Scared of my own mind - depressed

I’m feeling depressed over the last few days/week or so. Not extreme, nothing I can’t handle. But yesterday I began having thoughts about suicide. It’s hard to explain, I don’t WANT to die or commit suicide, I haven’t got a plan for it, in fact I’m scared of dying. I just keep thinking of suicide and all the reasons that I tell myself I should stay alive for seem less meaningful than before. I had a anxiety breakdown last year in October and I’m also terrified of going through that again. I’ve only ever really dealt with anxiety, not depression but I really would like some advice. I’m scared of losing control of my own mind, or getting worse to the point where I’m not myself. Any replies would be so appreciated. With love 💖

Hi panicpro
I can understand how you feel regarding thoughts and being scared of them as I have had this. I am currently going through a bad anxious time with underlying depression but the thoughts have up to now stayed away. I think that there is a big difference between thoughts of suicide and being frightened of the thoughts and feeling like you would be better off taking your life and making a plan. For me the thoughts were like ' you could just jump in front of this car' or 'jump in that water' etc but I think that was the result of a very tired mind with stuck thoughts as I too a afraid that I will do something to myself. It maybe after your breakdown that you still need to be gentle on yourself and know that the thoughts are the result of a tired mind that is stuck in a thought pattern and that yes, there maybe underlying depression. If you are anything like me,anxiety seems to be how the depression rears its ugly head. x

Yup this is what depression does to you, its because you feel so low.

Depression itself is brought on by anxiety because you're so sick and tired of it, both consciously and non, your body and mind get to the point of thinking this way about suicide.

Anxiety does indeed give you the strangest thought patterns, totally out of character for the individual, this is what scares me actually. I find it very hard to even sit next to someone without the fear of punching them etc.

Its a very cruel illness my friend, but you will start to get better i promise.

I can relate to this as I am scared over my own mind. I worry what decisions I may make in the future and what future stress I may bring myself.

If you're having even fleeting thoughts of suicide, that's already way overboard in my opinion, you are so worth so much more and do not need even a flickering thought though I really cannot say much because I go through that kinda stuff regularly and soldier on, I went through the darkest waters one can go through and understand it's not possible for me to ever follow that road, but it's a despicable road which is very dangerous if a person does not have people along it who let them know their value and shine light on how they've ended up traveling that road. I hope you know your worth and that you have done nothing to be attacked by such thoughts, it seems a clliche but it's actually transparent proof, suicide is a final solution to problems that can be confronted and worked through, you just need the support, and when you seek support you find very very beautiful people who would do anything for you.

I always thought you could only be depressed if you want to die there and then and you're ready to do something. That was incorrect.

What you have described is what I learned as classic depression. The constant suicidal thoughts, even though you don't want to die, you think it will be the best option. It's not of course, but when the world is ontop of you and there seems like no escape from the problems it seems like the easier option. I find myself in this situation regular.

When I was bad I went on sertraline. I was on 150mg. They really did help me out - even though I'm very anti-medication. It helped bring my mind to a level where I was able to think about my problems and try to find solutions to them. Whereas, before that I was a wreck and felt like my problems were too big to deal with.

I'd speak to your doctor and see if there's any treatment that could help. Medications might be a good option.

Keep posting :) I find posting here, and receiving replies from others, helps me to learn more about what I'm going through.

Hey panicpro, how are you doing?
I currently have the same when goin thrue burn-out.

Did you have any improvement.

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