I don't want to live anymore. I can't take it anymore.

I'm so tireeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed emotionally and physically . These past 5 months have been hell and it keeps going .

1. Had a horrible breakup after 7 year relationship
2. Came down with a horrible virus in nov that to this day is haunting me.
3 I have insomnia if I sleep it's light and waking up every hour . I feel so wrecked the next day
4. My anxiety has been so bad along with the stress that I had lost 28pounds in less than 2months
5 I went to get my blood work today and they told me my absolute Eosinophils at 4,296


My doctor told me it can mean an autoimmune disorder , parasites ( where would I get that in California ) , allergies ( never have I seen me being allergic to anything , and CANCER


Then he said maybe that's why I feel so fatigue and didnt more blood work and chest X-ray to see if my lungs are cleared

I feel so terrified I feel like my life is slipping right before my eyes. The only thing that keeps me pushing and going is my 4year old daughter. I even feel like such a failure to her. Sometimes I feel like I won't see her grow up.


I was excited I would be graduating from the university this year , but i don't see that happening anymore .


My insomnia is killing me and now I have weeks to worry to find out why my levels are so high . I try to be positive that whatever it is that's causing those levels is hopefully nothing sinister like cancer.

I feel so broken . I'm still fighting this virus , insomnia , anxiety , and depressions . What more can I battle

I just feel like giving up and ending this mess already . I broke down to my regular mD and told him I'm so tired of being sick and now this . HE WAS LIKE DONT WORRY I GOT YOUR BACK IM SURE ITS NOTHING BAD AND JUST THE VIRUS U HAVE CAUSING THIS "


He also put and urgent request for a SLEEP STUDY too figure out if I'm not sleeping due to something physical. I've tried sleep hygiene , Benadryl , trazadone , melatonin, and teas nothing helps but Ativan . I'm so scared of benzos


I'm sure my insomnia is all mental . How can beat insomnia when I have so much things going on causing me emotional turmoil


I'm so scared and terrified . I wonder what I did to deserve all of this .


I talk to my psychiatrist , sleep therapist , and they tried to re assure me . How am I suppose to pass my classes if I'm dealing with so much .


I don't want to live like this anymore :weep:

They should put you on something to help you sleep. If they don't you can take sleep aid but only take it a couple days then don't take it again for few days. You don't want your body to get hooked on it and need it. But it should help you get rest your body needs.

If you need someone to talk to pm me I am checking this site pretty daily.

Life is worth living even if it's hard sometimes.

Can you withdraw from some of your classes and pick them up later? It would be really difficult to concentrate on your studies with everything you have going on. When it comes to dealing with anxiety distraction is a wonderful thing but if you are suffering with insomnia then you don't really have the energy to cope with studying. Have you tried Amitriptyline? It really helps you get to sleep and it is not addictive like Benzodiazepines.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Nzxt27

They should put you on something to help you sleep. If they don't you can take sleep aid but only take it a couple days then don't take it again for few days. You don't want your body to get hooked on it and need it. But it should help you get rest your body needs.

If you need someone to talk to pm me I am checking this site pretty daily.

Life is worth living even if it's hard sometimes.

---

Ativan puts me to sleep but I got zyprexa today since he said it's not habit forming .

---------- Post added at 03:36 ---------- Previous post was at 03:34 ----------

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by swajj

Can you withdraw from some of your classes and pick them up later? It would be really difficult to concentrate on your studies with everything you have going on. When it comes to dealing with anxiety distraction is a wonderful thing but if you are suffering with insomnia then you don't really have the energy to cope with studying. Have you tried Amitriptyline? It really helps you get to sleep and it is not addictive like Benzodiazepines.

---

Yeah, i talk to my psychiatrist he said either I can go on medical leave from school or drop to one class . He'll write a letter to school for me .


He gave me zyprexa and wants me to start an anti depressant but I'm scared :(

I understand that going on medications can be worrisome, but with everything you have been dealing with, I personally think they can help you as they did (and do) for me. Just remember that SSRIs can take an adjustment period but in my opinion it is certainly worth the relief they can provide when they "kick in."

I won't pretend to completely understand what you are going through but as the Father of a 3 year old Daughter, I too sometimes worry I won't be there for everything, but I will take on anything and fight for the chance to be. Your Daughter needs you, and that's enough to take on whatever life throws our way. Best wishes.