anyone else dread night time?
I'm currently going through a bad setback, worst one I've had in a long time. I keep trying to remind myself that I'll get better but it's bloody hard to hold onto that point of view. My anxiety and panics lately have been a lot worse at night leading to nights of insomnia, agitation and numerous calls to MH helplines.
I dread waking up (if I do fall asleep) because of the "how the hell am I going to get through another day like this?!" Feeling and thoughts and I dread the evenings because I know night time is coming and I'm scared I won't sleep or I'll have a panic again but more so, I think it's just the memories of all the stuff that's happened at night time lately that's getting to me but it's so hard to see it as just memories or anxiety. I just feel zapped of all my personality, quirks and just feel like an empty husk.
Last night was awful. I tried to watch TV with my husband and it was a show we love that has finally just came back and watching TV together is one of my all time favourite past times but I sat there in utter dread. My stomach was in knots, I felt so spacey and disconnected (even now the next day, the room still doesn't 'look' right if you know what I mean) and I ended up having a huge panic attack and what's worse than the panics are the utterly hopelessness feelings I get - feelings and thoughts of "I don't want to die, I love my life but I can't live like this much longer, I can't cope", "I'm never going to get better", "I'm never going to be able to sit down and watch TV comfortably with him again", "I'm a horrible wife" etc. I know how illogical they all are but I have no confidence or resilience against them, it seems. I try and talk to my husband about how I feel but I feel as though my brain won't let me scratch the surface of what I want to tell him, it's like there's a block and something physically stopping me. It's the same talking to anyone face to face atm about this, not just him. All this adds to the helplessness feelings.
Has anyone else ever experienced this sort of thing? I haven't slept a wink and I'll admit, I did brood in bed for hours trying to sleep when I knew I was too restless to but I got up an hour ago and had lunch, done a workout and I'm just about to dye my hair hoping it might perk me up a little. Husband is taking me to the garden centre later too. Sorry for the novel, I just feel so bewildered. One min I can see clearly and then the next I feel like I have no way out
Re: anyone else dread night time?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
GingerFish
I dread waking up (if I do fall asleep) because of the "how the hell am I going to get through another day like this?!" Feeling and thoughts and I dread the evenings because I know night time is coming and I'm scared I won't sleep or I'll have a panic again but more so.
Dreading going to sleep because of the fear of panic attacks etc becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Try changing the self-talk to ' I am going to really enjoy going to bed tonight. I will sleep really well'. Do this enough times and your brain might get the message.
For what it's worth, I've had nocturnal panic attacks since 2016. My first one was so severe that I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack at 2am. I have now had that many that I'm bored of them. I wake up with my heart racing and feeling cold etc. Really? It's 3am mate! Okeydokey. Let's breathe it out then- and I breathe abdominally for as long as it takes for my brain to turn off the fight or flight response. Because I no longer dread them, or add fear to the mix - it's all over in a matter of minutes - sometimes seconds. Then I get up and do something boring because I know that there is no chance of me going back to sleep while my body is swimming in adrenalin and cortisol. Once I have burned it off, I go back to bed and if my mind is active - I listen to some white noise.
I give my anxiety a right good talking to when it's like this. Give me your best shot, cocker. I don't give a crap because you don't scare me anymore. I know how this works!
I'll also add that I got on top of my panic attacks and for months. They are back, but that's because I'm stressed at the moment - that and my lad gave me caffeine for a week and I didn't know. The difference is that I am in control of the panic attacks, not the other way around.
Make bedtime a good time for you. Have a bath. Pamper yourself. Give your feet a lovely massage with some sesame oil and lavender. Read an uplifting book. Listen to some relaxing music. Have sex. Whatever makes you happy, but tell yourself that it doesn't matter if you sleep or not tonight. If you have a panic attack, you will deal with it and it can never hurt you.
You will get through this. Better days will come. Learn about the stress response and you will understand that your body is trying to keep you safe. It's your mind which is playing you up - and only you can change that because the content comes from you.
