***Ill try to make it short but probably will be long**
So, this will be my 2nd time on citalopram. The first time it worked wonderfully and gave me my life back. It was insane how it helped me!!
When I first started the medicine I was hopeless, lost, scared and felt like I was in a deep dark hole, inside a cave buried under rock, no exaggeration. I. Was. A. Mess. I had my daughter in 2005 and within 2 weeks of her birth. I had constant anxiety, panic attacks, developed derealization/ depersonalization that NEVER left. It was 24/7. As years went on which was about 6, I then become isolated and developed agoraphobia as well. Horrible!! Even walking to the dang mailbox would set off an attack.
Desperate, lost, confused and mentally about to check out, I got on citalopram. I HATE medicine and only during my whole ordeal took Xanax which of not for having that the 6 years would have went completely insane because it did relieve some of my agony. So taking anything daily gave me major anxiety BUT as I said, I was desperate. So skip forward to 2 months the relief started to come and before I knew it, I had my life back!!! It was incredible. Never thought during those dark times I would ever live a normal life again.
During the 6 years I was in citalopram I managed to leave an unhappy marriage, work a full time job to support myself and daughter, move into my own apartment and start college! You guys just have to really understand that I was BAD before citalopram so all of that was huge.
I met a man, fell in love, married and had a son in 2015. Everything was great but after the birth my anxiety in public started to come back so me freaking out I went to the doctor who then switched me to lexapro. I sooooo wished I would have just went up on citalopram but they said it could cause heart issues at high doses so I went along with the doc.
I did fine on lexapro but it made me an evil witch to put it nicely. I would fly off the handle so easily but it helped anxiety so I stuck with it. Fast forward I got pregnant again and had a beautiful little girl. Same thing after she was born, I started to get anxiety in public places so this time upped my dose and went to 20mg. I was on 10mg. Sorry forgot to mention that. Anyway 20 did the trick and I was ok again.
Here is the dumb me part. I thought I could get off lexapro because I felt fine but also more so because I was so irritated all the time. I weaned off entirely to fast and within 2 weeks BOOM panic attack and derealization and depersonalization came back. So basically I went to the doctor whom suggested Prozac but I insisted citalopram because I had so much luck with it. I started at 10mg and was on it for 5 weeks with very little change so now I’m 4 days into 20mg.
I was hoping 10mg like before would help but I’ve read sometimes the second time around you need more so here I am. I’m worried it won’t help this time and I’m doomed. All the anxiety/ negative thoughts I’ve had in the past.
I guess my point to this post is that A) someone out there who can relate can hear my desperate anxious tired thoughts and feelings and B) someone in a similar situation cane give me hope that I’m not stuck and doomed forever because although I know that’s not gonna be the case and I’ll make it out again I can’t help but hear that old voice of anxiety whisper “ this is it, you will never be the same again.”
Sorry for the long post! I tried to not be a ranter.... that may not even be a word but I failed miserably at keeping it short.
