Finally lost the plot

I haven't been on here in ages - not sure if I was finding all the talk too much? Anyway, I've had the most horrendous wake-up call that SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE ABOUT THIS EMET!!!

Last night around 8pm, my (21 year old) son said he felt a bit s***. My anxiety is spiking again just writing about it :weep: I was reading in bed a couple of hours later, when I heard it. In his room. I had gotten into bed in my clothes in case I needed a quick getaway, and I bolted downstairs, grabbed coat, bag and car keys. I was shaking violently, pleading with my husband to just let me go.

I drove for about 20 mins, pulled into a McDonald's car park (it was late, at least there were people around - better than a lonely lay-by). Hubby called, I was a wreck, he said 'this is ridiculous' and I screamed 'I can't help,it!' and hung up. I drove another half hour, parked in a Tesco car park. Ignored 8 calls from hubby before finally answering. Calmed down a little, and went and booked myself in to a premier inn.

I felt ill all night. This morning, I told hubby I was not coming home while my son was there. Hubby called in my ex, who was fab, and son went off with him (he was s*** again this morning). I did come home, after spending £60+ on chlorine tablets, bleach, rubber gloves, masks and disposable suits. I spent 3 hours cleaning the bathroom, another couple in the kitchen, all the while desperately wanting to run again. I'm still home, at the moment.

I can't get the noise out of my head :weep: over and over again, and every time I get a jolt of adrenaline. I'm exhausted, hyper-alert to every sound and movement, trembling, an all-around wreck. How can I stop the sound constantly replaying in my head??

My son is still at his dad's. I'm terrified that hubby, myself or both of us might have whatever my son has, it just hasn't started yet. I'm losing my mind here :weep: :weep::weep: