Loss of father, Grief of Miscarriage & Guilt On Top of Current Virus Worries

I think this title says enough to be an introduction to this post.

I know everyone has been having a lot on their plate as of late, especially those of us with anxiety and panic disorders and more over health anxiety (and also health conditions on top). I'm thinking of everyone in any of these categories. And I just want to say stay strong and talk and occupy yourself and just get through this the best you can. There is no right way to get through this unprecedented time.

Now, I have been anxious about the above. On top of it, I lost an amazing family member 3 1/2 weeks ago - my father in law. My husband is originally from the UK. We met on here. He moved to the US a few years ago and his parents visited us twice here. Luckily the last time being in Sept Oct 2019. So we saw them recently. We didn't know this would be the last time we would ever see in person or hug his father. We didn't know the Saturday call we had together would be the last that he would pop into the whatsapp video background while on video with his mum to ask how we are. He was such a cheerful man the last few years of his life and not seeing him leaves an empty void. With the virus happening, we could not fly to England to be with my mother in law, family or to be there for the funeral which was limited to 5 family members. We watched on live stream. It was beautiful. My husband contributed beautifully via recorded speech. We had that closure.

On to the next, the same day he passed, moments later I found out I was pregnant. We lost our first pregnancy a year ago just before Easter. It was a moment of many emotions. Viability scan at 6 weeks was not promising. We just lost the baby as of the last appointment Monday at 8 weeks and I was assisted along with pills to clear everything remaining in me. Now physically and emotionally empty. Also relieved that the sadness of a non progressive pregnancy is over. I suffer from a septate uterus (almost two wholly divided halves vs a normal pear shape one chamber uterus) which causes the recurrent miscarriages. I have a beautiful 7 1/2 year old who is as much my husband's as she is mine (not blood related to him), so we already have a beautiful family. The kids is insurmountable however. I am going through the normal grief. I'm logical. I need surgery. We have answers. So why isn't this easy?

I'm sick of the anxiety it is causing. I'm sick of the anxiety everything is causing. Who else has gone through grief in addition to grieving their normal life before the virus and also dealing with anxiety? It really feels like I got the miserable jackpot here. I just need some reassurance (on top of the unbeatable and immensely loving support my husband has given me and us throughout this all)?


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Oh sweetheart, what a lot you have been through. You must feel like you are drowning in it all. You have been through and are still going through an incredibly tough and sad time and for all of these things to occur at a similar time just amplifies all you are going through. I can empathise with a lot that you're going through and I have no magic words to ease your pain, sadness and frustration. What I will say however, is just taking each day at a time and letting your emotions come and acknowledging them and not suppressing them helps in releasing the emotions and tears building up inside. You feel down and you feel your outlook is bleak right now. But just take each day at a time. The fact you are posting this tells me that although you feel emotionally pulled everywhere right now, you do something each day that's worthwhile. By getting up each day and getting through the day in itself shows your strength though you may not feel strong right now. You are made of tougher stuff than you think and feel at the moment. Acknowledge how strong you are to get through all you have so far. Anxiety will come and hit you like a truck sometimes and at other times just be nagging you constantly and trying to rob you of any good times and joy. This is is the bug bear of anxiety and grief together. Just be ready for it. And tell the anxiety to get stuffed and see some joy in each day however little. Grief is a long hard road to travel down, but its a road that can be travelled down with others, you don't need to be alone. You have your husband and daughter who are obviously a blessing to you. Hang onto that and know that you are a unit that is going through this together. I am sorry if this post sounds rambling and I know I don't have a cure all for you, but you and your family are in my thoughts. If there are people thinking of you and routing for you, you aren't alone at this time.

I am so sorry for your loss and difficulties. I hope this won't lead you to health problems. Just take it positively that everything happened for a reason. Let God heal your broken heart.

Solar, I think Fallingstar's faith should be their own business; we have people here from a huge range of cultures. I don't think everything happens for a reason, I think that sometimes people just go through a spell of bad things happening, and some have worse luck than others.

OP, I'm so very sorry for all you've lost. I'm also sorry I didn't reply before, but it's hard to know what to say in the face of the obstacles life's thrown at you. Sorelli put it beautifully above, and I'm not convinced I can say anything better or more useful than that.

Take one day at a time and don't ever be afraid to ask for help. I'll be rooting for you, and I know many others will be, too.

With all that you’ve been though, it’s completely 100% normal that you’d be experiencing anxiety, grief and depression. I’m really sorry for your losses. There is no timetable for grief. That said, only you can decide if your symptoms are preventing you from functioning in life. You’re not gonna be “normal” for awhile, but if you’re feeling at the end of your rope it’s time to do something.

please don’t hesitate to talk to a therapist or counselor. Many are doing phone and face time sessions now. Also there are many groups online for parents who have miscarried to get support. Also don’t be afraid to ask your doc for meds. That’s what they’re there for. Several ADs can be taken even while trying to conceive. Take time for you and don’t be afraid to do things you enjoy.

we are here for you :hugs: