has been stressing me out a lot because I need it for work and taking my children to school, every time it goes to the garage I start to panic about the cost and what damage that will do to our family and that my husband is going to be cross with me because I took it in. When I talk to him he just shuts down and says to me that I need to deal with it, or he says we will just get rid of it (he has a work van) he never understands that it’s important for my work. My younger son has autism and I deal with his daily struggles. My daughter has a problem with her lungs and is having an operation in December she’s just three and I don’t want to do that on my own I want someone to come with me but I don’t know anyone that can. It was mine and my daughters birthday yesterday. We had a lovely day out for her. When I got home my husband yelled at me because I forgot something in the shop. He stayed in a bad mood all night and it’s just spilled over in to today. We ended up in another argument tonight and I went to bed in a state he just came down the stairs and screamed at me and told me I need to get a grip. I know I am pathetic and shouldnt be grumbling and I know I’m lucky I really do but I’m struggling. I’m having CBT at the moment and I feel horrible telling the person about all my problems I don’t want to burden him. I told him how low I was feeling and said he might need to let someone know I’m feeling this low and he gave me their special number just in case. I have had thoughts and I’m in a dark place but I’m trying to pull myself together it if not for me but for my babies.

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. First off, you are absolutely not pathetic. You're a human being with a lot going on. Four children must be incredibly hard work at the best of times, let alone with added health issues and often being on your own with them. Then add some financial worries and a husband yelling at you, and I'm not surprised you're struggling. Please don't feel bad for sharing this with your therapist. It's what they're there for, and it sounds like you need an outlet where you can discuss this stuff. Does your husband know how bad you're feeling? Would he be supportive if you were able to speak to him about it? Don't be afraid to use that number if you need to. You really are coping with a lot x

I just want to say that you sound like a great person with so much to be proud of. With all those issue in your life I'm not surprised you are feeling so bad. Unfortunately people argue and a little insensitivity from someone else in those situations can go a long way when you are so down. We all forget things when we go shopping - I rarely return with everything I set out to get. You are not burdening anyone by telling them your problems, it's what your therapist is there for. Try to be strong for your children and importantly yourself. You deserve to be proud.