Had enough...got to pull myself together.

I am very depressed right now as my anxiety has come back almost as bad as before, but with more panic attacks. I feel that my life is falling apart and I am just watching it happen. I am not working and I have had problems applying for benefits, so I am living on next to nothing (luckily living with my parents as I cannot afford a place for my daughter and myself) and today I found out after all the Christmas shopping I have barely £20 left in my account.

It's just the last straw and I need to pull myself together as I feel that I am so useless,why can't I be like I used to be? Capable and confident, not pathetic snd worthless.

Sorry to hear things are not so good for you at the moment Rocklover and really do hope they improve soon.

Sending some hugs from me to you :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1: :bighug1:

Carol x

Dear Rocklover

It is a tough time of year Christmas. I am so sorry you feel so down. You are not pathetic and please don't feel worthless. One day you will feel the confident and capable person you once were, your actually like that now but you feel differently about yourself. Please talk to your GP or family so they can help you through this tough time. You need support.

With help and support you can work on building yourself up in the New Year.

All the best

Diane xxx

Thanks for the replies. I have been on meds and they made me worse, so I am trying to beat this myself and it's bloody hard. I have just started taking St John's Wort again, which worked well for me before, but I had to stop taking my pill, so not sure my boyfriennd will be impressed with that.

Had massive arguments with my Mum today and was feeling ill as well, and couldn't stop crying. Everything just turned to crap and I feel so guilty for being miserable and upsetting people.

Also my 3 yr old daughter will be with her Dad this year (we are divorced) and I am in bits about that too. It's just all too much for me at the moment.

Is that stuff any good (St John's Wort)? Some guy told me it was really good with hangovers.

Focus on how much you love your daughter and ask your parents and boyfriend for a hug. You need it and deserve it.

Just a note: I'm feeling bad at the moment. Its the time of year and the fact I drunk myself into oblivion on Friday night. I'm in that bad place and it sucks. But i do know this. For the majority of this year I have been back to as near I was before getting my first attack 3 and a half years ago. It will pass. Even serious cases of the worst clinical depression clear up within 9 months (yeah if you spend hours searching the net you'll find someone who's had it for 10 years but I mean in the vast majority of occasions). If you think back the good days out number the bad.
A conservative study of Americans said that 18% of the country has experienced some kind of anxiety disorder. The reason's its conservative as that many people won't admit to it so the chances are its much higher. Your not alone.