Fear of Death Anxiety

After reading many post I wanted to share my story with the fear of death. I am 29 years old and I believe I am healthy but ever since the passing of my sister in law last year from cancer (she was 34) I have developed a fear of death. I think this is based on the grief, I also think the fact that I know several people who have passed away suddenly and with very little explanation that has caused me great panic. They are as follows:
Male Coworker (20 yrs old) passed away in his sleep of a brain issue (granted he had brain issues his whole life)
Family Friend's Sister (29 yrs old) Blood clot in the brain after taking a nap (she was overweight and had just landed from a long flight)
Brother in law's brother (34 yrs old) sudden heart attack
Coworker's Mother (65 yrs old) just passed away at her desk at work (possible heart problems)
I am sure I am making my anxiety worse by reading stories online of people who just plop dead randomly from blood clots, brain aneurysm, heart attacks, asphyxiation, and many other random ways to go.

I read a lot of medical articles and have become a little bit hypochondriac and done many studies and some days it calms me down and others it has led me to question every ache and pain in my body.

I have tried many things to calm me down too such as reading many articles and books about near death experiences and the after life. Mediums who communicate with the after life and many other spiritual texts. It has helped with the fear of death but done nothing to calm me about suddenly dying. I am more afraid to die young and not have a fulfilling life and that is what brings on my anxiety. I am also sad at the thought that I am going to leave my loved ones. I also get really sad thinking about the young people I know that could have done so much more with their lives. Some days I am good and have accepted the fact that I can go any time but most of the time I am fearful that I can go just then and there and I become panicked and pleading. I pray a lot that I live a long life.

I am finally seeing a therapist but I am nervous that this won't help quell these thoughts and that it doesn't matter what I do cause when I go I go.I really am not one to take medication because I am afraid that is what may cause me to die. It is a very vicious cycle and I really want to get off the hamster wheel of fear and anxiety.

Thank you for reading me story and letting me vent. Just writing about it makes me feel a little better, and knowing that I am not alone brings a lot of comfort.

I used to be afraid of death. After a period of time where I wanted to die when I was about 20, I stopped being afraid of death. I accepted that I will die eventually.

In the 5 or so years since then, I have been totally accepting of the fact that I could die at any time. I have lived most days as if they could be my last: trying to make the most of each day, balancing my natural tendency to put off the good stuff for future gain. I'm trying to be the best person I can be every single day. So even if I have 30 mins left on this earth and I don't know it yet, I'm doing the best I can with those 30 mins. And the best for me, is when I am able to help other people somehow (as long as I am not in the midst of battling my demons). Every day I live is another chance to help someone. Because I am conscious of this, I am at peace with my eventual death.

What sounds scary about your specific situation is that those deaths sound out of control - random, they seem to come from nowhere. Maybe it's more the loss of control that's scary rather than the death itself?

Hello Lior...
I have been mulling on that thought too, that I have lost control or honestly have no control when I will pass. I know part of me just wants to let it go an live as the day flows, but I have a hard time letting go completely. It is only when I really feel defeated that I do. I have some OCD issues that stem from childhood and I will mention that when I go see a therapist, maybe they can help me work through it.

On a side note I think it is fantastic that you use your time to do go with people. I will try to incorporate that in my journey to recovery. It is a good thing to think that at least I helped someone. Thank you for your response and support.

OCD is about control too, isn't it? Maybe that's what it comes down to. You are on a journey and you won't get all the answers overnight. The therapist is like a guide through that journey. Well done for taking that step to invite a therapist to help you.

My journey to learning to be more giving took a good few months of daily focus, when I was in a good frame of mind. It's harder to focus daily on others if your needs are overwhelming.

I have had a fear of death since I was a small child, I am looking for a chat room to be online with others that feel the same.

I also have that fear but then again if I didn't then I probably wouldn't have Panic Attacks lol (why panic if you are not afraid to die)

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I feel bad too. Like I want to be rescued and can;t be. I'd like a chatroom also to talk about it. The one here I can't get into, something about a plugin.

I too have a constant fear of death. No therapist has helped me yet, in 20 years. Or medicine

I understand this completely. I have the same thing due to losing people close to me friends/people I knew suddenly dying. You must stay away from researching Illness/medical programmes/Articles because they will make your mind run riot.

With me, it's a fear of dying in my sleep, of not waking up and I've been like that since a child because my Grandad died in his sleep (this was years before I was born and my mum was 5 at the time, so she lost her Dad at 5 years old) although I never got the chance to meet him the story of his death affected me. He just came in from work one day and went to bed and my grandmother woke up beside him the next morning to find him like that.

Counsellors/Psychiatrists don't really know what to do with us 'Hypochondriacs' There needs to be more research done and support available. I went through a phase of going to the Doctors constantly but now I'm terrified of Doctors/Hospitals.

I'm so sorry to read about your sister, that must've had a huge traumatic impact on you and at such a young age, you've lost people at young ages too so it's understandable you're going to feel panicked and start questioning things. I know it's had but don't research illnesses.

Feel free to message me anytime if you have any questions. Anxiety is awful as it is but being a Hypochondriac is a nightmare, there's nothing more scarier than your own mind and how it can actually make you feel symptoms in your body that feel so real :ohmy:

first, it's natural to fear death. it's probably the most primal instinct we have. you should fear death because it's terrifying. you have no idea what happens when you die (no-one on earth does, no pope or religious person, or psychic, or friend - because no-one has ever died and come back).

it's also terribly sad. you spend your whole life, learning, experiencing, growing, loving - only to have it all ripped away from you - all that experience, all those memories. you 'learn to lose' you get cut down.. and yeah it can happen at any time and for any reason - or no reason.

it also rips away your dignity. how embarrassing to leave a corpse. and you can go out crying or pleading for your life, scared / terrified, not ready to go etc. i've seen it. it's not pleasant. my father had cancer that shut down his lungs suddenly and he was gripping my arm begging me to help him breathe until he suffocated. (it takes awhile).

not to mention all the other stuff - you lose your body, no more sex, no more hamburgers, no more anything..

okay - that's the bad. (hint: it's probably all bad).

the good is that you're in good company - many famous people have had acute fear of death - from Picasso to Woody Allen. I think the smarter you are the more you fear it. The more you have to lose.

What helps me is to thing of the situation logically:

- The universe has (arguably) been around for 14 billion years. I know I wasn't around for those 14 billion years - so where was i? was i unhappy? was i sad? did i miss the life i didn't know? nope... i was in a state of non-being... as far as i know.. and it wasn't unpleasant - it wasn't anything..

so i believe when we die it's like a light-switch snapping off. you go back to the same state you existed in for 14 billion years - but this time you do it for infinity.. you won't miss your family or friends or sex or milkshakes.. you won't be.

another thing i think about is the size of the universe. our planet is in our solar system, there may be 100 billion solar systems in our galaxy. and there may be 100 billion galaxies in our universe (think the number is much greater now)... so i google star sizes an infographics that show the scale of our universe - not sure why this makes me feel better... but just knowing that there's SO MUCH out there - and we are so insignificant helps in some way.

cryogenics - signing up for Alcor is another big help - you can get insurance that will pay for the bulk of it - and if you suddenly die they will cryopreserve your head or whole body.. with the idea being that some day, some way - technology will be able to revive you, mind upload you - something... it's imperfect science at this point - but who knows what tech will bring in 100 or 1000 years. this gives me comfort because i have a plan - if i drop dead (in the right circumstance) at least i have a chance of the future instead of no chance - and a future only being a hole in the ground.

i fear death all the time, i live with it, am ruled by it.. it sits on my bed at night, knocks at my door, peeks in the window. i hurry out of the bath and dress so it won't find me naked on the floor when i keel over. i feel my pulse with my fingers constantly for the better part of 3 decades. they say a man dies once and a coward dies a thousand times.. i'd humbly put that figure at 10,000. (shrug)

everyone will die. (at least currently) - no one gets out alive. every famous person, everyone you meet etc... knowing that is also comforting - it's an honest game - we're all even.

also knowing how many people have already died - humans have been around in our current form for the better part of 200,000 years.. that's a lot of death. it's nothing new.

my new fear is honestly that we don't die - or that there is something after death. that we are in a hologram or simulation - and that after we die there are some kind of rules that we don't know.. if we lead good lives maybe we go onto the next level, if we're bad we're deleted... or if we're interesting we go on, if we're boring we don't. you could even write a program to put people in virtual hells - if you were so inclined.

my second fear is that we get exactly what we feel we deserve when we die... so if you die thinking you're going to be hanging out with monsters in hell for eternity that's what you get.. that's like trying to say 'don't think about a pink elephant for next 4 min'..

if i had a choice of what happens when we die - i personally would like to just travel the universe and look at all those different worlds, with understanding of what's going on - like a dead-star-trek that never ends.. i'm sure it's quite beautiful.

life is. death isn't.

best of luck.