Mild Spleen Enlargement

Hi all

I had a baby 2 years ago and started developing stomach issues a month or 2 after she was born. I ended up with pain and went to our local emergency room where I was given a ct scan and a ton of bloodwork to rule out appendicitis’s . I was told by the dr that everything was normal and the symptoms subsided. Fast forward 2 years and I just had another baby. I was bringing my chart over to my midwife and my hospital admission chart from 2 years ago was in there. I read the report from that day and noted that the ct report showed everything was totally normal except my spleen was mildly enlarged at 14cm. I have been doing so well with my health anxiety but this lead me to a spiral and down the google rabbit hole. Everything I’ve looked at online is so confusing a some places say a spleen is normal up to 14cm and some places say recent pregnancy can impact it and then others say I must have lymphoma and am dying. I have had a massive amount of blood work with pregnancy etc and more cbcs, liver function tests and all that then you can imagine and everything is pristine except mild anemia which I have had for 25 years. My rational brain says this was 2 years ago and you wold be sick or dead if it was something bad and the spleen thing is obviously no big deal since no one has ever mentioned it to me at all (the er doc, my gp and my gastro dr all got the report) but my anxiety brain says otherwise. I just wish I had never read that stupid report.

Why are you doing this to yourself?

I have no clue why. I really thought I had this health anxiety beat but I guess not. It’s terrifying how quickly ones mind goes from zero to sixty. The sleep deprivation and newborn hormones don’t help at all. I think it really stems from a horrifying fear of dying young and leaving my children motherless. Seriously ruined my entire day as I spent it poking and prodding my stomach a googling like a mad woman instead of enjoying my precious kiddos

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Originally Posted by Nikky123

I have no clue why. I really thought I had this health anxiety beat but I guess not. It’s terrifying how quickly ones mind goes from zero to sixty. The sleep deprivation and newborn hormones don’t help at all. I think it really stems from a horrifying fear of dying young and leaving my children motherless. Seriously ruined my entire day as I spent it poking and prodding my stomach a googling like a mad woman instead of enjoying my precious kiddos

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HA is a thief. It will steal all the joy of parenting if you allow this to go on..

I get it though because it happened to me. Had death crooked his bony finger my way 12 years ago - I probably wouldn't have developed HA because I was mentally knackered I had two grown up sons who no longer needed me. Then I had my third son at 39 and life mattered again. The thought of dying on him - an autistic child- put me into nervous breakdown.

In order to gain control - I had to accept that I could become ill (but that doesn't necessarily mean death) and I will definitely die one day and if I check out earlier than I'd want to - my son will be supported because he has other people who love him. If I've done my job correctly - the close relationships he has developed with his brothers, dad, and friends makes him not reliant on me. Maybe it didn't help that he was all me at the time of my breakdown?

The dude's 11 now - a tween - and he's grumpy as hell so there are fewer of those magical moments - even so - when they do happen, I'm here to enjoy them, and by here I mean fully present - not worrying about symptoms.

I know I have now - and that's all any of us really have.

So many precious moments have been ruined by me not being here - like you are not fully here now.

Thanks for the advice. I feel it might be related to post partum hormones. I opened up to a friend about my feelings and turned out she suffered from post partum health anxiety as well. She was convinced she had a brain tumor. We both suffered in silence and I’m determined not to let it get me again this time. My anxiety literally destroyed my first few months with my eldest. I remember when I was pregnant I was so excited about all the family events etc and I clearly remember sitting at her christening (which I had spent weeks planning) obsessing that I had throat cancer and not enjoying a moment of it. I’m determined not to have that happen this time around

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Originally Posted by Nikky123

I'm determined not to have that happen this time around

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Are you willing to commit to not googling your symptoms?

It’s so hard. I’m now in that vicious cycle of do I go to the dr or not. I even asked my midwife yesterday to run a CBC because I was feeling a bit off. It of course came back 100 percent normal. Instead of accepting that and moving on I’m now obsessing I have some sort of rare lymphoma or leukemia that doesn’t affect your blood work��*♀️ I think I really need help with this