Annual Mammogram, Extreme Anxiety

So, it’s my annual mammogram coming up next Monday. This will mark my 9th year since being diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 35. To say I’m not finding it any easier is an understatement. The strange thing is when I did have cancer I coped really well and know I could do it again, it’s just the thought of it coming back is crippling.

I’m trying to look for some ways of seeing this annual testing as a positive thing. I keep thinking I don’t want to go for the mammogram but that would just be silly and cause me more anxiety in the long run.

I don’t want to spend the next week worrying as it won’t make any difference to the outcome!

Hi Deb,
I could tell you not to worry about it, forget about it until next Monday and just get it over and done with when the day comes. But I guess if we could all think logically like that then half of us wouldn't be on this forum

But look, you had a mammogram a year ago and presumably you got the all clear then. A doctor once told me that mammos can pick up changes about 12 months before a lump is even felt. So they pick things up very very early.
So even if the worst did happen on Monday (and I'm not suggesting for a minute that it will), you know it will be something that was caught very early. So it's definitely best to get it done.

Because you had breast cancer before then it's obvious your anxiety is going to be high at the moment. Be kind to yourself and I would say to allow yourself some little bit of anxiety rather than try to completely get rid of it. Try to distract yourself as best you can between now and then. If you have to, pick a worry time period each day and try to postpone your worry until that time. I do this sometimes and if I'm able to do it it's a brilliant technique.

I really hope everything goes well for you on Monday, and there's no reason it won't. Keeping everything crossed for you :hugs:

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Originally Posted by BrokenGirl

Hi Deb,
I could tell you not to worry about it, forget about it until next Monday and just get it over and done with when the day comes. But I guess if we could all think logically like that then half of us wouldn't be on this forum

But look, you had a mammogram a year ago and presumably you got the all clear then. A doctor once told me that mammos can pick up changes about 12 months before a lump is even felt. So they pick things up very very early.
So even if the worst did happen on Monday (and I'm not suggesting for a minute that it will), you know it will be something that was caught very early. So it's definitely best to get it done.

Because you had breast cancer before then it's obvious your anxiety is going to be high at the moment. Be kind to yourself and I would say to allow yourself some little bit of anxiety rather than try to completely get rid of it. Try to distract yourself as best you can between now and then. If you have to, pick a worry time period each day and try to postpone your worry until that time. I do this sometimes and if I'm able to do it it's a brilliant technique.

I really hope everything goes well for you on Monday, and there's no reason it won't. Keeping everything crossed for you :hugs:

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Thank you so much for the reply. I know you’re right. That’s a great idea about having a worry time, hopefully it will help stop the thoughts ruining my day.

As you say, worse case scenario any cancer would be picked up early.

Thanks again.

Deb said it all and very well. Just know that we are here hoping and/or praying for your happy all clear post when the results come in.

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Originally Posted by Crh371

Deb said it all and very well. Just know that we are here hoping and/or praying for your happy all clear post when the results come in.

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Thank you x

So I had my mammogram today and everything was ok according to the radiologist. However, I can’t be happy! I was looking at the scans after the mammograms were done and started freaking out over some white spots I saw. The radiographer assured me that this was normal calcium deposits and very common. Nothing to worry about.

The radiologist then compared my scans to last year and said everything is fine. Why can’t I just accept what they’ve said?!!! Part of me thinks they are wrong and I feel sick thinking of this calcium and what if it develops into cancer!!

I’m driving myself mad, I’m not medically trained, so what do I know about white spots on mammograms!! I’ve wound myself up for weeks over this scan and now it’s done I should be happy.

Maybe time to treat the HA?

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Originally Posted by nomorepanic

Maybe time to treat the HA?

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Definitely but I don’t know what’s left to do that I haven’t already tried. Currently on sertraline, been through CBT and various counsellors.

Start by not looking at the scans yourself? Let the experts do it? Those white dots are microcalcifications which I have along with many others. The comparison between this year's and last year's scans is the important thing and you've received very good and reassuring news.

Why can't you believe what you are being told? Because you believe your HA mind chatter more than the assessment of the medical professionals looking at your scans.

It's such a shame when you should be celebrating good news. Why are you doing this to yourself?

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Originally Posted by pulisa

Start by not looking at the scans yourself? Let the experts do it? Those white dots are microcalcifications which I have along with many others. The comparison between this year's and last year's scans is the important thing and you've received very good and reassuring news.

Why can't you believe what you are being told? Because you believe your HA mind chatter more than the assessment of the medical professionals looking at your scans.

It's such a shame when you should be celebrating good news. Why are you doing this to yourself?

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Exactly! Why am I looking at scans that take years of training to read and interpret.

You’re completely right, I’m letting my HA mind take over.

So glad your results were great! I find that it sometimes takes my mind a day or two to actually believe that everything is OK after I've convinced myself that the outcome would be bad. Give it a few days and let your mind catch up!

It's great news Deb that you got the all clear on your mammogram but I totally understand where you're coming from with the doubts. That's 100% just HA. It will try to twist everything to make you doubt the mammo results and make you think as if you know something about those white calcium dots.
They don't take any chances with these things. If the radiographer thought there was the slightest chance that something was going on here then you'd be sent for more tests. Calcification is very common. I was told a few years ago I had it and completely freaked out when I was told. I had a lovely GP back then and when I talked to her about it she explained everything to me and put my mind at ease and I haven't thought about it since.

You were so worked up and worried before the mammogram that sometimes it's just hard to let go. As the previous poster said, give it a few days. Your mind needs to adjust to the news that you got the all clear. That's all that's happening here. So just ride it out and those HA thoughts will fizzle out over the next few days.

It couldn't have gone any better, just keep telling yourself that xx

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Originally Posted by sel123

So glad your results were great! I find that it sometimes takes my mind a day or two to actually believe that everything is OK after I've convinced myself that the outcome would be bad. Give it a few days and let your mind catch up!

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Thank you. You’re right, I know what you mean, I’ve been building up to this for weeks and it’s going to take a few days for me to take on board that the results are ok.

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Originally Posted by BrokenGirl

It's great news Deb that you got the all clear on your mammogram but I totally understand where you're coming from with the doubts. That's 100% just HA. It will try to twist everything to make you doubt the mammo results and make you think as if you know something about those white calcium dots.
They don't take any chances with these things. If the radiographer thought there was the slightest chance that something was going on here then you'd be sent for more tests. Calcification is very common. I was told a few years ago I had it and completely freaked out when I was told. I had a lovely GP back then and when I talked to her about it she explained everything to me and put my mind at ease and I haven't thought about it since.

You were so worked up and worried before the mammogram that sometimes it's just hard to let go. As the previous poster said, give it a few days. Your mind needs to adjust to the news that you got the all clear. That's all that's happening here. So just ride it out and those HA thoughts will fizzle out over the next few days.

It couldn't have gone any better, just keep telling yourself that xx

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Thank you, I totally agree it’s just my HA. In reality I’m incredibly privileged to now be nearly 10 years cancer free since my breast cancer diagnosis. I think sometimes that’s also hard to comprehend when so many people lose their lives to the disease, my friend passed away from breast cancer 2 weeks before my diagnosis.

I’m hoping the news will sink in after a couple of days and then no doubt I will move on to my next worry!!

It really IS good news, Deb. The best you could possibly receive:hugs:

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Originally Posted by pulisa

It really IS good news, Deb. The best you could possibly receive:hugs:

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I know, it will sink in! :) Thank you

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Originally Posted by Deb350

Thank you, I totally agree it’s just my HA. In reality I’m incredibly privileged to now be nearly 10 years cancer free since my breast cancer diagnosis. I think sometimes that’s also hard to comprehend when so many people lose their lives to the disease, my friend passed away from breast cancer 2 weeks before my diagnosis.

I’m hoping the news will sink in after a couple of days and then no doubt I will move on to my next worry!!

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Do you think you have a form of "survivor's guilt" as to why you have done so well since your diagnosis whereas others are sadly not so fortunate? You're just waiting for something else to threaten you because you can't possibly have "got away with it" when your poor friend didn't..?

It must be very hard to battle HA thoughts when you have been through so much but the fact is that you are still breast cancer free and it's ok to let that news sink in and then breathe many sighs of relief!

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Originally Posted by pulisa

Do you think you have a form of "survivor's guilt" as to why you have done so well since your diagnosis whereas others are sadly not so fortunate? You're just waiting for something else to threaten you because you can't possibly have "got away with it" when your poor friend didn't..?

It must be very hard to battle HA thoughts when you have been through so much but the fact is that you are still breast cancer free and it's ok to let that news sink in and then breathe many sighs of relief!

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I think you’re right about survivors guilt. I was diagnosed with a very aggressive rarer form of breast cancer which had already spread to my lymph nodes. Thankfully my chemo was extremely successful. How I’m still here I don’t know, I should be celebrating everyday but instead I’m waiting for my cancer to return or to develop another cancer.

It must be incredibly difficult to live with that fear and your situation is very different to those who fear getting cancer..but have never been through the trauma of diagnosis and aggressive treatment. I can't imagine that standard CBT would help you at all. Do any of the cancer charities offer therapy for those living in constant fear of recurrence?

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Originally Posted by pulisa

It must be incredibly difficult to live with that fear and your situation is very different to those who fear getting cancer..but have never been through the trauma of diagnosis and aggressive treatment. I can't imagine that standard CBT would help you at all. Do any of the cancer charities offer therapy for those living in constant fear of recurrence?

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I have received counselling from a charity specialising in helping cancer survivors. They were very good but they would only offer a limited number of sessions.

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Originally Posted by Deb350

I have received counselling from a charity specialising in helping cancer survivors. They were very good but they would only offer a limited number of sessions.

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Did these sessions help you at the time? Could you go back to this charity now that time has passed and you are still plagued with fear?

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Originally Posted by pulisa

Did these sessions help you at the time? Could you go back to this charity now that time has passed and you are still plagued with fear?

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I only spoke with them last year and I’ve got to go two years before they will offer me more sessions :(

That's disappointing but I suppose they have limited resources..Could you consider some private therapy? I know it's shamefully expensive though.

How are you feeling now that a few days have passed since your results?

I paid for CBT privately a few years ago, it did help to some degree. I think the problem is I struggle to put any of the techniques into practice.

I’m still not feeling great after Monday, those calcium deposits are plaguing my mind! I know rationally people train for years to be able to read mammograms and what do I know! I had reassurance from both the radiographer and the radiologist that my mammogram is fine.

Yet I torment myself with the fear it’s not. Those calcium deposits could have been there for years for all I know, it was only because I happened to see the scan this time that I noticed them.

How did you happen to see the scan?

I've got microcalcifications and thought they were insignificant. Don't loads of women have them? Comparison of scan history is always carried out. Do you honestly think that anything significant on your scan would be ignored in view of your previous diagnosis?

Maybe make it a rule never to "come across" scans or test results that are going to torment you and make you ruminate on the "what if" scenario?

The radiographer showed me a crease mark of my skin on the scan, she saw I was anxious and I think just wanted to reassure me that she needed to do another picture, not because anything was wrong.

Apparently calcifications are very common.

I know you’re right, they wouldn’t take a risk if they were concerned anything was wrong.

You need to believe that though. Don't let your HA thoughts challenge what you have been told by someone who is trained to assess mammograms accurately?

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Originally Posted by pulisa

You need to believe that though. Don't let your HA thoughts challenge what you have been told by someone who is trained to assess mammograms accurately?

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I think now it’s been several days, I’ve finally accepted it in my own mind :) I’ve now moved on to worrying about my piles again and possible bowel cancer. No helping me!!

You are certainly NOT helpless in terms of managing your HA though.

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Originally Posted by pulisa

You are certainly NOT helpless in terms of managing your HA though.

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I know, I need to get on top of my HA x