The list.

Hey, I'm new here and I've been reading posts and whatnot and would like, if possible, some answers and help understanding most of these symptoms. I may go on a bit with what I say so just keep reading, haha.

My anxiety started two days before new years eve 2005, was 18, now I'm 21.

I've had severe atopic eczema all my life so I was never the relaxed type in general, but I'd just then kinda come to terms with it (not all, but slightly).

One minute I was sitting there watching a film, the next - while talking to my mother standing up - I had a rush of something going through my body and since then nothing has been right, physically or mentally.


Since that day, I've tired my hardest but I seem to always go back to my bed an retreat back to what little semblance life I have left, but I don't understand one thing - Aside from the feelings, my way of life is the same!

Before anxiety I slept alot, I didn't go out much, more than now but not alot.
(By the way I do use a lot of parentheses so I apologise now).

As I said I have severe eczema so I never was much for relaxation and my sleeping patterns were always abnormal before all this.

When I went to the hospital after my first "attack" they told me it was because of some medication I'd taken, a side effect or something an then I was told later on via my GP that it'd be gone in months, it still hasn't - obviously.

Lately, after reading all these posts, I've begun to think that spliffs may be a factor, I didn't smoke alot but then neither did other people on here who say it's possible it triggered it..

..Another reason it may have happened is the fact that two months prior to my first "attack", my mother had a heart attack. Now, I've always been close to my mother, she helped me through years of my eczema, hospital visits etc, and I don't really get on with my Dad or brother and my sister moved out years ago. So, essentially, she was my light in dark times - so I imagine it's possible that the fact that someone who I thought was "indestructible" suddenly crying to me an all this could have made me panic an then it would have actually triggered it months later.


Anyway, that's background...I'll get to my anxiety symptoms now -


I have a constant feeling of something almost coursing through my body, have done since day one. I hardly sleep but when I do I overdose on it, I twitch alot, my eyes seem to not see things like they used to, like maybe I look smaller or just..the viewpoint doesn't look correct. I have constant headaches, I think they are tension headaches, and I've had these since a couple of months after the anxiety started. I also, and I apologise I can't explain it, have this weird thing I do - I shut my eyes and sort of..crush them together an do something inside my head which kind of uhm..alleviates the feeling in my head so I do it constantly. I get pains/aches everywhere, an sometimes when I'm standing it's almost as if my leg is collapsing under itself when it clearly isn't.
My balance also tends to go off a lot, right now I'm looking at my laptop screen and my hands are typing but it looks weird, as if I'm looking out or through someones body. The best way I can put it is that I'm seeing from the first person (even though all people do, I know) - Maybe it's just because I'm focusing on it? I don't know, but it was never like this before. There're a lot more, but those are my main problems so - tension headaches, depersonalisation and others., etc.


I constantly feel like I'm going insane, I keep waiting for myheadache to almost boil over into insanity.
I've gotten to the point where I'm constantly pinching myself at night or when it's at its worst - just to feel a little pain so I feel better. I'm now thinking of self harm, and again suicide.

At one point a GP in this area wanted to send me to a mental hospital, but I don't actually think I'm..insane..I just think I'm kinda on my way, lol.

Loneliness gets to me to, I actually think that if I had someone then it'd help, just by not being alone.


I had some CBT and I've had meds - Cipralex, citalopram and have some HTP which I have yet to use. The CBT didnt really help and the meds just made me worse at first an then whenthey settle an I went through the elapsed time I just felt like I did before - no better.
Admittedly I don't get much excercise aside from playing the drums maybe once a day IF I feel up to it.

I very rarely go out, when I do go out I feel incredibly bored and I dont feel like I belong there - I always feel as if people are judging me and that..I can't explain that any better..
I don't drink, never have. I do smoke a lot - cigarettes. I quit what little drugs I did last february.
I just want an end to this because I really can;t take much more, I don't see anyone an it seems my friends don't bother and i never see them.

This was more of a way of venting, and I know it was long, and I guess for those of you who have read all this I should give you some sort of prize, lol.


Anyway, I'll finish here..anything you can tell me would be great, I unfortunately, as you guys & girls do too, focus on the negative, so I hope there's some positive replies.


Thanks for reading and I'd lovesome form of help or opinion orjust replies.

If any of you have MSN and would like to talk or at least just like to talk with a fellow anxiety sufferer, then feel free to add me @ Caridrum@hotmail.co.uk.


Thanks again,


Much love - Callum x:)

Hi Callum

Welcome to the site there is alot of good information on here and I think you will find many people on here who understand what you are going through. I hope you get the answers you are looking for and I am sure you will get some good support. This site was a really great help to me when I couldn't find the answers that I was looking for and you get a far better understanding of anxiety when you read other peoples posts and realise that you are not alone with what you are going through.

Take care

Carol

Thanks, Carol - I hope so too:)

I'm actually here, anxiously (not the best word, lol) awaiting replies:)~

Cal x