Vision/eye spasm? Vision jitters!

Hello everyone and Happy New Year,

Now, this is quite long I’m afraid. I can’t write short messages to save my life! Great when having to write essays, not so great when limited to a set number of characters! If you don’t want the full story, please scroll to nearer the bottom of my post to “get to the point” as it were.

My anxiety was pretty under control for the majority of 2020, which I’m quite proud of, all things considered!

However, in July I ended up having to go to the Eye Infirmary at the hospital (on my birthday, that was fun!) because over the course of a few days, my eyes became extremely painful to move either side. I literally had to move my whole head in order to look around, it was so painful. Also, when I did move my eyes to the extreme side (like the doctor who referred me to the eye infirmary made me do,) I had some dark, opaque large spots show up in my vision.

Oddly for me, I wasn’t really worried about it, I just wanted the pain to stop. The eye doctor had a good look, I had a pressure test, my eyes were dilated (amazing!) and I also had an eye ultrasound (not so amazing.) All looked fine as far as he could see, so he prescribed me some steroid eye drops and sent me on my way, with a return appointment by phone in a week. He said if the pain hadn’t gone away, and I was still seeing the dark spots when looking to the side, I’d have to go for more tests, like an mri etc, to see if there was something going on.

I took the eye drops, spoke to him a week later where the pain had started to go away but it still hurt. He made me another appointment by phone for the week after. By that time, the pain had subsided a lot, but I was still seeing the spots. He couldn’t explain why I was seeing them, but I said that I can’t recall ever really looking to the extreme sides (as if trying to see my own ears!) so they may have always been there? I was much more rational back then...

After about a month, the pain had completely cleared up. And I forgot about it all, until September. I’d noticed that my vision was getting a bit blurry with my glasses on (I’m short sighted) but I put that down to needing an up to date eye test, it had been just over 2 years and so I had one and sure enough, my eyes needed a stronger prescription!

Unfortunately when I got my new glasses, I had nothing but issues! I was dizzy when I looked around, looked down, closed my eyes, felt like my depth perception was off and started to get headaches. This was through October. I started to worry that something was amiss... so I made another appointment for an eye test at the beginning of November, felt like a freak when I went, as the assistants (of which there seemed to be like 20!) couldn’t understand why I needed another, and started to make me feel like I was going to be diagnosed with something bad... bet you can guess... yep, a brain tumour.

I saw the same optometrist/optician as before, she tested my eyes, said my left eye had changed a bit (from -2.25 to -2.50) but couldn’t see anything wrong. I told her why I was worried, and while she wasn’t terribly convincing, she said it all looked fine and I told myself she had no reason to withhold info from me. She told me I could buy some new glasses, but after spending £170 on the recent new pair, I couldn’t afford any! She said the prescription I had would be fine as there wasn’t much difference in it.

On my way I went. Christmas and New Year is always a bad time for my anxiety, despite having my 3 lovely happy kids and wonderful husband around me for a couple of special weeks, I always seem to be worried beyond reach about something. This year it was “I’m convinced I have a brain tumour.” I had all the symptoms (I’d read about them about 8 years ago when I had a brief worry about them, and like an elephant, I don’t forget.) I had nausea, dizziness, headaches - in the morning, at night, but also ones that just came on from nowhere. Luckily, they didn’t seem to last long although there were a lot of them on and off all day, everyday. I also felt like when I was sitting down, I’d sit slightly left of where I wanted to be, I had a high pitch ringing in my ears (one day it would be left, the next right) I couldn’t sleep, I kept seeing flashes in my vision, big flashes in the day and night, and also tiny flashes like a sparkle off a diamond, specifically to the middle left of where I was looking. All in all, I got pretty involved in my symptoms and signs and felt pretty awful.

I stayed away from the doctor, even though my husband kept saying it would make me feel better to go. I didn’t want to though, because that’s what I always do... plus if I’m honest, I thought “this time, I’m right.” and I didn’t want to be told.

Now it’s January, and although I’m still having daily headaches, I’ve reasoned with myself that they’re not that bad, they come on, last about 2-10 mins and fade off to return later. They don’t stop me doing anything. The dizziness has mostly gone, comes back fleetingly but nothing like it was, I don’t feel like I’m going to be sick anymore, so I think my anxiety is finally starting to come down.
I keep telling myself if there was something really wrong, I’d know by now.

But. I’ve noticed all the way through this since about October, that when I’m focused on something close, like reading or squeezing at my blackheads(!), looking at my phone or writing, my vision seems to glitch occasionally. It feels like for one second, it shakes side to side or vibrates really quickly before I can focus again. There’s no knowing when it’s going to happen, which freaks me out. It’s making me worry my eyes are having like mini seizures? I’ve tried to find out if it’s normal, but having asked family members, husband etc, they just frown and say they’ve never noticed. The internet (I know, sorry) only suggests nystagmus, which seems like it lasts longer so I don’t think it’s that (nor do I want it to be that! Sounds scary!) I can’t make it do it myself, it’s completely out of my control. I’m spending more time looking at writing and screens at the minute, due to homeschooling, so I wonder if this is why I’m noticing it more? I should also add, I had a quick eye test in January at a different high street optician to see what prescription they would give me. They were a lot better, and the sales lady gave me the courage to go back to my original optician and demand they fix my current glasses to the prescription they updated me to in November. They were very apologetic and said I should have been offered this at my second appointment. Anyway, my glasses seem a lot better now, I can see great through them. (I tried contact lenses, but they made me feel dizzy and kept making my eyes blur over when I looked around, so I gave up with them!)

And just to finish, I’ve just remembered that another thing I’ve noticed is when typing on my phone, it feels like my thumbs sometimes want to move twice in the same place when I only mean to touch the phone once (if that makes sense!) like it spasms out of control for a tiny second making me press things I didn’t want to. This isn’t my main concern though, incase anyone reading has scrolled to the bottom! My main worry is the paragraph above!

So I guess what I would like to know is, has/does anyone else had/get this?? I’m trying to remain calm and not rush to the doctor (they wouldn’t see me anyway, it’s a small practice and has had 10 cases of covid crop up this last week, so they really are running on skeleton staff!) Surely if there was something untoward going on, it would show itself in less subtle ways? I know some seizures can be small, like staring into space (which I also do but have for ages and thought everyone did!) but if it was something big, bad and scary, it would show up in more obvious big, bad and scary ways?? I just need someone logical to help reassure me, so I can stop the evil little scaremonger in my mind who tells me I’m going to die and my husband is going to meet someone better than me and my kids will love her more than me and I’ll be forgotten. (Therapy has told me I have a reason for this, but it hasn’t helped me quash the fear unfortunately.)

If you got this far, thank you. I really do appreciate it. It’s good to get it all down and out of my head.

Love,

Letti x

Hi Letti, I read it all :)

That is indeed a long set of eye/brain related concerns. I do know that eye tension can cause all sorts of odd things to happen, the muscles surrounding the eyes are very sensitive and if you are a person who 'stresses' their eyes with screwing your eyes up, looking at things for long periods in a difficult position or even trying to stare in directions that cause strain, some odd things can happen. Have I had eye pain, in both, that hurts when you move the eyeball ? Yes, I have, a few times in my life. The very worst time was after a long dental appointment, I had been of course very tense, staring backwards at the face of the dentist and clearly tensing my facial muscles. I had a few days of quite awful pain. I once also had a few weeks, this is 20 years ago, where if I looked upwards everything was spinning violently. Actually I could list you quite a few assorted eye effects I've had, all of which have been very strange but seem to be something I am susceptible to with regards to the muscles around the eyes and effects they give to me. It can be very scary. The 'jumping glitch' I have certainly had, it can happen when you are concentrating really hard and your focus has to change suddenly and you are tired, well it does to me and I wear reading glasses also. I get flashes too, and the more aware of them I become the worse they seem to get, yet again I can relate this to tension in my face and eyes.

I would say to you that you have had a lot of people look at and in your eyes, anything horribly sinister would be seen, especially by the specialists at your original appointments. Your symptoms have been scrutinised by quite a few people, and they've not come up with 'something awful and bad' is happening. I know with any vision change you need to be careful and report, and it seems that your husband is encouraging you to try to get an appointment, so why not just let them know and see what they feel about it. 'Since October' is 3 months, and if nothing feels much different, then it would be hard to imagine that anything majorly amiss is going on, and it doesn't surprise me at all that you are noticing oddities that are bothering you, as I've had the same myself. I don't want to really say anything too medical, as I'm not a medic of course, but I really don't think you need to panic. YOu could even run it past an opthalmologist again if you think the doctor is really busy ? Do your GP practice do any online consultations , because that is an option, then they can decide if they think there is anything that needs checking again.

Hi Carys,

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my whole post, and for taking more time to send such a kind and detailed reply.

You have helped ease my worry about it all, it’s sometimes easier to get advice from someone you don’t know!

After writing it all, wouldn’t you know it, I felt a bit sick and dizzy this evening for the first time since around Christmas and NY. I would like to think by now that I’m sensible enough to know I can “bring on” symptoms by thinking/reading/speaking of them. I’ve been doing it for years, but it’s taken me a long time to talk myself down from thinking “this is it this time!” In any case, my husband made his own version of salt and pepper chinese chips tonight, and wow they were spicy! So that might explain the dizziness and nausea :D

I’m going to stop waffling, before I get going again. But thank you again for replying to me, you’re very kind <3

Hello. I hope this is ok to attach to my thread here. Earlier today I made a post on the sertraline/Lustral/Zoloft sub forum, but I don’t think it gets as much “traffic” as here, so I wondered if adding it here could help. I’m really sorry if it’s not ok, but I’m thinking of starting my new pills tomorrow and would love any words of wisdom or encouragement, please. Please delete from my thread if not appropriate though. Thank you,
Letti xx

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Hello,

My last experience of taking an ssri was about 9 years ago, when I took 20mg of citalopram for just over a year. It helped me feel better, but it made me gain about 20-30lbs. It then took a while for me to lose that weight. I’m not claiming to be one of these people who swear down that they were eating less and exercising more, yet still gaining... I do remember a fondness for potatoes and chocolate at that time (though not together!) and I was still carrying baby weight, so it was more likely an increase in appetite combined with not shifting baby weight I already had. The same thing happened when I was a teenager taking the birth control pill - I went from skinny to pretty curvy almost overnight.

I do have a sweet tooth, but I’m a bit afraid I may just be one of these people who put weight on when on medication of any kind. When not on medication, I can eat a lot of junk without really putting on much weight, still some - about 6lbs, which I’d rather not have, but not a massive amount. I’m still deemed to have a healthy bmi.

Now I’ve been prescribed 50mg of Lustral... but I’m very apprehensive about taking it, because I don’t want to put on any weight. I actually want to lose about 14lbs now (thanks lockdown!) to get myself in really good shape, and so really don’t want things to creep the other way!

I know it must sound so vain, and I suppose in a way it is. But I already have such low self esteem and disgust for myself, that I would feel worse than I do now. I’m a highly anxious person, but I can slip into depression easily and this would push me that way, I know it would. Plus, I have several family members have been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, none of whom are very overweight, maybe slightly but not hugely, so I’m concerned it could be detrimental to my physical health.

I have searched the internet endlessly, and mostly all I can find are scare stories from people who say the weight gain was inevitable, despite them being really good about eating less and exercising etc. Can this really be true? If I were to keep using MyFitnessPal, or even start something like Slimming World, so I am keeping my eye on it and holding myself accountable on a weekly basis, am I still destined to put on weight??

I’m sorry if this question has been done to death, I just can’t find anything positive about Lustral and weight loss. And not knowing anyone in real life who has been on it, I have no one to ask.

Please help if you can. But if not, please don’t judge my reasons for worrying about it. I definitely want my mental health to improve, but it’s deflating to think I’m doomed to have another issue crop up because of it.

Thank you,

Letti xx

HI Letti,

I'm afraid I can't personally answer this one, I wonder shall I bump your Lustral post up for you and see if anyone can help ?

Done. Many people use the 'Quick links/Todays posts' way of viewing the forum, so hopefully someone will see it soon.

Thank you Carys, you really are so helpful and caring :)

I’m having the same symptoms as you everything. I am worried sick. Did you ever end up going to the doctor?


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Hi Angiee74, sorry I’ve only just seen your message! Yes I did end up going to the doctors, they thought it was anxiety, but just to make sure, they booked me in for a head mri. It was a worrying 6 weeks waiting, but it came back all fine! The symptoms mostly disappeared afterwards, but I still now get the jittery eye feeling and headaches out of nowhere. But I know it’s all ok, so I’m not worried anymore. I think that alone helps the symptoms to lessen. I really hope you feel better soon xx

Thanks for your respond. I’m still having the issue. Like little white boobs from the corner of my eye and sparkle looking things :(


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Sorry to hear you’re still having the issue. The thing is, the more you worry about it, the more likely the issue (any issue really!) is going to hang around. If it’s any consolation, I discussed my eye issues in depth with 2 doctors, 3 opticians and a hospital ophthalmology specialist and they all seemed to agree it wasn’t concerning - the doctors did mention anxiety being a driving factor, and it’s true - anxiety can 100% give you eye problems. When I’m anxious about anything, I always get flashes of light, especially at nighttime, it’s like someone has taken a picture and I’ve stared straight at the flash! And it’s not a one off, it happens often. My issues were definitely “there”, not in my head and they weren’t fleeting, they were daily for months on and off all day.
You could always go and get an eye test at your local opticians, they are excellent at finding problems if there are any. And if they don’t (which I don’t think they will for you), that should help you find peace of mind. Don’t expect them to really let you know you’re fine though! They don’t seem all that interested if you’re fine, and that can mess with your head if you let it! Certainly did with me anyway, but if I’d taken what they said there and then, I would’ve saved myself time and a lot of worry for the same conclusion I got months later! Try and relax as much as you can, make sure you get some decent sleep and stay hydrated. I hope you feel better very soon.