New here. 24 years of OCD (contamination)

Hi guys,

I’m new here looking for support on how to combat my OCD contamination fears.

Long story short, OCD crept into my life at 8 years old, numbers and touching things. It then took hold by way of Emetophobia. I had been to my Nannies for dinner, got back home, threw up and from there never went to hers again. I stopped eating the things I had eaten for tea, it snowballed of me having my own knifes and forks, own plate. I would think I could smell “bugs” and see them, and I wouldn’t flush the toilet for fears bugs would spray out. You get the jist.

Moving into adult hood, my fear turned to aids. I would cut myself and worry someone else had, I would sit on pub park benches and catch a sharp bit of wood, next thing I’m at the doctors telling them I have it. I would fret for weeks after sleeping with someone with protection, almost a punishment for me enjoying myself. I had times I was on nights out and was adimant that someone had pricked me with a needle. I still do not like dark clubs for this reason and have lived this scenario since.

Then we get to my now and present, most oppressive fear of dog poo. My example is that someone I worked with stepped in some outside our work offices, they then didn’t realise until they had walked into the building, all the way to the desks we sit at. I was horrified that every day I had to take the same steps, whilst picking up the dog poo and dog poo germs on my work shoes. This was around 2 years ago now. The offices are hoovered but in my mind that’s not clean enough snd the spread has already been done.

Since the pandemic, and this incident, I now work from home and the shoes have walked around in my home. I am now petrified of the floor, I can’t sit on the floor, or if anything is dropped on the floor it has to be washed or binned, followed by hand washing each time. I have house shoes I must wear all the time.

These shoes are on a shoe rack, which haunts me everyday. My young nephews decided to have a sock fight around this shoe rack, and I am now petrified the socks touched the shoes and then was whacked against the walls during their playfighting. I cannot not touch the walls and squeeze through my hallway, scared of the germs.

I’m waiting for some CBT therapy, as it’s all got too much. But I don’t know a way out? I’ve had years of therapies, councilling, meds (SSRI and SNRIs) which gave me years of night sweats, and after 24 years they are now trying me on pregab. I have to fight and beg for loraz or diazepam to help me cope. I’ve also had hypnotherapy, the lot.

I don’t know how to combat this fear, they say with exposure to just sit with it but my anxiety never comes down, abd I end up a crying mess. What do I do to help myself? I feel like I’m living the same hell day in day out. It’s so hard living alone.

I’ve been miserable for months, tried 2 months off all meds but unfortunately the natural remedies didn’t quite do it for me hence the cry out and push for something new - pregab. Does anyone have any tips on that?

My life is extremely restricted and seems to be getting worse when I should be enjoying the bedt years of my life in my thirties, and seeing the back of this hidious chronic condition.

Thank you so much, any help would be appreciated.

Hiya Mollymoo16 and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and
are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and
support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

Thank you so much! How do I get notified when someone responds to me thread? X

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Originally Posted by Mollymoo16

Thank you so much! How do I get notified when someone responds to me thread? X

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Welcome to NMP Mollymoo. You’ll find lots of help & support here.

Welcome - fellow OCDer here, too :) I'll read your thread carefully later and hopefully have something better so say. For now, though, (I think) you're automatically subscribed to anything you post or respond to by default; but I could be wrong. TC

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Scissel73

Welcome - fellow OCDer here, too :) I'll read your thread carefully later and hopefully have something better so say. For now, though, (I think) you're automatically subscribed to anything you post or respond to by default; but I could be wrong. TC

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Thank you so much, I hope if you relate that you maybe have some coping advice? Or to know it’s okay to be that terrified and that things do get better x

Welcome again, and I'm glad you joined us: You're dealing with a lot and its brave you are able to express yourself so well and get that out. Although I don't suffer from that particular issue (Emetophobia), I'm am familiar and can relate somewhat. I've read this several times already and I will try to offer some practical advice as best as I can. It sounds like your [disorder] interferes with many aspects of your life - and your [obsessions] send you down the road of fear, worry and anxiety, and perhaps, in turn, you feel [compelled] (OCD) to react emotionally. Medication (including pregab/gabapentin) had not been much help for me personally, but everyone is different, it's wort a try if you are prescribed it .. CBT has helped me; greatly. It really comes down to interrupting the cycle(s) and process(s) that allow you to become fearful and 2nd guess things you've done, and begin to change and better learn to change your reaction(s) rather than behavior(s) - I like to see it that way, myself. I was able to break many of my of my obsessions whilst I'm still very much a 'work in progress'. Just don't give up hope, things can change if you are willing to put in the work. Don't fear CBT - its not 'all or nothing' - start with the basics of recognizing the pattern(s) and change what you can to make even small adjustments one step at a time to improve your quality off life; again. From somebody that used to go through one bottle of hand sanitizer a day to now infrequently, I do get it with germs and cleanliness, perhaps I feel less "compelled" to react as I once did. Did that make sense? Of course, we need to be very careful now with CV, but again, common sense hygiene practices will go a long way without going overboard. I'm sorry, that is all I have for you at the moment, but I will return if I have more to offer. Please feel free to post if it helps and keep us informed on how you're doing in your progress. Let me apologize in advance - as you can (clearly) see my postings here look strange (one big paragraph mess) but trust me, everything is properly written out but I have scripting issues with the forum re my browsers and when I hit "post" this is how it looks. Here is how it should look: https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/attach...1&d=1612623703 You're not too far gone - be king to yourself and understanding - we are all a work in progress. Take it day-by-day and step-by-step. Try to find something to enjoy this weekend to take your mind off your worries :) EDIT: I'm unsure about taking pregab along with a benzo .. perhaps @panic_down_under

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Originally Posted by panic_down_under

Pregabalin is a relatively new med and one that also has issues when it comes to treating anxiety, including triggering dependence.

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would be better and assisting us in regard to medication. Hopefully he'll see this tag - he was very helping to me here.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Scissel73

Welcome again, and I'm glad you joined us: You're dealing with a lot and its brave you are able to express yourself so well and get that out. Although I don't suffer from that particular issue (Emetophobia), I'm am familiar and can relate somewhat. I've read this several times already and I will try to offer some practical advice as best as I can. It sounds like your [disorder] interferes with many aspects of your life - and your [obsessions] send you down the road of fear, worry and anxiety, and perhaps, in turn, you feel [compelled] (OCD) to react emotionally. Medication (including pregab/gabapentin) had not been much help for me personally, but everyone is different, it's wort a try if you are prescribed it .. CBT has helped me; greatly. It really comes down to interrupting the cycle(s) and process(s) that allow you to become fearful and 2nd guess things you've done, and begin to change and better learn to change your reaction(s) rather than behavior(s) - I like to see it that way, myself. I was able to break many of my of my obsessions whilst I'm still very much a 'work in progress'. Just don't give up hope, things can change if you are willing to put in the work. Don't fear CBT - its not 'all or nothing' - start with the basics of recognizing the pattern(s) and change what you can to make even small adjustments one step at a time to improve your quality off life; again. From somebody that used to go through one bottle of hand sanitizer a day to now infrequently, I do get it with germs and cleanliness, perhaps I feel less "compelled" to react as I once did. Did that make sense? Of course, we need to be very careful now with CV, but again, common sense hygiene practices will go a long way without going overboard. I'm sorry, that is all I have for you at the moment, but I will return if I have more to offer. Please feel free to post if it helps and keep us informed on how you're doing in your progress. Let me apologize in advance - as you can (clearly) see my postings here look strange (one big paragraph mess) but trust me, everything is properly written out but I have scripting issues with the forum re my browsers and when I hit "post" this is how it looks. Here is how it should look: https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/attach...1&d=1612623703 You're not too far gone - be king to yourself and understanding - we are all a work in progress. Take it day-by-day and step-by-step. Try to find something to enjoy this weekend to take your mind off your worries :) EDIT: I'm unsure about taking pregab along with a benzo .. perhaps @panic_down_under would be better and assisting us in regard to medication. Hopefully he'll see this tag - he was very helping to me here.

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Thank you for your reply!

I do not no longer suffer from the emetaphobia, it’s went from that, through to the fear of aids, and now dog poo and floor contamination.

For example the work shoes I used to wear, that followed a colleague who had walked in dog poo. In my mind they picked up poo and brought it back into my home.

By nephews had a sock fight near them and now the socks flipped against the shoes and then the walls, so now I’m petrified of the hallway and squeeze through it every day...

What do I do??

Quote:

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Originally Posted by venusbluejeans

Hiya Mollymoo16 and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and
are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and
support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

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Hi! Thank you so much! I’m still finding my way around and how to use it properly! I hope I find some help xx