Trying to figure out what's up with me

Hello! I'm new here, just made an account because I'm trying to figure out why particular things are difficult for me, and I'm not really sure where to start.

I've struggled with keeping my head above depression caused (at least partly) by anxiety for a few years, since I moved for university. My first year I was so socially anxious and scared, as well as unhappy and unable to focus, that I didn't get to know any of the people I was living or studying with (despite their persistent and very kind attempts to get to know me!), I missed a lot of classes simply because I was scared of having to be in a slightly awkward social situation, and I ended up not eating enough, losing control of my sleep schedule and never seeing anybody else. It was my first year of university so I figured, you know, it wasn't great but it was probably within the normal range of first years, and I was in the process of disentangling a very unhealthy and stressful friendship so I thought, hey, once that's done and I've got a bit more practice talking to people and I get better at organising myself I won't have these problems. So I thought since it's temporary, and probably totally normal anyway and I'm just overreacting, I shouldn't waste people's time with it.

I'm in my fourth year at uni now (I'm retaking part of my third year) and I'm a lot better in a lot of ways - I can voluntarily talk to strangers and acquaintances now and enjoy it; I rarely dissect conversations I've had, and when I do it doesn't ruin my day; I feel pretty good about myself and don't talk myself down most of the time; I can go outside without worrying about other people seeing me - and am going outside, safely and distanced, even now without worrying a lot about it; I held a stressful job working with vulnerable people during the pandemic for a couple of months, which works for me as proof I'm not just looking for excuses to do as little as I can (though I handed in my notice a month earlier than planned, because really, I could have chosen any job and I went for that one). My brain still bounces off of things I need to do, though, whether that's academic work, or making and eating a meal or, as I type, going to bed and trying to sleep. I can still feel that if I press too hard or give in to the bit of me that wants to hole away and only let myself do my academic work until it's done then I'll descend back into the pit of depression I got into the last three years. Man, I need to figure out how to get myself to take all these actions that simultaneously are so damn trivial and feel so incredibly awful to start doing. I read someone (on another site) describing how they feel when their brain bounces off something as like trying to touch a hot stove - no matter how hard you push yourself to touch it something in your brain just refuses and instinctively pushes you back. That's exactly how it feels, and I don't know if it's anxiety or baggage around academic work or adhd or what.

I would've tried to get an adhd test before this if I wasn't scared of it not being adhd and being back to square one with more evidence for people to think I'm a hypochondriac or something, or if adhd tests didn't generally require documentation from childhood that I'd definitely need to ask my parents for and so would need to let them know about it. It doesn't help that adhd testing is notoriously unreliable, and many people who are later shown to have it struggle to get a diagnosis!

Anyway! I guess if anyone has any experience with neurodivergency, or read any of this and found it familiar, I'd love to hear from you. It's nice just having written it out.