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I've had two times in my life when I was happy, one was 2002-2003 and the other was very late 2015 to somewhere into 2017. I find the aftermath a real issue, the circumstances that made me happy change and I'm left with much worse anxiety and depression- almost like a punishment for the happiness I had. It's quite the puzzle to me,but I think if I'd not had those two periods of happiness that I'd be happier overall as I'd not know such highs.
Thanks so much, Mark.
Hiyer Mark,
I am struck by your tagline. 'Comparison is the thief of joy'; I'm not sure I agree.
I have had really happy times, were everything is absolutely fabby-tastic - when my daughter was a toddler I was SO happy, when I just got married and many times I could recount. Most people have lives whereby they have 'bad times' and 'good times', better years, rubbish years and amazing years. In your case you are referring to depressive and non depressive episodes and I understand how dreadful it can feel once inside those bad times. However, I think that comparison isn't necessarily a bad thing as it reminds you that you can be happy, that things will change (as they have done before). It would be far more 'hopeless' if there hadn't been good times, surely ?! To have had no happy/great times it would be a rather flat and non-human existence, to my mind. Ups and downs and ins and outs are part of the human condition, environmental factors and many things outside of our control - but we do learn from them, we do have memories and we certainly can use those times to remind ourselves that a sudden change can happen when we least know it. A sudden change for the better.
There is a saying 'better to have loved and lost then never loved at all'. This is something I try to apply to my life. It points, obviously, to the fact that someone could go through life and avoid loving/contact/relationships, for fear of being hurt or losing someone or having bad times afterwards. I think avoidance of 'loving' would cut that person off from a massive range of feelings and positive experiences.
So, I draw comparisons to your tagline - better to have the good and bad times rather than absolutely 'flat' and nothing times. :D It sounds to me like you are experiencing some grief following the end of the 'good times' and looking back all the time, concerned that you have lost them and you won't regain happiness. If you look forward, rather than back, and seeing that those feelings of happiness can and will happen again, is far more helpful.
Thanks Carys for your very caring reply. I will try and think of things in that way, it's tricky because in a way that flat line life you describe sounds so blissful to me! I guess I'm just risk averse, doing something and having things not go the way you expect gets to me too much.
I appreciate where you are coming from on this actually, as I've heard other people say it too - a flat (middle ground) mood/life seems preferrable to some. I just think you'd miss out on some really good times, and some really good opportunities/possibilities!