Fourth Meet with CBT therapist - not impressed.

Is it just me, I think this therapy will be wasted and also cost a lot of money. I did tell her that the book she gave me to read gave me no useful information that I did not know and/or read about. I have ready quite a lot of CBT books/Claire Weeks but I cant get to grips with the coping mechanisms however hard I try. I see the logical but when put into practice it goes to pieces.

I have felt down for so many days. Whether it is my GP has changed my anti-depressant from Mirtazipine to Dosulepin (75mg for first week, 150mg for the second). No reduction was suggested to withdraw the Mirtzapine slowly considering I was taking the highest dose.

Same old story, I am fed up with feeling unreal and life getting too much. I have started driving to the supermarket on my own, to the library etc. Driving seems the only "normal" thing.

As soon as I walk my legs feel so heavy and like someone has placed a backpag full of bricks in it. My back muscles contract really badly that I end up putting ralgex on them but it brings little relief.

I phoned work today as they sent me a Criminal Bureau Records form as I am a legal advisor and work with young children. It needed renewing for another three years. I laughed when I said I wasn't going anyway and they would have me for at least another few years.

Trouble is being/talking on the phone is one thing. Going back to work would be near impossible because of the detailed knowledge/concentration needed. They are not the greatest of employers. Three years ago I had a form of breakdown and went into the Priory for 3 weeks and they almost dismissed me for having a mental illness. Therefore I feel far more pressure to keep this depression/anxiety order under wraps.

Anyway, yet again I have vented too much but I am so wracked off.

Take care of yourself and each other,

Love Fran XX

Fran,
we are all here to vent, so carry on.
Some people cannot associate with mental illness, they can't see it so it can't be there.
I send you comforting hugs and hope you feel stronger soon ((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

Magicsheep x

If you don't want to do it you'll find an excuse. If you want to do it, you will!

That's one of the things we are here for. We all need to vent, to help us survive.

People who have no experience of mental illness cannot understand. That's why this place is so good. Its one of those illnesses that people tend to keep hidden, when we could really do with more support not less! Hang in there with your doctor. They don't always reduce your meds first. Let's hope that this is the one that suits you. That's what scares me when I feel bad, how bad will it get before they sort it out? But fingers crossed I'm going ok now on slightly higher dose.

Hang in there Fran.

Lisa.