Long time reader - just my experience

Hi Guys

Trust you are all well and keeping safe during the lockdowns!

Just wanted to post my two cents as I think many of us will be feeling the lockdown HA pressing on our triggers at the moment...

I decided to post my comment here as I've been down this particular rabbit hole for four years! 2016 I noticed a twitch in my thumb - did the Google thing...felt sick with worry...convinced myself I was done for...de-stressed...twitch went away. 2018 it all came back from a twitch in my leg again told myself I was done for then read the sticky at the top of this forum and it helped for 6 months I was doing regular heel walks, jumping upstairs, Hoffman tests, Babinski sign, YouTube videos and the like and just as before they went away.

Then 2019 came (this time last year) and I had a few meeting in which people said 'pardon' whilst I was talking - me being me thought Bulbar and I spent the last year checking my tongue, measuring my face for asymmetry, comparing pictures looking for atrophy and doing PPP, GGG, KKK tests and come November it all went away - Bad Hay fever season was the diagnosis with sinus inflammation....

Since lockdown it’s been back again; I know I have HA as for the last twenty years I've had 'symptoms' of something colon cancer, kidney cancer, lymphoma, throat cancer etc etc - the latest thing is skin cancer from a mole on my leg I noticed then guess what - a twitch in my triceps...Oh NO! Can't be muscle cramps from doing lockdown home HIIT classes, tricep dips and push ups, can't be a strain because I can feel pain in my wrist and my elbow and muscle pain when doing burpees, can't be the stress of living under lockdown and worrying about getting ill.. Oh no this is 100% weakness and guess what - I’m done for :(

I know this isn't rational, I’m 38 reasonably healthy and active (probably drink too much) and I tell myself (supported by this group and the sticky) its failure not feeling the fact I can do one tricep dip and one push up, that I can feel the twitches, I only twitch when moving my arm in a certain way or position and I have pain and numbness should be enough to tell me it’s not MND let alone doing 30 reps per arm, 30 pushups and 50 tricep dips!!!

But then I see people my age get diagnosed - someone locally a year older than me, a friend of my Dad got it at 46, the rugby guys on BBC news etc and all the stats in the world don't settle me 18 people my age get diagnosed each year blah blah and down the hole I go....

HA is so hard to deal with because you can't run away from yourself - CBT doesn't help me and I don't want drugs like a friend of mine has had to do.

Health and wellbeing to you all Fishmanpa kudos sir for helping so many on here stay grounded!

All the best and take care.