Relationship Anxiety help
Hi all, hopefully someone can help give me some support and guidance.
I am having anxiety regarding a relationship I started about 6 weeks ago. I have been dating this person since August. We have been good friends since 2017, someone who I have had feelings for for over 2 years. They have had their own issues too and only in the last 6 months found the courage to decide let’s give it a go.
I am finding it hard to trust and constantly feel scared and anxious that they will want to leave me. We have been through so much in 3 years as friends it would hurt to the point I would no longer have any interest in relationships if this failed. I find it hard with failed relationships with people I have managed to have such a connection with hard to come back from as I find it like a death. I find myself mourning for a long time.
I think part of my anxieties are due to this person has also hurt me in the past. Even though they said they were in the middle of their recovery too. Not only that but I am a survivor of domestic abuse, which I have done a course on to help protect me from people would be seen as perpetrators. This helped me also work on myself as I also find it hard reading things due to my diagnosis of autism.
I find myself questioning everything, which partly feels like I am sabotaging things because of my anxiety and past. They also are a survivor of domestic abuse. They also have children so I am also finding it hard with that dynamic too.
I have in the past when felt so anxious had diazepam from the Doctors. But they are no longer offering it, they suggest I have counselling around relationships but the waiting list is 9 months so they gave me numbers to call where I could possibly get the counselling elsewhere. That only other alternative I have is pay for counselling and with having such a low income that option isn’t feesable. So it feels like every day I have to live in fear and not enjoy the relationship as much as I could as I am scared it will end.
Is there anyone who can give advice, strategies or anyone I can call who can give me advice.
Regards.
VillaVillaVilla
Re: Relationship Anxiety help
Dear VillaVillaVilla,
I am sorry that I don't have any great advice to give. I struggle in my relationship because of my complex-ptsd. I was in an abusive relationship and was told over and over that I make everyone around me miserable. I try very hard not to believe this, but it continues to be a struggle. I'm sure everyone will end up disliking and abandoning me.
I know it hurts and is scary. I wish I had magic words to fix it for you. I did want you to know that I read your post and I wish you the best of luck.
Re: Relationship Anxiety help
I just wondered whether you could get some counselling via your local National Autistic Society branch? Having low self esteem and confidence in yourself is so challenging to deal with. I have 2 adult children on the spectrum who both struggle hugely with confidence issues and being in a relationship and maintaining it successfully is far from easy. I think you have done really well to get this far despite having had to go through awful life circumstances.
You deserve to give yourself the best chance for happiness in this new relationship. Don't doubt yourself. I understand when you say that it feels like an all or nothing situation and it would be like a bereavement if the relationship were to end. I also think that a counsellor who works with people on the spectrum would understand that too and would not try to underplay that huge fear of loss.
I wish you luck and happiness because you deserve it. I also hope that Villa stay up!!:D...but you may not keep Grealish!
Re: Relationship Anxiety help
Quote:
Originally Posted by
pulisa
I just wondered whether you could get some counselling via your local National Autistic Society branch? Having low self esteem and confidence in yourself is so challenging to deal with. I have 2 adult children on the spectrum who both struggle hugely with confidence issues and being in a relationship and maintaining it successfully is far from easy. I think you have done really well to get this far despite having had to go through awful life circumstances.
You deserve to give yourself the best chance for happiness in this new relationship. Don't doubt yourself. I understand when you say that it feels like an all or nothing situation and it would be like a bereavement if the relationship were to end. I also think that a counsellor who works with people on the spectrum would understand that too and would not try to underplay that huge fear of loss.
I wish you luck and happiness because you deserve it. I also hope that Villa stay up!!:D...but you may not keep Grealish!
Thank you for such kind and understanding words. My confidence has been rock bottom and it has took me many years of hurt to get myself to the point to try this.
I wish I had better news:
Yesterday I tried to call the National Autistic Society. It kept saying they was too busy and call back later and when I finally got through there was a massive cue and my partner was about to meet up with me. I spoke to her about anxiety and she opened up about hers. She then started putting herself down where I would do what I could to bring her back up. I would try to put over how strong she is to get to this point, as well as trying to put my point of view and feelings over. It just wasn’t working and I think we were misunderstanding each other to the point it sounds like we are finished with her telling me “Oh well I might as well tell you now, you have a driving experience for Valentine’s Day. I would of told you then but no point now”.
I informed her if that was the case I would have to end contact with her as it will hurt too much and it will feel like a death, this time I don’t just lose her, I lose the bond I had with her children. I feel like I’m mourning for her and the children, so I am not just mourning for 1 this time. 2 days ago would of been my Grandad’s birthday too. Feel very low, I literally pulled everything that she has left in my car, such as booster seats for the children, the lot and left. I have booked an emergency appointment are the Doctors this morning as now I am going to need support that they should of offered me in the first place. I feel like I have failed but so has any support that should of been there. 😔
My brother is offering to take me to Wembley for the final. I can’t see us winning that, staying up or keeping Grealish.
Re: Relationship Anxiety help
I understand your pain and sense of devastation. You are clearly focusing on the negatives here and believe all is lost when to me it doesn't seem to be the case at all. Are you really finished? Why should that be the case? Over talking about your anxieties? Frustration appears to be the point here..She's got you a driving experience but sometimes when you are both opening up about your insecurities things can be misunderstood and emotions can be misread..It's very hard being ASD and knowing how to respond/react appropriately. Especially when you are talking about emotions..It's a minefield.
This doesn't have to be The End..Think it over, don't act hastily. I hope you got some result from the GP. Is there a local branch of the NAS you could approach?
Monday is hell for phoning the national NAS helpline.
My son is 34 and my daughter 28- I have to pay for my son to have private therapy and my daughter has nothing-it's awful but when you are "high functioning" you get very little.
Go to Wembley-it will be great! My team Palace will go down...Don't despair about Villa!
Stay strong..all is not lost.
