Fear of evil and of all things evil

This is a difficult fear to describe. When I am ill I have a fear of evil. All manner of things can trigger it and sometimes I feel that I myself am the trigger. Even thinking about it can bring on the fear. It is rather like catatrophising that everything that I do or touch will go wrong but it is more than that it is almost a feeling of being possessed if I think too much about this other 'being' then it will take over and I will cease to exist and evil will prevail. In the past this fear has been wrapped up with serious world events, the IRA, that they were after me. It prevented me doing things and I would be terrified to travel on the tube, go to concerts on St Patricks Day in case I would be blown up. I had a very good friend who was irish and I thought he was out to get me. These days my fear has shrunk and my Christian faith is strong but the fear is still there. Sometimes I think that I have control over these events that in some way I'm making bad things happen. I have discussed this in therapy in the past and various theories have come up such as it stems from my own guilt, guilt about religion and about myself that I feel to blame for my own troubles, the worlds and everybody elses. I know that it isn't true yet sometimes when I am on my own I start to believe in it again. I know that Dr J (my psychiatrist) would be interested in all this and I'm not mad but I was wondering whether anybody else shared these thoughts?

hi elizabethjane,

i dont have exactly the same, but i did for a long time think i have 'black blood' meaning, my family had like an evil curse and that everything i came near i ruined...ive recently accepted that that is not true. i was always looking at the cup half empty, not seeing it half full.

i do have to stop reading the news sometimes as i get overwhelmed with sadness and thinking this world is getting worse with so many awful people out there, and disease etc....but i think it is as it has always been, just more per population.

you have a good heart, so there can be no way that you are ever making evil things happen :hugs:

thank you Peach at least I can see sense in all of this. Even though I feel quite well at the moment I am plagued by these intrusive thoughts. It is years since I had any real therapy but I do have regular contact with my psychiatrist and see my GP once a month. I think Christmas has left me feeling a bit hyper as I have been very busy loads to do and back to work today without a proper rest and I'm not sleeping properly and using sleeping pills very low dose zopiclone. There could be plenty of reasons why these feelings have returned now such as the recent events in America in the news.

sleeping pills in my opinion can be bad. i took them yrs ago, and felt very uneasy and upset the next day or so.

i wonder if they are playing havoc with your already tired mind?

try to get an early night, and perhaps book a long weekend soon? so you can get that much needed rest...

xmas is a hoax if you ask me, its such a stressful busy time, they should insert another holiday at the end of january so everyone can just recover...

Hello ElizabethJane,

I was very interested to read your post. I find intrusive thoughts very interesting as I myself suffered them in a particular form many years ago. I honestly think these stem from depression. It's when we are so low that the worst possible thoughts happen. I think also for some people an amount of paranoia appears too. I didn't have this but know others who have. I think yes you are probably a bit low again and stressed after Christmas. The fact is that even when you had the thought that you had "caused it" or your friend was "out to get you" I don't think you ever went "over the edge" and really believed it. It sounds to me like very powerful intrusive thoughts that seemed real. You always seem like a very level-headed person in your posts. And I don't for a minute think it is guilt that causes these thoughts. It's brainfag caused by extreme anxiety and depression and the mind can play tricks at this time. Lots of people seem to be very anxious and stressed at the moment so you're not alone.
Myra:hugs:

.......and I also meant to say that remember that your thoughts and feelings are magnified when anxious or depressed. Also, things can seem eerie. I had this feeling when I had depression, an eerie, ugly feeling hanging over me all of the time. This feeling will pass again for you I'm sure. Just look after yourself and get lots of rest.
Myra:hugs:

Someone I know is very much like this, he gets bouts and at his worst he wont leave the house and thinks very irrational things about people being out to get him and a lot of it is about his religion...

I myself am not at all religious, I don't believe in good or evil powers effecting our day to day lives and so this kind f thing doesnt effect me at all. Of course I'm not trying to tell you to change your views but if a lot of your life centers around doing religious things I would cool it down a bit, remain religious but don't make it the center of your life or anything. Do other things to take your mind off of things.

At end of the day, My honest opinion is that there is no evil forces, if there is... and you are religious then god will protect you!