HOCD?

I’m 16, not in a relationship and up until now always Identified as straight. For the first time a few years ago a friend said I looked like a lesbian because I was wearing a plaid shirt. This sent my spiralling incase I was actually gay and had never realised. After a few weeks I brushed it aside and resumed having Male crushes and Male celebrity crushes. About 3 days ago while watching a clip from the greatest showman I noticed how good zendaya looked in a scene with Zac efron. This set me off big time and I’ve been obsessing ever since over if I was lesbian in denial. Until then I’d never noticed women in real life being attractive to me at all, and now I can’t stop noticing the way women look! I had obviously had obsessions with female celebrity’s (as all people do!) but I’m terrified as it was zendayas looks that set me off! Most people with HOCD find lesbian sex etc repulsive, and I could think of much worse things, however can’t imagine myself settling down for a relationship with a woman at all! It’s been driving me nuts for a few days now, and I’ve been losing the attraction to people I was obsessed with (Taron Egerton, Hugh jackman etc.) any help or advice?


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Hi Tilly,

I am a straight male, and I went through an episode of this after being in a relationship for 3 years - still with the same girl to this day by the way. I did loads of research about it, took online tests to see if I was gay, tried to get reassurance from anywhere possible. In the end it passed.

I know that HOCD falls under Pure O OCD, and unfortunately like you, I obsessed and ruminated for weeks about this. At the time I didn't know about Pure O OCD, but after reading up about it, it made a lot of sense. I'd already 'done' the other classic Pure O OCD topics earlier in my life, but just thought it was strange anxiety. I have done the 'What if I'm gay?', 'What if I have a heartattack?', 'What if I don't really love my partner?', and most recently my fear is 'What if I have or will become bipolar?'

This episode will pass, whether it takes a few days, weeks, or even a month. The important thing, and it's something I struggle with a lot is to not act on intrusive thoughts. Let them be intrusive thoughts and nothing else. But it's difficult. Hope this episode passes by for you soon.

Thankyou so much! After a while it mainly passed, although I still get triggered sometimes which sends me spiralling again. It’s still hard but it’s definitely easier to distinguish the fear from the truth


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Any straight person who says they've never been in some way attracted to someone of the same sex is probably lying. It doesn't mean it's necessarily something romantic or sexual, but we are attracted to people for a range of reasons. Sometimes they impress us, or are fun, or we think they're cool, or we wish we were more like them, or sometimes - hell! - we just can't help but like the way they look. Sometimes we don't even know why we're attracted, you just get a bit of a man/girl crush on someone.

A beautiful person is a beautiful person, even you're not of the orientation that wants to sleep with them, and noticing that just means you have eyes in your head.

oh gosh my hocd was triggered again just today and seeing this helps me so much.

do you have any tips for dealing with your hocd when it kicks in? i'm starting to recognize when it's my fear which helps but i need help shaking it off. i'm really scared of falling into a cycle of trying to reassure and test myself.

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Originally Posted by axolotl

Any straight person who says they've never been in some way attracted to someone of the same sex is probably lying. It doesn't mean it's necessarily something romantic or sexual, but we are attracted to people for a range of reasons. Sometimes they impress us, or are fun, or we think they're cool, or we wish we were more like them, or sometimes - hell! - we just can't help but like the way they look. Sometimes we don't even know why we're attracted, you just get a bit of a man/girl crush on someone.

A beautiful person is a beautiful person, even you're not of the orientation that wants to sleep with them, and noticing that just means you have eyes in your head.

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The obsessive mind does love to read into things too much and aim to make us feel guilty.

An example I've used before with someone finding it hard to remember things aren't so binary in life is a zoomed in bum. Now zoom out and it's a bloke's bum! The subconscious mind starts saying "ah, see you are gay" and the conscious mind starts panicking & analysing. The result is predictable, more anxiety and more obsessive behaviour.

Sometimes a nice bum is simply that. Context always matters. On the same sex, if straight, you can still appreciate aesthetics on someone without it being sexual.

Hi mate,

I am new on here and I only just seen your reply. Like yourself, I also have had different themes of anxiety, my first one was my health in my late teens and late twenties. It has recently pounced on my sexuality, like yourself, I am heterosexual and never had to question that in my life. This anxiety keeps putting that doubt into my head where I constantly look for reassurance even though rationally I know it is the anxiety. I am due to see a counsellor soon but I am hoping that this will pass, reading your post is reassuring that it should pass.

Thanks buddy

Andrew

Quote:

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Originally Posted by axolotl

Any straight person who says they've never been in some way attracted to someone of the same sex is probably lying.

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Well no, they're not. Not at all.

I can appreciate a mans looks and think he looks incredible, but not be sexually attracted to him at all. And that (for me) is the key to being straight/gay/bi....whatever. I have never once been sexually attracted to another man, not even for a millisecond. I couldn't care less if I was gay or straight, so have no bias. I just like women, period.

However, the OP shouldn't really worry about what they are, as at 16 you're all over the place anyway. You may go one way or the other...or both. Just let it play out and not worry about who you find sexually attractive.

The only thing I would say is that being concerned about your friend thinking you're a lesbian because of a shirt is somewhat irrational. I'm pretty sure that's not how it works.

Hi, I know I'm really late to this and you may not even be on the site anymore, but I'm experiencing the exact same thing you are/ were (even with the plaid shirt). I just don't seem to be able to stop thinking about it, and I cant get anything done (like right now I should be doing a physics test but just can't focus). I've never been attracted to girls in my life, ever, but now I can't even look at a woman with my brain thinking 'you thought she looked pretty, you must be gay!'. Also, not too long ago, a close male friend of mine kissed me, my first kiss. I certainly wasn't repulsed by it, but I didn't enjoy it and if anything, it made me feel sad. Same again as you, I'm losing attraction, but I know that I'm straight, and eventually want a husband and kids. Despite this, my mind keeps thinking of ways to tell me I am a lesbian and the more I disagree, the more the thoughts come. Are you still experiencing this, if not how did you overcome it?