Dragging up history - good or bad?

Hey guys,

You may have seen my previous post about seeing a psychotherapist. If you haven't, well I have been seeing a lovely lady for the last few weeks and, while it's certainly pinpointed a definitive issue, there is a massive downside.

A large part of my issue is that I come from an emeshed (recently learnt this) relationship with my Mum. Her and I have become super close in the last few years and, as an only child I really value our friendship. In the past, she has overstepped boundaries and yes, I have at times felt that my own identity is somewhat lacking. She is fully aware of this, and has started to take steps to disengage a little. Yes, we speak most days but I'm happy with that. It's often a quick hello, but I genuinely value that as I come from a very small family and don't have kids of my own.

I'm also aware that shes like this due to a neglectful relationship with her own mother. As I grow older, I try to be gentle and understanding as shes only a victim of her upbringing.

My therapist is always very keen to discuss this matter and really delve into it, even when I try to discuss other issues that are completely non-related. One day I was anxious about an event but its all she wanted to talk about. I left feeling really confused!

I'm aware that boundary setting is a massive factor and I'm already doing this. But I've got to the stage where dragging up the past and being told that 'something clearly happened when I was a child', is causing me more bother than peace.

I don't want to discuss my childhood. I had a wonderful childhood and lacked nothing. I had freedom, support and my family are my biggest cheerleaders. They've encouraged me to follow dreams such as going to drama school and being a writer; never pushing me into anything that I didn't want to do. Yes, there could be improvements. My Mum could 'back off' a little more. But now she knows where I'm at, shes doing her best and is open to dialogue about it.

Sometimes, it feels as though the therapist is digging for something and I don't like that.

I wondered what your thoughts are on digging up the past. Having done a Psych degree, I know all about the mixed responses that this question gains. Some disagree, others are totally for it.

What do you think?

And has anyone else experienced emeshment/co-dependency from a parent or similar?

Gratitude as always :)

NOTE: Ignore the poll. It published a yes/no response and doesn't make sense. I can't seem to delete it!

Or it could be seen as a symbiotic relationship?

I think your therapist is wanting to pathologise your relationship with your mum because that's what psychotherapists do..There must always be a "reason" and your mum is the scapegoat. She sounds very caring and supportive to me. She is respectful of maintaining boundaries and wants to give you as much freedom as you want.