Dissociating

Hello, this is my first post. My mom died in January. I’m 27. I’ve been having more panic attacks since she died... very severe ones. A lot of them are caused by what I am pretty sure are symptoms of grief— horrible short term memory, having trouble forming sentences in conversation, extreme fatigue, constant headaches and neck aches, difficulty doing things like climbing the stairs.

What I wanted to ask you all about though is I think I’ve been dissociating during my frequent panic attacks. First I get a head rush and intense fear, tightness in chest, shaking limbs, waves of nausea, and then... it’s like I can’t relate to my body. I feel really tall or like I’m sinking. My limbs are moving but I don’t feel connected to them. In my mind I feel like I might be stuck like this forever, I might go crazy. I have a hard time focusing on what people around me are saying, even if they are trying to help me through the panic.
I don’t know what to think. I have health anxiety and was (stupidly) researching brain tumor symptoms a few weeks ago because of the intense pain in my neck, and my head actually feeling like it’s falling asleep and parts of it going numb (not associated with the panic attacks). Someone mentioned dissociating with brain tumor symptoms. Maybe that’s where I picked this up from? It’s very scary. I don’t take medication. I am afraid of it. My doctors don’t take me seriously anymore because of it. I miss my mom and wish I could call her and ask her and she could knock some sense into me as she always did but I can’t.

Hello,
I’m so sorry that you lost your Mum, also at such a young age.
Grief does horrible things to you. When I lost my Dad, my health anxiety came back in force after several years laying dormant. I closed off for a few months, in that I completely avoided unpleasant things like paying bills! I also got quite a lot of physical symptoms, some of which mimicked his (he died of heart/lung issues), and I got 3 chest infections in a row. I later was diagnosed with gastric problems which I’m still convinced is to do with my anxiety during grief.

So, I think what my ramblings are trying to say is that grief is awful. When you read about what to expect, they rarely tell you the physical symptoms. And I do believe that you’re probably experiencing physical symptoms as a part of your anxiety and grief.
I’m sure that your doctor would love to help you with your grief and anxiety, but the brain cancer is not really there.
As someone who is old enough to be your Mum, I’ll say that Disassociation is part of anxiety and that’s what you’re experiencing.

You are going through something very traumatic, so don’t beat yourself up about it, instead seek help from your friends and loved ones and doctor to help you overcome the anxiety and grief. Xx


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Be kind to yourself? Grief does strange things to people. Oh, and if your doctors aren't taking you seriously at such a rough time in your life it may be time to think about finding a different healthcare team.

Anxiety can do all the things you've mentioned - I've had all the symptoms you describe under far less trying circumstances. It might also be worth seeing if there are any bereavement support agencies you can contact.

Sending all good wishes your way.

Hi

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your post was moved from its original place to a sub-forum that is more relevant to your problem.

This is nothing personal - it just enables us to keep posts about the same problems in the relevant forums so other members with any experience with the issues can find them more easily.