Today ... Good and Bad ... thoughts anyone?

...OK, Yesterday started off with a visit to the nurse at my GP practice to get my BP checked (monthly for me now) and it was 122/90 ... slightly raised but of no concern to her as she said I had been feeling down/ill and visiting the surgery can increase the BP as well.

Today I had a football match to go to, meeting mates at pub before football. I gave up en route and decided to make an excuse to mates and said I would see them at the stadium. The reason for this was because I could not face the social situation ... was I wrong to give up on this? Anyway, I started thinking too much and felt dry in the mouth, a bit wobbly and clammy. I calmed down, started breathing exercises and made it to football feeling not too bad.

During the match I felt at periods OK then light headed and dry mouth, then OK again. Anyway, I found talking to friends and taking my mind off the symptoms helped and I managed to get through the game OK and felt OK on the way back to the tube station.

I felt fine on the way back but then had another spell on the bus home but again calmed myself down (this time pins and needles, headache). I got in, fed the cats, then went shopping where again I felt a bit wobbly and light headed. I have just managed to cook cheicken and chips and eaten it all as I seem to have overcome most of the nausea I had a few days ago and I am now on 20mg Citalopram (upped from 10mg 2 days ago)

I am now relaxing watching the TV and trying to keep my thoughts calm. I feel very tired and nervous in a way but generally not too bad to be honest. I cannot say I feel tip top like I did months ago but am I progressing by being able to go out, see friends (sort of) and go shopping and eating?

A few months ago I would have jumped at the chance to go to the pub (although not touching alcohol at all at the moment) but I avoided it today ... that is my failure today, but should I also feel proud at getting through today relatively well?

I am away from 7am to 10pm next Saturday in another part of the country watching football - can I do it? Will I be OK? I am trying to remain positive and saying YES I CAN!

My first visit to the counsellor is next Wednesday and I am off sick from work (again, feel guilty about this but should I feel guilty?) but hopefully another few days should help the additional dose of Citalopram to kick in.

Hope you are all well.

Mat x

Hi Matt

Yes you should feel proud of getting thru today, you did just fine. :)

Yes, socialising and exercise and all the rest is really good but you have to be feeling pretty well in order to do these things. Socialising in particular can be extremely stressful - how you get there, anticipating whats going to happen, what other people think of you etc. I think you have to give yourself a break - put yourself first, take small steps etc. I know exactly what you mean about wanting your life back but when you reach a certain stage you just need to give yourself time to fix. So you didn't go to the pub today - so what? Its not a failure, its just you didn't fancy it today.

I hope the counselling goes well. Let us know how you get on.

Meantime - take it easy!

C