Olanzapine Withdrawal Diary

Hello everyone, my name's Shane. Lovely to finally be a part of this supportive environment.

(Olanzapine Withdrawal Diary) (23 days, give or take, of 1.25mg/0.625mg, and 2 days of 5.0mg at the end of week 3)

Day 2 of no Olanzapine. (Wednesday, Oct 3rd, 2018)

I was put on 2.5mg of Olanzapine for racing thoughts/anxiety and as a sleep-aid. I wish I had done the research before taking it!! I would have never taken it if I had known it would be like this, and cause such changes to the brain.

So, I've decided to just stop taking it cold turkey, as I figure that having only been on it for 3 weeks, it's best to just stop without adding length to the drug being in my system.
The dose I've been taking is small also, however, I am very medicine sensitive. I'm so worried about side-effects from withdrawing...

I was using the phone and laptop last night until 3am to distract me until I felt relaxed enough to try and get some sleep, which I eventually did at about 3.30am. I was researching all about Olanzapine withdrawals and looking at many videos people posted on YouTube regarding this. It was slightly comforting.

I had very vivid dreams, as I have been having on the Olanzapine, only they somehow felt even MORE vivid. I can still remember the dreams easily enough if I try and this makes me feel anxious as I experience derealization/depersonalization every day I feel.

I woke up a few times this morning. First at about 6am. Felt like absolute crap. Depression, comparable to the “come down” after a high from ecstasy etc. Managed to sleep again, even with an anxiety-induced racing heart, falling into that vivid dream-filled, seemingly shallow sleep. Woke again before my wife got up at 8am, but once again, managed to fall asleep before she left the house.

It’s 12.15pm now, and I feel very depressed. I feel no joy and I have anxiety that is bubbling behind this cloud of depression. Obsessive, intrusive thoughts are frequent, and I don’t want to do anything at all today. I feel so very low. I find it extremely difficult to even write this, but I’m trying as I know it is something positive, to be keeping track of my progress.
I really hope I feel better soon. I’m very nervous about what to expect. I feel like it can’t get worse than this, as I feel absolutely hopeless, with no happy feelings…I’m just so depressed.
I’ve been thinking about trying Effexor XR, as I’m experiencing this crippling feeling of depression, and I’ve been feeling about the same way for the past 3 days, give or take. I actually started feeling this low after I re-commenced on Olanzapine 2.5mg after a 2 day trial of withdrawing from it after I took one 5mg tablet. I started feeling this low after taking that last 2.5mg tablet.

Well, that’s all I have to write for now. I feel so low…

(My question to people who have successfully stopped Olanzapine) -

Will I ever feel ok again? Will I find the old me..?

I was taking it for 3 weeks, and mostly (for about 75% of those 3 weeks) 1.25mg (splitting 2.5mg in half) along with taking 0.625mg (splitting the 2.5mg in half) as I’m very med sensitive and nervous in general about medication.

UPDATE on DAY 2 of Olanzapine WIthdrawal

It is now 5.10pm in the afternoon. I am still feeling depressed and have racing thoughts which are causing me anxiety on a high level. I feel like I have lost myself, and I'm afraid that I won't be happy again. This depression is so bad that I managed to talk to a psychiatrist in the day hospital and she prescribed Mirtazapine 7.5mg (taking half of 15mg). I really hope this will help me through this, as I am feeling rather hopeless and lost...

Has anyone used antidepressants to ease coming off of Olanzapine?

Thanks.

UPDATE on DAY 3

I slept from some time after 1.30am while listening to a YouTube video. My sleep felt very shallow with vivid dreams, which I can't recall clearly now, but I don't think they were particularly good dreams.

Woke up at 6am. Immediate panic. Still empty, no, worse... no feelings at all, just fear/panic. Perhaps this is due to my receptors being messed around with from the 3 weeks on Olanzapine? Is 3 weeks enough time to do irreversible, permanent damage to the brain? I wish I had some answer...

I used my phone to watch videos of people's journey of withdrawing. I couldn't seem to find enough.
I continued to watch videos until about 9.30am when I got out of bed with my wife.

It is 10.20am now. I'm trying to remain active, even though doing things is just so difficult! I washed the dishes. I managed to eat a banana. My wife made me a cup of hot milk. Thinking about eating food makes me feel quite nauseated. I have zero appetite.

My thoughts don't seem to stop. I wonder about the point of existence. Humans as creatures - what, really, is the point? I have depersonalization and derealization for at least 4 months now, and I think about every little thing I do or see... I'm just so tired and stressed!

Currently 2.25pm. A new symptom seems to be presenting itself. My right inner ear is making popping noises. I feel terribly depressed and anxious...

I'll continue to update.