Sometimes it feels like the virus is closing in on us

Hey guys, I am really struggling right now as I know many people are with this. In March during the initial stay at home orders here in the US it really set my anxiety off. ( Again as it has so many people across the world ) I am 20, I live at home with my parents and my 17 year old brother and 24 year old sister who just had a baby who is 2 months old. During the stay at home orders I was afraid to work as a cashier, my parents urged me to quit my job and that it wasn’t worth the risk. My mom was hysterical about the virus, we would do a Walmart grocery pickup and she would be hysterically cleaning the groceries off and saying how we are all going to get it and die. The neighbors even called to ask if we were okay one day because she had thrown them all on the porch. ( My therapist helped me pinpoint that some of my anxiety is a learned behavior ) I’m not in college right now because of it, online classes don’t work for me. I’m thinking I just won’t be able to get a degree.

I was in online therapy and I felt like it was showing some benefits, but with being unemployed I couldn’t afford it anymore. I don’t even really worry about health things the last few months, just strictly covid. Honesty, besides worrying about COVID I feel like my health anxiety is almost nonexistent about other symptoms or little things that used to always set me off. I am actually getting hired at a new full time job away from the public in an office and there’s about 5 people in there. The thing that makes me nervous is none of them wear masks. And I know many say they aren’t sure they work, my doctor told me he isn’t even sure if they work, I just am more comfortable if I along with people around me wear one.

The only person that I really see is my boyfriend and he is very careful too. There are just so many cases all around us constantly. It feels like it is closing in on us and eventually we will get it too. I am 20 and as far as I know in okay health, except I am a bit overweight and that terrifies me because I feel like if I contract the virus I will surely die. With my newborn niece in the house I am so afraid of her getting sick as well. I am just feeling so depressed and I guess I needed to vent a little bit. I know that every single one of us is dealing with it and that right now is tough for everyone. My sister is convinced she has fatal familia insomnia ( The dr said said a 1 in a billion chance ) and claims she barely sleeps and has claimed that for the last 5 or 6 months so she is going doctor to doctor, telling us all that she’s going to die and that it’s hereditary and so my brother and I will likely die of it. I feel like I am able to think more rationally about things and so that doesn’t really upset me like it used to, of course I love my sister and want her to be okay, I just am accepting what all of the doctors keep telling her. I think it’s mostly just the stress of listening to her talk about it all day and I know what it’s like to dwell on things ( just look at my post history!) it’s just hard not knowing what to say, nothing anyone says will change her mind.She got out of the dr today and first thing she did was take her mask off and rub her nose. I just could not believe what I saw. My dad goes places and eats without washing his hands, everyone is really pushing my buttons and I feel like I’m going to be pushed over the edge and just lose my mind. Common sense doesn’t seem so common among my household.

I just felt like I needed to get that off of my chest a little so thank you if you read this. I hope you all are doing well.