Sudden severe anxiety surge!

Hi friend. It's been a while! I have been feeling wonderfully and haven't really had any anxiety in many, many months. Earlier today in the shower I felt the very slightest suggestion of a bulge in my belly button and I have completely fallen apart!

Background: I had my umbilical hernia repaired back in February when I had my hysterectomy. I've felt around and it really seems like it's fine, but there is some movement/pushing out if I press on the spot and cough. In my rational mind I know this feels nothing like when I had the hernia, but I am just spirally and can't quite pull myself back. I spent years with this black spot of my fibroids and hernia hanging over my head. So, the thought that the hernia may recur and put me back in this - do I have surgery or just worry about this all the time dilemma is overwhelming me. I'm catastrophizing to the full extent of the word!

I've also gained about 20 pounds since surgery and I'm at my heaviest weight ever. I feel uncomfortable and unhealthy and like I don't even know where to start in getting back on track. There's definitely a part of me thinking I've caused the hernia to return because of my weight gain and lack of exercise. I was finally free of this worry and instead of taking care of my body I let it get so unhealthy.

I have been slightly more stressed than lately with school stuff the last few weeks, but honestly, despite my years of anxiety experience this one has very much taken me off guard. I've been shaking with anxiety for a few hours, which hasn't happened to me in years (with the exception of my surgery).

I'm not sure what to do next. Do I make an appointment to get checked? Just let it go? I need to stop checking the spot obsessively, but that's been really hard. I feel like I've lost control of my mind because I stand in the mirror and say - Ok, there's nothing there, stop checking, and then in the same breath my hand goes back down to check. I spent almost 3 years touching that spot on my belly button all day long to push the hernia back in. I haven't done that at all since the surgery and now I'm afraid I'm back to it.

I guess I just need a bit of a talk through to help me get grounded again. I'm out of practice with this level of anxiety. I do have a lorazepam prescription that I use as needed, but it's run out. I requested the refill but won't be able to get that until tomorrow.

Also helpful would be any advise on getting back into a healthy eating and activity routine. I am SO out of practice that it's upsetting. I used to be very healthy and now I feel like I don't even know where to begin and my body just craves junk. I feel very, very overwhelmed by this.

Ah Erin, sorry that you’re having a scare. Definitely go and get it checked, but also don’t overthink the reasons for doing so. You want to get it checked that’s all, there doesn’t need to be any caveats or reasonings.

I’ve put on weight too recently. I think these are just generally tough times my lovely, we have to help each other through them. Xx


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It's always nice to see your name pop up, Scass! I called and will go in at 4 today. I think it's the best plan, too. I do think I'm fine, there's just do much baggage associated with this particular issue that I need that I extra push of reassurance.

This time of year is always extra stressful.

I saw a lovely doctor who was so understanding. He did a thorough check and did no hernia. He could feel some scar tissue, which is probably what I was feeling. But said nothing at all to worry about!

Oh Erin that’s great news! I’m sure it’s a big relief. I know once I started eating healthier I noticed a big drop in my anxiety levels. For what it’s worth lol! It’s so hard though, especially in these crazy times we’re living in. Just try to be kind to yourself!

Ugh. So after seeing the first doctor, my surgeon's office called back and said they had an appt for today. I thought about not taking it because the first doctor said everything was fine, but then I thought - well, she did the surgery so her opinion is better and I'll feel completely relieved once she says it fine.

But, she didn't do that. She felt the hernia. She does think it's recurred and has referred me to a general surgeon. I'm so so sad. It'll be back to having to decide between watching and waiting and having another surgery. This time, I'd likely have to have a mesh repair, which terrified me because of all the complications that can occur with them.

I felt so free after my surgery and now I feel like my body is just broken and will never give me a break.